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Found 18 results

  1. Hi guys, I only recently found out about HPPD after googling these symptoms ive had for a while after my first acid trip: Up until this point I had only ever smoked weed, did mdma regularly and tried a very low dose of psilocibin mushrooms, I decided to try acid next so I bought and tested a couple of 100μg tabs and planned to take one after work one day. So the trip went fine, i was a little overwhelmed but overall it was a good experience and i planned to do it again soon with my girlfriend until I noticed slight visual hallucinations when I was sober. I thought nothing of it and that it would go away in a few days, well here I am 3 months later lol. I experience most of the general visual effects people describe e.g. visual snow, trails behind moving objects and objects changing color/shape, but mostly breathing/undulating walls/objects. If I stop concentrating on something for 1 second the room surrounding me begins to close in, and wont stop until I look at something else. This makes it very difficult to watch tv or relax in general and im kinda freaking out haha. Also, Ive just completed my exams at school but im afraid i will have failed them the symptoms became much more serious in the exam room and it was hard to concentrate. Also, the effects become much more prevolent when using weed, and the visuals are almost indistinguishable from LSD when using mdma. Thanks for reading guys hope you can provide some insight
  2. Hey guys, So i'm a 32 year old male who's been doing a bit of self diagnosing on the web recently. Guessing that's probably what brings most people to this forum. Anyways, here's my story if you wouldn't mind reading, and perhaps offering a bit of advice. Also, please believe that I don't suffer from any sort of psychosis and I'm not making any of this up: When I was 15 I had a pretty terrible reaction to smoking weed. I realize that must seem pretty mild in comparison to what usually gets talked about on this board. I began smoking occasionally with some close friends during that time, and it wasn't until years later that I even found out that weed seemed to affect other people differently than me. This was mostly due to the fact that I was hanging out with older, "cooler" people than me- so i didn't really bother to ask them what their experience was like, or to tell them about mine. Whenever I would smoke, I would feel completely normal afterwards for a short time until something would trigger the "high". When it hit me, my vision would completely change and get kind of blurry, and distorted (it's very hard to explain and i've been trying to for years haha) and I would feel very tingly and extremely disconnected from reality. The last time I smoked it resulted in the worst experience of my life. I felt like i was on another planet, my vision was as I described before, and it felt like sounds were delayed. I went into a bathroom and began hitting a wall to try to feel something, but even my tactical sensations seemed to be dulled. I won't bother with telling every detail of the next few hours, but basically it was hell. I ended up going to my friends house who advised that I just take a nap and that i'd probably feel better. When I woke up it was dark outside, and the first thing that I noticed was that the anxiety and most of the feelings that i'd had earlier had gone- I felt much better. However, as I walked out of the dark room and saw the light in the hall- I noticed that my vision was still the same as it had been during my earlier experience. My first thought was that it might just take a while for the drugs to completely leave my system. That didn't happen. It's been about 17 years since that experience and my vision has been the same ever since. Over the years, i've pretty much gotten used to it- and short of an anecdote that i'd tell occasionally when friend's asked me why I didn't smoke; I didn't really think about it all that much. Recently, my vision has begun to get a bit worse- and I've been developing what seems to be a case of DP/DR (Depersonalization/Derealization) that seems to be getting worse by the day. My vision combined with the dp/dr is beginning to make my life pretty scary. It's enough just to have a feeling that things "aren't real", but then to have the vision issue backing it up- it's a pretty nasty combo. Anyways, as most modern people do when experiences medical or psychological issues- I started doing some research online and it eventually led me here. I'd like to know if THC can lead to HPPD. Am I way off base? And if so, does this sound like anything that anyone has had any experience with? Since I was a teenager, I've been trying to figure out what happened to me that day, and I'd pretty much given up hope that i'd ever find an answer. Now due to everything that's going on it seems like I don't have much of a choice. I'm pretty desperate to find answers. --If anyone has made it this far, thank you so much for taking the time to hear me out. If you can offer any words of wisdom it would really mean a lot to me. Thanks, Dave
