Rye

Mild HPPD + Anxiety

14 posts in this topic

Hi everyone,

I'm a 20 year old college student and I've only used psychedelics a couple of times (THC/CBD capsules twice, LSD once along with microdosing a few times). My primary motivation for writing this is so that it serves as a kind of benchmark for my recovery and hopefully be a little cathartic.

Anyway, my first CBD experience was back in January and I experienced no negative consequences. Following that, I took 100ug of LSD in February (two days before an exam, so I didn't have the best set or setting) and while my trip wasn't horrifying or traumatizing, I had read about the possibility of psychosis and HPPD beforehand so I was somewhat worried. Luckily, I didn't experience any symptoms and I was able to complete my school term feeling quite normal. In late April, after exams, my roommate/best friend and I decided to take a THC capsule. They were way too strong and I ended up having an acid flashback with uncontrollable racing thoughts. The next day, my friend and I both felt DP/DR, which lasted for a few days. However, I think that experience caused some latent anxiety to surface, and I started to constantly "check" my thoughts to try to convince myself I was back to normal. This, of course, had the opposite effect, and only made my anxiety worse. I've managed to stop this habit, but it's been replaced with worry about my vision and other various symptoms.

I currently have mild visual snow, like a pulsating texture over everything I see, especially flat surfaces. I've also started noticing flashes of light that dart across my field of vision. Rationally, I know that these are probably quite normal and that I'm only noticing them because I'm worried about having them. Right now I'm just waiting to fly back home for the summer, so I expect they'll disappear once I have other things to focus on. I've decided to completely abstain from all drugs (caffeine and alcohol included) and take the next few months to readjust.

Everyone with this condition has my full respect - I know my symptoms are quite mild and yet it's one of the most frustrating things I've experienced. Thanks for reading.

- Rye

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After psychedelic use youre very prone to flashbacks if you smoke weed. Your case isnt even the first ive heard of where people dont get it till their first thc use post trip. Theres a good chance every time you smoke weed now at least for a long time, your high will be more psychedelic like. If your visuals are only mild now i think youll be okay. But its likely that your drug days are over. Im not as experienced with hppd as ive only had it for over two months but theres guys on here like jay and doc who have had it for a very long time and continued to do drugs when they first noticed their symptoms and they likely will have it until they pass. 

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I just read your thread and I can't imagine the hell you're going through. Personally, I don't think the benefits of psychedelics make up for even the mild symptoms I'm experiencing, so I'm likely leaving them behind for good. Hopefully in the next couple of decades there'll be more research into psychs in general and their long-term effects.

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1 hour ago, Rye said:

I just read your thread and I can't imagine the hell you're going through. Personally, I don't think the benefits of psychedelics make up for even the mild symptoms I'm experiencing, so I'm likely leaving them behind for good. Hopefully in the next couple of decades there'll be more research into psychs in general and their long-term effects.

You have no idea what it was like at first! I believed i fired up some schizophrenic gene but eventually it died down. Im so much better than i was two months ago which is why i like to follow hppd pages and sites so i can tell people no matter how scary it is you can plow through it.

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That sounds terrifying, but it's nice to hear you're doing better. My symptoms are more annoying than scary right now, it really just distracts me from what I'm doing and takes me out of the moment.

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Yeah.  When you eat weed, the normal sort of reaction for people like us is a cold sweat plus a major bug-out.   And it lasts longer than smoking it.  

 

You need to be sober is the only answer.  

 

The best you can do is not do any more street drugs.    

 

Some of us were psychotic or drug-related psychotic for many years.   If you look at any serious psychiatric issue, it usually involves the baseline of 2-3 symptoms:                           1.  Anxiety/Panic   2. Depression  and/or 3. Memory/Attention/Cognition issues

 

Just remember whatever it is you have, all you can do is treat the symptoms.  

Edited by mgrade
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7 hours ago, mgrade said:

Yeah.  When you eat weed, the normal sort of reaction for people like us is a cold sweat plus a major bug-out.   And it lasts longer than smoking it.  

 

You need to be sober is the only answer.  

 

The best you can do is not do any more street drugs.    

 

Some of us were psychotic or drug-related psychotic for many years.   If you look at any serious psychiatric issue, it usually involves the baseline of 2-3 symptoms:                           1.  Anxiety/Panic   2. Depression  and/or 3. Memory/Attention/Cognition issues

 

Just remember whatever it is you have, all you can do is treat the symptoms.  

I agree with this. It may not be full to what your saying. But i believe hppd stems from an underlying disorder. I dont hppd itself is an actual disease you give yourself just because you did drugs. I think its the way drugs manifest your disease and temporaily or permanently make your disease and/or visuals worse. 

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Yes.

 

There is definitely a genetic predisposition, via a DNA variant, upon certain types of drug use, to get a persisting perception disorder. 

 

This is my opinion and I believe it to be true.  I have not researched this recently but I think so. 

 

Nevertheless, also, I think that it is possible for people who do not have a predisposition to persisting perception disorders to end up with a persisting perception disorder.  

 

Things such as Guantanamo Bay-like torture, long states of alienation coinciding with long stretches of lack of sleep and long stretches of dehydration and starvation along with administration of deliriants/hallucinogens/dissociative drugs etc.   These types of situations can manifest themselves in an individual as a PTSD of sorts AND ..perhaps a perception disorder.    My conjecture is this is possible without a DNA disposition.    

Edited by mgrade
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Hi guys, just thought I'd post a quick update.

I had my eyes and optic nerves checked and they're completely fine. My brain MRI came back normal as well. I'm currently waiting on a referral to an ophthalmologist, so we'll see how that goes.

As for symptoms, I'm noticing the flickering I described in my first post less and less. I've gone full days without it even crossing my mind, so I think my brain is healing rather well. My anxiety levels are almost back to normal, no doubt helped by getting checked out by doctors and ruling out more serious causes. Right now I have mild tinnitus (which I've had for a few years) and a single dark-colored floater in my left eye which is rather annoying. 

Things are slowly getting better, and I wish everyone who comes across this the best of luck on their journeys.

- Rye

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15 hours ago, Rye said:

Hi guys, just thought I'd post a quick update.

I had my eyes and optic nerves checked and they're completely fine. My brain MRI came back normal as well. I'm currently waiting on a referral to an ophthalmologist, so we'll see how that goes.

As for symptoms, I'm noticing the flickering I described in my first post less and less. I've gone full days without it even crossing my mind, so I think my brain is healing rather well. My anxiety levels are almost back to normal, no doubt helped by getting checked out by doctors and ruling out more serious causes. Right now I have mild tinnitus (which I've had for a few years) and a single dark-colored floater in my left eye which is rather annoying. 

Things are slowly getting better, and I wish everyone who comes across this the best of luck on their journeys.

- Rye

Did you have visual snow at any point? Do you still?

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When my symptoms started, the flickering was so distracting that I didn't notice any visual snow. As of right now it's very mild and, like the flickering, I only notice it if I actively search for it.

Before all of this, I never thought to inspect my visual field for snow or other abnormalities, so I don't know whether the visual snow I have now is natural or not.

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16 hours ago, Cjb007 said:

Did you have breathing walls pulsation in walls?

A little bit, yeah, but I distinctly remember having it for many years before this. If I stared at carpet or any uniformly patterned surface it would ripple and morph. Whether or not HPPD has made it worse, I couldn't say.

I also remember reading somewhere that another guy with HPPD was able to make his therapist see the same thing just by describing it to him. Unless yours is really bad, it seems to be pretty normal.

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