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  1. Hi there, We are doing a psychology research study on HPPD as part of the University of West London. The title of this project is “Do anxiety and depression have a relationship with HPPD in relation to age and ethnicity?". We are inviting you to take part in a short online survey, and your participation would be entirely anonymous. This survey will only take 10-15 minutes. Anyone aged 18 or over can take part. This study is exploring an area of HPPD that is still unknown and has not been investigated before. This is because we are investigating not only the potential relationship between anxiety, depression and HPPD, but also how the demographic factors of age and ethnicity relate to this. The findings of this study could encourage far more research, expand our knowledge of HPPD and lead to a deeper understanding of how we can treat HPPD, and so the study may be published at a later date. If you would like to find out more or you are thinking about becoming a participant in this study, please select this link to open the survey and information form: https://uwlpsych.eu.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_6KBMKL1jBgi5eWq Thank you for taking the time to read about our study. Yours sincerely, Romy Misra and Leanne McDonald
  2. Im sure not all of you suffer from this, but i wonder in some cases would it be something to consider? So im not extremely familiar with how lsd binds or acts on dopamine receptors, but ive read that the dopamine action can cause underlying psychiatric disorders to come out if you were disposed to them. I had a bad lsd trip a little over a year ago, my thoughts were really intrusive and clinged onto tv shows like they were trying to tell me stuff, like i was going to end up gay, that i was going to end up going crazy and attacking my family, and that i should practise some kind of faith, anyways, the trip was pretty traumatizing and bad but i think thats because of the events that led up to it, i dont need to get into that. I ended up with hppd due to it. Over the last year ive talked to one guy who said he suffers from pure ocd, which involves intrusive thoughts, examples for that disorder was actually what my lsd trip was based on. I also suffer from what i would call porn induced erectile dysfunction, as porn rewires your dopamine receptors and creates new pathways for your penis, causes anxiety which can cause ocd. So i wonder, if my dopamine receptors are wired due to a chemical imbalance due to porn which causes my anxiety etc, is it possible that my porn problem actually was an underlying influence as to why it turned my bad lsd trip into an actual nightmare? People who suffer from PIED and porn problems can end up with visual snow like most people do with hppd. I posted here because, i know some of you have a lot of knowledge on how lsd acts on the brain, and was wondering if maybe, just maybe, there was a connection?
  3. Cab Psychotic - Flashback (Prod. DOOBIEMANE) Hello, to start my post I want to give my story about my hppd just a little bit. I am 19 years old and have had my HPPD for 2 and a half years now. I got it when I was 16 and frequently abusing psychedelics like LSD, Shrooms, and salvia way too much, especially for that age. I tripped about 25 times in the span of 5 months and after the first few times, it stopped being normal doses. I would always smoke way too much weed on top of taking the psychedelic which would propel my visuals and state of mind so far that it’s a wonder how I didn’t acquire hppd sooner than I did. I had acquired it two different times that year though actually. First, after I took a tab with over 250-300 mg of weed edibles, and almost a month after that when I just took one tab and for some reason everything exploded in my brain there. There’s a lot more but that’s the just of how I got my hppd. It was extremely difficult for me, especially through the first year but I have been getting better and learning ways to cope and deal with it for a long time now and I’m happy to say I’m a lot better. But sometimes, randomly, it will just get worse and spiral out of control and make me think I’m gonna be back in the time when I first got it, going to bed with geometric shapes and breathing everywhere. These days my VS, trails, afterimages, light auras, starbursts, and them being generally way too bright are my main problems. If I had to go back to the worst of it I feel I would sometimes rather not be here at all. It’s one of my biggest fears all the time but I’m learning to try and be ok that I’m here in a new place now and I’m a lot better than before. Now I have taken psychedelics again since that time, which I know on this forum is a very controversial thing so I won’t advise that anyone follow in those footsteps but just know it didn’t do much to me at all. The reason I chose to try at first was because I had read somewhere that there was a chance, like 50/50, that my visuals would either get a million times worse or they would just go away. I was at a very low point because it was the year anniversary of the day I got my hppd and so I decided to try it. In the end, neither really happened, I received some clarity from the experience and my visuals were a tiny bit worse for a week or so and then I was pretty much good. Again I would not recommend this as shown here in this forum, WE ARE ALL DIFFERENT and you may not be so lucky with that experience. It’s extremely dangerous to do to yourself and not worth it if it spirals you back to your worst states. Anyway, I as an artist and musician struggling with HPPD have made a lot, if not most of my music, about living with and dealing with this condition. This song is a hip hop song about having a flashback and being put into the state of mind that you never thought you would be in again, especially out of nowhere. I usually make hip hop and rap as I believe it fits my writing style a lot and it’s genuinely just very fun to make, but I also make a lot of rock, rnb, and pop stuff too. A little metal in there sometimes as well. I try to make music completely different than how music is made today, especially rap, I do have my fair share of fun songs about money and stuff like that, but the majority of my music is deep dives into dealing with mental health, physical health, and living life with a condition that impedes it everyday. A piece of advice I want to offer anyone here, a lot of you might already know; stress. Stress is and anxiety is one of the biggest triggers and offsets for our condition and in times of crisis and fear i often forget that managing that stress will also help with my visuals. On top of the fact that the visuals themselves stress me the fuck out too, it’s really hard to live our every day lives with this shit, something none of us truly knew was coming or why it had to happen to us. When I first got it I was so alone. Isolated from everything by this horrible thing. Irritable everyday to everyone around me. The first time I ever met someone else with the condition was ironically someone else who was seeing my therapist (didn’t make me feel too good though as I suffer from extreme dp/dr and it set me off and made me wonder how that is even possible). When I met him, it changed my life, I started to feel a lot better and less alone just because I had met someone like me. I never thought I would in person. And then something weird started, everyone around me still did drugs and psychedelics. My friends, they started to get it too, my girlfriend of 3 years got it, not just from psychedelic use but from combining Xanax and weed. I started seeing more people across the internet have it. This condition is becoming more and more common by the minute because of this new psychedelic renaissance that we have kind of entered. It’s an odd thing to see but maybe it’ll push research farther and soon we could see something that could help us. Ok I’m done with the entire essay now, I just felt like sharing my story and thought putting my art here felt right. This community and forum has done a lot for me, I’m very thankful for all of you. I wish you all a good day with less visuals and a better mental state. Stay safe everyone.
