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LaizzesFaire

Hyperawareness

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So this is an aspect of the disorder that interests me quite a bit.

 

Often while reading a wall of text for class I see a lot of broken patterns all over the place, wether intentional or not. Now it was first after reading about it here I started noticing it and now it´s like an optical illusion I can´t "unsee". Just asked my roomie about this and had him look on a particular page. Interestingly enough he saw the exact same "patterns" as me, even to an larger extent. Of course he´s now going to forget about it in five minutes and probably never give it a second thought. This is one of the reasons I regret ever looking up anything about HPPD as I feel some of the things are psychosomatic rather than actual symptoms such as e.g. visual snow, floaters etc. IMO this might be caused by hyperawareness, which most of us likely suffer from (perhaps due to practice from DP/DR realm lol), rather than a brain malfunctioning in the pattern-forming area. I could of course be wrong, but I´m interested in what you guys´ thoughts on this are.

 

Maybe the title should be "hyperawareness" because I´d like to mention another similar thing that happened to me, in regards to hyper-awareness, when I suddenly wasn´t able to NOT notice every time they cut a scene in a movie. This frustrated me greatly until recently when I stopped caring and now it´s not an issue anymore. Guess it could be some weird form of OCD and the key is learning to redirect focus and not give it too much thought.

 

Third thing is what I call nose-filtering problem. After reading about this particular symptom somewhere I had again trouble "unseeing" my nose for some time which made me anxious. Of course it´s very noticeable again when writing about it but I´ll forget about it in a bit. 

 

And finally, I think this could explain my inability to rid myself completely of DP/DR. Often these sensations are induced from a panic attack, at least that´s what happened in my case (caused by reading about HPPD after noticing visual snow almost a year after last trip). Got super freaked out because I tried constantly to "snap out of it" which further exacerbated it. Thinking of it, I experienced weird sensations of unreality and whatnot a couple of times growing up but they disappeared as I got occupied by something else (like securing Pokemon cards from being stolen by the ruthless thieves of elementary school  B) ). Could all this simply be caused by hyperawareness or some malfunctioning in the fight or flight response?

 

Sorry if this thread is just a incoherent mess, but it´s hard to wrap my head around this stuff as neither psychology, neurology or any of the fields useful in explaining this are my expertise (political science major..). Any response would be greatly appreciated, thanks!

 

Edit: Changed title, elaborated on personal experiences and provided amateurish theories :)

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I feel ya.  Sometimes I think I never would have gotten HPPD had I not read the Wikipedia article on it the day before my trip. All it did was make me paranoid that I was gonna get it, which was a self-fulfilling prophecy.

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Dang, thats a tough one. I had more noticeable floaters, a bit BFEP and slight visual snow in the dark for about a year. Decided to google it one night I couldn´t sleep, found the HPPD article on wiki, BAM, panic attack followed by DP/DR and all kinds of visual stuff presented themselves during the following months. Was smoking and drinking with pretty much no problems before this, though weed made me a bit more anxious right before this fateful night, but that could´ve easily been due to stress (moving to another continent etc). Haven´t touched weed since so I´m not sure how it would effect me, but thats too much of a risk right now. The PTSD/hyperawareness theory resonates strongly with me and bugs the living crap out of me wondering if I would´ve gotten HPPD anyway. Well, I guess there´s no point in doing so, what´s done is done and all that jazz.

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My boyfriend doesn't believe me when I tell him about the things I see, saying I'm a hypochondriac and its all in my head. I will admit that reading into HPPD has left me scared and it feasts on my anxiety but it makes me feel a little less crazy because I know other people are seeing it too. I know something isn't right because when I smoke weed I don't get the normal weed high but like I'm back on acid and then tree bark starts glittering and lines fall from the sky, and everything becomes wavy and sharp pains erupt in my back and that is not a normal weed high. I sometimes wish I didn't look into hppd because ignorance is bliss but if I didn't, I would be harming my body more by not knowing the consequences. It is most definitely a blessing and a curse but all knowledge is.

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My boyfriend doesn't believe me when I tell him about the things I see, saying I'm a hypochondriac and its all in my head. I will admit that reading into HPPD has left me scared and it feasts on my anxiety but it makes me feel a little less crazy because I know other people are seeing it too. I know something isn't right because when I smoke weed I don't get the normal weed high but like I'm back on acid and then tree bark starts glittering and lines fall from the sky, and everything becomes wavy and sharp pains erupt in my back and that is not a normal weed high. I sometimes wish I didn't look into hppd because ignorance is bliss but if I didn't, I would be harming my body more by not knowing the consequences. It is most definitely a blessing and a curse but all knowledge is.

God, I'm really over people talking about how fucked up their hppd symtoms are then saying shit like .."and when I smoke weed"

If your hppd is that bad you wouldn't dream about greeting high!!

Cut the shit for real.

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Well most of us are addicts. Its hard to quit every addiction. I learned iy for real.. i even did the 12 steps program for 2 years. Yes it helped me to stay of the alcohol.

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I didn`t know anything about HPPD for the first 2 months I had the disorder and I can say I am way better off knowing about it than being in the dark!

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God, I'm really over people talking about how fucked up their hppd symtoms are then saying shit like .."and when I smoke weed"

If your hppd is that bad you wouldn't dream about greeting high!!

Cut the shit for real.

im sorry if i offended, didn't mean too but I don't do it any more. it was suppose to be mean when I did smoke(haven't done it in a long while), crazy stuff then would happen so I knew that it's not all in my head like other people were telling me it was. You are right though, getting high is not an option any more. I am no expert, just putting in my own two cents. 

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Above all, I would say shrooms HPPD gave me hyper awareness and anxiety. Terrible addition to my PTSD, OCD and depressions I've previously had.

