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New guy with mild? hppd...


ricskel

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Hey all I've decided to check myself into this forum after dealing with what I think is mild hppd for a few months now.

About two years ago I dosed my first shroom trip, and no hppd after that. After that first trip though I was obsessed with psychedellics after having lived a life where many people around me demonized such activities I felt pulled towards them. I did Ayahuasca a few times and this is where I had my major break throughs and where the first 'ego demons' I call them made themselves present. I then did some amanitas and I think that was a mistake because I had a very odd trip which caused some linger thoughts about how worthless life was for weeks. I quit everything but pot after this, but I was smoking pot every day and nothing but pretty potent stuff. I tried doing Ayahuasca again after a couple months and the brews failed so I started getting aggitated and upping the dose of my mimosa until I finally got a trip and it blew me to peices. I woke up on my living room floor and I felt like lifetimes had passed, and I no longer knew what I wanted to do with my life.

I continued smoking pot, and then I moved back in to parents live to be closer to my family. My family was an extremely stressing environment with my parents getting divorced and my siblings never could get along. All this with trying to find a job and being broke life was really getting to me. I couldn't sleep at night without marijuana, and this was really starting to bother me because I hadn't dealt with this since after the Army. No I do not have PTSD nor have I ever seen actual combat. But I was in a unit with extremely obessive morons who would make us stay awake 30-40 hours at a time for no reason in the field, and this caused me to develop insomnia which I treated myself with marijuana after I got out of the military.

I had a bad experience with the military and got out on a other than honorable discharge because I no longer wanted to be in but I was in the 82nd they wouldn't hear it so I started smoking pot and protesting the war in fatigues, and this really really messed up my life. It took a lot of overcome my parents negative views of me and move on with life.

At this point I work as a network technician and I like my job for the most part. I try to keep my life as low stress as possible, and I'm going to quit smoking pot starting next week. I would like to get rid of my hppd. I want to see nature clear again. I want to see the stars and night sky without tracers and weird distortions...

My symptoms are not that bad I think, but I really don't know because I haven't been to a doctor. At night I tend to see tracers, but not really when I'm driving. It seems if I have to focus on a task I rarely notice floaters, tracers, or the fog. If I sit and look at a light in the dark I will see a tracer for about ~15seconds or so sometimes...

I notice sometimes I will be in the bathroom and I can see this odd visual fog type of almost optical illusion which seems like atoms flying through reality from another dimension is all I can make of it, but I know its a hallucination.

I tend to get obsessed in thinking about my life and the future, because I get bored and idle. I try to keep myself busy with car projects, music, and games. Then I started noticing myself getting lost in obsessional thought listening to music and to the point where I would not even hear the music anymore! This really scared me one time and I decided I need to get out of this trance.

The thing is I love hallucinogens especially DMT because it has helped me get over so many personal problems in my life and it has taught me how to love myself again and appreciate life for what it is so I really don't know what to do in the long run, because I don't want the hppd back once its gone, but I also know I can't die from it so maybe I should just deal with it to enjoy what I want from life. Anyways I have come here to figure out what I can do about this hppd.

Name is Rich btw I'm 22.

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I forgot to also mention that at times when I speak I do not say words right or I saw something backwards. This only happens at work when I'm multi tasking or debating with my co workers. They just laugh at it, but I pause and I realize wtf I never used to do that... I'm not sure but could it because I speak two different languages fluently, German and English?

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Yeah man, that happens to me too, mostly in my head though, because i try to pace myself when i speak so i dont sound like a fucking retard...sometimes ill want to think for example, the cat is black, and itll come out the black is cat...i feel you on psychedelics man, they helped me alot too, even now im not bitter towards em because they i loved them, and i realize it's just that i was predisposed to this man, but lemme tell you, if you do develop DPDR, it's like becoming a fuckin shell of a human being, as close to living dead as there is, so not fuckin worth it. The jumbling of thoughts came along with it, so chances are youre prone to dpdr.

It helped me with personal problems too, but then hppd became the biggest problem of them all.

I used psychedelics for self-improvement, but if someone had told me that id end up like this then i wouldve dropped em without hesitating. At the risk of sounding like one of hose people, you already opened "the doors" just try to take those thoughts into the world, and be positive about it and try to live without psychs.

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Take one more good shroom trip to say goodbye to them for a while, to tell yourself that it's somethin you have to do. It could be healing, put you in terms with it. Just a suggestion.

Would very much suggest against doing this. That's basically what I did when I had visual snow from MDMA with no other symptoms. I took it one last time and told myself that I wouldn't take it after that, then a month later during which time I had not taken any dugs, bam, a whole bunch of symptoms appear.

OP, I'd highly recommend stopping all drugs now and never take any again. It really isn't worth it.

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Well I'm quitting everything as of today and I'll see how everything goes. I believe that I'm just possibly over reacting a bit anyway because of some stuff I'm going through. For example certain things that I've always dealt with my whole life such as floaters and visual snow when I close my eyes seem a bit more intense now, but I trust my strong mind to get through this and not make a big deal. I'm not suicidal or anything and I can still go about my days with ease and it doesn't seem to be getting any worse since it peaked about a month ago and I quit doing hallucinogens.

