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Hmm... sure wouldn't mind a copy of that haha :)
Well at least its subsiding right?
As for yesterday.. well honestly I don't know. I slept great though! And I just lay down for a bit so I'm feeling better now. Guess it was just residual effects of sleep deprivation. Took a bunch of stuff today as well so perhaps its just my body adjusting. Also drank some Chamomile tea, so maybe that just made me sleepy.

 

Ok I'm gonna try responding to your last message now:
Passiflora.. well I said I wasn't going to do some.. well whenever it was; sense of time is extra messed up now. But yeah I don't think I had any yesterday, and certainly none today. No cravings or whatever, but I just think it's not something to do every day.

I haven't read that much into "classic" flashbacks, but the Keppra study seemed to indicate transient visual distortions by using the term flashbacks (and its frequency), rather than 24/7 persisting distortions. Yes the document with Keppra experiences did seem rather hope-inducing (pardon my vocabulary today haha), yet as I believe I've said earlier; the language used didn't really indicate to me any profound changes and certainly not cognitively, moreover many were reports of concurrent use with Clonazepam... But yeah certainly give it a shot I'd say.. I tolerate it pretty well, so at the very least I tried it with little to no adverse effects (aside from memory which is messed up anyway). I've started tapering down as of yesterday.. will be doing 1250/day for a week, then 1000/day for a week, then see if I can speed things up a little by going to 750mg for 3-4 days and then 500mg for 3-4 days, etc. etc... Don't really have a doctor monitoring me so it'll be a bit of play and tug with it.

 

As for the anxiety during the trip causing overexcitation.. well perhaps it's the other way around too? Haha I've no clue I'm not going to even try to imagine what happened during that trip in my brain. But indeed natural psychedelics are barely reported to induce HPPD in contrast to synthetics.

Nice going on getting the Kava! Remember it might take a while before the reverse tolerance sets in and you start noticing effects. Conversely many people report noticing effects with their first try, so it's really a personal etiology thing. My Kava readings were a while back, but there are some forums which you can join that can help you get started. I had a strainer bag type of thing which I would fill up, and then just some cold water in a bowl, put the bag in the bowl and start kneading it for a good 15 minutes at least. There are different ways to do it; some with blenders, some with milk.. Haha it's a matter of personal taste I suppose, though some say with milk is stronger. I find with milk it just makes it messier, although it does cover up the taste should you not like it.


Indeed it would seem that over time the initial horror of HPPD gradually tapers off to some sort of endurable baseline.. some days better than other, but overall in comparison to the first month or so definitely better. I don't know about constantly thinking about symptoms.. I rather not label my personality as anything either haha! But yeah I do find myself thinking a lot about it, but usually more in the sense of "Well.. what am I going to try/do about it now?" rather than "How bad are my symptoms?". Also when shit goes downhill I usually think things like: "Well it's not gonna be horrible 24/7 like it used to be. I'll feel better later, and if not then probably the day after, and then I'll continue whatever I was working on.. In the meanwhile just drink some tea and chill out dude."

As for the 'guilt' and 'shame'.. Yeah I experience that too but it makes no fucking sense haha! I think HPPD just humbles you like nothing else may do. Really rips that "I'm invincible!" straight out of your mind. I think I know what you mean. If a cure is found I think I can deal with this shit in some conclusive retrospective view and just leave it for what it was, whereas if I don't then I doubt I'll ever be able to come to (total) peace with it, and pretty much stay in this "more accepting yet still bothered" state in that I'm in now. Else I'll always wonder "maybe if I had tried that last theory or searched a little harder/longer, it could've worked." As for missing out on your 20's.. damn yeah I'm almost 19 now, and this shit started when I was 17.. Went from the prime of my life to whatever you may call this. But I feel that if a cure is found, I could accept those "lost years" too, because then they wouldn't be so much lost years as they would be years spent productively for a just cause. Besides, I've already lead a life and experienced things many people only dream of, so I guess that compensates for any losses despite not being able to remember it at the moment... or something like that! As for the long-timers that live pretty normal jobs; awesome. I know I can't and won't settle for anything less than a cure, and I haven't the heart to "fake it till I make it". Or so are my current personal views, which of course are subject to change.

