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Nashfull

Intro/hppd relapse?

6 posts in this topic

So I actually posted back in September somewhat of an intro talking about my klonopin/Celexa experience. I'll try to keep from boring you guys with a long story but just wanted some opinions on what exactly is going on with me. So when I was 15 I did lsd like twice. Never a lot but I was young and experimental. Probably a week or two after my last trip I smoke some weed and had an intense dp/dr episode with panic attack. Actually went to hospital cause I thought I was dying. The dp was so intense I literally felt like I was outside of my body looking down from above (it was weird shit) thankfully that went away in a few hours once the high wore off. This was my first experience with anxiety other than when I was tripping on lsd. So in the next few weeks after the smoking episode I slowly developed an anxiety disorder. Now at the time I had no idea what the hell anxiety was etc. I also began to see my first floaters, bfep, trails in peripheral vision and ghosting. Actually had Mri to rule out MS due to the ghosting. I also remember if I stared at something like a poster in certain lighting I could almost create visuals similar to oneson lsd (really had to stare and work on it to make this happen) basically i just shrugged these visual phenomenon off and figured it was just all due to my anxiety. Over time maybe 2-3 years my anxiety got better and I didn't notice the "visuals too much" only the floaters and enhanced bfep hung around. I went to nursing school graduated with almost 4.0 and led a pretty normal life. I'm now 33 with a couple kids and a beautiful wife. I work in an icu at a very well known hospital. So about 6 months ago went through a very stressful time (had a health scare) that caused my anxiety to resurface with a vengeance. Had insomnia for a couple weeks which led me to see my pcp who prescribed me Celexa. Started the Celexa (still didn't sleep). I was outside cutting my yard about a week after taking Celexa and looked at the siding of my house and the horizontal lines in between each piece was shimmering, I was like wtf is that? I walked up to it and it looked like it was moving up and down (very lsd like). I shrugged it off to some side effects from the med. that same night I drove to the store and I remember noticing halos around street lights and starburst from oncoming cars (never had this shit before). So I went home and sat down on my bed with my wife and I had what I think was my first lsd flashback, lasted only 10 secs or so but it freaked me out. So I went to mr Google and eventually found myself here. When I found out about hppd after all these years my anxiety went through the roof and I had what would be equivalent to a nervous breakdown. Went to doc Later in the week cause I still wasn't sleeping/eating and told him what I was experiencing he shrugged it off and wrote me for some klonopin for sleep. Took my 1st 1 mg pill that night and it was amazing my vision was clearer than it had been in years (actually wrote about this in my other post awhile back). So actually stayed on the Celexa for like 9weeks cause I thought it may have been just my anxiety causing all theses issues. However the Celexa caused nothing but increased anxiety and palinopsia that was actually masked by the kpins for a few weeks and I didn't realize how screwed up my vision was getting. Eventually went to neuro opthamologist who diagnosed me with palinopsia and when I mentioned hppd looked at me like I was crazy. I'm seeing a psych now and a good neurologist who is working with me. My symptoms include floaters, enhanced bfep, major anxiety, Cevs, halos, starburst, slight trailing ( the further away the object is the worse it trails/ghosts, if I stare at a blank wall with slight texturing in certain lighting it will begin to like swirl, objects/things seem brighter, patterns especially ones with horizontal lines look like that are shimmering/buzzing. Probably I'm forgetting some things but this post is becoming a lot longer than I thought lol. So what do you guys think is this some sort of hppd relapse? I know this probably seems mild in comparison to some of the posts I've read but regardless it's very troublesome to me and I'm just trying to figure out what could be going on. I'm currently on keppra 1000mg for like 2 months to try and suppress the palinopsia/visual snow. Didn't think I had visual snow but with keppra as with the occasional klonopin things seem clearer and black seems blacker (if that makes sense) for example I can see the stars in the black sky clearer than before. Thanks in advance.

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No one reads that kind of walls of text. I'm replying but I didn't read it nor I will.

If you expect others to read what you wrote then give some thought and structure to the text. Have an intention and delete everything that doesn't add anything to the message you're trying to convey. Make the message useful in some way to the reader.

And yeah, I wrote a post like yours at first.

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Hey thanks for the reply.

Just writing is good. I mean, I wrote a wall of text like yours.. got not replies if I remember correctly, but I was happy with it. There is some evidence that journaling is a helpful tool. Nowadays I write to myself in my diary rather than forums. I skimmed your post and that is bad luck. A reminder that we have to take care of everything we put on our bodies even after a long time.

Hope your recover/improve soon!

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