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Dating and HPPD

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My last gf broke up with me when I told her how much my hppd effected me emotionally. Today I took my current gf to my psychologist to have him explain how it effects me. Its basically a terms and agreements for someone to date us. I consider myself lucky to have a girl that still wants to be with me even though she knows I'm suicidal. Yeah still working on the whole acceptance thing... What are yall's thoughts on being an hppd sufferer and dating a normal seeing person?

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I had the opportunity to have a few relationships these last years, I didn't use them. Enough drama and things to focus on without adding a relationship to the mix.

 

Now that I'm pretty good I think I would not have any problem having a relationship. I'm not actively looking for it, but I wouldn't say no if some woman offered the opportunity. When i talk about relationship I talk about a real girlfriend; hooking up etc I don't care about the HPPD as it is non-consequential for that.

 

Also, almost all the opportunities I had were from pretty fucked up girls. I have HPPD, why would I want to date a depressive or a bipolar? And if she is OK, why would I engage in that relationship when I know I don't know how I will feel next week? Friends are OK if they don't see me for two weeks or one month, a girlfriend wouldn't.

 

TL;DR Focus on yourself till you get some stability and then partake in and enjoy relationships.

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Good thread

I have been in a couple relationships while dealing with full blown HPPD. At the tail end of one relationship my symptoms became unbearable for me and she left. It was really for the best as the relationship should have ended regardless but it just sucks cause I really needed someone then. During that time I suffered a great deal but It was actually through that rough time that I started seeing my next gf as she was suffering from Some psychological issues as well. We started hanging out and she did her best to understand. My hppd wasn't as bad because the lamitrogine may have been helping and I was genuinely happy and loved her. That lasted a couple years but ultimately didn't work out when I started getting all those lamitrogine side effects couple with us going through a very stressful time. It was best to end it and atleast I know I'm capable of loving and being loved while I deal with this shit. we really helped eachother out and I helped her get to where she is now being mentally sound and stable and atleast I know I did something to get her there even if I'm worse off.

There was a girl I was kind of seeing a couple months ago but I'm far too fucked right now to handle having another perosn in my life so it kinda tapered off and she seeing some other dude it's cool tho.

Will have been single for 1 year coming this September and I'm in no rush to get into another relationship as I have much work to do to get this under control.

Someone should start an HPPD dating site haha

Hppdharmony.luv

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I tried to get into a relationship a few months back and it ended in disaster but I think it was mostly due to some underlying personal issues. Still, HPPD and the feeling of being numb prevented me from sleeping which caused anxiety which led to dissociation which led to her dumping me haha. 

 

If you're a relationship type and always need to be with someone then I don't think HPPD will affect you too much but I would encourage people to focus on themselves before entering a relationship with HPPD. It's just really hard to take care of someone else when you can't even take care of yourself half the time. 

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Good thread

I have been in a couple relationships while dealing with full blown HPPD. At the tail end of one relationship my symptoms became unbearable for me and she left. It was really for the best as the relationship should have ended regardless but it just sucks cause I really needed someone then. During that time I suffered a great deal but It was actually through that rough time that I started seeing my next gf as she was suffering from Some psychological issues as well. We started hanging out and she did her best to understand. My hppd wasn't as bad because the lamitrogine may have been helping and I was genuinely happy and loved her. That lasted a couple years but ultimately didn't work out when I started getting all those lamitrogine side effects couple with us going through a very stressful time. It was best to end it and atleast I know I'm capable of loving and being loved while I deal with this shit. we really helped eachother out and I helped her get to where she is now being mentally sound and stable and atleast I know I did something to get her there even if I'm worse off.

There was a girl I was kind of seeing a couple months ago but I'm far too fucked right now to handle having another perosn in my life so it kinda tapered off and she seeing some other dude it's cool tho.

Will have been single for 1 year coming this September and I'm in no rush to get into another relationship as I have much work to do to get this under control.

Someone should start an HPPD dating site haha

Hppdharmony.luv

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Sorry for the last post. Tried to do a quote but didn't add anything. I'm doing this on my phone. But yeah someone should make a tinder for people with hppd. Your bio should describe your symptoms, level of anxiety and depression. Meds optional haha. But I do have an awesome girlfriend now so I'm really grateful.

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I've had quite a few girlfriends in the past (post HPPD), one for over 5 years which ended amicably.  She moved out of state and we still had contact and a few visits for a while.  I loved her and miss her but neither of us was in a place to keep going with it and she has moved on.

 

Shortly after that I got pretty sick when my SSRI stopped working and have been having a harder time since (about 3 years ago).  I did have one short term relationship (about 6 months) but I was pretty fucked up through it and wasn't really interested in the girl.

 

It's really rough... I'm a relationship guy.  I like being in them and do better and feel better about myself when I am.  I've passed on a few opportunities to date just because I feel like I can't handle it right now.

 

A relationship is one thing I'd like for myself, but I don't feel well enough to pursue one.  I will say that the women (I can't call them "girls" anymore I suppose, being 36) I've dated haven't made a big deal about my HPPD.  I've always waited a while to tell them and explained it more in terms of "I have this weird neurological disorder" rather than "I did too many drugs and fried my brain", although they definitely had to hear some of that kind of crap later in the relationship when I was down on myself.

 

I agree about the dating service, LOL.  My dream is to meet a cute girl with HPPD.  Chances are pretty slim I'd imagine.

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My dream is to meet a cute girl with HPPD.  Chances are pretty slim I'd imagine.

Same. I think about it often. Girls seem to like me. They think I'm mysterious but really I'm just shy and too retarded to talk half the time. But ya I hope to meet a nice girl with HPPD so we can keep eachother grounded while we trip through life.

One can only dream.