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Its only been a couple days and quitting Marijuana has shown to alleviate most of my symptoms, but the first day was torture. I've been keeping myself busy with guitar and video games, and I've also started taking Ginko Biloba and St.Johns wort, and I've noticed quite a change for the better with the ginko, St.Johns will take about a week or so to have effect and I will update on this.

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So I've been reading through a lot of peoples stuff and this hppd stuff is really depressing because of how long some people deal with it. Is there an average time for the symptoms to go away? I understand hppd is pretty new, but what if its just like this forever... I dunno if I can cope... life is already hard enough and I've been through so much crap I just want to go live on island sometimes... not suicidal or anything just very down about this whole ordeal, because I never thought this would happen to me because I've known so many people who've done psychedellics and nothing happened for years on end. Is it possible that being on ritalin as a child predisposed me to this? I was basically force fed ritalin as a child when we moved over here from Germany even though I had straight A's they said I was too hyperactive. I think the teachers just got tired of me constantly asking questions about everything...

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I would like to also mention what I believe the cause of my hppd was. Besides smoking MJ etc for about a year straight, maybe 3g a week, and doing ayahuasca off and on, shrooms here and there. I didn't start noticing hppd symptoms until about a week after I did HBWR, basically ground up these seeds and ate em in a peice of bread, was 14 total ground up. The experience was weird, and I was on edge the whole time, stomach pains, and I got really baked in order to alleviate this, and I eventually passed out. After about a week or two later is when I first started noticing the symptoms. I thought something was going on when I had a major break through on ayahuasca because I had visuals and such for about a week after that but they disappeared forever plus they were a lot different than what I'm experiencing now. Damn that lsa...

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  • 2 years later...

Hey all I've decided to check myself into this forum after dealing with what I think is mild hppd for a few months now.

About two years ago I dosed my first shroom trip, and no hppd after that. After that first trip though I was obsessed with psychedellics after having lived a life where many people around me demonized such activities I felt pulled towards them. I did Ayahuasca a few times and this is where I had my major break throughs and where the first 'ego demons' I call them made themselves present. I then did some amanitas and I think that was a mistake because I had a very odd trip which caused some linger thoughts about how worthless life was for weeks. I quit everything but pot after this, but I was smoking pot every day and nothing but pretty potent stuff. I tried doing Ayahuasca again after a couple months and the brews failed so I started getting aggitated and upping the dose of my mimosa until I finally got a trip and it blew me to peices. I woke up on my living room floor and I felt like lifetimes had passed, and I no longer knew what I wanted to do with my life.

I continued smoking pot, and then I moved back in to parents live to be closer to my family. My family was an extremely stressing environment with my parents getting divorced and my siblings never could get along. All this with trying to find a job and being broke life was really getting to me. I couldn't sleep at night without marijuana, and this was really starting to bother me because I hadn't dealt with this since after the Army. No I do not have PTSD nor have I ever seen actual combat. But I was in a unit with extremely obessive morons who would make us stay awake 30-40 hours at a time for no reason in the field, and this caused me to develop insomnia which I treated myself with marijuana after I got out of the military.

I had a bad experience with the military and got out on a other than honorable discharge because I no longer wanted to be in but I was in the 82nd they wouldn't hear it so I started smoking pot and protesting the war in fatigues, and this really really messed up my life. It took a lot of overcome my parents negative views of me and move on with life.

At this point I work as a network technician and I like my job for the most part. I try to keep my life as low stress as possible, and I'm going to quit smoking pot starting next week. I would like to get rid of my hppd. I want to see nature clear again. I want to see the stars and night sky without tracers and weird distortions...

My symptoms are not that bad I think, but I really don't know because I haven't been to a doctor. At night I tend to see tracers, but not really when I'm driving. It seems if I have to focus on a task I rarely notice floaters, tracers, or the fog. If I sit and look at a light in the dark I will see a tracer for about ~15seconds or so sometimes...

I notice sometimes I will be in the bathroom and I can see this odd visual fog type of almost optical illusion which seems like atoms flying through reality from another dimension is all I can make of it, but I know its a hallucination.

I tend to get obsessed in thinking about my life and the future, because I get bored and idle. I try to keep myself busy with car projects, music, and games. Then I started noticing myself getting lost in obsessional thought listening to music and to the point where I would not even hear the music anymore! This really scared me one time and I decided I need to get out of this trance.

The thing is I love hallucinogens especially DMT because it has helped me get over so many personal problems in my life and it has taught me how to love myself again and appreciate life for what it is so I really don't know what to do in the long run, because I don't want the hppd back once its gone, but I also know I can't die from it so maybe I should just deal with it to enjoy what I want from life. Anyways I have come here to figure out what I can do about this hppd.

Name is Rich btw I'm 22.

 

Sorry to hear about your time in the army, that sounds hellish on its own. On the aya, I also kept upping the dose until it smashed me when I got the brewing method right and forgot to test by sipping. One month on and I see tracers and if I get stoned objects skew. Are you still experiencing HPPD and is there any advice you could give, like should I stop smoking weed? Hope youre better mate, cheers.

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