Jay1

Success Stories

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As there is currently no success stories section, I will pin this and all success stories can go here.

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I explained my story 8-10 months for my first recovery now I'm dealing with a secondhand pot relapse or PTSD or whatever I'm confident ill beat this again but I'm on month 2 of my relapse

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Dealt with the nonsense for the last two years of college, pretty amazed I was able to do it since this stuff frightens me to bad...waiting for a job opportunity to prove myself again, but still so paranoid

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I explained my story 8-10 months for my first recovery now I'm dealing with a secondhand pot relapse or PTSD or whatever I'm confident ill beat this again but I'm on month 2 of my relapse

Of course you'll make it, i think dedication discipline are huge factors in recovery and you seem to be really dedicated :)

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I took LSD, Extacy and Mushrooms in relative moderation for about four years and I have spent the last 10 years of my life dealing with HPPD. The one good thing that came out of it, of course, is the fact that I was too scared to ever touch drugs again. I can honestly say that after all this time I hardly notice it any more but that is not to say that I did not at one point think that I was going to end up in some kind of institution. I have accepted the fact that it will never leave me completely but at the same time I have managed to let it go!!!

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Here is my success story. I really hope this helps people because when I first got HPPD almost 4 years ago at age 23 I was a total train wreck and thought I would never get my life back. I am certain that this forum played a huge role in saving my life because for a long time I was seriously worried that I would have no other way out than to take my own life. This was definitely my darkest time and it makes me a little sick to think about it but I feel like I owe it to all the kids out there who are suffering.

I'll get to the point. I took mushrooms for the first time ever and I flipped out. There seems to be a pretty standard story to this...total fear, a feeling that the trip will never end, it was a feeling I had never felt before. In my mind, I went to hell if it does exist. I woke up the next day feeling wierd, just off, sort of empty. I didnt think it anything serious until a week later, on new years day, I woke up after a night of partying in Las Vegas, and I knew something was wrong, I was sick, I was throwing up, and I was terrified, my vision was changing before my very eyes, everything was moving, and I knew something was wrong, the first thing I thought when I got up...the mushrooms were coming back to get me. I tried to tell myself it would be ok, that I was just sick from drinking, but it didn't stop. I didn't eat for almost a week, and I went to the hospital to get an I.V. to rehydrate me. In the ER, there was a true psychotic woman having an episode, It terrified me, because I felt I could somehow relate to her. I thought I had really lost it and I would never be the same. I'd heard of people "freaking out" and stories from the 60s, musicians like Brian Wilson going nuts on acid ect. and I starting thinking I was one of them now. I went home and felt so empty, but I couldn't even cry. My parents came back from a trip they were on, and it was like I didn't even know them, I was in my own little world. Things that were familiar were foreign to me, nothing was the same.

As I worried more, things got worse, I started having panic attacks daily, I couldn't sleep, and my visual symptoms got worse. I had horrible headaches, nausea, paranoia, depression, visuals, the whole nine yards. At this point I think i was pre depersonalized, the panic was very strong, and it drove me deeper into a state of numbness. I was having terrible nightmares when I did sleep, finally, I think my mental anguish drove me into a state of numbness, where I couldn't feel anything around me, just like a zombie. I would say this was about 4-6 months into it. I started seeing therapists, and it helped a bit to have someone I could talk to because I didnt have anyone. None of my friends got it, and I was scared to tell my parents. At that point I wasn't even sure if they were real.

I started reading on the forums, and this was a real game changer. I started to learn about some of the things that were happening, like the depersonalization/derealization, anxiety, ect. But more than that, I learned that there were people just like me, that I could talk to and would understand me, and even better that some people had survived it. This gave me what I needed, a little hope. Something to AIM for, a light at the end of the tunnel. Of course I was unsure and skeptical that I would get better, but at this point, in what seems like a rather odd reasoning, I decided that I couldn't be any worse off, and that the only choice I had was to get better, I really had nothing to lose.

