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Found 118 results

  1. About 7 months ago I had an acid trip, it was a very small one. Since then I've had these symptoms: visual snow, after images, slight tracers, and light sensitivity. I've also been very spaced out, everything seems kind of Dream like, and stuff like that. Since my visual symptoms aren't really hallucinogenic and mainly just visual distortions, could these be visual symptoms of derealization, or is this just mild hppd? How long should this last
  2. Hi there, I haven't been active here for almost 1,5 year. I had to focus on recovering and there's some negativity in this forum which wasn't good for my mental health. I was so glad that I got help from you guys and girls when I was in the darkest time of my life. I'm better now. Still got it (2,5 years in) but I don't really care about it anymore, even though it's quite loaded. I haven't smoke weed for 3 years. No psychadelics. I've done coke and drinking alcohol without any problems what so ever. Anyways, I've had sleep paralysis since I was 15 and roughly 3 months ago I was having them 5 days a week, several times every night. You can read more about this what is medically referred to as hypnagogic hallucinations. I don't think that there is a correlation between HPPD and the increased rate of sleep paralysis. Since I had it since I was a kid and I'm 25 now. These sleep paralysis session were unbarely to me so I did some research and found about a great study at NCBI which said a man was cured after trying SSRI (Prozac). I was desperate to get rid of it as it was effecting my studies and work. So I went to the doc and as simple as snapping my fingers I got a receipt. It worked straight away. The first night actually. Which is interesting because usually you have to eat those pills for months to achieve an effect. I've never tried it before though. After a month or two with increased anxiety, that side-effect left and I feel just like before right now, except that the sleep paralysis is gone. My main point with this thread is that I would like to cancel all rumours about how SSRI:s has a negativt effect on HPPD. It is simply not true and there's no studies that proves it either. When you start taking SSRI:s your body must adapt to the medicin as it effects serotonin (which is a transmittor that affects a lot of processes, for example, your movement, thinking and your vision). This is why some report that SSRI:s would worsen the symptoms. It is simply not true. Due to this false information on the forum, I didn't use those pills when my HPPD was at its worse and I wanted to kill myself. I stayed sober for 4 months and got out. But it was a really hard time and I had so much support from family, friends and this forum. If that wouldn't been the case, SSRI:s would probably been a good idea for a person in that kind of state. I eat 75mg a day, and I've seen no whatsoever side-effects on my vision. Not even when starting the meds. But if you do, it will pass within the first 2-3 months. And maybe afterwards you will be able to focus more on your life then your vision. Another thing about depersonalization/derealisation is that I had it for roughly 6 months. I couldn't recognize my own face in the mirror. Neither my family or my body. It's gone now. It's not permanent, but a psychological side-effect to HPPD.
  3. So I took lsd around 6 months ago. I realized I had hppd a couple weeks after, with some anxiety tied in there. I kept smoking weed and my visual snow and stuff got worse so I've quit all drugs except for nicotine and have been this way for 3 months. But ever since I took the acid, everything looks kind of different. Like everything looks kind of surreal, and colors are kinda brighter, and I'm always spaced out. I don't feel as if I'm completely in a dream or anything, but it's just the feeling that everything looks kinda "off" and something is slightly different. And when I'm in crowds, sometimes the collection of peoples voices will sound different than it used to. Is this de realization that is just a part of my hppd and slight anxiety, or what? And also, should I quit the nicotine to see if my visuals get better?
  4. Hey guys, in the past I have used a lot of benzos (oxazepam) for what I thought was an anxiety disorder. Well that cleared up very well over the past few months and I don't consider it as a disorder, just natural anxiety. I did some research on benzo withdrawal the other day, and came across something very interesting. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Post-acute-withdrawal_syndrome this is a popular term on the forum: Benzo Buddies. PAWS: Post Acute Withdrawal syndrome. This may have nothing to do with a lot of people on this forum, but some can take this in consideration. PAWS is a syndrome that can occur after using benzos for a period around 1-3 months or longer. I read about some people who were suffering from this on the Benzo Buddies forum, and they were suffering from very similar symptoms as HPPD. Suddently my mind became rather clear and i thought: 'why didn't i think of this before.' They reported similar symptoms like afterimages, trails, static, seeing shadows, stuff in the corners of their eyes that arent there, light flashes and tracers. Could this be related? And maybe for some people this was the answer all along? I'm not quite sure if this is the case for me, i used oxazepam for about 3 months but not always everyday. I stopped semi-cold turkey, i stopped in a week so i'd consider that sort of cold turkey. So what do you guys think? Is it PAWS in my case or HPPD. The only symptoms i have now are afterimages and floaters. Just think about it, have you used benzos for a long time and stopped? Or still use them and got weird symptoms. I think this might be the case for some people on this forum, and maybe myself. I'm not a specialist or anything, just curious what you guys think about this. I never experienced mine as 'trippy' but just visual distortions. Ugh i hate the label 'trippy'. http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=131814.0 this is the thread I was talking about. Take a look if you want! I read that these symptoms usually fully diminish, but this could also take months and for heavy users even years. So a little bit the same as HPPD. But there are people in that thread who actually fully recovered. Some of them also considered it as a little bit 'trippy'. I think there is DEFINITELY a connection between these two, and for some of you who still use benzos, try to not use them (if you're mentally able to, believe me i know how hard it is) for a few weeks/months and wait for some improvement. houdoe, adios, ciao! Hope this was useful for some of you!