I can't tell if I feel normal or not because I keep obsessing over if things feel normal.

Yes, I do have mild visual disturbances like tracers and trails that are objectively HPPD, but I look at every detail in everything I see. Constantly. And I notice weird shit that isn't abnormal but I interpret it as abnormal. I see a light flicker and think its a visual white out, or a contrast change.

I'm hoping one day I stop obsessing over these new DPDR and visual issues and that they die down, and I can just forget about it. Forever.

I feel like if I could wipe my mind of any memory of ever doing shrooms, I would feel 100% meow. But that's also the curse of PTSD and OCD.

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im sorry if i offended, didn't mean too but I don't do it any more. it was suppose to be mean when I did smoke(haven't done it in a long while), crazy stuff then would happen so I knew that it's not all in my head like other people were telling me it was. You are right though, getting high is not an option any more. I am no expert, just putting in my own two cents.

No offence taken, take care of your brain as its fragile as fuck right now

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I'm with you on the "nobody understands how weird things look/ I'm just crazy" mindlessdamage. Question for everyone: Do you ever get lightheaded and dizzy during what I call an "episode." I know the visuals are there all day but, do you guys have "spikes" in visual activity that scare you? I notice sometimes too that if my belly is upset (gassy burpy time) I experience symptom "spikes"/ get panicky. Thanks for the feedback.

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´Question for everyone: Do you ever get lightheaded and dizzy during what I call an "episode." I know the visuals are there all day but, do you guys have "spikes" in visual activity that scare you? I notice sometimes too that if my belly is upset (gassy burpy time) I experience symptom "spikes"/ get panicky. Thanks for the feedback.

 

It flares up when working out, sometimes in class and when going more than 20 hours without sleep. I also get episodes of dizziness out of nowhere, usually lasting for a day or two. This has gotten much better tho, happens very rarely now. Might be related to anxiety or someting

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Thanks for getting back to me big dog. I appreciate any feedback I can get. I felt the flare up when working out last week and just took the rest of the week off. Gotta not fall off though, getting in better shape can only help this bullshit.

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I'm with you on the "nobody understands how weird things look/ I'm just crazy" mindlessdamage. Question for everyone: Do you ever get lightheaded and dizzy during what I call an "episode." I know the visuals are there all day but, do you guys have "spikes" in visual activity that scare you? I notice sometimes too that if my belly is upset (gassy burpy time) I experience symptom "spikes"/ get panicky. Thanks for the feedback.

Yes, but I feel like the vertigo/dizziness is a byproduct of the anxiety.

Is it kinda like anxiety leading up to a panic attack?

Because when I get those "spikes" or random bursts of increased visuals I get anxious and I feel almost weak, like I'm sick almost.

For me at least it seems that the anxiety causes the dizziness, versus the HPPD.

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I definitely get the weakness feeling... almost like I could pass out. I'm a fuckin mess. I am taking between two and three mg of xanax a day now. It seems to help a little bit. I normally can feel the "spikes" coming on and will eat a zanny and knowing that it will kick in helps settle me down. I also believe joining this online community is going to be great for me too. You guys are the only ones who know what this shit is like.

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I also believe joining this online community is going to be great for me too. You guys are the only ones who know what this shit is like.

I would have never been able to understand HPPD before I got it. This community is a godsend!

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I think it is better to know what is going on with you and to feel like you aren't alone. It is true I think most people can agree when they learned it was HPPD or HPPD like symptoms they started noticing things way more, like you are looking for stuff but you aren't if that makes sense. But when you can learn to stop paying attention to it and go back to that mindset you had before you knew it was HPPD you can look at the picture a bit clearer since you know you aren't the only one and it is HPPD. It's like one step back two step forward.

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My HPPD symptoms were somehow treated by the medication I am taking for my depression/mood swings, while I didn't know about HPPD at all.

Although I didn't know what it was, I was scared to use any drugs since I started experiencing those weird visuals. But I was missing them, and once I felt better I started craving them.

 

Then I found about HPPD, when I was searching the internet to see what would happen if I take some MDMA with the medications I'm using. So I guess learning about HPPD was kinda crucial for me at that point. I'm glad that I didn't keep on fucking with my brain anymore.

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Interestingly enough is how one drug that can induce HPPD can also be used to treat PTSD and HPPD if done correctly despite what I believe that one military study said. That drug is MDMA or otherwise known as ecstasy or xtc typically. I would rather try hypnosis by itself before trying it with ecstasy. I'm not telling anyone to go out and get some pills but if you happen to live in a country where a doctor can still prescribe it and perform the treatment then by all means. It still bugs me that I was given nitrous-oxide as a child for that started my journey into the deep unknown but maybe I'm the only one who seems to trip on laughing gas.

 

If I wasn't hyperaware at that time I certainly was by the time I got to high school long after my 2nd encounter with laughing gas. Nitrous-oxide may not be the cause of my HPPD but it certainly has to have something to do with DP/DR.

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So it turns out the glue, LSD , coke and snoop dogg amounts of weed may have something to do with my PTSD, that I didn't know until two weeks ago, now I have been diagnosed with hyperawarness. Last eighth of weed tonight, not going to bed till it's gone. I know this conversation happened years ago but hopefully at least one of you gets to hear you helped someone. I'm aware of everything that happens and I'm always listening for what's not said, I find that reveals more than what is, I'm always watching for micro expressions. I had a member of staff die under my supervision, I thought PTSD was for soldiers only, it's all fucked, I've spent 20 years upsetting everyone. My councillor showed me the correlation without even knowing the whole truth about my old drug habits, oh I forgot the DMT as well. I am getting help that makes sense for the first time in my life and you have opened my mind to another aspect of it, thank you. Is this just a fancy name for being paranoid? 

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