  3. I hope people take the time to read this and believe what I am saying because everyone I talk to about this problem does not believe me. I am writing this now because I have had suicidal thoughts recently and need to make a change in my life. My suicidal thoughts are pretty bad. I plan on seeing a therapist this week. When I first started high school in 2008 (9 years ago) I smoked weed once. Just one time. My friends who smoked the same weed were stoners and they recovered the next day like 99% of people do. But I smoked a lot and I had HPPD for about 4 months. I had tingly feeling in my feet and panic attacks everyday. This is when I just started high school where I knew no one and I am a shy introvert. It was absolute hell. I felt alone and scared everyday. But I got through it!!!! And all the symptoms went away like I said in about 4 months. I felt 100% fine. So over a year later I am working out one day and I sit down and my HPPD symptoms came back. ALL of them !!!! But they quickly went away in a few hours. And since then every time I work out (lift weights especially) my HPPD symptoms come back. Please believe me when I say this!!! My mom does not believe me and no one else does. What the fuck is wrong with me. I smoked weed once and now every time I work out I feel HPPD all over again. I have not heard anyone else have this experience before and I have obviously done a lot of research into this. Okay so I lived with the fact that I cant work out for years. I just quit working out-whatever I felt 100% fine just kinda pissed that I could not do it. But this past December I was very upset over things in my life.(Could not get a good job, girl I like a lot has a boyfriend, feel like I have zero friends, lonely) I was so mad that I just started working out. I would wake up and work out and work out some more. I knew that HPPD could come back but I was so sad and wanted my depressed feelings to go away. So now My life is terrible. It is June now and I have not worked out like that for 6 months. But Since that time I have extremly bad visual symptoms of HPPD. They include: -afterimages (These are the worst, get them after looking at something for a second.) -trails, I can see trail when things are moving. For example, if I move my hand across my face. -anixiety, can feel my heart beating at times, feel like I have no personality, feel alone and depressed -tingily feeling in my feet (This feeling gets worse if I work out at all) I love to run but I cant now, makes it worse -floaters all the time, especially outside. -vision makes a huge adjustment from going to light to dark places I seriously can not even go on a 15 minute run right now? If I do , my feet become tingily. What the fuck is wrong with me? No one else with hppd from what I have read has this? I smoked weed once and now I can not work out for the rest of life? What the fuck? This has caused me to have a terrible relationship with GOD. Why would he put this on this earth for me to use? Why would he make me this way? I love working out and want to have a great body but I cant because I smoked weed one. I want a six pack. I am a motivated and focused person. How does this happen when I smoke weed once. I can understand if you take LSD a ton of times, maybe this would happen. One thing that i keep thinking about is the time before I smoked weed once (in 2008) I want to go back to that time and not smoke obviously. I think about that sometimes, makes me feel very regretful. How do i deserve this? I literally smoked weed one time and this is my life. These visual problems are ruining my life. I accepted a job that begins in January and I am considering turning it down now because the job will require me to work 60 hours a week staring at a computer. This a dream job at one of the best companies in the USA to work for. I worked my ass off in college (Magna Cum Laude, graduated in top 15% of my class, made dean or presidents list every semester) And now I get this dream offer and I am afraid to take it because of anxiety I have from HPPD? From smoking weed one fucking time? God What do you want from me? I feel so sad and upset all the time because I have this disorder. I feel so alone. I wish I had cancer instead of this, that would be a piece of cake to deal with compared to this. No one I know can fucking relate to how I feel. That is why I am thinking about suicide. I know that neither of my parents had this disorder or my sister. They have all done drugs and been fine. I must say though that depression runs in my family. My dad has tried to commit suicide multiple times and so have my cousin and uncle. I just found out this information recently. I have seen that fasting can have some affect on the disorder. I have been considering fasting for a couple weeks to see what it does but I have a full time job now, no way I can function without eating food for days on end. I dont know what to do?? Can someone please help me, Make me feel better? I DONT DESERVE THIS. I literally smoked weed one time. God I feel so alone. Will appreciate any feedback. I hope you guys can believe me. Want to make this absolutely clear: I have not done any other drugs besides smoking weed once. I dont even drink alcohol now, (not that it makes my hppd worse but it is just not my thing) I have not done acid or shrooms or anything like that. Nothing.