  5. Greetings, I stumbled across this forum/site while researching some mental issues I was/am having and basically I'm just looking for some answers and guidance. First and foremost, the already present mental illnesses. Severe anxiety and depression have been a fairly constant presence for me ever since my early high school days. I've managed and dealt with them for the most part, but within the last year they've taken a turn for the worse with almost weekly panic attacks and frequent suicidal ideation. Also, within the last 2 months or so it feels like I've been gradually losing touch with reality in the sense of continually questioning what is real and what is not. Because of this I finally got in to see a psychiatrist. After the visit I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder, panic disorder and probable schizophreniform disorder (probable pending further diagnostic imaging and meetings, though he feels fairly confident that I have some sort of mild psychotic disorder). As a result, he prescribed me escitoprolam and risperidone for my symptoms, both of which I am supposed to start next week with low doses and tapering up to the effective dose over a few weeks (he emphasized that I may not need the full therapeutic doses of either medication if a lower dose is effective). While I did mention my vision problems and illusory hallucinations, he attributed these to the anxiety and psychosis stating that they were my brain trying to make sense of a weird situation. However, I think these visual problems are HPPD and not related to any of the diagnosed illnesses. I say this because a lot of my visual symptoms are similar to those of HPPD. Furthermore, I have experimented with drugs in the past, namely MDMA (100mg one time over this past summer) and THC (45mg orally once this past summer. Not enjoyable at all since I was just launched straight into the worst panic attack I have ever had). I also used to take 50-100mg diphenhydramine 3-5 times a week to help with sleep, something I haven't done since I started having these symptoms of mild psychosis and potential HPPD. These were all mentioned to my psychiatrist. A summary of my potential HPPD symptoms is below: Lights appear to streak/downward beams come from lights, especially at night. Gets better when holding eyes wide open and when in bright areas. Monocular double vision in both eyes (i.e. double vision still occurs when one eye is closed or covered) especially with brightly lit objects and where there is high contrast. Glare, halos and star bursts, especially at night. Blurriness/cloudiness in vision Very mild trailing when moving something across visual field Some distortion of peripheral vision and perception of movement in peripheral vision Walls and other objects sometimes breathe usually after staring at them for awhile So, are those symptoms consistent with HPPD, or are they just a relatively normal eye problems that I'm getting too paranoid about? If it was HPPD, would the medications I'm supposed to take worsen it? I've been reading stories, articles and studies about how these two drugs interact with HPPD and how they almost universally worsen symptoms. I can deal with where I am right now in terms of VS, but if those get worse, the combination with the other 3 issues may be too overwhelming. Anyways guys, thanks for reading and I would greatly appreciate any help/advice you can give.
  6. I am new to this forum so it would only be polite to say hello to everyone and if anyone could help I would be very grateful. In 2011 I had a very bad acid trip after my 1st time taking the drug, like other people that have had bad trips I will keep it short by saying I saw some pretty crazy things and it took me three days to come back to normal, which I thought never would happen. I haven't taken acid since 2011 and I never will again as it was the worst experience of my life, however from 2011 to October 2016 I was a regular consumer of cocaine, weed and at some point mdma every weekend for 6 months. Anther drug I have tried only a few times is Ketamine which again sent me into a crazy trip, it knocked me out (k hole) but went when I woke up. I feel I should add from 2014 to 2016 I smoked a lot of weed, like a half OZ every couple of days, and not just any weed, this was some strong stuff. Anyway getting to the point in October 2016 I was taking cocaine and smoking weed with my cousin, I didn't sleep and went to work the next day but went home early as I felt really bad, laying in my bed thinking I was going to have a heart attack. From that day I developed what seemed to be exhausting health anxiety, I got head pains, chest pains, pains in my arms couldn't breath, went to A&E and they said I had anxiety. I eventually moved back home as I couldn't be by myself. I went to my local doctors who said I had anxiety and depression and prescribed me propranolol and citalopram. The propranolol helped calm me down but the Citalopram really messed my head up and to this day I am convinced I have some sort of HPPD, and am looking for someone to agree with me or convince me otherwise. Since taking citalopram my vision changed, I see noses and ears slightly more pointed, and still persists to this day, my ears are constantly ringing, floaters which are noticeable all day, Visual snow ,eye strain, I'm sensitive to light, headaches and light trails aswell for example if I look at the TV and look away I can still see the TV light. I know from reading other stories on this forum that my symptoms are very mild compared, but I am not convinced that it is just anxiety. I have stopped smoking weed I still smoke cigarettes, and very stupidly I have taken cocaine twice in the last 5 months which left my body on edge for over a month a time. I also cant consume sugar drinks because it makes my body really on edge, caffeine, I cant even drink tea without feeling like Ive just drunk 10 espressos. Seen a private psychiatrist who diagnosed me with anxiety disorder, but I have never mentioned HPPD to him as I didn't feel confident enough to. Last thing I will add I suppose the thing that makes me think I have some form of mild HPPD is the Vision changes in peoples ears and noses that convinces me the most, especially after trying an SSRI, its a very strange side effect which my doctor cant really explain. I'm trying CBT next week to see how I get on but if anyone could relate, or at least give me some idea on if I have HPPD or similar to what they have read before it would be a great help. I have accepted that something is wrong with me, but the way I see it is if you want to get high then there will be consequences, and I am feeling them now. Thank you for your consideration G.C
  7. Hi. I'm 57 years old and I've carried a deep secret most of my life. I see visual patterns everywhere. They are most prominent in anything with a fine grain. Tar, sand, carpets, curtains, textured ceilings ... you get the idea. I see patterns, shapes, designs, animals, faces, Aztec glyphs, etc. as if intentionally created by an artist. They're not static either. The slowly move, shift, and transform. If I'm looking at a wall I "know" it's a wall. I don't believe the hallucinations are actually visible to anyone else so I guess I'm sane. How did this happen? Just before my 14th birthday I entered High School. An older friend of mine asked me if I would like to try "acid". I had smoked cannabis with him before and he assured me it was similar. Well, acid in the early 70s was quite strong and it was a long day. From that day forward I had this issue with seeing visuals I described earlier. My earliest memory of this was after smoking some cannabis I saw the outline of a flower appear on the fabric covering a speaker. I kept taking hallucinogens until I was about 20 years old and then stopped taking drugs all together. However, the visuals never went away. I can look at a sidewalk and it looks like all the little sand grains were laid out in complex designs. It's as if "random" doesn't exist in my visual experience. I've learned to deal with it in my own way. I look at it as my ability to not just see the mundane. This disorder hasn't stifled my ability to solve complex problems, get a degree, raise a family, and work in a professional career. In a funny way it's like an old friend. I think I might miss it if it "cleared up". I was stunned to find out that there was a term for what I have. For years I figured I was borderline schizophrenic because I was seeing things. Hiding this disorder has caused great anxiety in my life because I knew it wasn't "normal" and I never knew if it would get worse. I'm hoping to find other people with symptoms like mine. I'd also like to give people hope because I've lived with this for over four decades and life is great.