As for natural recovery; hmm I'm not counting on it but sure it would be a bonus haha. Though I do have some ideas about how perhaps once a proper treatment is available, that after a few years it might be possible to cease the treatment without falling back into HPPD for stronger beneficial connections in the brain have had a chance to be made... or something like that!

As for the plant that improves vision in the dark: I read about it yesterday but already freaking forgot which it was! Perhaps it's one that's on the list already.. Darn memory! And "Arsenal of plants for the perceptually challenged"? How is that more catchy? :P

Pardon the possibly confusing paragraph-for-paragraph replying style, as my working memory doesn't really allow for anything much more than that.

Anyway, I'll abstain from herbs today and sleep early tonight, to give a more 'fresh' slate to experiment with. Also I'll try not combining them haha.
I think tomorrow I'll try Damiana again, though half the dose this time, see if the effects are more noticeable when I'm not already tired. I haven't really noticed any 'clarity' benefits yet, though perhaps the Yarrow and Damiana did contribute to the rather.. comfortable feeling I have right now. Not as irritated or uncomfortably anxious as my usual days. Hehe I'll see tomorrow. I do have to start looking into interactions etc. because I've been slacking on giving a shit about that lately.

Don't really expect you to respond to this or anything.. gets harder to do so the longer the messages get haha!
Cheers mate!

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Ok I haven't really lived up to my intentions/plans of being a little more scientifically avid: Just took 1ml of Damiana.
I was pretty tired and fogged out before doing so.. Now I'm just having something quite similar to that pleasant "end of the day" feeling I haven't had since HPPD (especially the mellow Bluetech that's playing, girls laughing on the streets, and a cricket chirping in the background, are all adding to that). Still tired, but not the "my brain is about to die" type of tired. Just the "I could sleep now but I'm not about to pass out" type of tired. But yeah I just took the stuff 20 minutes ago. I can't really say it's from the Damiana for aforementioned reasons though. Feel pretty good actually, and not so sedated as the last time I took it (N.B. which was 2ml). A subtle mood-lift I suppose. No effect on DP, but less restless.
Really gotta be a little stricter soon though, else I'll just be messing around like this without adding anything useful to the community here haha.

Update: Well.. I just took another 1ml a while back, and am going to take another 2ml's now. Don't feel any adverse effects and I'm not as zombified as the other time I tried it.

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OK.. I know I said I was intending on giving things a clean try and all.. well I'm working towards it at least, albeit slowly.

Anyway: I took Damiana today again. Without a doubt: It works! I absolutely love Damiana! Made my day so much more tolerable, especially the people I spent it with. I noticed it started wearing off when I started getting irritated by the empty, ignorant, repetitive conversation that was taking place. However, I was very silent as I just became increasingly bored with my company. I realized I can't stand them, even when I'm relaxed. But I've yet to find a way to implement some kind of smooth separation of relation.. Whatever, that's not a concern now.


The great thing was is that I was totally comfortable with not saying anything. The longer I was silent, the more I noticed the people I was with weren't paying attention to each other whatsoever, and were ignorantly enveloped in their own world. Initially I wasn't annoyed by them cutting me of mid-sentence etc. for I thought: "Well, it's a lame conversation anyway" and just started paying more attention to the world around me, and in particular to nature. Had they not had stuff at my house, I would have simply walked away and probably would've ended up lying down in the park. However I believe some irritability started returning after it started wearing off, and I noticed a recurrence of anxiety when entering a restaurant. I guess the company partially fueled my anxiety, as they were saying some really dumb shit out loud, to put it bluntly, and were just being fools, which made me feel uncomfortable and quite possibly ashamed to be among them. Because I was disengaged from the conversation, it was surmised/half-asked whether I was absent-minded, to which I replied "Are you?", upon which the subject was conveniently changed to ranting about the police for the 7th time in an hour.

An anxiolysis quite unlike any other. Pretty profound stuff. I'm very grateful for this, as I spent a large amount of my day feeling at ease, and also somewhat.. normal? Though now I'm feeling somewhat sad, for I'm fully surrounded by delusional fools and ignorance in general (my neighbor just yelled at his child to "Shut the fuck up", which happens roughly 20 times a day). I don't like this place, nor its people, which becomes exponentially evident the more normal I feel. I don't feel at home here. Despite noticing all these depressing issues more clearly, I can say without reserve that today was the best day I had in a year.
Furthermore I think my memory (and other cognitive functions) may have been improved even, though now that I'm tired it's slipping away. Also, I noticed that I was walking at a comfortable slow pace, which made me wonder if it was some kind of subconscious attempt to hint that I was becoming bored with my company, as they didn't adjust to my pace, but merely kept walking fast with no actual destination in mind, and each time it took them a good 5 minutes to realize I was walking behind them.

