At the end of my rope

[Steikt]

Thanks for the kind words people, I'm editing my original post because it was too pathetic and whiny

[China]

Hey Steikt. I'm terribly sorry for the ignorance of your doctor ): you can't expect too much from him though, as he has never experienced hppd and doesn't know what it's like to have it. He's just going by the book. I personally don't trust doctors simply because they make money off of you being sick, you know what I mean? They prescribe you something, and whether it works or not they make profit. Some doctors truly do want to help people, that's why they got into the business. Some are just greedy fucks.16 years of hppd..that's a doozie, I can only imagine the struggle you've gone through. ): but I want you to know there are people rooting for you man. There are people on this website, that know exactly what you're going through. We maybe faceless, but we are not voiceless. I've personally only gone through this shit for 4 months now, and I've been experiencing some healing with alternative practices. This includes meditation. If you haven't already tried it, I would look it up and give it a go man. Just 30 min everyday will help you feel a little more grounded in my opinion. I've also experienced a lot of benefits from water fasting. I was tryin to cure myself through this method, and it didn't work, but I do feel more like myself now than I have in months. You've tried cocktails of medication and they didn't help. If you can get your hands on some bentos that'd be great, but if you haven't already, just try some more natural alternative methods, they may just do the trick. Don't give up man, keep on keeping on.

[Steikt]

Thank you for the advice China. I'm not exactly a newbie on these forums but it has been a long while and i couldn't remember my old username. I have taken benzos and it makes a world of difference to me. Too bad cause my doctor just does not want to prescribe them.  He thinks they work "too well" for me and will just cause me problems down the road. 

 

At this point I am just too frustrated to try other techniques. It kills me to know that there is a "cure" but I just can't have it.

 

Thank you again for taking the time to reply. I'm sorry you are dealing with HPPD as well and I sincerely hope you find relief.

[China]

No prob man. He thinks they work 'too well'? XD what an asshole

[hppd24years]

Thank you for the advice China. I'm not exactly a newbie on these forums but it has been a long while and i couldn't remember my old username. I have taken benzos and it makes a world of difference to me.

I can relate with u in regards to the time duration of the incantations psychedelic drugs has sentenced us to. I've been trying to exorcise these Demonic demons for 25 years now. They seem to be very persistent in the aggravation and exasperations it causes to the human mental horizon.

U will feel landlocked and at a freeze where there is no significance to life whilst the progression is escalating in a tainted immeasurable fashion. It will seem like the world's functionalities and the peeps unethical empathetic treatments will feel neglectful or absolutely absent minded towards u with ur disorder. (I know this first hand) It's a sin what ur doctor is doing to u it almost appears he does not want u to heal or feel relief which is crazy. It is his duty and responsibility to cure u respectively. U can report his unprofessionalism and conduct to the College of Physicians and nurses which they could in investigate him for malpractices. If u can prove that most doctors prescribe benzo's for this disorder consensusly and why isn't he?? Especially considering everything else he put u on never worked for six years then u have a strong case.

I'm going to P.M. u with some personal advice and recommendations for hopefully some solutions in ur dilemma. Hppd24yearsanditshouldnotbeforlife.

[Missjess]

Hey! I'm at the same place u r but I've only had this shit for 3 or 4 months! I can't imagine having this for 16 fuking years!! Fuk that!

If u are into an alternative route and are not too scientific and logical type of person then I would recommend to go and see john of god in Brazil ...I'm here currently and he told me he can cure my hppd in time.. I will need to make multiple visits but I have got progress and no medication helps me so yeah there it is...

I hope u can find some fuking relief ! Hey if ur doc won't prescribe u shit if u haven't tried keppra or lamictal u can buy from goldpharma.com

[Jay1]

There are always ways to obtain benzos.... It is shit that we are pushed towards illegal drug dealers or online stores purely because doctors don't understand... But that is a better option then suffering without relief.

 

I'm sure you know that benzos are not really a cure though, tread carefully.

[Steikt]

Thanks Jay. Yeah I know it's not a solution or useful long term, I know what it's like to withdraw and I know it gets a little worse and a little harder each time. I'm just at a point where it's either temporary relief or relief of the permanent kind. I'm not depressed, I'm not terribly upset, I'm just done, you know. 

[Jay1]

If you can get on the 3 days on, 4 days off benzo routine.... I think you can at least find some long term relief. As a fellow long termer, it has vastly improved my life.

 

Maybe hit up silk road or something. I checked it out when I knew I was moving back to the UK and how hard it would be to get benzos from a doctor... Plenty of cheap valium on there.

[China]

I thought Silk Road got shut down?

[Jay1]

there is a new one now... i've used it a couple of times... works fine. Make sure you get the right url though, there so many scam sites.

[floater]

i agree, silkroad works good. but be aware that you can buy about everything u want from there. so watch out if you take the route to silkroad.... (and again EVERYTHING, so also much things witch can make u fucked up, just stay strong).

[Jay1]

Yea, it is really a last resort. 

 

It makes me so angry that doctors are so scared to trust someone just because they have former drug use, that they will say no to a medicine that works... and force us to look on black market websites, or worse still, find a drug dealer.

[floater]

i used sr from the beginning etc, but still i find it hard to find sinemet and keppra. if someone can help me pm me plz (i find someone at pandoramarket, but he isnt online for 360 hours or something who sells the sinemet so i'm not buying that. other then that i got a lot of buys on my name on the illegal online markets, and ive been NEVER been scammed. just to let u guys know. only remember one thing: don't put to many money on the account because its possible a marketplace get seized (dont know if this is the right word for it - my english ..) then ur fucked.

 

sry for the offtopic. take care.