  8. Hey guys, I haven't been on this site in quite some time, but I was reflecting on the past 6 years of perceptual disturbances and thought that I would write a post that may shed a different light on HPPD. I am very thankful that HPPD has become a part of my life(yes, even when I start melting or the room keeps changing sizes). I'm sure by this point many of you are thinking "wow, this guy is fucked in the head" , but let me elaborate a bit more. At this point in my life I am happy, I love who I am, and I am in a great place despite my visual and tactile disturbances not wavering in the slightest. Pre-HPPD, however, I could say none of the good things I listed above. I lived my life constantly brushing my anxiety, depression, and insomnia under the rug like it didn't exist. HPPD amplified these problems to a point where I could no longer just pass them off. It forced me to change. I had to open up to people about myself and my problems like I never had to before. I had to focus on the things that I could control (anxiety, depression) rather than the things that were out of my hands(perceptual disturbances). This was not an easy process at all. I struggled immensely for a year before I developed the coping skills I needed to allow myself to be happy. One of the biggest turning points for me was when I was finally able to forgive myself for the long series of decisions I made to get myself caught up in in everything. I fortunately haven't had any other trauma in my life, but that almost made it harder to forgive myself for creating such a traumatic event for myself all because I wanted to get high. I also thin that it was important that I accepted the fact that HPPD was a part of me; this is the way I see things now and that ok. In fact its more than ok! I have a hugely different perspective on life than I did before and I think that is one of my biggest assets in life. I couldn't imagine where I would be if HPPD didn't come into my life (probably still getting high off of stupid shit all of the time with no future plans). HPPD helped me figure out what I wanted to do with my life (though I almost dropped out because of it) HPPD is the reason I became a social worker and have a great job that I love HPPD helped me learn the communication skills I needed to open up to someone and have an actual meaningful relationship with someone HPPD stopped me from doing drugs allowing me to eventually become an all-american in cross country. HPPD taught me how to enjoy life while coping with insomnia, depression, and anxiety HPPD made me the man I am today I used to blame HPPD for making my life miserable, but now I see it as an integral part of my life. Wish you guys all the best. - Josh
  9. Well, hello there everyone! My name is Amanda, I'm 23 and I'm coming to terms with the fact that I have HPPD. At first, I didn't really know what I was going through. When I was 15 I had taken LSD for the first time and had a wonderful time. Then when I was 18 I experimented with some RC's. I started to notice that from time to time I'd start to see visuals on the floor and walls but I thought it was pretty cool at the time..hah. Then finally at age 19 was when I took some LSD that was from the Grateful dead family and that's just when things took a turn for the worst..I took 2 tabs of it and let's just say it was the strongest freaking acid I've ever had. I also smoked a really fat bowl and shortly after I seriously thought that I was going to die. My tracers weren't as colorful and making me happy as they usually would and the room felt like it was enclosing on me. I actually started to lose my mind and my grip on reality..which wasn't even that tight to begin with. Scared me enough to never touch acid again. So here I am today, 4 years later and that trip still comes back to haunt me. When I roll on MDMA and even smoke weed the visuals come back and my heart starts pounding extremely hard and the room feels like it's enclosing on me. Sometimes, when I'm in my room in the dark I still feel like I'm tripping. It keeps me up at night and I just can't help but think to myself...is this really gonna happen to me for the rest of my life? How can I do anything for myself if this is all I can ever think about? I honestly thought that I was the only one going through this because a lot of my friends are acid heads and when I try to explain to them what's going on in my head..they just think I'm crazy. But then I found this wonderful website thanks to Reddit! It makes me feel so much better that I'm not the only one going through this. I really hope to find different ways to help me either let this fade away or learn how to cope. For whomever took the time to read this, thank you so much. I really hope I get to hear back from some of you it would help me a lot.
  10. I've had what i believe to be HPPD for about 3 years now, after a slew of mushroom trips around age 15. I cant pinpoint exactly when i started showing symptoms because i feel they came on very subtly and gradually, and after 3 long years, seem to still be worsening. I remember the first thing i noticed was a light visual snow or static fuzziness that i could only see at night or in dark places, then slowly it started becoming more noticeable with time. I would start then seeing the visual snow or static fuzziness during the day time, most noticeably when looking at something solid and with minimal detail, like a wall or a cloudless sky. The trend of it getting worse continued, i would start getting progressively stronger tracer vision, beginning with things like car and street lights at night. As before, over a few months these symptoms began to translate over to during the day time. Now its to the point where i get tracers as simply as slowly running my hand past my eyes, and the visual snow is strong like what you see on a television that isn't getting any signal. The visual snow even forms into psychedelic shapes sometimes, spirals and things that look like your phone screen when there is grease on it. This is most often at night and in the morning when i am tired, but is not limited to that. When i close my eyes all i can see are these weird colorful randomly moving shapes and images. If i do something like read a book or read something on my computer, when i close my eyes i just see randomly occurring letters and numbers, and this lasts for 15 minutes or so. Florescent lights make all the symptoms particularly strong, so you can imagine school was quite difficult.There are halos around almost everything i look at, especially letters and numbers. My memory and ability to think straight and clearly feels like its degenerating. I cant focus on anything, and having ADHD doesn't help aha. I've also dealt with things anxiety and depression and depersonalization and severe migraines so that cant be helping. Ive completely stopped all substances except alcohol, the occasional cigarette and the occasional joint to help deal with the stress. But i used all 3 of these things and more up until about a year ago. none of it was hallucinogenic though My point of posting this was not to for attention or plead my case on how hard it is to live with. I know there are people on here that have it worse than i do, but i rather just posted this to see if anybody can relate to my experience so far and has dealt with a similar situation. I haven't read many stories of people with HPPD that seems to be progressively getting worse, so i'm just seeing if someone can confirm its HPPD and not something else. I've been to countless doctors across Toronto and most of them have even heard of HPPD, let alone how to treat it haha, so i kind of gave up on the medical route. Ive had brain scans that all came back negative for anything so HPPD seems to be the only thing i have found that matches my symptoms. Its a scary thought thinking about what it might amount to if the symptoms keep exaggerating like they are doing now. Its only been three years so its pretty debilitating thinking about what it might be like after 10...20...years etc if it doesnt stop, as i only just turned 18 aha. This is my first post so any replies or support really helps, thanks. -Cal