I knew it wouldn't happen soon but I thought, hell, I've survived this long (it was probably a year in) I can keep going, so I kinda just put my life on autopilot. I bought myself some time, I said, hey I'm just gonna deal with this day to day, not try to push myself too hard, and maybe in a few years I'll at least be able to function. That was a big deal, I accepted my situation, that it was gonna suck now, and that it would be a long time before I got better.

During this time I had a lot of bad days, I also had some good ones. But every time that I had a good day, I kinda put that in my mental bank. Like saving pennies at a time. They add up. I made habit of doing things that would promote overall well being. That meant regular exercise programs, eating better, meditation, and yoga.

I began to make steady improvements, I started having more good days, and things looked better for me. Someone once described HPPD as sort of like throwing a stone into the water, a huge splash, then lots of waves, ups and downs, and the slowly get less and less intense and I would totally agree. There was a long period of about 1 1/2- 3 years into HPPD that I began to get frustrated because I would feel great and think I finally beat it, then relapse again, I just wanted to be better, but again, time heals.

This coming New Years day will be my 4 year anniversary of the day HPPD and I can say that this is behind me. In fact, I look back on it and I almost don't believe myself. It's almost like it was just a terrible nightmare. Which is how I had hoped I would look back on it some day. I want to put it behind me and never look back. But at the same time I want to help the kids that are on here because I know how terrible they feel and they need help just like I did. I owe it to someone because I survived and I want people to know that you can beat it but it takes work and commitment. I still feel a little lost, like I'm not sure who I am as a person, but I at least feel like I know where I am (haha). I just spent 4 years in a nightmare and now I'm awake.

So I will try to offer some advice. The forums are great for helping you out, but don't spend too much time here. Don't spend hours on hours reading about peoples problems, about mental disorders. Education is good but at some point it will only make you more obsessive. Also, there is a lot of negativity here that will bring you down, because people that are on here are mostly here because they are having problems, not because they are doing great. For every 1 success story you will read about 20 horror stories. It's like watching the news, they only report on the bad stuff, you will never turn it on and have the reporter say "hey, everything is great."

Again, do stuff that promotes good health, a healthy body is a healthy mind. Get outside and enjoy nature. I found it easier to connect with natural objects. Try to feel the sun, or the breeze on your face, little things like that. They can help you feel alive.

Stop doing drugs, alcohol, tobacco, or limit your intake if you can. Smoking weed really made things worse for me.

Talk to someone that can offer something positive and will understand your situation. If anyone ever wants to talk, on the phone, email, whatever, hit me up.

Believe you can get better.

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So did the visuals go away completely for you how long in before they went and was it a gradual dissipation of symptoms or did you just wake up one day and they were gone so to speak great story though dude glad you recovered I'm currently a year and a half into this shit

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As far as the visuals go, the first thing to go for me was was the moving/wavey patterns. This was the biggest problem. Everything is stationary now! My only symptom really is slightly blurred vision and some floaters but they are much less defined and offer little more than a slight annoyance at times. Honestly, I rarely notice them.

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I pretty much just have visual snow afterimages and light sensitivity that's it but I've had it now for 18 months been sober for a good 8 how long did you have your hppd red until it died off was it slow or instant your story gives guys like me hope that it will eventually go away I was doing a lot of exercise but due to another health issue in which I'm waiting for an op for the time being I'm pretty immobile which sucks

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It was pretty long and slow, the best advice I can give is to find way to deal with it as best you can and try to ignore it. Don't allow yourself to give it too much power over you and obsess over it. After I was able to stop thinking about it all the time I just kinda woke up one day and was like oh hey, my vision is a lot better than it was 6 months ago.

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Good topic I was about to start it in fact not posted in a while so not seen this yet. 