  4. So! I have ever had any problem with smoking weed or any psychedelics in the past but as of a week ago, every time i smoke my pupils dilate and i get bad headaches that seem to just turn into pain throughout my body. i dont want to stop smoking weed because im very bored all the time. I took shrooms about a year ago, when i was 16, and didnt have very much because i was sharing with a lot of people. about a month or two ago i took acid and tripped for like 18 hours and it didnt go away fully until i went to sleep. since then there wasnt any problems until a week ago. i ate a weed brownie at 8;00 before a field trip at school and didnt feel it until i took a bowl when i got home. i was scared at first because i got way too high then my pupils got big and i started feeling like i was on acid. coincidentially, i also quit smoking tobacco around the same day this all happened. ive done moaks for about 6 or 7 months and decided it was time to quit. im not sure what is causing the acid flashbacks but they are very annoying because they hurt my head a lot, and the pain isnt limited to my head. i feel immense pain on my right shoulder and all up my arm, kinda like i hit my funny bone really hard and its like a lingering pain. if anyone has any information that i dont know i would grately appreciate it because im thinking about not smoking weed for a while but i dont want it to be for no reason
  5. Well, hello there everyone! My name is Amanda, I'm 23 and I'm coming to terms with the fact that I have HPPD. At first, I didn't really know what I was going through. When I was 15 I had taken LSD for the first time and had a wonderful time. Then when I was 18 I experimented with some RC's. I started to notice that from time to time I'd start to see visuals on the floor and walls but I thought it was pretty cool at the time..hah. Then finally at age 19 was when I took some LSD that was from the Grateful dead family and that's just when things took a turn for the worst..I took 2 tabs of it and let's just say it was the strongest freaking acid I've ever had. I also smoked a really fat bowl and shortly after I seriously thought that I was going to die. My tracers weren't as colorful and making me happy as they usually would and the room felt like it was enclosing on me. I actually started to lose my mind and my grip on reality..which wasn't even that tight to begin with. Scared me enough to never touch acid again. So here I am today, 4 years later and that trip still comes back to haunt me. When I roll on MDMA and even smoke weed the visuals come back and my heart starts pounding extremely hard and the room feels like it's enclosing on me. Sometimes, when I'm in my room in the dark I still feel like I'm tripping. It keeps me up at night and I just can't help but think to myself...is this really gonna happen to me for the rest of my life? How can I do anything for myself if this is all I can ever think about? I honestly thought that I was the only one going through this because a lot of my friends are acid heads and when I try to explain to them what's going on in my head..they just think I'm crazy. But then I found this wonderful website thanks to Reddit! It makes me feel so much better that I'm not the only one going through this. I really hope to find different ways to help me either let this fade away or learn how to cope. For whomever took the time to read this, thank you so much. I really hope I get to hear back from some of you it would help me a lot.
  6. Hello everyone. To give some context, I'm a freshman in college that has had weed occasionally over the last 2 years. Nowhere near the amount of my friends. This year though, some friends and I've only tried LSD twice. The first time was 100ug, the second time (this November on Thanksgiving break) was 240ug. I had no problems after the first time. After the second time though, I was consumed with anxiety. I didn't have a proper comedown and basically had a really bad trip in the end. For about 3 weeks following this, I had visual static, starbursts when I closed my eyes, and noticing walls breathing/patterns moving. Little tiny floaters. One of the worst parts about this was the INCREDIBLY vivid dreams/nightmares I had. I had trouble falling asleep and staying asleep. With all of these symptoms combined, I became a depressed anxious mess. Eventually, these symptoms subsided around 4 weeks later and my school's Winter break came along. Feeling cocky and back on top of things, I decided to try weed again with my friends. I smoked 2 times and everything was fine. On New Years Eve, I had a very strong edible. During my high I could see the visual static coming back. Over the next week, ALL of my symptoms came back and the "after images" and static actually seems worse. I had my first nightmare again and for the last 2 weeks I've had vivid dreams/nightmares ever since. Not being able to sleep through the whole night. Now I'm sitting here knowing full well that I was almost completely recovered in under a month and I screwed it all up for myself and made it worse. Last time I was feeling better within 4 weeks. Abstaining from everything (even caffeine), taking vitamins, going on walks, meditating. Since I didn't take LSD again and it was just weed, how can I expect my recovery to be now? How much did I just set myself back with weed?