  11. Hello ladies and gents, my name is jeff, I'm 22 and I've had HPPD for about a year. this is my first post so i guess ill start from the beginning. i started off my tripping career with lsd when i was probably about 18-19. it was very rare that it would come around until one day when one of my friends met a kid at his job who we'll call the trippy guy. anyways as soon as he came along we started tripping on shrooms or acid like 2-3 times a week. one night after i had taken shrooms but before they had kicked in my friends convinced me to smoke dmt. it was the most magical fun thing ever but as soon as it wore off i felt different. i felt like i had changed my life and could never go back, (note i was not yet experiencing any symptoms of HPPD) the thought of being different was very scary for me. needless to say i had an awful trip on those shrooms. anyway at one point i came into a large free amount of shrooms, and was tripping almost every night. then i remember one night i took acid, and MDMA everything was normal, but when i woke up there was a film of rainbow static over my vision. i thought it was just that the acid hadn't worn off and it would be gone the next day. and believe it or not, it was gone the next day. so i thought nothing of it and continued to trip all the time. then there was one night, i was in a night club, and my friend said he could get me molly. i remember taking it but blacked out shortly after because of how drunk i was, but my friends told me i took acid later that night too. well anyway i don't know what i got in the club, (possibly an RC?) but i believe thats what lead to me having HPPD. i woke up on the floor all filthy from the night before, so i went home to shower but i remember feeling different, and the rainbow static was back. again i just figured it would go away after a while but this time it didn't. i also noticed my thinking patterns where different. all i could think about was everything being connected. like the whole universe. i wanted to know the origins of everything that exists so badly, and why our society, and all societies have developed into the way that they are. i began to think of humans as more of just animals that can talk, and have very conveniently capable bodies. as time went on, i noticed more and more symptoms. the normal ones, like after images, tracers, eye floaters, but never have i experienced halos, breathing walls, scrambled texts, geometric patterns or ghost images floating above things. i was scared and knew even before i looked it up that the drugs had done something. i completely stopped hallucinogen use, but continued to smoke weed, and drink very heavily. neither of which seemed to agitate my symptoms. I've noticed that my symptoms only seem to bother me when I'm alone, or if I'm doing some tedious task where I'm not talking, and my thoughts can just wander. i haven't gotten any anxiety from hppd, and actually prefer to be in social settings. anyways about 3 months after it started i tripped on acid again 2 days in one week. i didn't notice any new symptoms, or worsening of my current ones, and the trip felt just like it did before all this. however this past summer i did some MDMA with my friends, and the next day (luckily only for one day) my vision was absolutely f'd. the street was flashing black and white, the static was way worse, if i stared at a blank wall, or the sky it literally looked like i was going through a purple and blue vortex. well none the less i haven't done MDMA since, but i have done acid, shrooms, and even dmt once. one night i actually took acid, LSA, and shrooms and it did noting to my hppd. i have however noticed that after a weekend of drinking cheap booze with my friends in heavy amounts i'll feel really strange for a day or 2. like everything I've ever known about life that seemed normal at one point is extremely confusing. like i look at another person and just knowing that they're just as conscious as i am is like... impossible to grasp. I've noticed that i'm far more empathetic. i feel like when i look at a person now i have a much better understanding of the fact that even tho they appear as happy and normal, on the inside they might be a totally crushed spirit. I've also noticed that my fear of death has increased substantially, and i don't understand how death can even be a real thing. i also have a fear of bugs now which was non existent before. my dreams have also gotten pretty wacky, they're often about other planets that don't even exist, or something else crazy. but to sum everything up i guess id say i have very mild HPPD, and its more mental than visual. ill bet into more details in other posts i guess, this ones seems long enough. lol
  12. So after my first lsd trip I got hppd, but it was a VERY mild trip. My hppd is also mild. But ever since the trip I have felt just kind of off. Like things and colors look slightly different than before, and in a group of people the noises kind of sound different. I'm also pretty spaced out. I just feel a little different, but everyone says I act the same. It doesn't really fit the comategory of full blown depersonalization, but it could be minor dr or do or something... Is this just part of my hppd? Or is this what they call a "perspective change" from psychedelics. It kinda bothers me so I hope it's just part of hppd. Thx for responses
  13. I don't really know where to start and I'm not sure how long this is going to be so I apologise in advance lol. So I'll start at the beginning, I'm 19 and I've tried LSD 5 times in the past year. I first tried it with some family members as I had red ALOT on lsd. I've always wanted to know what I was getting into before I tried a drug (I've only actually smoked weed and done lsd). The experience was amazing, noting crazy but just chilled. I did this 3 more times with mates instead and they were all great as well, no HPPD at this point, until early October last year. I took a 120ug with some friends, nothing crazy happened and was actually a bit of a let down, so I managed to cut another tab into 4 (me and 3 others taking it). Nothing, so we met a friend to smoke a spliff as I heard it can kickstart a trip. That's when things went really, really bad for me. I started tripping like crazy and got really scared really fast. I'd red on what to do when going into a bad trip but all my knowledge at that point in time went straight out the window. It wasn't the actual visuals that freaked me out, it was a seriously intense fear of everything. I was generally petrified and thought my body was shutting down and I was going to die. I didn't even want to go to sleep (this went on till 4am) , the visuals were VERY intense though, swirls and some serious colour over my vision, I could barely walk, this went on for 6 hours but felt like a week. Worst experience of my life. After the bad trip that's when I started to notice changes in my vision and perception. I get halos, trails in lights, light burns on my vision and my general perception feels slightly off most of the time. I feel it comes In waves, when I'm distracted or with people/friends I don't tend to get the discontinued feeling or perception changes, but when I'm working or chilling by myself, I'm more aware of it. I've red so much on how long hppd can last and have not plucked up the courage to share my story to the community for advice until now. I sometimes go into an anxious mood and it's a slight feeling of what I had on the bad trip. I'm guessing my anxiety is tied with it so it relates back to it whenever I'm feeling anxious? If someone could confirm that, that would be good. I've got friends who want to smoke weed in the summer with me and I said I'd wait at least 8-9 months before trying a joint again. Do you guys think it's a good idea or what I should do. Honestly any advice on anything I've said would really help, or any comment on it at all. If you've red this far I really appreciate you for checking my story out, look forward to seeing some replies
  14. So after my first lsd trip I got hppd, but it was a VERY mild trip. My hppd is also mild. But ever since the trip I have felt just kind of off. Like things and colors look slightly different than before, and in a group of people the noises kind of sound different. I'm also pretty spaced out. I just feel a little different, but everyone says I act the same. It doesn't really fit the comategory of full blown depersonalization, but it could be minor dr or do or something... Is this just part of my hppd? Or is this what they call a "perspective change" from psychedelics. It kinda bothers me so I hope it's just part of hppd. Thx for responses
  15. So I got hppd from literally half a tab of lsd about 4-5 months ago. After I got it I smoked weed a little because I wasn't totally sure I had, but this made my symptoms worse. So about a month ago I decided to quit all drugs, and I will be quitting cigarettes soon too. My symptoms consist of: visual snow, mild afterimages, slight tracers, light sensitivity, anxiety and minor depression. I also have slight depersonalization but it's so minor to the point where I can ignore it. I was recently put on Zoloft for the anxiety, but I can't tell if it's making my visuals slightly worse. I would rate my hppd overall as mild, so I need an opinion on whether or not I should quit the Zoloft and go completely drug free for a year or so, because I'm really hoping if I do that the visuals will just go completely away on their own since my hppd is mild. Because I've heard some people's goes away with time if they quit drugs. Opinions?