 

I first started getting my long term visual disturbances in early 2011, I'd taken Lsd afew times, quite alot of mdma and ketamine and was a massive stoner :P I'd see lines wiggle abit and everything had a slight fuzz but I never thought twice about it it just cmae with the lifestyle, my friends had it too so no worries. But I wouldn't really say it was proper hppd until early september of that year. I had a pretty wild summer and not long into it was my first bad trip. After that day whenever I tripped over the next few months I was just totally on edge. I couldn't enjoy it. I had some quite bad social anxiety anyway due to smoking weed constantly convinced my friends didn't want me there etc etc and I split with my boyfriend who knew this and decided to use that as a way to get to me. He told me one of my good friends was telling me how much better he was without me and how annoying I am and other made up stuff, but as much as a begged and pleaded he wouldn't tell me who. I didn't sleep for afew days I couldn't get it off my mind. eventually I told my best friend what he'd said and she assured me it was all I lie and to come over have a chat and a bong session. I hoped a bong would just make me pass out seeing as i seriously needed sleep but nope. That's when my hppd began.

 

After afew weeks of this hell of being in a constant Lsd world i realised the only time I wasn't extremely anxious was when I was drinking. So I began to abuse alcohol which of course made it worse in the long run. Hangovers were the worst so I'd drink those away when I could it was maybe 3-4 days a week but would have been more if I didn't still live with my rents. When I was drunk I'd do stupid things usually end up paraletic and really possible alot of people off. I got a bad reputation and lost some friends because of this. I was still taking ket and md as much as I always was as well which was no help.

 

After afew months it was pretty obvious I was going nowhere and quit the drinking for a while (mostly, but looking back if I'd just quit fully it would have been so much simpler) and the drugs and my recovery could start. I realised how much I needed to stay busy, it would thrive when i had nothing else to think about. slowly through keeping busy and healthy lifestyle it disappeared. I'd say it took maybe a year before I considered myself as better again, now I have no symptoms 99% of the time, sometimes after a big night out I get a little bit of movement and anxiety but nothing I can't deal with, especially in comparison to how it used to be. These days don't even bother me i just find it interesting haha.

 

That is my very long story that eventually got round to recovery :P haha sorry guys once I start my story I feel like I have to go into detail every time I can't help it XD its actually edited down abit haahaha 

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Glad to hear all is well with you. I'll have made it a year in a few months. Nice to hear a success story! I dont have many symptoms other than the visual kind at this point. Whenever I drink the next day I get a really bad DP/DR type of hangover, so I dont. Anyways, I just wanted to say thanks for coming back and letting us know youre doing well.

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Also posted in "Introductions":

Hi everyone! Ive been a longtime observer of this and the old forum. I was struck with strong symptoms of HPPD about 11 years ago after a heavy dose mushroom trip. Had all sorts of nasty symptoms(indoor rain/snow/static, floaters, trails and halos, tracers, light blobs, geometric patterns when eyes closed or in darkness/dark room, periphery vision movements, negative image retention, etc., etc., etc.). This went on for years. It affected every part of my life. About a year in, it was so bad that I contemplated suicide daily. My grades struggled, my relationship fell apart (she began thinking i was losing it--she was correct), my life was a complete mess. I honestly didnt even feel human. I felt like this messed up walking mind fucked brain in a body that doesnt even belong with it. I never could pull the trigger on suicide (no pun intended) and just dealt with it all the best i could. Things werent getting any better, but i was getting better at dealing with it all. Yes, it was 5 years of hell. A hell i wouldnt wish upon anyone. I thought my life was essentially over, that i would be this weird/disturbed socially awkward person with crazy visual anomolies that drove me nuts.

Well, after that initial 5-6 years, things did start to dramatically change. I was noticing sever symptom decrease daily. I was actually feeling less detatched and not just by ignoring the feeling of detatchment, but legitimately feeling more like a person, not some detatched body imprisoned brain. I really didnt do anything special, the symptoms just faded over time to where i had no symptoms at all. I still have no symptoms. Well, none is a stretch, but they are soooooo mild that they arent noticeable unless i seek out noticing them. I have been basically symptom free now for 6-ish years. No flare-ups or setbacks whatsoever. The only thing i did differently at the time of symptom decrease was that i began taking tramadol daily for an injury i suffered in a car wreck (herniated discs L3-L5 lumbar region low back). I found it very helpful with my anxiety/depression mood swings that HPPD brings with it. I am not recommending/encouraging everyone go get on tramadol, all i can say is that it undoubtedly helped me during that time. Hell the tramadol timing with symptom subsiding may have just been placebo or coincidence, but either way, it had a marked effect on my visuals and mental state especially.

