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Yayoe10

Anxiety or HPPD?

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So I had a wierd experience (wouldn't call it bad trip because I don't believe I tripped) back in June. I was drinking all weekend , when on the last day of my vegas trip I decide to do MDMA, friend gave me an untested pill and I was told was a good one, didn't feel like MDMA at all, another friend was given the same pill , looked up pill reports and seen these pills could've been PMA, or Meth, not sure, either way will never know I messed up by trusting my friend. Didn't feel that pill at all though , so I took a third of a good pill and felt the roll, it lasted bout an hour then I was back to normal, but after started feeling cold, and 30 min later started having trouble breathing , tunnel vision , loss of balance, and racing heart. Don't know if I was having a heat stroke or now that I think about it maybe a panic attack.

 

the week and a half after that experience was HELL, hourly panic attacks , paranoia, everything , I was feeling tired, and my body felt heavy. After a week and a half I woke up one day and was feeling AMAZING, woke up early made myself breakfast and was bumping music and feeling great texted all my friends I was feeling alive again. Yet 2 days after that the panic started creeping up again slowly. Then caught chronic sinusitis, and kinda made things worse. And for 2 months fealty with daily head aches and even developed thunderclap/cluster headaches. My stress levels were high. I stopped working and going to school. When that finished I developed DR/DP. Started noticing double vision, then the starbursts , then the off balance, visual snow, halos, and then tracers. The panic attacks have calmed down but I still deal with depressive episodes and daily anxious feelings especially towards the afternoon and night . It's tiring , I deal with extreme exhaustion everyday, some days many bones ache, it's really stressful. Overall my symptoms have improved you can say, still there but improved , but is this really HPPD, or just anxiety? I'm seeing a therapist and mentioned HPPD but she didn't have a clue and diagnosed me with anxiety. Prior to that drug use I had only used MDMA 3 other times maybe with 2 months in between each time. And cocaine about a year ago for 2 weeks small amounts . Never liked smoking was always a drinker . Some days I feel like all this is bearable , but some days like today I feel so scared , I get this "crap I really fucked up im really dealing with this" thought and everything feels so surreal , or i just can't accept it some days. It's scary, sometimes it just feels like I'm still having a MDMA "come down" idk but I get so scared . I wish it would leave . Does anyone have any suggestions ? I know I wrote a lot and was all over the place but I just want to reach out to people who understand me. This extreme exhaustion is horrible too.

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You definitely have HPPD symptoms. When I first got this I also felt extreme exhaustion. I could hardly stay awake and even everyday tasks like completing a sentence and making lunch were difficult. I think that's the result of large-scale neurodegeneration to be honest. Looking back I also think I got my HPPD from a synthetic...

The only thing you can do now is take all the steps possible to heal your brain. There's plenty of advise all over this forum, so you might wanna sit down and do some reading. 

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32 minutes ago, K.B.Fante said:

You definitely have HPPD symptoms. When I first got this I also felt extreme exhaustion. I could hardly stay awake and even everyday tasks like completing a sentence and making lunch were difficult. I think that's the result of large-scale neurodegeneration to be honest. Looking back I also think I got my HPPD from a synthetic...

The only thing you can do now is take all the steps possible to heal your brain. There's plenty of advise all over this forum, so you might wanna sit down and do some reading. 

Thanks for your reply . So it is HPPD symptoms ? That's what confuses cause I would tell some symptoms to my therapist and she'll say it's just anxiety that I'm too hyper aware of everything. But all the visuals are so annoying and stressful especially after images . How's your HPPD ?

im about to hit a year in 3 months. 

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10 hours ago, Yayoe10 said:

Thanks for your reply . So it is HPPD symptoms ? That's what confuses cause I would tell some symptoms to my therapist and she'll say it's just anxiety that I'm too hyper aware of everything. But all the visuals are so annoying and stressful especially after images . How's your HPPD ?

im about to hit a year in 3 months. 

I nor anybody else here can verify whether you have HPPD or some other cognitive disorder. You're the only one who can decide. All I was saying is that you certainly seem to have symptoms that align with HPPD. It appears you also have symptoms of other conditions as well, but that's just what I gather from reading your post. 

My HPPD is doing OK. I've been through hell the last two years but I've drastically changed my lifestyle and diet and am currently seeing a solid, steady improvement in my symptoms all the time, however it's still a very slow process of healing and I imagine it'll be another year or so before I'm fully healed.

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On 3/20/2017 at 8:45 PM, K.B.Fante said:

I nor anybody else here can verify whether you have HPPD or some other cognitive disorder. You're the only one who can decide. All I was saying is that you certainly seem to have symptoms that align with HPPD. It appears you also have symptoms of other conditions as well, but that's just what I gather from reading your post. 

My HPPD is doing OK. I've been through hell the last two years but I've drastically changed my lifestyle and diet and am currently seeing a solid, steady improvement in my symptoms all the time, however it's still a very slow process of healing and I imagine it'll be another year or so before I'm fully healed.

Sucks we all have to suffer from this. Do you experience a lot of DR/DP?

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7 hours ago, Yayoe10 said:

Sucks we all have to suffer from this. Do you experience a lot of DR/DP?

Yes, tremendously. That's probably my worse symptoms at this point. But again, it's getting better along with my HPPD. They're both tied together so they seem to be healing at the same rate, it's just that DP is more noticeable.

Edited by K.B.Fante
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