  16. Hello folks, I just stood up as every morning and... still there's this shit. I don't want this anymore. Seriously. I'm from Germany, I'm 24 now and still in high school. I have been on leave for about 3 years because of my problems. I did LSD and several other drugs including MDMA, amphetamines, DXM and cannabis starting with cannabis at the age of about 18 for about 3 years. My last LSD trip was in 2013. I did LSD 5 times. I was in rehab for my drug abuse and I'm in a psychotherapy since about 1.5 years now. In 2015 I continued school and I will hopefully finish it this year. But I feel like I messed up my whole life. Seriously. Everyone in my age here is finishing university now while I havn't even started. They have good jobs and some are in an age where they raise a family. And what do I have? I have fucking nothing. Well it doesn't matter what I have now for sure. That's true. What matters is how I will be in 10 or 20 years you think? It's true but we all know what is in 10 or 20 years. I am still going to have this shit. And it's just fucking destroying my life. I can't concentrate, I can't learn. I can't anything. It's just not possible to do anything rather than sitting in front of my computer everyday. I'm glad there's the internet for sure so I can still talk to some guys on Skype. I'm not sure if it's really HPPD. My mother is schizophrenic and maybe it's just some form of schizophrenia. I have mainly visual hallucinations, brain-fog, depression.I don't have any other hallucinations but who knows. From the images on the internet I saw about HPPD it looks similar, but a little bit different. I'm also not sure if I should call my visual snow really visual snow because it's too intense somehow. I got a lot meds in rehab. Neuroleptics did nothing to me, benzodiazepines work well. The problem is: I also became a benzodiazpine addict in 2013 so I'm not even allowed to do benzodiazepines anymore. I just don't have any relief now. I'm on antidepressants and they help a little bit with sleep and anxiety. I sleep about 10-12 hours a day, sometimes I sleep even longer just to escape reality. I'm so scared of this shit I even dream about HPPD symptoms every night. I think about commiting suicide every day. Psychiatrists can't help me. A doctor even told me "What should I do? What have you thought what I can do about it before you visited me?". In Germany also no one knows anything about HPPD because here the ICD-10 classification system is used and there is no equivalent diagnosis for HPPD like in the DSM system. If you tell them you read something about it on the internet they think you're just hypochondric. Therapist can't help me. I even thought about I might be just hypochondric. Who knows. And please don't tell me to exercise, taking vitamins and eating good and all that stuff. We all know it doesn't help a shit, it's just a placebo effect. Just be honest. Maybe not even HPPD is the main problem. Maybe just my depression because HPPD always reminds me of my drug abuse. It's always somehow subversively "telling" me "Look you have been such an idiot... you deserve this shit. How could you do any drugs? Everyone knows they are harmful and know it's your responsibility you have to take. Don't cry you little bitch!". I can't accept it. I just want this nightmare to end, but it won't ever end. I want to go back in time and change everything. I can't accept I got this shit because I was stupid when I was younger and now I'm 24 and still have this shit and I'll be soon 30 years old, just in 6 short years and nothing changes. I don't know what I should do anymore. I just have messed up my life. I still want to study but I'm not sure if I will ever be able to function in life. I want a normal job where I can live from. And now we see this nationalist movements everywhere in the world and globalisiation. It's just a question of time and there probably won't even be any social security systems anymore. How will I live then when I'm not able to have job? HOW? Will a rob a bank to pay my rent because I have no other options and will end up in jail? Seriously, that's what I think about life and politics at the moment. I see I'm getting a little bit off topic. But that's how I feel at the moment. edit: I didn't do any drugs for about 2 years now, no alcohol and no nicotine by the way.
  17. does anyone here have difficulty watching anything in motion? I have noticed ever since dxm last year anything that will fluidly be in motion normally seems to create a vibrating effect especially when watching something on tv such as someone walking from one spot to another. Instead of seeing their motion normally it seems like the frame rate slows down, I have also noticed extremely noticeable tracers when viewing any lightscource. Let's say I look at an LED clock and shift my focus to something else the LED clocks light follows my eyes focus and creates a very long streak of light, I have started to develop a sort of OCD over these issues ever since I noticed them. This has been like this the last year and a half. I have taken what I thought was lsd 10 times in a span of 2 years, dxm 2 times and mainly weed. What really sucks is that I do realize weed may effect this too but it is also my means of coping with this horrible issue. I'm just so confused on this situation and am wanting to know if anyone else here experiences something similar to this.