Anyway, i write this to show everyone that recovery can happen. It took time, and alot of it, but it happened. It happened for me and my hppd symptoms were so strong/bad they were ruining my life. Stay strong everyone, (i know...thats easier said than done) the symptoms can subside and even disappear altogether over time. It happened to me, and i assure you all that i am nothing special. Good luck everyone. If anyone wants to know more detailed info on my journey through and out of the HPPD mess, just let me know. I came on here to provide hope and to help anyone that wanted my help. Again, good luck everyone, and have a wonderful day.

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Hi Everyone my name is Jon I got hppd a year and a half ago. I am completely free of hppd now. I got hppd after taking shrooms ,lsd , and mdma When I first got it I did not know and just figured it was a bad come down from the drugs but after a few days and I noticed I really had a serious problem. That was a year and a half ago and over the course of the year I took steps to better my health and mentalitly that i know where huge in my recovery process. I just put up a youtube video if you want to watch. youtube.com/watch?v=7S_tCq2WX0w.I think the hardest part about this disorder was the fear of having it and just constant worry about the future and having deep thoughts all the time about life. etc My advice to you would be try and get your mind off of the bizarre and deep thoughts about yourself the world and whatever it is that is making you so scared. I know it sounds alot harder than it can be. Just take very deep slow breath and take every moment as it comes. I good quote from good old abraham licolin " the best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time"

I also recommend taking all junk out of your diet because the reason you are here is from drugs that are obviously arent good for your body and brain. Just because some people or most people can handle these drugs not everybody can. You will also need time to let your brain heal and your body counts in months not days so it will need time. But if you stress about it the whole time its not good for you and can prolong the recovery process. If you have a very busy schudeule I would suggest if you can to give yourself the most down time you can to just releax and enjoy the things you love about life. Music,movies,tea. If you have a family that supports you tell them everything and that you need help because your experiencing a rough time and everyone has them. Just do not worry and enjoy the most you can throughout your day. Finally stop hanging out with people who are not understanding your problem and who do not care about you. These people can actually make your condition worse if they are encouraging you to take more drugs and do things you know deep down are bad for you. It comes down to you about how fast you get better. I know you can all do it though because if I CAN THEN ANYBODY CAN.  Just to let you all know how bad my situation was. My symptoms incuded Visual distorions, thinking like i was going insane i literaly believed I had skitophrenia because I never had such bizzare thoughts and feelings. I could not connect to life or people I felt like an object in a room. But enough of the negative you can break these feelings like throwing a rock threw glass. Look the other way. Stop paying attention to the negative in the day. And be glad that you are ALIVE because as much as you do not feel it you are just as real and Alive as the pain you are feeling. TRUST ME FRIENDS YOU CAN DO IT!

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Hi Everyone my name is Jon I got hppd a year and a half ago. I am completely free of hppd now. I got hppd after taking shrooms ,lsd , and mdma When I first got it I did not know and just figured it was a bad come down from the drugs but after a few days and I noticed I really had a serious problem. That was a year and a half ago and over the course of the year I took steps to better my health and mentalitly that i know where huge in my recovery process. I just put up a youtube video if you want to watch. youtube.com/watch?v=7S_tCq2WX0w.I think the hardest part about this disorder was the fear of having it and just constant worry about the future and having deep thoughts all the time about life. etc My advice to you would be try and get your mind off of the bizarre and deep thoughts about yourself the world and whatever it is that is making you so scared. I know it sounds alot harder than it can be. Just take very deep slow breath and take every moment as it comes. I good quote from good old abraham licolin " the best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time"