Another note is that my vision may have even been improved, though I'm tired now and it has worn off, so it's not that apparent. But I remember thinking that it seemed to be improved. I also noticed that I miss my friends from which I've alienated myself.

N.B. All this was from 2 x 1 ml, from which I took the second dose 1 hour after the first.

I just have to look further into the pharmacology of Damiana, sustainability etc. I have read of people who've taken it daily for years though, but of course that doesn't suffice to confirm safety. As for tonight, I might take another ml, I might not. In any case, I hold Damiana in high regards, and it's most certainly preferable over Passiflora.

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Haha bad timing man, as I just did another experiment. I'll try doing so once my head feels clearer. They're both nice :) Anyway, here's what I did today:

I smoked Chamomile. Note: This was done after smoking 250mgs of Passiflora, which put me in relaxed state.
I smoked perhaps half a bowl of Chamomile (100%biological stuff, though genus was not specified on the tea-box).
I got a little anxious, DP worsened, brainfog was/is thicker (I just smoked the stuff perhaps 10 minutes ago).
Anxiety lifted a moment back. Now I'm just tired. I wouldn't recommend smoking Chamomile, however the tea I find tolerable.
Also a depressant effect. I don't like smoking Chamomile. My mind is numbed.

Think I'm just gonna end the night listening to chillstep or w/e.
Feeling really stupid or dumb now. Took 0.5ml Damiana just now and I'll see what happens.
Added 1ml sublingual B-complex.

Ok this is few hours later:

It would appear I some small/short anxiety attack of sorts. Though now I'm quite comfortable again. Just had trouble breathing, tightness of the chest, anxious thoughts, and I had some flashbacks which are very rare for me. I don't know for sure whether it was the Chamomile, the Passiflora, the company I had over the other day, or whatever the hell. I know sedation can induce anxiety in me.. But I'm pretty sure Coluracetam arriving Tuesday has something to do with it, so it may have happened regardless. Anyway, I had a sandwhich, some green teas, a Matcha tea, and some Melatonin, and I feel much better. Quite sure I can fall asleep now.

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I've got some really nice chamomile tea in a drawer and I've been considering rolling a joint with it - I'll do that soon and let you know if my mileage varies.

 

You've convinced me to buy a bunch of nice herbs and perhaps even a damiana extract - I've been wanting to make an herbal smoking mix for a while but this thread's gotten me much more excited by the concept. It'd be nice to have something to smoke when I'm hanging out with my tobacco-enamoured pals - perhaps even get them to swap out a cigarette here and there with something considerably less harmful, hah.

 

Are you confident, Odisa, that caffeine isn't notably anxiogenic for you? It's distinctly so for me - every now and then I'll think I can sneak a coffee by my senses and wind up having a shitty day because of it. Have you tried cutting out the black and green tea you drink? I'm a huge fan of white tea which as I'm sure you're aware has effectively negligible caffeine content and much higher (so the theory goes) antioxidant and l-theanine content than its camellia sinensis-derived brothers.

 

My best to all.

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Are you confident, Odisa, that caffeine isn't notably anxiogenic for you? It's distinctly so for me - every now and then I'll think I can sneak a coffee by my senses and wind up having a shitty day because of it.

It is extremely anxiogenic for me as well. I used to drink large amounts of coffee every day before being struck with HPPD, but not anymore. 

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Alright, I'd suggest to use a pipe or a bong though, so you have more dosage control ;) Good luck though.
As for the caffeine: Yes, caffeine is quite anxiogenic for me, but for some reason the caffeine from tea is not. I can drink 10 black teas and at most will become a little restless, but nothing compared to 3 sips of coffee. I find tea to be anxiolytic in my case, but I do notice I can get a little amped up on black tea, whereas with green tea I do not. That's why I usually drink black tea in the morning and green tea in the afternoon/night. I notice nothing with white tea, and the taste is a bit faint for my taste.

