Search the Community

Just want to start by saying to whoever has fixed the site...thank you! its great to finally be able to sign up. Been suffering with mild-moderate (at its worse) HPPD + moderate - strong DP/DR for around 14 months now. After around 5/6 months, I was starting to feel comfortable with my symptoms and ended up having a pint of beer. Well for whatever reason it fucked me up and my symptoms went hellish for about 3 months. After that I got back on track and had been doing okay for a while. This passed weekend I had a friend over and I smoked a few cigs (i smoke very occasionally with no issues) with him whilst he was outside smoking a joint. The next night after I had a really bad nights sleep and felt like I was tripping. Since then (5 days ago) I've felt like I've slipped back into a bad state again and whilst most of my visual symptoms havent got any worse, I feel like lines wobble when I look at them (like they did the first few months), my DP has flared up along with anxiety, and I have this weird feeling of dizziness that I had in the first few months. Like when Im sat still I can physically feel myself swaying sometimes. Anyway, are random flare ups normal? Im currently in my final few weeks of writing my dissertation so is it just stress? I know it sounds stupid but is possible I got some second hand smoke from his joint (I didnt feel high, and we were outside)??. i've been through this once and it took me around 2-3 months to get back on track, so Im trying to stay positive, however I cant help but worry Im going to be stuck in this worse state. I just cant seem to place why it would just get worse like this after months of being generally okay. Its just so annoying when 5 days ago I actually had a generally dp/hppd minimal day. Anyone who has experienced similar, or just some reassurance would be appreciated. Cheers

Hello everyone. To give some context, I'm a freshman in college that has had weed occasionally over the last 2 years. Nowhere near the amount of my friends. This year though, some friends and I've only tried LSD twice. The first time was 100ug, the second time (this November on Thanksgiving break) was 240ug. I had no problems after the first time. After the second time though, I was consumed with anxiety. I didn't have a proper comedown and basically had a really bad trip in the end. For about 3 weeks following this, I had visual static, starbursts when I closed my eyes, and noticing walls breathing/patterns moving. Little tiny floaters. One of the worst parts about this was the INCREDIBLY vivid dreams/nightmares I had. I had trouble falling asleep and staying asleep. With all of these symptoms combined, I became a depressed anxious mess. Eventually, these symptoms subsided around 4 weeks later and my school's Winter break came along. Feeling cocky and back on top of things, I decided to try weed again with my friends. I smoked 2 times and everything was fine. On New Years Eve, I had a very strong edible. During my high I could see the visual static coming back. Over the next week, ALL of my symptoms came back and the "after images" and static actually seems worse. I had my first nightmare again and for the last 2 weeks I've had vivid dreams/nightmares ever since. Not being able to sleep through the whole night. Now I'm sitting here knowing full well that I was almost completely recovered in under a month and I screwed it all up for myself and made it worse. Last time I was feeling better within 4 weeks. Abstaining from everything (even caffeine), taking vitamins, going on walks, meditating. Since I didn't take LSD again and it was just weed, how can I expect my recovery to be now? How much did I just set myself back with weed?

Hi guys, just wanted to warn you all about benzo analogs and my recent experiences. Over the weekend just gone i took 2 different types of benzo analog, the kind you can still currently buy on the internet legally in the UK as a 'research chemical' as I was having trouble sleeping and my housemate sells about 4 different kinds so I just bought 1 or 2 each night for 3 days running. Come Monday my visuals are the worst they have been in a very long time. Having spoken to the same housemate, who has quite a heavy addiction to these things, the withdrawals from these benzos are far trippier than any trip he has ever taken. Dark too. They're also, obviously, heavily addictive. I think my worsening visuals and spike in anxiety are most likely down to slight withdrawal from these things, this is worse than a few days on proper benzos. I'm hoping they will just go in a day or so and I will be back to.. normal?