  18. Help! I have a very extreme case of HPPD! It all started when I took LSD for about 3 months ago, I was planning on taking 120ug which is a medium dose, but the tab I bought must have been around 800-1200ug. Some say that's good because, "Hey! More acid for less the price!" but in this case, fuck no. I had the worst experience of my life while never tripped so hard before. It was absolutely terrifying and insane. After that trip I decided, being the stupid 19 year old that I am with bad habits, I dropped acid again after about 1 week. I thought hey, this time it is around 100ug (Some friends did it the night before) and I should have a tolerance against it so the same thing can't happen again, guess what? It happend again! I tripped mega balls on 100ug of LSD, I got an level 4 psychedelic experience out of it, also a badtrip. I've been laying off all substances excluding nicotine and caffeine, but my HPPD just gets worse by the day. It started off pretty extreme, but now it's much worse. MY SYMPTOMS FOR ABOUT 2 MONTHS AGO Visual snow, morphing of objects, anxiety, seeing demonic like figures, advanced patterns in walls and shrinking and growing of objects MY SYMPTOMS NOW Visual snow, more extreme and advanced morphing of objects, seeing more demonic like figures, auditory hallucinations, floaters, light beams falling from the sky, more anxiety, seeing objects rotate and morph into advanced structures, I feel like I'm falling into an endless pit when i try to sleep and much more. Have anyone here had symptoms on the same level? If so, please tell me how you got over it, or how you're coping with it. Because right now, I just want to die. And I think it would be sad if I actually go all the way with that thought, I want to live longer than 19-20 years. Wish you all the best of luck!
  19. Hello. I wanted some advice to see if what I am experiencing is HPPD. Little bit of background, I did lsd almost 2 years ago. I only did it once and I always feel like such an idiot for doing it. I didn't even want to, but all of my friends peer pressured me into doing it and after awhile I finally caved in. (Not friends with them anymore.) Anyway, that was in about March/April of 2015. I felt fine, didn't have any symptoms that I know of. A few months later I got on heavy medicine for arthritis and then I had wisdom teeth surgery and that's when I started feeling weird. (Just lazy mostly, and anxious) I asked my brother and he told me about hppd, I read the symptoms and I remember saying "no way I don't have any of that". Later in the year (while taking 2 medicines for my arthritis I developed a ringing in my ear, a symptom of the medicine). My medicine also made me never hungry and I lost 30 pounds in just a few months! (Went to docs and they just kept me on) So then later about February of 2016 my brother and I were talking and this topic came up. I began freaking out and couldn't believe I ever did a drug. I started seeing static vision after rereading the symptoms. Then I had the worse week of my life to date: two people I cared about died in less than a week apart. I was in school so I couldn't leave, but my family left for one of the funerals states away. I was all alone and my anxiety got to extreme levels. I couldn't eat, and I kept throwing up. I took myself to the doctor and my blood pressure was so high she immediately put me on anxiety medicine. After a week on it, my eyes seemed to have gotten more sensitive to light. If I was exposed to super bright light for a long time I saw kind of like circles going into the center. I immediately got off that medicine but this weird thing kept going for awhile. It can still sometimes happen if it's super bright or I'm very very stressed (plus brightness). This was a year later. 2016 was so bad for me because I really believe my anxiety started giving me symptoms. I got off one of the medicines and my eyes and ears felt so much better. However, it is still slightly there. (And I'm still on one of the medicines). My current symptoms are: static vision only when looking at weird patterns or darkness, light sensitivity (plus the weird circle thing which only happens when bright), and in certain lighting I will see like hand trails in my peripheral vision, (I'm super pale, so only like with a dark background, not any colors, just like my skin tone) and eye floaters. However, I have asked my dad and he also has a hard time seeing certain patterns and a lot of people in my family see floaters. I also have always had bigger pupils and my eye doctor always has told me I had sensitive eyes. None of these symptoms started until a year after I took lsd and I had been on three different heavy medications. I feel a lot better today and the topic doesn't scare me as much, but do you think these lasting symptoms are from taking lsd once before? Or do you think it is because of the medicine I am on? (Which includes symptoms such as light sensitivity, dizziness, halos, blurry vision). Sorry this is so long, but I wanted to make sure I included all the details! Thank you in advance. Also any advice would be greatly appreciated!
  20. Dear Community, The initial results are public. Dr. Abraham presented the report at the Annual Meeting of the Biological Psychiatry Society earlier this year. I have included a copy of the Abstract in this post and providing a link to Dr. Abraham's additional discussion and graphs at the bottom. My emphasis added, but to restate Dr. Abraham's website: "This study is NOT the gold standard of proof that this approach works. . .These medications are not approved for use in HPPD. Any interest in them should be discussed with your physician." I know we have discussed COMT, genetic variations and watched the board's discussion move from the serotonin system to the dopaminergic system having originally focused on the GABAergic system. These are not systems locked in single compartments, single receptors and single cell types, but have complex interactions and as you are aware we are just touching the surface of Neural Science and Behavior/Perception. However, the basic discussion was on target: Dr. Abraham hypothesized that inhibition of COMT would reduce symptoms in HPPD. Consequently, COMT inhibitors were tolcapone and Sinemet Again, these are not approved for HPPD and should only be tried with a clinician. Here is the abstract from the conference: Catechol-O-Methyl Tranferase Inhibition Reduces Symptoms of Hallucinogen Persisting Perception Disorder Henry D. Abraham, Psychiatry, Tufts University, Boston, MA Background: Hallucinogen persisting perception disorder (HPPD) is a poorly understood disorder arising from the use of hallucinogens. It is characterized by continuous visual disturbances which can be lifelong. There is no known treatment. Studies of HPPD patients with qEEG mapping show that the disorder is represented by disinhibition in the cerebral cortex. Inhibition of catechol-O-methyl transferase (COMT) increases inhibition of sensory input in humans carrying the G/G polymorphism. Accordingly, I hypothesized that inhibition of COMT would reduce symptoms in HPPD. Methods: A single-dose, open label trial of a tolcapone, carbidopa, and L-dopa was conducted in 17 consecutive HPPD subjects. Visual symptoms in each subject were coded on a 0 to 7 Likert scale before, and two hours after, drug administration. A paired Student t-test was used to determine statistical significance. Results: The mean pre-drug visual symptom score for the entire sample was 4.7 +/- 2.6, compared to the post-drug score of 3.7 +/- 2.8 (P= .001). A post hoc median split of the percent response of each subject was 51% symptom reduction in the upper half of responders compared to 1% in the lower half, suggesting a bimodal sample. Conclusions: Inhibition of COMT is a novel approach in the treatment of HPPD. The bimodal treatment response is consistent with the action of a functional polymorphism in the COMT gene. Future directions include a double blind, placebo controlled trial of this treatment and a determination of COMT polymorphism in responders and non-responders. Keyword(s): HPPD, COMT, tolcapone, carbidopa, DOPA (Retrieved from Convention eBook downloaded from: http://www.sobp.org/...?pageid=345267; Kindle Locations 21096-21098. SOBP. Kindle Edition.) LINK TO Dr. Abraham's Web Page regarding this study: http://amrglobal.pow...atment-for-hppd Best wishes, - David Kozin
  21. Hi, hope you guys are doing well. I'm starting my blog as many others do .. I took LSD 8 weeks ago and have a couple of concerning symptoms I would like to share with you. The 2 - 3 weeks after I took acid I was very dizzy / had vertigo (when I walked around it felt like being on a boat). I went to a doctor and an ENT-specialist, but they didn't find anything. The dizzyness now almost disappeard, but I still have a blurry vision especially when things or me : ) are moving fast. I still have a constant headache, even though it is also already better than at the beginning (I had awful neck pain at the back of my head). I still feel like having a constant hangover though! When I'm outside a lot I can feel that all the impressions are a lot to process for my head. E.g. the front of my brain is working a lot/is struggling processing all the information. I also feel sick most of the time .. which I think is due to my blurry/dizzy vision! I don't have a lot of symptoms described in the blogs/forum though (e.g. trails, frames, etc.) This is why I'm questioning that I have HPPD. Did someone have a similar experience? Does this end anyday soon? The last couple of weeks I didn't notice that it's getting better. I'm therefore afraid that it isn't going away. I started to freak out a little bit last weekend as it seemed to get worse again. Would love to hear your opinions? I planned to go to the Neurologist in a few days .. I don't think though this will be very helpful. Many thanks in advance.