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Seems to me like the male to female ratio of hppd sufferers would leave most of us guys lonely even if there is a hppd tinder or even a mental illness dating service. Not sure I could handle the bipolar chicks in my state, God bless em.

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Do you guys also hate when people say "you seem fine to me" kindof a tangent but thats what friends and girls say to me when I tell them.

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Same. I think about it often. Girls seem to like me. They think I'm mysterious but really I'm just shy and too retarded to talk half the time. But ya I hope to meet a nice girl with HPPD so we can keep eachother grounded while we trip through life.

One can only dream.

 

Yep... same with me.  Mr. mysterious... or "weird in a good way".  Yeah a partnership with someone with the same issues would be ideal.

 

As a close second a girl with no major hangups who accepted me the way I was would be nice.  Might even be better, as two people with HPPD might overwhelm each other .

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Do you guys also hate when people say "you seem fine to me" kindof a tangent but thats what friends and girls say to me when I tell them.

 

 

I actually kind of like it when they say that... Lol.  But I know what you mean.

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I kinda know what you mean too. Glass half full I guess. I still feel like my girlfriend doesn't fully get it and it would be better for her to turn and run like the last one.

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Do you guys also hate when people say "you seem fine to me" kindof a tangent but thats what friends and girls say to me when I tell them.

I hate when they say that trying to minimize or negate your experiences. Maybe they have some small distortions like most people do (floaters or something) and they say.. "yeah, I have that too". Fuck off! 

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^^^^ THIS!! The lack of understanding is what pisses me off sometimes, but nothin you can do about it I guess. I hate when people talk about past experiences trying to relate too. People tell me how bad it was when their grandma died and i'm like wow I didn't know you had an infinite number of grandmas and one dies every day?! Cuz you can relate right!? Sorry I'm kindof blowing this out of proportion. To me one of the worst parts of hppd is that you're expected to keep up the charade of normality and nobody cuts you a break and some people you can't or don't wanna tell. Like my boss.

Back on topic though it seems like you can't have a relationship with hppd unless A. You have a complete handle on it and are a normal functioning human being. B. Your gf/bf I really understanding and patient. Or C. You find someone with HPPD. I fall under category B.

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someone (jay?) previously suggested a hppd dating site called loveatfirstfuckedupsight.com tee hee.

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Hahaha I live the name. You could post your symptoms in your bio.

It sounds fucked up but I would be much happier if everyday I got to wake up next to a woman as miserable as me.

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About 2 months into dating my girlfriend we both got drunk and I told her about my HPPD. She had her own issues with depression that I'd helped her with. Six years later we're married.

 

You just need to find someone as messed up as you and make each other right :)

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haha yep... my now wife had bouts of depression too, so she is much more understanding.

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So maybe its not completely hopeless lol. Thats awesome to hear that you guys were able to get married despite having HPPD!

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Relationships have always helped me somewhat and hurt me in other ways. I tend to get overly attached and sync my self esteem and entire personality with the person. They become part of how I view my self and that, combined with anxiety about not being good enough, leaves me anxious about abandonment. This can cause me to feel jealous or controlling. Plus I tend to rely on them too much as my main form of social interaction because it's easier than putting myself out socially as I'm incredibly uncomfortable and apathetic about social interaction.

Lastly, when I was still smoking pot and drinking I had quite a temper. I never physically abused anyone but man I could blow my top. It's taken me a few years to get my anger more under control since I used to never get angry. I actually have a script for keppra but I'm too terrified to try it because I've heard of the rage issues :/

These problems were there before HPPD they just are harder to control when I'm dealing with feeling like I want to die >_<

Relationships can be a fool for personal growth and betterment or a trap that leaves you destitute. I hope to be able to balance my personal responsibilities and a relationship one day but who knows. My therapist told me recently that I had started to look at my relationships with others as a third identity seperate from myself and them and that's a good thing. I tend to agree, because when I think of the health of a relationship as a third entity I'm better able to properly manage it and not be selfish/put too much strain on it.

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Onemorestep I could have written that myself I completely understand where you're coming from. My current partner is the closest I've ever had to a healthy relationship but I'm afraid I'm not quite sure what a healthy relationship really is.

I've had hppd since I was young so obviously never had a dating life without it and the response from my partner heavily depends on who they are as a person. Mostly I just get things like "wow really?" Until my current partner who seems to genuinely care and not pass it off as some benign thing like discussing the weather.

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Been seriously suffering again lately. Feeling majorly depressed and detached. I'm not in the healthiest mental state to be in a relationship but here I am with a girl I love more than anyone I've dated before. She shows kindness, compassion and understanding the likes of which I have never experienced. She says I'm perfect on the days when I feel my worst and has seen me at my worst and hasn't left running for the door. I'm having a bad day and she literally just called me from work to tell me she loves me and that I will be okay. I'm very fortunate to have built a very loving foundation with my partner. We are best buds and although I'm not near where i want to be mentally (I also often feel I don't deserve her) she reminds me that I am an amazing person with so much to offer the world. And even at my worst she can see through my condition to who I really am and she loves me for who I am. I spend so much time being lost in this condition. So full of doubt and uncertainty. Like I don't know myself anymore at all. But she really sees me as a pure person . and I treat her like the queen she deserves to be treated as. Just having her on my side gets me through the day. So I'll say to anyone suffering with this don't think you aren't worthy of love. Or that you are too damaged that no one could love you. You will meet someone who is patient and who cares about you enough to try to understand. All they can do is try. I never thought I would have someone like her in my life and sometimes I literally can't believe she is with me but she is and she is genuine. I love this girl because she is so kind, unique, smart, loving and caring and the fact that I get to be a recipient of her attention is just the icing on the cake.

Don't be afraid of dating.

Edited by Kellen
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