Hey guys, not sure if you remember me, but I was part of the old HPPDOnline.com before the site and all of it's data was lost. I recorded videos for that site as months went on talking about how life has been. Maybe you remember?? Jay and Merkan better. Anyways, so here I am. Why? ... Anyone? Because I was stupid enough to try smoking Marijuana again. I was curious to see how it would effect my symptoms. I missed the high as well, and wanted to feel it again. I wanted to feel unrestricted. If you remember, I got this lovely vision back in May of 2008 when I was 17, going on 18 in June. It was hella scary, and I must of went to every single doctor title ever created only to be told in a "professionally nice" way, I was crazy. I discovered HPPDOnline and the disorder itself through my mom after going a month of being completely frightened, clueless, house ridden, and suicidal. Google did the trick, and I met all of you inspirational guys. You would think I would of learned my lesson right? I mean I got all of this from Marijuana alone, never did any other drug, and got quite the list of shit vision. -Ghosting -Static -Trails -Afterimages -Awful trouble looking at anything white -Peripheral color distortion -Patterns, negative outlines, and flashes of light -Starbursting -Brain fog -Derealization -Depersonalization And never being able to see the moon correctly again. I always see 1 and a distorted half. Thanks ghosting... I never took medication because I didn't want to go through the scary withdrawal effects I have heard from some of you. Anyways I smoked Marijuana with some friends two nights in a row and had absolutely no after effects. It made me sort of cocky, happy, and felt free. Was I finally able to smoke again with no nightmare awaiting afterwards?? Not that Marijuana was a big thing for me, but it certainly since 2008, has been my biggest mystery. How can Marijuana do so much damage? I've never dropped an Acid tab in my life, but I am certainly seeing like it! ... Anyways so I was happy. Maybe my brain changed! I definitely knew my HPPD had significantly improved. Very slowly to the point of unnoticeable, but surely. So what did I do? I smoked a few nights later with a different friend. Different weed. While I was high, I started seeing trails when moving my hands and I said out loud, "No no no... not again." The trails never went away originally, but these ones while I was high was much more intense and lingered longer. I tried to stay calm, and I did. The visual static became more intense as well. When I finally went to bed, I woke up with pretty bad derealization vision, and a little static. I was still able to get out and go to job interviews, put on a damn good act, and ace a job. Two weeks later, (Now) HPPD has progressed significantly. -Very thick static that flashes fast like a strobe light -Ghosting -Awful vivid trails. Turning pages in a training binder is just disgusting. -Negative outlines of objects and people. -Flashing lights for no reason. -Detailed afterimages And looking at anything white is god awful. It's bright, flickery, blotchy with black and other colors mixed in. Just a mess... HPPD progressed for me the same way after onset in '08, and hit a baseline after about 3 months. This made me realize just how much I have healed since 2008. I think all I had left until two weeks ago, was trails and ghosting. I know I got used to a fair amount over the years, but the vividness of all of it certainly died down. So now I'm literally back to square one, but a square one with much more vividness. I'm scared, frightened, insecure as hell, and house riddden. Well, I do get my ass out to go to work overnight, but that's about it, and it's so hard to do. I don't want to go back out and do what I've been doing. I.E. watch TV, go to Baseball games, drive around, go to familiar places, because I know I'll be freaked and sad when I see just how much these joys have changed visually... I really hope I can still enjoy a Baseball game, but a lot of it is white, including the jerseys and ballpark soooooo . . . I just really needed to vent to you guys. For those who don't know me, hi! Nice to meet you. For those who do, it's been a long time. How are you? I'm just scared that my vision won't improve and this is what I'm left with. I smoked another time back in 2011, which is when I developed trails. Those never went away, but significantly decreased in vividness, and I got used to them, thus becoming part of my everyday life. Do you guys share the same symptoms? Especially the white color problems? What are your symptoms?? What would you rate my HPPD? Texting this story from my phone is quite fun let me tell you! Had to turn the brightness down. Regardless, I just really need to talk to someone who understands, and talking to you guys about this has made me feel a lot better. Thanks for listening, -GMAN P.S. Here's a fairly recent picture of me since the profile picture uploader isn't coded correctly. I lost all my hair! Bruce Willis or NAW???