  7. So, I have a question for those that are either currently smoking weed or used to when they HPPD. My questionsare, how much did you smoke? Was it the normal amount you smoked? More? Less? A single hit? Additionally, if you did it in small amounts (less than what you normally did or just a single hit, big or small), how much worse did it make your HPPD, if at all? I live in the US in the great state of Washington (there's the state and the capital, I live in the state) where recreational use/purchase of weed is legal. The temptation was just too much and I ended up buying just over an eighth from 2 well known and reputable dispenenaries in my city. One strain is a milder one that the cashier ("budtenders" as they like to call themselves) reccommended for anxiety (low THC indica hybrid), and the other is a high THC, high CBD indica. I haven't smoked any of it though, but when and if I do, I'm only going to take one small hit or enough to feel a little buzz (my tolerance is low enough that one hit is probably going to do it for me) Long story short, if I smoke a tiny amount of weed (one small hit), will my HPPD become significantly worse and/or permanent or will it be benign? Thanks in advance
  8. anyone who got HPPD or Depersonalisation , got headaches as well ? i have derealization and visual snow, and i get terrible headaches, which seem to move around. thanks
  9. I had to stop smoking weed about six months ago because I started getting drug tested. I was a heavy smoker, and because I couldnt smoke any more I began to drink. After about two or three months of just drinking I began to think about Mushrooms and LSD. I tried LSD a few times and had some intese, but positive experiences on it. On the other hand I tried Mushrooms once and had a very very bad trip. I swore I would never do psychodelics again, so I went back to drinking. Then after one night of heavy drinking and blacking out I woke up feeling like i was tripping, but only sa little. I did not think much of it, so I continued drinking for a few more weeks. I then realized that things were getting worse, and that I might have developed HPPD. It has been three months since I discovered that I had HPPD, and it has been getting slightly better. I drink occationally, but I notice if I drink too much it can affect me. Back to my original question... like I said I havent smoked in six months and I probably wont be able to for another six months. I was just wondering if I smoke weed that it might have a very negative effect on me. so will I ever be able to smoke weed again?
  10. can anyone, tell me the difference between ? HPPD and DP/DR ? how are the symptoms different from each other ? and how to know if i have HPPD or DP/DR ?
  11. hello there, HPPD online members ! i have been smoking marijuana, for about 2 months now, occasionally, and never had any problem before, but after the last time i smoked weed, which was about 4 weeks ago, i have been experiencing some strange symptoms, which has really started to scare the hell out of me, and giving me terrible anxiety. the symptoms include : 1) increased sensitivity to light, it feels like the world around me is brighter than usual, and colours are more saturated. (especially red), every kind of artificial light is bright to me, my eyes hurt when i look at lights and sometimes i get headaches also. 2) i see after images of objects when i look at them, (mostly lights) and computer screens. lights seem to have a glow to them. 3) when i close my eyes, i see grainy & noisy vision. i also see it when i'm somewhere dark. 4) at night, i have starbursts from car headlights and street lights, (mostly lights which are bulbs). this is really bothering me much. 5) if i stare at wavy patterns for a long time (10-15 seconds) they seem to move. 6) it feels like i am able to see things very deeply and clearly, which i was not able to see before. patterns seem to be more visible and pronounced in things i look at. 7)i have a changed perception, where objects seem to be either larger or smaller and they were before. kind of like in 3D. 8)i feel incredibly lazy and always want to sleep. and i find it difficult to remember things from a few days back. 9)i have become kind of a loner, and i dont want to socialize much with people, and the world somewhat feels different to me. these are the symptoms i can currently remember, ive been to eye doctors, and neurologists, and they say that nothing is wrong with me, although they gave me a couple of eye drops, and clonazepam. they say that because i smoked weed, it has changed the way my brain works, and its going to take time to feel normal again. so i want to know, if im suffering from HPPD, Depersonalization/Derealization or just anxiety ? i would like to state that i have never done LSD, shrooms , cocaine , MDMA, Tobacco etc. (only alcohol and marijuana). any kind of help is greatly appriciated, kind regards
  12. Hey guys. I'm sure you've seen many threads like this in a past and I apologize if I'm being a "nuisance". I just need some insight. I've smoked marijuana for around 4 years and I've taken psilocybin once or twice in my life (it's never had any effect on me though). 3 Weeks ago I stopped smoking pot and began experiencing symptoms of depression and serotonin deficiency such as: irritability for no reason, random outbursts of crying and agitation (once again for no apparent reason). Two days into experiencing these awkward symptoms and after quitting pot I had a really bad panic attack and have been suffering from terrible anxiety and derealization/depersonalization. What troubles me most is that I only very recently read about hppd and I'm experiencing some extremely mild symptoms but they cause a great deal of worry for me. The symptoms are the following : -Occasional very slight breathing of objects ONLY when I focus on them (only certain objects and especially shadows) -Some trouble focusing on objects (especially interfering edges) Now my question is - am I inducing these symptoms due to obsessive thoughts and over-analysis (I can't seem to stop worrying that I've developed this problem and that it will gradually grow worse and interfere with my day-to-day life) or have I genuinely acquired the disorder somehow. As aforementioned: I'm not really a drug user. I've experimented once with shrooms but have most certainly have NEVER "tripped". Like I said...they had 0 effect on me whatsoever. Perhaps my weed could have been laced but I prefer not to dwell on that possibility. I'm still struggling with the anxiety and depression and have been taking prozac (Fluoxetine SSRI) for the past 2 days. I'm only using this to calm the psychological effects which could successively cure my dp/dr once the anxiety has subsided. I hope someone can help me because my obsessive thoughts have been driving me in-fucking-sane and only exacerbate my already HORRID anxiety and depression.
