My story told after 11 hard years (please reply)

[wont be beaten]

Hello guys, Im a 27 year old man who lives in Newcastle, England. I have been suffering from what I believe to be HPPD for 11 long hard years. I foolishly used to take alot ecstasy and marajuna when I was 14,15,16 years of age and I got it from that. I suppose you could say I have self diagnosed myself. I have seen numerous doctors, quacks etc over the years, I've tried massages, hypnosis and god knows what else to try and rid myself of this horrible demon.

I used to be such an out going person who was up for anything and loved being sociable and to be honest the centre of attention. Over the years I have actually managed to get some of these personality traits back but for a long time I have been more the kind of person who won't go out and wants to be alone for fear of being anxious.

I used to come online a few years back and read everyone elses stories and medication experiences etc. But to be honest I was so anxious at the time it all freaked me out and I physically couldn't look at the screen. So I stayed away from reading stuff on HPPD over the net, the more I read about it the more i thought about it and the more anxious it made me. Even as I write this now I am starting to get very twitchy and feel nervous and on edge.

Every day I see flashes of light, electrical looking waves in my field of vision. Some days it worse than others. If I concentrate on it I can actually make it worse so I obviosly dont ha ha. Sometime when i close my eyes I see a lazer show in my head which I can actually manipulate. This completely freaks me out. I'll be honest the vision stuff doesn't even bother me so much anymore its the anxiety that comes with it that effects me the most. I am just going to list my symptoms to make it easy

Visuual disturbances

Anxiety

Constant sweating

Fatigue (I am tired from the moment I wake to the moment I fall asleep)

Constant bone clicking

Aches and pains all over my body

Sometimes it feels like my bones are actually rotting away inside me, I feel like 90 years old

Headaches

I get music playing in my head One song over and over, it drives me insane!!!

Hot flushes

teeth fell like they are rotting

I used to get head zaps (i dont now)

I am sure I've probably missed something out. Anyway I tried various meds and somehow I ended up taking Seroquel (quetiapine) for the last 2 years. I was prescribed it by my doctor and it made things worse to start off with but over time I seemed to be able to cope, although the visuals stayed constant. I have since been trying to get off the tablets due to the fact I don’t want to be on them forever and they also give me false hunger which has made me gain a lot of weight. I don’t know if its helping coming off them or not, my head is all over the place all of the time and I cant tell.

I have found that exercise helps a lot and I try to play football or go for runs as often as I can. I also find that trying to block it all out actually does wonders, the more time not spent thinking about hppd the better. Anyways I am still determined to beat hppd and become free of it. It has put a big obstacle in front of my life and I am ghoing to knock it down one way or another.

I guess I have eventually plucked up the courage to write something on these boards after all this time just to have the opportunity to talk to others who have HPPD. I am having a rough time at the moment and need to speak to others who know what I am going through. Please reply and let me know if all this sounds familiar, what meds help u? what other tricks do u use to feel normal? Do any of you live local to me? I’d love to actually meet someone face to face who is going through the same thing. Thanks for reading

[gill]

Hello, yeah I've been dealing with this too for years now. Basically started the worst at 22, now I'm 29. As you said, and I agree, is that dealing with anxiety and even depression can be more helpful than trying to treat visuals. There's lots of different things which can be helpful for that and then the visuals can seem more in the background.

[wont be beaten]

Do u experience any of my other symptoms aswell? Such as the hot flushes and bone clicking etc? How do u deal with it?

[gill]

Well I do experience physical pain and even head pressure at times. I think these things are stress-related though. I find exercise to be helpful. And it doesn't have to be anything extreme. For instance, if I have to time to watch tv, instead of just sitting there, I might lift a few weights while watching. Or, I try to find time every week to jog too.

[piper83]

Hi,

I have the bone clicking as well, more specifically it's the joints and where the bones meet. Haven't seen anyone mention it on here before but it is something that concerns me out of all the symptoms as it seems to have gotten worse since onset 4 years ago- did you find it has gotten progressively worse over time?

I got this from x and weed as well. Most of your symptoms sound similar to mine, I think this hppd varies depending on which drug was taken. Also have the music which I agree is very annoying! Will be visiting shrink for the first time next month to try a med possibly, maybe siminet.

This disorder does seem to feed on itself, more you focus on it the more it gets to you and makes you feel negative. I'm battling and figuring out options to wellness at the mo like most people on here. Have given up booze this year and plan on doing at least 6 months, also started eating very healthy and exercise at least 5 times a week and getting proper sleep.

All these things help altho it is tough not drinking- am similar age to you and do enjoy going out drinking which allows you to forget about hppd for a bit and keeps you sociable. But, I'm determined to improve and get better so its gotta be worth a try for 6 months to a year doing all these things (taking good care of yourself) and then seeing how it is in a years time.

Have read a few success stories by people who have recovered through exercise and diet over time. Have read reports on vipassana meditation or just meditation helping which i will try, and also challenging yourself mentally- learning new skills, languages etc.