  22. Ok so one of my most terrifying symptoms usually happens when I am engaging in conversation and eye contact with a person. All of a sudden my perception will change and I wIll perceive the person I'm talking to as some sort of weird talking animal / alien. The colour of their face changes to normally an orange / yellow and all of their features become massively exaggerated. People with "unusual" faces or distinct features cause me the biggest problems. It's so hard to put into words but it really does freak me out and send me into a panic attack. It feels like there is a part in the brain that tells us we know that we are part of the same species as this person I am looking at and that it has been messed with. Anyone ever experience anything similar?
  23. Hello people. I'm from Russia, yeah i know english, but not perfect, but i hope you can understand and help me okay, i tried some kind of psychedelic drug in january 2014. Dosage was 30 mg, white powder. Trip was nice but after i felt headache (often after effect of that drug). It was 2c i think or something, with beatiful visuals but not very deep. Then i started to experience some strange things. It was looking like my IQ droped down. I was slow, really easy stared at 1 point in front my eyes, it was really difficul to turn my sight away (like indica stone, you know). it was like in foggy dream i guess, i think it was derealization. subjectivly it was hard to concentrate and think. also when i was "stoned" (it really pissed me off because it's easy to get stone, even in toilet, or at traffic light. some visual noice, floaters, and shit was noticable, but i'll tell more about this later. but those symptoms gone, idk how and when. then i did some cubensis, but cake was moldy, and i thought my kidneys problem was about eating shrooms from moldy cake, but before cubensis i was in car accident, and i think that was kidney problem, but motuh ago i was in hospital for week, my kidneys are good so, i ate them, it was best trip in my life. i alwasy reministing about it, and i want almost to cry. then i ate them 3 times more (last time in june). in july, i tried euphoric stimulant, after that was few days very heavy hangover,(slowness, i guess even derealization, i was tired because no sleep, and even after sleep i was feeling like i was in hell and came back) i thought i did damage to my brain. but it was gone i guess, can't really remember. then i did shroms again (beggining of August), cake was moldy too (if you are don't know, it must be without any contamination, but in wild shrooms are growing with mold and other shrooms, so they are no sterile, i think that is not problem) trip was difficult, bad one, but after i felt myself good or neutral (can't really remember my feelings after trip)..then, in few weeks, smoothly started feel weird. some stone feelings, some slowness. after that i smoked marijuana, like 10 or more times in september, marijuana coming down and hangover was really weird, also very strange thoughts while high, like i'm fucking mental patient..then i did weed again (in middle october) with 17 cubensis shrooms, i did not remember alot, but it was not bad trip (even euphoric bcz of weed i guess) with hangover and headache next day (some experience hangover even from weed, like me in last mouths, and with shrooms it's not very surprising...)..so i'll tell what i feel now 1. slowness (but now not. after some coffeine i feel better and even can dance, but mind still slow or weird, like in smoke you know), slowed thinking (subjectivly) 2. feel myself like brain damaged or oligophrenic, while can speak even on philosophical themes, even not in my main language,(sorry guys, my english not ideal, i think i can practise with you guys) 3. visual things like floaters, some visual noice, afterimages when look at sky (sky seems bright, sometimes very), light, or even on just things, or when coming in dark room. also very strange feeling when i look on geometric things like exercise book (square sheet), a regular square tiles, sometimes wallpaper looks strange (wallpapers i think because of snow) , or even my jacket, sleeve on pereferic sight it can flash or look weird, i can't explain it, it can move or just look weird. i think some traces but not very heavy. almost everything, except afterimages and noice is when i'm stoned (look down what i mean by stoned) when i look at the some pages (websites with wavy structure or even if not wavy), and turn my eyes away, i can see wavy or fluted shit in few seconds, like 5 or about so. it's afterimage? if yes, i experience it often. it's like you watch the sun, and you can spot after it,. when i look at words, i notice them like they outlined or with halo, can't say if its visual noice or something else. blue field entopic, but i think it's normal. just tried to stare at wallpaper for few seconds, noice, and it's very strange, few of the pieces of wallpaper changes, it's maybe because of light, not everywhere i can see that. i think i experienced something like this while trippin shhroms 4. in centre of sight some little sparks sometimes, it's hard to notice, or that because of visual snow idk they are pretty same 5.memory is bad, can forget words or things, but i heard derealization may be reason 6. main, (with mind slow and bad memory, and staring in point in front of my eyes, like indica stone,) the derealization (or maybe it's not). world seems distant, mind is foggy, really foggy, everything is not like it have to be. like i'm under hood, not just visual perception is distant , mind is foggy and distant too. year ago i experienced shit like that, ( i even came to psychiatrist) and i was also experiencing feeling of no thought, "empty head" 7. sometimes hard to speak, idk why, voice seems weird, i can say shit inapposite, or say something without any reasons, so i'm very inapposite. sometimes forget words. (probably depersonalization? voice seems weird ) 8. hypochondria and paranoia, i think i'm brain damaged, oligophrenic, schizophrenia, and other mental disorders. people often say something against me, or wanted to call cops and shit (even if they are not, i think they are going to do bad things, or watch out for cars, even sometimes watch for cops. no hallucination just suspicion and mistrust. (there is reasons for worry, but not so paranoid) 9.after run (i started running, thought that this will help me) i felt myself really worse, stoned as fuck and fogged. it's getting worse after physical exercise. also i think i'm feeling myself better tonight than after waking up. 10. when stoned, and my eyes stare at 1 point, then can unfocus