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K.B.Fante

Cycloplegia

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Curious if anybody else has cycloplegia. Here's the Wikipedia page: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cycloplegia

This has been one of my worst visual symptoms, in combination with macropsia (nearby objects appearing larger), mydriasis (pupil dilation) and diplopia (double vision). Essentially, as some have stated pointed out, it's as if my eyes have the functionality of a really bad camera. It's difficult for them to move fast, adjust, etc. These conditions -- or rather, these damages -- can be traced back to the oculomotor nerve which dictates eye function and is part of the central nervous system originating inside the brain. 

I read recently that LSD activates the sympathetic nervous system (fight or flight), which certainly accounts for pupil dilation. As is stated in the mydriasis Wikipedia page, pupil constriction is dictated by parasympathetic fibers running through the oculomotor nerve and if damaged will result in pupil dilation given those fibers are run by the sympathetic nervous system. Also, almost all of these and other neurological conditions affecting vision have links to stroke and chemical toxicity. 

Given my HPPD-like reaction to nightshades -- which contain many toxic compounds, including the same ones found in the synthesis of MDMA -- and the toxicity associated with the production and chemical makeup of LSD (if your acid isn't made by an expert there's a good chance it contains some toxicity) and MDMA (both being some of the leading culprits of HPPD), I don't think it's too far-fetched to suggest HPPD could be neurotoxic brain damage of some kind. The links to all these varying side effects and chemicals and nerve-related eye conditions are just too strong to ignore. 

This could also explain why medications have such a disappointing track record. If we were dealing strictly with a chemical imbalance there would be a much higher rate of success in alleviating symptoms given the variety of medications undertaken on this board. The fact is, if you don't have the receptor availability or biological agents required to break down and absorb certain neurotransmitters then it won't matter how many of those neurotransmitters you're increasing or decreasing. 

Just thinking aloud...

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I dont have any of these symptoms. I've done LSD a couple of times and MDMA about 3. Why would our symptoms be so different if we had incurred the same type of damage?

 

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21 hours ago, TheMythos said:

I dont have any of these symptoms. I've done LSD a couple of times and MDMA about 3. Why would our symptoms be so different if we had incurred the same type of damage?

 

Yeah, clearly there's a lot of variance in symptoms. What drug did you get your HPPD from? It is definitely odd that so few people have macropsia to me, given it's been one of my worst symptoms. 

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Shrooms 2009. First noticed black static. I guess what people call VS.

If only I had stopped there...

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Yeah, I basically had Visual Snow Syndrome in high school but had no clue what it was and thought it was just unique to me. I literally didn't think anyone else in the world had it and so I ignored it and forgot about it when it went away. I just wish I was more aware back then because I never would have continued doing drugs. 

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I knew something was "wrong" but couldnt quite put my finger on it. I had done salvia before that and lots of weed but never got hppd.

When you took that LSD that gave you hppd did you have a panic attack during or right after the trip?

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No, but I had probably the most intense bout of anxiety in my entire life a few weeks before. It went on for about a week and I couldn't sleep. I was also coming off about four months of really poor nutrition and the last few nights prior to taking the acid I didn't sleep much, so needless to say my brain was ripe for some sort of disaster -- not to mention the acid I took was stored in a freezer for five years. I'm convinced it was the perfect combination of elements that led me to HPPD. 

I will say this though: During my trip there was a period of about 10 minutes where I was essentially overcome with the most severe and childlike fear I've ever experienced and had this feeling I'll never forget of being sucked back into my head, sorta like what ends up happening with DP-DR. It was essentially the beginning of what could have been a terrible bad trip with all sorts of panic attacks, but I managed to steady myself mentally and basically recover and go on to have the best trip of my life. It was bizarre, but I'm convinced it was that period that cause my HPPD. Something happened in that timeframe that broke my brain some way or another, I just can't figure out what obviously. 

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I get feelings of being sucked into my head. I think.

My mental hallucinations are so bad my "consciousness" moves in my head. It can go to the left, right, up, down, around. I can feel a psychedelic sucking sensation like my consciousness is morphing or being pulled in one direction or another. I can have static electricity in my head. My consciousness can dissolve and turn into every color in the rainbow...

I don't even know how I'm holding on dude. If it wasn't for my family I'd be dead.

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I went through a period of extended sleeplessness for about three months last year as a result of benzo withdrawal, HPPD and other life circumstances that was unlike anything I've ever experienced. Towards the end when I was literally falling asleep talking to people in the daytime I remember I could almost feel the exact place in my brain where something was going very wrong. It's crazy looking back now because that seemed like so long ago, but it really wasn't and I too had endless days where I thought there was no way I could go on and that ending my life was the only solution. It never is though, and life always goes on, always changes, always gets better and so on. You have to remember that this is only a period of your life, not you're entire life. Sometimes life doesn't go your way -- and I think all of us here understand that better than anyone -- but it's still life and it can still be glorious if you put the work into turning your life around. 

If you make the commitment to living healthy, to getting better and to getting back up every time you've been knocked down even if you've been knocked down a million times already, you'll get there one day. I really believe this from the bottom of my heart. Some people just have to fight a lot harder than others to get there.   

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