HPPD and still using (6 months)

[dl-ark]

When I realized I had hppd, I had no idea what drug caused it. At the time I had been using dxm, ambien, and several psychedelics in the same period of time. I didnt know for sure that I had hppd, but noticed the symptoms during this time. When the binge came to a close, still, waving my symptoms off as residual effects or just how everyone sees in the dark. During this denial time I took both LSA and 25i-nbome. My symptoms stayed relatively the same. This was when I realized I had hppd. Reading about it i checked off symptoms. It had to be hppd. To this day i still occasionally use psychedelics. They are beautiful and great for the little time I have alone. I know that lots of people feel anger against drugs for giving them hppd. But hppd is made worse by stress and obsessing over symptoms. I find that by living life in the same way I did before hppd my symptoms rarely actually bother me, and sometimes some of the visual effects can be interesting. Me and my hppd dont bother eachother, and it allows me to live my life

[dl-ark]

I will add I am self diagnosed, but I am vert certain it is hppd and I am looking for a good doctor to assess it. I think a lot of people get hppd confused with psychosis, schizophrenia, or flashbacks. My personal goal as an avid pharmacology and neuroscience enthusiast is to clear this up.

[Missjess]

Many of us on here are not confusing hppd with psychosis and schizophrenia !! There is a big clear difference between hppd and a serious mental disorder

Hppd is some kind of a PHYSICAL brain dysfunction ..not psychological at all. There is a physical reason why many of us cannot take medication, supplements, coffee or alcohol because they usually aggravate hppd and that isn't normal.

Flashbacks don't last....hppd does! Hppd is a chronic permanent perception shift.

My perceptual distortions are severe and I know that they are distortions, people with psychosis and schizophrenia DONT actually know something is wrong they are totally delusional

Why don't u share with us what your "hppd symptoms" are before coming on here and telling us that we are confusing hppd with psychosis or schizophrenia..,

[LaizzesFaire]

Many of us on here are not confusing hppd with psychosis and schizophrenia !! There is a big clear difference between hppd and a serious mental disorder

Why don't u share with us what your "hppd symptoms" are before coming on here and telling us that we are confusing hppd with psychosis or schizophrenia..,

 

I don´t think he/she meant that people on this board are confusing HPPD with either psychosis or schizophrenia, but rather that doctors, psychiatrists etc might misdiagnose as this disorder is quite rare and not well-known.

[Missjess]

I don´t think he/she meant that people on this board are confusing HPPD with either psychosis or schizophrenia, but rather that doctors, psychiatrists etc might misdiagnose as this disorder is quite rare and not well-known.

I think you a right ...my mistake perhaps I read it wrong

[Jay1]

I did the same as you.... I didn't know what hppd was, I just knew something had changed... I carried on with drugs and, for the most part, my symptoms stayed the same and I thought everything would be fine, maybe the symptoms would even clear if I eventually went sober.

 

It didn't, it went a whole lot worse... To nightmarish proportions.. Nothing to do with stress, or over worrying about the problems.... I just did way too many drugs after the warnings signs and fucked my brain up completely.

 

whatever you think is hppd now, be prepared for it to get far, far worse. It is a chemical imbalance every bit as much as it is a state of mind. You can conquer and control the latter... But the former can completely ruin your life. Be warned.

[Missjess]

Forgive me may but I couldn't stop laughing when u said "nightmarish proportions" my laughing is a kind of disbelief shocked laugh coz it's so unbelievably true and frightening .....I know if I was to do some drugs it have a drink of alcohol I wouldn't be able to fkn walk and the walls wud start breathing and possibly things would begin to morph

Fuk that..

[Jay1]

haha, i know what you mean... It sounds so over dramatic, yet it is about as clear as I can describe it.

 

I'm looking at a white wall now and can see, amongst all the usual static and green/blue streaks, what I can only describe as 3D cogs spinning into eternity. They have been there for 4 years now, since I stupidly tried Salvia, thinking I had reached the "wall" of my hppd.

 

With hppd, you can never allow yourself to think "It cant get any worse". I found out after 15 years that there was another level. I'm sure there are plenty more to unlock, if you want to carry on with drugs.

[Missjess]

haha, i know what you mean... It sounds so over dramatic, yet it is about as clear as I can describe it.

