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Is there a point of no return?

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Would you say that you can rule out any chance of 100% recovery after a certain time? 

Like when you are having HPPD for 10 or 20 years, do you think it is still possible to recover and feel healthy again?

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I gave up hope of healing naturally after about 5 years... Worth staying positive though, you never know when a new medicine might help... You also tend to pick up some good coping mechanisms as the years pass.

My advice for long termers is to try my patented 3 and 1/2 days on, 3 and 1/2 days off klonpin routine.

Monday - off

Tuesday - off

Wednesday - off

Thursday 6pm - 1mg

Friday 9am - 1.5mg

Saturday 9am - 1.5mg

Sunday 9am - 1.5mg

I've been doing that for 7 years now with no sign of tolerance or addiction. I just make sure to have 10 days off every few months... But the routine means I get a long, fairly anxiety/hppd free weekend, allowing me to socialise, do family stuff and generally live a semi normal life... Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday go pretty quickly.

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2 hours ago, Jay1 said:

I gave up hope of healing naturally after about 5 years... Worth staying positive though, you never know when a new medicine might help... You also tend to pick up some good coping mechanisms as the years pass.

My advice for long termers is to try my patented 3 and 1/2 days on, 3 and 1/2 days off klonpin routine.

Monday - off

Tuesday - off

Wednesday - off

Thursday 6pm - 1mg

Friday 9am - 1.5mg

Saturday 9am - 1.5mg

Sunday 9am - 1.5mg

I've been doing that for 7 years now with no sign of tolerance or addiction. I just make sure to have 10 days off every few months... But the routine means I get a long, fairly anxiety/hppd free weekend, allowing me to socialise, do family stuff and generally live a semi normal life... Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday go pretty quickly.

Jay, if you don't mind me asking, what symptoms do you still have? And have there been any that have gotten better over the years or even in the first five years? 

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Severe anxiety, severe dp/dr (feel like i'm tripping on half a light acid, 24/7), severe visuals (vs, after images, green/blue geometric patterns everywhere, cevs, morphing, tunnel vision, see faces in everything, see 3D cogs and machinery in everything). Nothing has eased up since day 1 really... with one exception... I also had severe depression for the first 3 years... That seems to heal itself naturally and the weight off my shoulders did make the other symptoms more manageable. If the depression hadn't gone, I think I would have drink/drugged myself into an early grave.

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8 hours ago, Jay1 said:

Severe anxiety, severe dp/dr (feel like i'm tripping on half a light acid, 24/7), severe visuals (vs, after images, green/blue geometric patterns everywhere, cevs, morphing, tunnel vision, see faces in everything, see 3D cogs and machinery in everything). Nothing has eased up since day 1 really... with one exception... I also had severe depression for the first 3 years... That seems to heal itself naturally and the weight off my shoulders did make the other symptoms more manageable. If the depression hadn't gone, I think I would have drink/drugged myself into an early grave.

Man, that's rough. I didn't think you had near that amount of symptoms. I've never had CEVs but I have had pretty much everything else you mentioned, the only difference is that my symptoms have steadily gotten better over time. If I hadn't improved from Day 1 I really don't think I'd be here right now as my HPPD and DP were both severe. 

My biggest problems at this point are DP, streamers, macropsia (which ties into DP) and frame rate, although it seems streamers and frame rate are interconnected from what I can tell. I still have snow, slight morphing when I stare at something for a long time and afterimages, but they're very minor and don't bother me hardly at all. It's really my entire visual-spacial recognition system that's still quite off and it's hard to go about the day when everything that moves lags or streams behind. 

Edited by K.B.Fante
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18 hours ago, Unlucky said:

How much MDMA have you done Jay? Before and after HPPD

probably about 50 pills* while i had mild hppd... I then had something of a breakdown after an LSD microdot, when I think severe hppd kicked in, but I was in such a drug haze then, high every day on something, that I still didn;t realise that i was ill... I just drifted between being high, drunk, sleep, comedown craziness and then repeat again. During that period, I probably did another 50 Es and alot of speed, a few more lsd trips... Only when I had a 2nd breakdown and tried to quit drugs did I realise just how fucked my mind was... I had, naively, thought that a few weeks off the drugs and i'd be fine again!

Since then, i've maybe slipped up and taken mdma 2-3 times.

*Bear in mind these were early 1990s pills.... very strong!

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Hi K.B Fante, what do you mean by Streamers? I suffer from frame rate issues but only really when watching TV. Recently my peripheral vision has sometimes bee struggling to keep up and I get something that could be described as streamers but not sure.  I have had mild hppd for 20 plus years but this peripheral vision thing is recent and normally happens when tired.