and it's really hard sometimes to move my body (even when my eyes stoned i can type, that what i'm doing now, sometimes hard to move in another pose, while can speak and do something, so body and sight are "nailed". also strange feeling in body (like i'm becoming stone, excatly stone, or froze) 11. some headaches but it's maybe bcz of smart drugs, they are dilates blood vessels so not sure. i'm sleeping from 5 to 7 hours, sometimes 8, somewhen 8-12, or more and i still feel myself foggy and slow. so it's not always easy to speak with other people, hard to concentrate bcz when i relax even on 1 second i start to stone. people just can notice i'm abit slow and that's all, if i don't tell them they probably will not notice my troubles, so i think maybe it's ALL subjectivly and i'm not brain damaged? even no IQ lose? hppd isn't brain damage, i want to know is this is hppd or i burn my brains bcz of drugs ? not heavy use it may looks like brain damage but i think the foggy mind, memory, and distant and strange perception it's worst, visual things not getting me sick. i think it's DP and DR, not encephalopathy. i did review of my head blood vessels is okay, some little troubles with venous drainage in one side, but it's not bad. i did smart drugs, lots of them, they maybe even helped me, but my mind and perception are still foggy and distant. i have seen neurologogist, i think i visited 3 or even more. they said, vasoneurosis, astenia, hypochondria (3 different diagnosis from 3 doctors), said sleep more get rest and shit, but it started in summer, i was sleeping alot when it started, so idk. sometimes it was even hard to read a book, but now i think i'm able to read. p.s sorry for my english, i want to go sleep now, and you know that i think i'm very stupid after that starts,,,so sorry.please tell me can be this HPPD ? in my opinion, i want it to be DP DR not braindamage p.s2 no depression when i think it's hppd and it will gone, when i think i will live with that, i feel myself bad. but still good mood at all, i try to keep it p.s3 The visual problems of HPPD can occur along with other mental ailments. Of these, the most prominent are anxiety, panic attacks, depersonalization disorder, and depression. p.s4 i really hope that is HPPD, because then i will not really worry about it. also i don't use drugs anymore. even weed. weed relax body but mind become paranoid as hell. if you can say something, please, help me, because doctors are don't know what is HPPD and they will put in me in a psychiatric hospital or drug treatment clinic, although I have no dependencies and I can exist in a society, even with foggy perception.
  24. More or less, I was wondering what everyone thought about taking MDMA after recovering from HPPD. If anyone has any of their own experiences as well that would be fantastic. I'll give some background information to my HPPD to help you decide whether you think I could take MDMA again, and just in case anyone is interested in my HPPD journey. I'm pretty sure my HPPD is primarily, if not exclusively weed related. My symptoms have been visual (visual snow, moving lines, and by far my biggest symptom was violent shaking of my peripheral vision), anxiety (largely caused by the vision symptoms), and small amounts of DP/DR. My HPPD began in March 2015 and in the year prior to this I smoked weed a few times a week and took LSD, MDMA and 2CB a few times as well. However from December 2014 - February 2015 whenever I got too high I would experience the violent shaking of my peripheral vision for the duration of my high. In February I stopped taking drugs, and then in March the visual shaking began happening while I was sober. I then experienced all of the symptoms permanently. Hence I believe weed caused my HPPD because my symptoms began while I was high on weed. Since getting HPPD I stopped all drugs use completely besides alcohol (which has little if any effect on my HPPD). The first few weeks were hell, constant panic attacks about my shaky vision. Over the next 3 months, until June, my symptoms became manageable but still very uncomfortable. Since July I have no longer experienced the shaking of my peripheral vision whatsoever. I would say that I have been cured since around the beginning of October or mid-October. My DP/DR is completely gone. My peripheral vision no longer shakes. My only lingering symptoms are visual snow (which is dying down, I no longer get this every day and when I do it's very minor) and small amounts of anxiety, which I probably had before HPPD anyway. Straight lines still wiggle a little bit, but my symptoms are now essentially unnoticeable unless I focus on them, so I consider myself cured. I imagine that my symptoms will have gone entirely within a few months from now. So, bearing all this in mind, does anyone have any thoughts on taking MDMA on a rare basis from now on? I have no intention to smoke weed or take psychedelics in the foreseeable future, but I'm desperate to take 200mg of MDMA this weekend. I have never reacted negatively to MDMA in the last and not have I ever had any open eye hallucinations on MDMA.
  25. Hi, hope you guys are doing well. I'm starting my blog as many others do .. I took LSD 8 weeks ago and have a couple of concerning symptoms I would like to share with you. The 2 - 3 weeks after I took acid I was very dizzy / had vertigo (when I walked around it felt like being on a boat). I went to a doctor and an ENT-specialist, but they didn't find anything. The dizzyness now almost disappeard, but I still have a blurry vision especially when things or me : ) are moving fast. I still have a constant headache, even though it is also already better than at the beginning (I had awful neck pain at the back of my head). I still feel like having a constant hangover though! When I'm outside a lot I can feel that all the impressions are a lot to process for my head. E.g. the front of my brain is working a lot/is struggling processing all the information. I also feel sick most of the time .. which I think is due to my blurry/dizzy vision! I don't have a lot of symptoms described in the blogs/forum though (e.g. trails, frames, etc.) This is why I'm questioning that I have HPPD. Did someone have a similar experience? Does this end anyday soon? The last couple of weeks I didn't notice that it's getting better. I'm therefore afraid that it isn't going away. I started to freak out a little bit last weekend as it seemed to get worse again. Would love to hear your opinions? I planned to go to the Neurologist in a few days .. I don't think though this will be very helpful. Many thanks in advance.