 

I'm looking at a white wall now and can see, amongst all the usual static and green/blue streaks, what I can only describe as 3D cogs spinning into eternity. They have been there for 4 years now, since I stupidly tried Salvia, thinking I had reached the "wall" of my hppd.

 

With hppd, you can never allow yourself to think "It cant get any worse". I found out after 15 years that there was another level. I'm sure there are plenty more to unlock, if you want to carry on with drugs.

Fuk jay!! I feel so bad for u!!! That's fuking awfull !! I honestly don't want to know wat more cud be unlocked!!!! I prefer to keep that door fuking closed forever !!! OMG u tried salvia with hppd !!??? It just have knocked u into the land of no return?? Did it make u get dissociated and detached permantly ?

[Jay1]

Other than the strange circles/cogs... I actually have no lingering effects, so I guess I dodged a bullet, even if my vision is even more fucked up now.

 

Salvia is some crazy shit though.

 

I couldn't even put down in words what I experienced during the trip. But I can remember feeling like my soul (i'm not religious, but that is the best word I can use to describe it) was sucked clean out of my body. It is a very surreal drug and makes me question whether anything is real at all... Which is, I guess, the ultimate dissociation.... But almost put me at ease about not feeling "real" in day to day life.

 

In a way, i'm being hypocritical to my earlier post.... Though it made my hppd worse, Salvia actually punched me so hard that reality seems easier now. Not that I recommend it

[Missjess]

Fuk salvia !! I wouldn't take that drug if my life depended on it !! Ibogaine already did something similar to me where I am stuck in a sensory and emotional deprived fish tank style of hppd !! I couldn't imagine the consequences if I was to take salvia !!!! I don't think I'd be able to move, talk, walk or function at all I would have been completely blasted into a different universe with no escape

[mgrade]

I think bad symptoms, along with some added depression and anxiety and dissociation, can seem to a doctor making a diagnosis that one has a more severe mental illness.

I don't know if necessarily there is a difference between really really bad hppd and very mild schizophrenia or bipolar disorder.

One thing I know is that I was UNABLE to drink or do drugs. The anxiety and dissociation was so profound!

I felt like whatever it is, what you want to call this thing we have was slippery and it was hard to catch or get a grip on it. At some point, you start getting some mental traction back, so to speak and you are able to get back some executive functions. This takes time.

But Jay said it correctly. And I think jess understands as well. That sometimes you continue to experiment with drugs after this and sometimes it's OK, but other times it sets something off much worse. Maybe be something as simple as smoking marijuana or even taking something like prednisone.

[LethargicAcid]

well ive have hppd for 1.5 months and in like another year or so if hppd doesnt seem like its gonna cure(ive been straight-edge), then im gonna start smoking weed and doing shrooms and shit again. and adderall for my adhd. im already a very spiritual person and i feel psychadelics are just for me. jay what you said makes me depressed becuase if i never do psychs again it will make me depressed

[hppd24years]

I was taking perks for my back injury (5ml of oxycotton)after about 2 weeks my ears were ringing intensely. A really high pitch and haven't stopped.. Dam I can't ducking win with this shit.. It makes simple sounds sooooo amplified it's ridiculous.. Tinnitus has graduated to hyperacusis.. I'm not even taking psychedelics or psychoactive drugs and I'm being penalize for pain meds?? What I would give to be normal again..

[hppd24years]

well ive have hppd for 1.5 months and in like another year or so if hppd doesnt seem like its gonna cure(ive been straight-edge), then im gonna start smoking weed and doing shrooms and shit again. and adderall for my adhd. im already a very spiritual person and i feel psychadelics are just for me. jay what you said makes me depressed becuase if i never do psychs again it will make me depressed

well ive have hppd for 1.5 months and in like another year or so if hppd doesnt seem like its gonna cure(ive been straight-edge), then im gonna start smoking weed and doing shrooms and shit again. and adderall for my adhd. im already a very spiritual person and i feel psychadelics are just for me. jay what you said makes me depressed becuase if i never do psychs again it will make me depressed

You must be experiencing good trips to keep on wanting to take hallucinatory drugs.. Most peeps I kno with hppd couldn't or wouldn't even dare to experience it again.. Way to risky.. I really don't kno the severity of ur Hppd but I would recommend to "watch it" playing with fire can get ur burnt. Can u elaborate on ur symptoms a bit? I was just curious..