  13. Hey People, so im in Holland since a Month now, the first week i smoked high Quality weed (Dutch-Weed is fucking awesome ) but now i dont have enough money and cant buy more....so since 3 weeks im clean of weed and all other shit, the first time since 3 years......My Visual Snow decreased but strangely now i jump "Frames" and have a light Headache at the Backside of my head. It´s like lightsources would turn off for some Miliseconds, like jumping a FPS. I never had that before and only appears since i stopped smoking. I got that really often a day and just wondered if someone had the same symptoms? Unfortunately i can start smoking again in 1 or 2 days so right now i cant tell if it will go away if i start smoking again. I dont know if the Headache comes from my work (07:00-18:00), its really stressing because i have to do Quality-Control here and have to concentrate alot, or if its binded to the not-smoking, OR if its from the Weed i smoked here....Anyways im having lots of fun here
  14. So I'm just trying to find some commonalities amongst all of us and determine what the main culprit in causing HPPD is(i.e. frequency, dosage, substance). So if you could just list the drugs you used up until HPPD and what substances you used after HPPD and how frequently, I'd appreciate it. Also, if you could state whether or not your HPPD was instantaneous after a particular experience or gradual.....I guess really I just want like as detailed of an account as your trying to give from the time you started using drugs up until this point. If you don't wanna read this entire thing(It's kinda long) just skip to the bottom. Story: {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{So for me I smoked weed for about a year before my HPPD "hit" I had done ecstasy around 20-25 times, taken LSD about 5 times, shrooms once, cocaine twice, and pills every now and then(klonopin, xanax, vicodin) but not very often. The bulk of my ecstasy use was the summer before I got into LSD.......After all my ecstasy use I had a little HPPD, I would see trails on certain things and I had a little light sensitivity but nothing out of control. It really didn't bother me at all, everything just looked a little more vibrant and alive. So then sophomore year(when I started using LSD) of college I found a LSD hook up and started trippin. I tripped 3 times over like 1 1/2 months and felt completely fine. No anxiety or weird visuals and my weed highs were still normal. Then I took like a 2 week break and then tripped acid twice more within like 3 weeks of each other. After these two trips things started to go down hill. These last 2 acid trips I had were terrible. I was really paranoid and one of my friends was screwing with me the entire time and the experiences left me in some odd state of mind. Afterwards things started to look a little "acid-like" when I was sober but I still felt like everything was ok. However whenever I would smoke weed I started to clam up and have a lot of anxiety and couldn't really speak straight at all. So I decided to take a break on weed for Christmas break and when I tried to smoke once second semester started the problems were like 20 times worse. From here on out things gradually got worse and worse, I tried to continue smoking as I thought if I regained my tolerance weed would go back to normal. After a bit of this the weird delusional thoughts and anxiety started creeping into my sober life and I decided to stop smoking weed. But, I did decide to do DMT twice and LSD once in an attempt to have a good experience and maybe redirect where everything was heading. It didn't really help....it made the visuals slightly worse but overall was just a waste of time and money. So I decided to stop with all the psychedelics and was "sober" for about a month before I went to a 2 day rave. I took ecstasy both days thinking I could never have a bad experience with that but did and that weekend worsened my visuals quite a bit. So........about a month later I got hit with DP and that was about 7 months ago.....I've taken ecstasy twice since DP hit.....Once was terrible and once was actually enjoyable. I've been more or less sober since around August except for a few drinks from time to time. So yea that's my drug story.....all of that was within about a year and a half from the first time I smoked weed to the time I got DP.}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} I don't expect most people to of read all of that but mainly what I'm wanting is just to know what you believe the main culprit of your DP/DR/HPPD was. I think for me it was the two negative experiences I had on LSD. Those two experiences just set in a negative undertone to my subsequent drug use from that point forward. I feel like if I had kept the same frequency of drug usage but avoided those negative trips then I never would've developed anxiety that never would've led to DP and I don't believe my HPPD would've gotten as bad.