I also recommend taking all junk out of your diet because the reason you are here is from drugs that are obviously arent good for your body and brain. Just because some people or most people can handle these drugs not everybody can. You will also need time to let your brain heal and your body counts in months not days so it will need time. But if you stress about it the whole time its not good for you and can prolong the recovery process. If you have a very busy schudeule I would suggest if you can to give yourself the most down time you can to just releax and enjoy the things you love about life. Music,movies,tea. If you have a family that supports you tell them everything and that you need help because your experiencing a rough time and everyone has them. Just do not worry and enjoy the most you can throughout your day. Finally stop hanging out with people who are not understanding your problem and who do not care about you. These people can actually make your condition worse if they are encouraging you to take more drugs and do things you know deep down are bad for you. It comes down to you about how fast you get better. I know you can all do it though because if I CAN THEN ANYBODY CAN.  Just to let you all know how bad my situation was. My symptoms incuded Visual distorions, thinking like i was going insane i literaly believed I had skitophrenia because I never had such bizzare thoughts and feelings. I could not connect to life or people I felt like an object in a room. But enough of the negative you can break these feelings like throwing a rock threw glass. Look the other way. Stop paying attention to the negative in the day. And be glad that you are ALIVE because as much as you do not feel it you are just as real and Alive as the pain you are feeling. TRUST ME FRIENDS YOU CAN DO IT!

 

Interesting video! 

 

You have/had everything i have! How old are you? Do you take any medication? How can you meditate with CEV's? I always feel when i walk on the street something is going to happen, like someone is holding a gun to my head.. fear like that. I want to let lose of that!

 

I was a different person, before too much MDMA. now i must read things 4 or 5 times before i even understand! 

My sleeping is so messed up. I slept only 2 hours today, and yesterday too. I am getting tired of this shit.. it doesnt heal! Im getting pissed of every and each day more. 

 

I am not secure of the things i do anymore. I constantly have the feeling something is going to happen. I have bizzare and weird toughts, sometimes a word shows up in my brain what doesnt even make sense. Its scarey!

 

I try to run and enjoy my grow in that, but when i walk into the gym, man, enourmous weird feelings, its probably because of the people. If i am alone I feel much better.. 

 

Also i need, to be more faster in my thoughts, when someone asks me something i want to be more sharper instead of thinking too much!

 

 

Please advise! :)

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I wish there was an example of 100% recovery. Not the usual, "im successful but I can still notice some symptoms."

 

Although this is not an HPPD success story, I do have a brain success story. 

There was a time, after a heavy night of drinking, I developed mild vertigo. (Havent tried mdma/lsd at this point. only weed. anyways,)

It took me about 6 month to recover from it. As one of the other post mentioned, our brain does count in months and years so try to not to worry about it on a daily basis. 

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I wish there was an example of 100% recovery. Not the usual, "im successful but I can still notice some symptoms."

Although this is not an HPPD success story, I do have a brain success story.

There was a time, after a heavy night of drinking, I developed mild vertigo. (Havent tried mdma/lsd at this point. only weed. anyways,)

It took me about 6 month to recover from it. As one of the other post mentioned, our brain does count in months and years so try to not to worry about it on a daily basis.

My recovery was honestly about 100%. I have zero phsychological hppd symptoms and the only visuals i have are floaters (which my girlfriend sees in her vision too...shes never done any hallucinogen) and tracers (but i have to stare intently at the light at is moves past to even see it). Snow can be seen if i REALLY focus on seeing it, and even so the lighting has to be just right for me to even see the snow while intently focusing on seeing it. I mean, yah 100% may not be possible, but trust me, even a 75% symptom reduction is bliss and will have you functioning like your old self. Keep positive, its beatable...maybe not 100%, but cmon, 99% symptom reduction is having your hppd symptoms all but gone...which we all would give a limb for during the REALLY bad days with hppd.

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My recovery was honestly about 100%. I have zero phsychological hppd symptoms and the only visuals i have are floaters (which my girlfriend sees in her vision too...shes never done any hallucinogen) and tracers (but i have to stare intently at the light at is moves past to even see it). Snow can be seen if i REALLY focus on seeing it, and even so the lighting has to be just right for me to even see the snow while intently focusing on seeing it. I mean, yah 100% may not be possible, but trust me, even a 75% symptom reduction is bliss and will have you functioning like your old self. Keep positive, its beatable...maybe not 100%, but cmon, 99% symptom reduction is having your hppd symptoms all but gone...which we all would give a limb for during the REALLY bad days with hppd.

 

Do your symptoms come back when you stop taking tramadol?

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