Does anyone else not do shit cause of this??

[Gmo]

It's Friday and I'm not doing ANYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm just messin around on the computer. My life's been more or less boring as shit since HPPD/DP started and it's driving me CRAAAAAAAZZZZZZYYYYY. Honestly, I just wanna get fucked up again. One of roommates is at a party right now and he'll come back plastered and stumble into my room and tell me how much fun he had like he always does, and my other two roommates are smoking weed in the living room right with the lights off and staring at the itunes visualizer (they're fuckin noobs) and I'm just lying in my room bored as hell. I hate this. I just wanna have fun again. I have too much anxiety to be bothered with going to parties and I'm too fucked in the head to take anything that could potentially fuck me even more in the head. I really want all this bullshit to go away. I've felt like this for far too long.

[mgrade]

Your roommate will come home basically a pathetically drunk fool. Why do people want to get all fucked-up? Unhappy and desperate.

And the hardest part

Was letting go, not taking part

Was the hardest part

And the strangest thing

Was waiting for that bell to ring

It was the strangest start

I could feel it go down

Bittersweet, I could taste in my mouth

Silver lining the cloud

Oh and I

I wish that I could work it out

~Coldplay

[Gmo]

Are you saying you didn't enjoy getting fucked up before all this??? Why'd you do drugs if you didn't enjoy it??? I know I'd still be smoking and rolling if none of this ever happened. I was planning on calling it quits with psyches either way but I'd definitely be smoking still.

[mgrade]

I enjoyed getting fucked-up at the time, tremendously. But through my quest for self-knowledge, i made some important revelations. I asked myself: why did i start doing drugs?

And after the initial curiosity to try substances, my goal was to learn, and expand my mind on a spiritual/educational/philosophic level. After a while, the drugs weren't being done to open up new perspectives on perception, cosmology, existence, and the phenomenon of earth. They were being done to "make me feel good". Why wasn't i feeling good in the first place?? .....And finally, the drugs were not even making me feel good and at that point i realized that these are things that i do not need, and are not necessary for my existence. The key to it is what Alan Watts said: Once you get the message, hang up the phone.

[morbide]

I still do things like going out at the club sometimes, working full time, i'm doing pretty well since i'm not noticing any difference in symtoms when i'm drinking. There are always stuff to do to get by, being sober at a party actually isn't that bad, spending time with your friends really helps. And get yourself occupied for gods sake, work, workout, play videogames etc. etc. Right now i feel like hppd doesn't have a big place in my life, it's just a background nuisence. But of course i go to bed every night hoping that i will become hppd-free, i am also thinking about meds since i'm soon passing the 1 year line.

So basically, fuck the dope in all of its shapes, you can have a terrific time without them.

[nuroeone]

I was stuck like that for a while, where i was to anxious about my hppd to go out with my mates and when i did i felt i couldn't enjoy myself when i was sober but now i go out every weekend to raves and clubs in the city with all my friends while they get fucked up on every substance under the sun and i still have a mad time, you just need to go out and do what you would normally do, get into it! maybe your not drunk or munted and your inhibitions are holding you back but fuck them, throw them out the fuckin' window and act like a dick, no one cares everyones to fucked up haha I'm realising im starting to have the best times sober, no hangovers or scat and you remember everything for a change, interacting with people without substance also brings out a new found confidence which i find is really great. just go out and try it for a while, you'll learn to enjoy yourself again

[miketusa]

Yeah, lately my symtpoms have been chaning, for the worse or for the better remains to be seen. I feel much more pensive, and have not been hanging out with people so much. Just sorta, focusing on myself. I enjoy it, so I dont see it as problem. For me, it is hard to not go out and be around people drinking, and not collapse and have a beer, which leads to much more. Its a self control issue. I wont feel totally comfortable in those situations, until I am comfortable enought with my symptoms to chance it. So for me, it is more of a waiting game. I did go on a date with a girl last night, and some friends. While the anxiety was killing me, I just did my best to manage, and feverishly choked down as many cigarettes as I could while trying to remain some what normal to her. But, I do other things, I read, I play video games, jus things that generally interest me, regardless of how nerdy or whatever they are. Sobrety is sort of liberating in a sense that you start chasing lost pursuits, start developing new skills, and interests, and thinking about what it is that you can actually do to keep yourself occupied and happy without drugs or alcohol. If there is ever time in my life that HPPD does, in fact go away. And I can sit down and have a few beers, and not have to worry about HPPD, I will have found supreme happiness. Its amazing the good that comes with the bad in regards to this shit. I am far more content with so little now, I enjoy a good day far sooner than I would have in the past. Its turned me into a glass half full kinda guy, I am very thoughtful of what I say, and how I say things. I feel so compassionate towards others, and have finally learned to feel at home with myself as a person. I honestly never thought I could smile in an honest way if you know what I mean, but I have had to learn how. In part, because of this illness. I am just so prepared for when the day comes, when this finally goes away, and by then I wont have anything to worry about. It feels less and less everyday, which is encouraging.

[Gmo]

^^^^^^^Well said, I see where you're coming from. I've definitely gotten back into some old hobbies of mine that I kinda put on the back burner while drugs were my priority so I guess that's a good. That being said, I feel like I've learned my lesson from all this after a year and a half and I feel like if this all went away It'd just be a lot easier for me to get out and start really living again. My social life is just really suffering right now is all......and honestly I think it has more to do with the DP than the HPPD. I could handle the HPPD at this point I believe. But either way, I should just get over it and make the best of a bad situation. That'd be the best thing for me.