  15. Sorry about wall of text. Please help me!!! Hello all, my first time posting here, I'll start with my story. I'm 16, 17 in a couple months. I had an 8th of mushrooms the day after my 15th birthday, had a great experience with no noticable persisting effects, tried acid a month later. It was not lsd. It tasted strongly of harsh, metallic, bitter, hairspray-like chemicals. I took 2 hits, the girl who had taken the same stuff said one tab her made her feel it mildly, so I figured 2 was fine. I thought the risks were of a bad trip, I wasn't worried about hppd. After I took it, I read online about lsd mimics and taste and had some anxiety, understandably. I was alone for the whole trip. It went ok, about 12 hours after taking it I went to sleep, I didn't have any freakouts, I was just a little stressed that I had taken a mystery drug. The main effect of the drug was a pattern tied to the floor. It was only on my low-quality, reddish-orange carpet, not on walls or ceilings. It looked like curvy, goopy lines that formed symbols in circular formations on the carpet. I also was able to make flat surfaces "melt"(although with this drug it was more like turn to energy and buzz) while under its influence. I didn't notice static during the trip. I did half an eighth of shrooms 3 months later, and the acid(by acid I mean mystery drug) pattern returned to the floor, like, bam. Never saw it on my first shroom trip. It was just like, normal looking floor, take barely any shrooms, bam, instant spiderweb of lines that won't go away no matter what. This stressed me out quite a bit, and went away completely when the shrooms wore off, and I haven't had a bad trip yet, out of my 3 total. I don't know really if I have hppd or not. My vision is permanently altered. Meaning, everything in my field of vision now buzzes with shimmery, staticky energy. An object I focus on, like a tree, looks totally clear, but my vision is always buzzing and shimmering. Also sometimes when there's a bunch of bits of something on the floor(e.g. white specks on black floor) if I try I can make them separate and move and zone out, and sometimes even melt/buzz. Only if I try though. Closed eyes and dark rooms are comfortable for me. I see light amounts of multicolored static in dark and closed eyes, but it is light, not enough to stress me out. I get no cevs, no pure blackness but nothing disturbing or approaching what I saw when on drugs. When I get stoned and go to bed, the visuals are not distracting, nor are they like they were when I was on the acid, where I had to keep my eyes open just to avoid sensory overload and sharp piercing colors. Smoking weed gives me a little acid high every time I do it. It increases the shimmers and makes it easier to intentionally trip like I just mentioned. Hell, I can't trip out to a surface unless I've smoked weed, drank alcohol, etc recently. I've still been smoking weed multiple times a day every day for the last couple years though. I certainly don't have anything close to the hell some of you describe, absolutely no suicidal impulses, haven't been depressed. I've been living with acid visuals, so to speak. I got myself all worked up about hppd about a year ago by reading about it on the internet, but I just convinced myself I'd get better with time and ignored it, which is for the most part good advice as far as I've read. After I worried about it for a few months, I stopped. I quit worrying about visuals and continued to smoke weed all day every day and enjoy myself high without worrying about visuals, which by the way were just the shimmers, because I was not looking at surfaces and making myself trip. During this time I passed the G.E.D. to graduate high school early and before that got a's in advanced classes(weird guy I know) as if to demonstrate that I was still functional in a spaced-out, foggy, weed/acid state. I did spend a couple months sober last year, but I was very sick during that time with a very physically painful stomach illness and I don't remember that period too well. I believe the visuals subsided only a little, but I was very stressed during that time, purely as a result of physical pain. I resumed smoking weed right when I got better, and I haven't been able to discern any loss or rise in weed visuals over the last year... until a couple days ago. A couple days ago I had nothing to do alone for like 10 hours, and high quantities of top shelf medical cannabis plus excessive indoor shut-in video gaming lead me to begin stressing over my visuals again. I began stressing over the shimmer-vision, which weed greatly increases but does not impair functionality. It seems to only really exist in my peripheral or on flat things like walls, trees don't shimmer, words on books and the web shimmer a little, but I can read smaller print than a lot of functional older folks so I think I'm fine. Then I re-researched hppd, found this site, and worried myself sick while reading all the posts that say don't smoke weed, hppd never got better, hppd came back after a period of none, etc etc. That night, I smoked some weed, felt a little better, looked at my garage floor, and that same pattern was there, and it would not go away. First time I've noticed that pattern in months, used to see it when high at the location of my acid trip, nowhere else, now I'm seeing it on the garage floor and sidewalks. Anything grainy. Flat walls are clean if a bit shimmery and buzzy. Generic carpets have started to show ghosts of these patterns, but not overlays like before. It isn't as strong as it was on the