The fear is gripping me like never before

[miketool123]

Hello out there. this is my first time posting. ill start at the begining. when i was 15 i took a large dose of lsd and had the worst experience of my life this was not my first time using in fact i had taken lsd 60 or so times prior with no ill effects. i got through the night only to realize some of the visual phenomenon persisted. i developed a tolorence to the symptoms over a period of months. the fear was enough to refrain from drugs and alcohol for a while. then my youth and addictive personality took over and i had convinced my self that as long i didnt mess with lsd i could do what i want. i was dead wrong!! i am 32 years old now and after about 10 seperate experinces brought on by everthing from marijauna to antbiotics i have worsened to in extent i fear is unmanegable. each experiance was generally an 8 hour or so period of very intense symptoms only stopping with sleep followed by a marked increase in perminant symptoms. my symptoms are as follows. visual snow/static,what seem like moving worms or sperm over my feild of vision if the field involves only one color like the sky or concrete or painted wall, very intense negetive after images. trails and the strangest one is when my symptoms are at ther worst i get a pressure or almost burning senstaion in the back of my scalp. my fear is that i will one day no longer be able to function as a normal person or will be institutionalisd . i cant seem to take any form of pain management or most antibiotiocs so my medical options are quite limited wich scares me alot. i have a hard time keeping in mind that im not crazy and these are symptoms of medical condition. my wife has threatened to leave me if i dont stop talking to hear about it. half the time she doesnt believe me and the other half she doesnt want to be with some carzy person.i am at my wits end with fear and anxiety. i have thought about suicide alot lately and that scares me. im in tears now and most of the time when im alone  and im not normally the type for that. i just dont know how to keep moving forward. thanks for listening