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8 hours ago, soulmatey said:

Hi K.B Fante, what do you mean by Streamers? I suffer from frame rate issues but only really when watching TV. Recently my peripheral vision has sometimes bee struggling to keep up and I get something that could be described as streamers but not sure.  I have had mild hppd for 20 plus years but this peripheral vision thing is recent and normally happens when tired.

Streamers are the same as trails, at least that's how I've always seen it. It just means when something moves there is an afterimage trail left behind. So for example when I waive my hand in front of my face there is a long "streamer" that follows that movement. This actually happens with regular vision as well it's just that with HPPD it's much more visible from much slower moving objects. 

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I think that sobriety is important. I didn't recover until I stopped doing drugs, including alcohol and even coffee. I started doing drugs a few months ago and now the HPPD has worsened but I know that with sobriety I will recover again.

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That's rough Boozebome

May I ask what led you to relapse? And what the consequences were?  Someone I know was smoking a cigarette and I had to get away, I'm so scared of everything now! 

Edited by Unlucky
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Fante, what do you mean by frame frate? Could you explain? 

Im having trouble with my eye movement, they seen to skip when I'm looking around, I can perceive motion when stationary even in my prefrial vision, but when my eyes move or flicker it's like a set of images lined up, it's not smooth. This is my most annoying symptom, but luckily it's getting better, for the first few months I was very very dizzy and distorted, now I'm able to do everything I used to but it's still annoying, I would be disappointed if it stayed this way but from what I can tell it seems to be healing itself thankgod.

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1 hour ago, Unlucky said:

Fante, what do you mean by frame frate? Could you explain? 

Im having trouble with my eye movement, they seen to skip when I'm looking around, I can perceive motion when stationary even in my prefrial vision, but when my eyes move or flicker it's like a set of images lined up, it's not smooth. This is my most annoying symptom, but luckily it's getting better, for the first few months I was very very dizzy and distorted, now I'm able to do everything I used to but it's still annoying, I would be disappointed if it stayed this way but from what I can tell it seems to be healing itself thankgod.

Yeah, that basically sounds like frame rate. It's just like a movie camera. The faster or more number of frames per second (or whatever measurement you want to use) the more smooth the vision, the slower or less number of frames the more choppy. 

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4 hours ago, Unlucky said:

Has yours gotten better over the years? 

Yes, over the course of about two years it has improved a lot. When I first got HPPD my frame rate was almost unrecognizable. My brain couldn't really handle any sort of visual stimuli whatsoever. Even just walking and watching the floor below me was too fast for my eyes to track. I'm getting pretty close to normal again but I still probably have another year or so before it gets completely fixed. 

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Yea, i get the frame rate thing too... Like my entire vision flashes 5-6 times a second, making a strobe effect

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Over four decades my symptoms have moderated.  Jay1, your symptoms sound much like what I first experienced.  The visuals were just running riot all the time.  Now, they're still there but they're not nearly as prominent.  I've also just gotten used to them being around.  What worked for me was deciding that it was time to get on with life regardless.  I think step one was getting sober because without that I couldn't focus.  Move the clock ahead 40 years and I still see visuals (why does the line "I see dead people" keep going through my mind?) but I'm a "normal" (some would disagree) happy human and life couldn't be better.  For what it's worth.

I guess I'm trying to say "don't despair".  The mind can heal even though it may not ever return to "normal" (whatever that is).

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Having a good, positive outlook is the key, for sure.

I'm 22 years into severe hppd though, and there is simply no way of ignoring either my visuals or my dp/dr and feeling like I am tripping. I've tried every trick in the book. When my hppd was just* lsd induced, i could handle it... but once I added mdma to the mix, it became a living hell. Very, very hard to focus on anything else, it is like a physical pain.... and i;m a very positive person that has pushed on, created a business, got married, travelled the world etc.

 

* I'm not dismissing anyone's suffering that got this from solely lsd use... Just that my own personal battle got exponentially worse with mdma use.

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I thin I've missed my point of no return and lost track of it. But I've never really looked that way back. Who knows if I can't fully recover. Don't know how because i've been like this for 22 years now too. Recent addition I've got a numb finger. Don't get spooky I've never knew anyone who had this kind of bodily disfunction but that's what happened recently.

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Point of no return?  I don't know.  I just see life moving forward.  While my hppd has never "cleared up" I feel healthy and happy.  Basically it's now just part of who I am and I can't remember what it's like to not have visuals.  For me, it's never going away but life is wonderful and each day is a gift.

If the thunder don't get ya then the lightning wil.  Robert Hunter

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