mushrooms trip, it is transitory, transparent, ghostlike, but it bugs me. And last night, I smoked some weed, sat down, stared at the garage floor pattern, and had an intense acid flashback where the floor melted into moving energetic electric goop just like on my acid trip and I felt extreme dp/dr/disassociation/ego loss/what-have-you. I felt extreme pressure in my head and extreme distance from reality during the visual. e.g., I was spaced out and it was difficult to break. One thing to consider is that I've been stuck with sativa-dominant weed after a large purchase by a buddy and I. One other thing to consider is that I've been smoking all kinds of great weed including sativa dominant kinds without significant problems. One other thing to consider is that I used to have problems eating and sleeping before marijuana use and marijuana has helped me with those quite a bit, even after I did acid. So the main advice on this board is, don't focus on the problem, meaning don't look for these ghosts of acid patterns in my floors, and avoid all drug use. But you see, quitting weed just because if I try I can trip would be focusing on the hppd! It'd be changing my whole life based around hppd rehabilitation! I'm afraid, however, that if I don't quit it could get worse, or keep it from getting better. I really don't mind the temporary visuals I get when high enough to stop smoking, I get overall more enjoyment then sadness from marijuana, which is something I am very thankful for. I'm so glad I stopped my hallucinogen use when I did and didn't take more hits.(I was thinking about taking more my 1st time!) I just don't want to make my situation worse! I realize I'm very young, and my mind is still developing, and so I'd like some advice from those experienced with hppd regarding marijuana in a minor case. I want to be able to enjoy marijuana later in my life, and I want to do what will cause the most overall happiness in life. Marijuana gives me a shortcut to happiness, but I read about hppd getting worse and worse with continued marijuana use, and I want to be able to enjoy marijuana when I'm 40, but from what I've read I may be killing my chances at that by smoking so much lately and worrying about this so much lately. I imagine it's possible a few years of sobriety will lessen my hppd symptoms to the point where cannabis doesn't cause me to see this pattern, and it's possible continued daily use will worsen the symptoms until pot becomes unpleasant. I hated the feeling of my acid flashback, felt out of control and physically sick, but if I didn't stare at the floor and zone out, it wouldn't have happened. Although, now that I've noticed it again, I can't get that pattern out of that floor, I see a little ghost of it every time I glance at the floor. Another thing I'm worried about is, if I quit for a few years and try it again, I'll have no tolerance and I'll get crazily high and my visuals will almost definitely come back, give me a bad trip like last night, and scare me away. So I haven't smoked any since last night. The visuals have gone down a little, but it has been a while(maybe 3 months) since I've gone 3 days or more without smoking. The pattern is still there, on the floor, at least little bits and pieces, would it really be logical to discontinue marijuana use, and deal with the problems of no drive to eat(affecting me today) or sleep and make this drastic life change just for the effects I described? Would it be unsafe to get some nice indica and go outside for a change of pace and just avoid tripping by not spacing out at floors and stuff?
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  17. I'm 16 right now, a junior in high school and my HPPD starts the summer of me going into freshman year. I smoked for the first time with one of my close friends and it was some cheap mids.Took about 8-10 decent hits out of a soda can and didn't feel much until i went inside and it hit me. The lights were really bright an I felt like a marshmallow on the couch. It took me awhile to get used to the feeling and at first I was really paranoid but later I ended up having a great time. I remember smoking a few more times soon after that and getting really dazed and didn't really do much but think to myself which stopped me from socializing and having a good time with my friends. Every time I would smoke it took me a little bit and then it would hit me, "I remember this feeling", "I feel like I'm in a dream". This is started me down a bad path in my future and I didn't really want to do much with myself except for experiment with weed. I graduated middle school with 10 kids in my class and I had a few REALLY close friends that I hung onto and all we wanted to do is light up, but I did not smoke a lot at all...I'd say on average like once a week. We eventually split up and went to different high schools but we still chilled on weekends and were really close. A whole year goes by very quickly and I slowly start to realize some static vision, floaters, and a bit of a detached feeling. But I thought this was all normal because of the marijuana despite some very unusual experiences/thoughts I've had in the past. I thought maybe my friends were having the same thing but they just didn't worry about it like I did. I remember opening up to one of my friends at the beach and he assured me that it wasn't permanent and it would go away in a month if I stopped using. He said that it was just normal and I shouldn't worry about. At this point, all my friends I had were very close to me and they all smoked so I decided