If you're already considering experimenting with herbs, I'd say Damiana is a proper start!

By the by: Today I took Damiana and smoked Passiflora, and no such anxiogenesis occurred (on the contrary, I chilled out), which to me strengthens the thought that perhaps Chamomile may have been the culprit. Though Passiflora just makes me a little dreamy at times, and as I believe I've said before; best be called Ponderflora. Had some interesting thoughts on the stuff. 

Also, the amount of Damiana I've taken today was 4ml: 1 x 2ml, and 2 x 1ml... I mean I'm doing decent, but nothing near as profound as my experience the other day. Perhaps it's a situational thing, where the effects become more apparent under direct stress. Anyway, I'm considering soaking some tobacco in a little bit of extract, letting it dry, and smoking that. Actually I'm gonna do that right now. I would presume smoking has a more immediate and/or stronger effect than sublingual.
 

 

I'll consider cutting out the black tea and replacing with green though, thanks for the tip :)

And yes I used to drink 2-3 coffee's a day with no issues pre-HPPD as well.

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It is extremely anxiogenic for me as well. I used to drink large amounts of coffee every day before being struck with HPPD, but not anymore. 

Yeah, tell me about it. I'd make up a litre or so of plunger coffee of a morning, drink as much as I could before heading out and fill up a thermos with the rest, which'd be gone by midday. Then I'd get home and make another, hah.

 

Now I stick with my white tea and tisanes and a couple times a week I'll be that guy who orders a soya decaf latté, haha. It's not so bad when I'm in the city, but if I'm up the more-conservative coast where I grew up it raises eyebrows. I recently purchased a jar of the instant cereal/fruit/seed-derived coffee-alternative Bambu - it's pretty nice! Good for when you want a 100% caffeine-free hot drink that you can still have quite milky.

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I've ordered some Kava after your reports back on your experiences.. sounds decent.
I would definitely like to grow some Brahmi after reading that post. Seems that seeds are difficult to get hold of. Up the post where you guys were discussing it taking a while to kick in (and Keppra).. well I think it's worth the shot, I'd be up for taking it for at least three months as it looks potentially useful and complementary to Keppra which I'll finally be going on soon (although the Longecity thread raises some Bacopi concerns, but not enough to put me off). Odisa- I think it was Sam who said to you that you should perhaps stay on Keppra for up to a year if you can tolerate the side effects. I would definitely second that. Why the hell not? And as pointed out that's how long the study was done for. It's got to be helping your brain even if it isn't apparent. I would stay on it (if I were you) and keep adding/testing other stuff.


:ph34r:

Edit: Well the one thing that potentially worries me is that Bacopi seems to lower dopamine levels, causing fatigue. I need to look into this more but the MOA doesn't appear to be readily availalble. Still, as others on Longecity have suggested this could be managed by using stimulants to counteract the side effect. Perhaps Modafinil supplementation would resolve this.

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Synth: I hope you know Kava and Keppra are contraindicated? As for why not stay on Keppra for a year: well not being able to drink Kava for one haha! But it also meddles with my plans of trying other approaches, plus my memory is even worse on Keppra. Anyways; I should be getting some further info on that study you're referring to next week.

I forgot who, but someone else on this forum (possibly multiple people) reported adverse effects from Brahmi.. Perhaps concurrent use of Mucuna Pruriens instead of Moda?

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Synth: I hope you know Kava and Keppra are contraindicated? As for why not stay on Keppra for a year: well not being able to drink Kava for one haha! But it also meddles with my plans of trying other approaches, plus my memory is even worse on Keppra. Anyways; I should be getting some further info on that study you're referring to next week.

I forgot who, but someone else on this forum (possibly multiple people) reported adverse effects from Brahmi.. Perhaps concurrent use of Mucuna Pruriens instead of Moda?

 

Actually, I hadn't checked, but would have done before taking them concurrently! Thanks for pointing it out. I actually was thinking Kava would just take me over till I get my hands on the Keppra (the Kava has arrived back home but I reckon it will be at least 3 weeks before I actually get the Keppra, if not longer...). I need to check if it contraindicates with Guanfacine actually as that'll be back home as well, I presume. Hope not!

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