I was going to hold onto it and just enjoy myself...all of my experiences weren't bad and I actually had a lot of exciting, adventurous highs. As the years rolled on I've came across some unusual experiences that I still remember to this day. It just seemed like sometimes I would have a bad reaction off of as little as 2 or 3 hits...Everything just kind of fades away from reality....my friends look like holograms...Everything is static and dreamlike...I lose myself and don't have an idea who I am anyone...I feel like an alien, generic, empty consciousness. I thought I was in some sort of serious danger... My hearts beating extremely fast and I don't want to die...I was stuck like this forever...I thought people viewed me as weird...I begin questioning if the world is real or just an illusion...I think really deeply and my thoughts, mostly negative, begin to manifest themselves on an unfathomable level...I would just tell my friends that I'm tired and don't feel well and go inside to lay down. When I wake up the next morning I'm fine but a bit foggy and depersonalized. This was such a serious self conflict that I couldn't call quits on the weed. The experiences were so surreal that I could not grasp or understand in my sober mind what this was..It was like waking up from a nightmare and feeling a sense of relief but you keep having the same nightmare all the time. Ok so now couple years go by and I'm now a junior in high school. I actually just recently quit smoking but that was because I absolutely had to. I really wish I stopped smoking earlier on but it was a bad case of depression combined with an inner conflict, which I would call anxiety, that led me to keep doing it. HPPD became so intense that every time I smoked pot I would get intense feelings of discomfort. I would cry because I just didn't feel the same anymore and I felt detached from the people who I knew I loved like my mom and dad. The feelings would take me further and further outside reality and into a life where emotions don't exist. These feelings started very small from when I first starting smoking pot and gradually got bigger and bigger to what they are now. My symptoms now are as follows: chronic neck, back, joint pain. Static vision, sparkly shimmering air and walls. Random spots of color and light flashing in my peripherals for a split second then goes away. Afterimages. Extremely bad depersonalization...the derealization seemed to go away after the first year. Pretty bad depression, lack of confidence (mostly because I feel different, stupid). Unable to feel pleasure. Social anxiety. This still is a burden for me but I'm trying to get myself well grounded. Everyone needs something to live for so I'm trying my best to pursue that to get my mind off of things. I'm keeping an optimistic mind and I KNOW that one day I WILL get better from all of this. I just need to think logically and stop making quick decisions that lead me into trouble. The cure for HPPD is just to forget about it completely. It's like a bee that won't sting you if you just ignore it. I've learned many things from this hellish disorder that will change my life for the better when I finally beat HPPD. Having a grasp on reality is priceless, don't ever take it for granted, I still don't understand why so many people want to escape it by doing drugs. Knowledge and wisdom stem from our understanding of the world...and that truly defines who you are. Always keep a positive mind. Thoughts truly have an enormous impact on our lives. Thoughts control moods/feeling which control actions. Turn your negative thoughts into positive ones and they won't haunt you as much because a more positive outlook will be embedded into your subconscious. Thoughts are the way in which we perceive reality...that is why every single one of us is unique, like 1/6,000,000,000 unique...letting negative thoughts engulf you will cause you to truly believe in them because they are so deeply embedded and will make your reality hopeless, full of depression, and fearful...positive thoughts will inspire you to do more things, get active, and live in the present and enjoy life. I think reading a book helps so much because it takes my mind off things and allows me to explore my mind. For those who have trouble with sleeping, I suggest you start reading...it calms your anxiety and shuts down the thinking processes of the mind, allowing you to fall asleep easier. Things that are helpful to know: -Yes you can HPPD from just marijuana, I am 100% positive it wasn't laced and that this led to my problem. -Reading and exercise are very good for the anxiety related issues. But make sure you don't overdo your exercise... I wrestled for a couple months for school and the over exertion made me go through a period of hell on earth for a few weeks. My symptoms magnified like x3. -No SSRIs, my theory is that HPPD comes from an imbalance in the neurotransmitters and if you take the wrong drug it will continue to put an adverse effect on the unbalanced neurotransmitters and worsen HPPD. SSRI inhibit the reuptake of Serotonin. -Clonazepam (klonopin) will decrease anxiety and has been proven to be very helpful in treating HPPD but not curing it. The Benzo class drugs have an effect on the GABA receptors in the brain and the amygdala which controls anxiety and flight or fight response in the brain. -Accept it, move on, forget. It WONT go away unless to make an effort to stop it. RESPECT TO EVERYONE GOING THROUGH HPPD, I WOULDN'T WISH THIS ON MY WORST ENEMY. JUST KNOW THAT YOU WILL GET BETTER ONE DAY! MUCH LOVE