  4. I came across this great software that allows you to play the "Visual Snow Relief" Youtube video as a transparent overlay over your computer. Using it, you can watch it for long periods of time while still doing work on your computer. It's 100% free. Using this makes my symptoms a lot better while working. Here is the link to find more about the project. Scroll down a bit to see an explanation on how to download it and other details. Hope it helps!
  5. My name is Julia and I am a 19 year old college student with minor HPPD. Throughout high school I had a very negative view of all drugs (I was mainly only aware of weed and alc) so I was completely sober my entire life, but this quickly changed in college. My new roommate happened to be a pretty big stoner, and she would leave from our dorm multiple times a day to smoke weed. She also helped introduce me to other drugs like alcohol, shrooms, and most notably, LSD. We were both struggling pretty hard with mental illness (major depression caused by anxiety for me), and things really took a turn going into the winter months of the school year. While I was never partial to alcohol, I quickly discovered how much I loved weed and shrooms. I began to go with my roommate to her car every night, and I began smoking multiple times a day. I also tripped on shrooms as frequently as I realistically could (every 1.5-2 weeks), but I never took a dose above 1.5 grams. On top of this, my sleep schedule had become utterly FUCKED and I was 100% nocturnal. I was going to sleep at 8-9am and waking up at 5-6pm, skipping class, eating like shit, quitting my extracurriculars like rugby, and overall ruining my life. This continued and worsened until April, and I can confidently say that these were the worst months of my life to date. In these months, however, I tried LSD with my roommate for the first time. Our dealer had tabs that were supposedly 200ug, and I took a tab at around 9pm on April 4th, 2023. My roommate and I then proceeded to sit on the bathroom floor of our (suite style) dorm and talk nonstop for 6 hours. Time became fake. We even went to the bathroom IN THE BATHROOM and didn't leave after that. Our suitemate went to bed and woke up and we were still in the bathroom. After this, we decided to venture to her car to smoke, but we got distracted and ended up talking in her car for another 4 hours. In hindsight I am very glad I didn't smoke while tripping but I will get back to that soon. Anyway, my first acid trip totally and completely reset my sleep schedule. I had tried everything in order to fix it before to no avail. Entering the end of the spring semester I was able to actually start going to class and I managed to get my GPA up and save my scholarships. It was around this time that I got access to my own stash of weed and a joint roller and I was smoking more than I ever had. Before the school year ended, my roommate and I decided to take one last LSD trip as a last hurrah, and this is the trip that gave me HPPD. I took one and a half tabs of the same LSD I tripped on before, and I also felt the effects for around 15 hours. My trips were honestly very fun and I don't regret them, but my vision was never the same after this trip (may 9th 2023). I don't think I noticed at first or recognized any sort of problem, but I began to notice I saw tracers when I was high. I first remember realizing it when the bright screen of my vaporizer left a trail when I quickly moved it across my vision, but I actually thought this was cool instead of concerning because I am very fond of tracers while tripping. I only became aware of HPPD in the first place when I stumbled across that John's Hopkins survey posted to a random subreddit I was in. I was curious and clicked on it, and I realized that they were describing what I was experiencing. Now that I was thoroughly hyperaware of it, my anxiety kicked in. This all culminated in one night where I was smoking a bong at my girlfriends house late at night. I had gotten pretty damn high, and I sometimes get a little paranoid when I am high. In this moment I was dealing with VERY apparent tracers, major anxiety about them, AND I was tired, and I was freaked the fuck out. I drew the line when I thought I started seeing tracers when people were waving their hands in a youtube video I was watching that night, so I just went to bed. This was the night that I think permanently changed my hppd (early june 2023). I now have slight visual snow that is always there but way more apparent in dark settings/on darker colors/ on solid color surfaces. I see afterimages of really bright things in my vision that stick around for a good 10 seconds, but I also see afterimages of objects that simply contrast with their environment that fade after around 3 seconds. For example, if I look at this text I'm typing right now for a few seconds and then look away, I can still see the lines of text across my vision for a few seconds. This happens with every day contrasting objects like a rug on a bathroom floor or the lines on an AC vent, etc. It also happens with the fairy lights hung on my ceiling when I am tired, and they leave trails whenever I shift my eyes. I still see tracers but only with things that are very bright and moving quickly (phone screen against dark room, car taillights at night) and they are WAY MORE APPARENT at night/when I am tired. All of my symptoms worsen greatly when I am tired. I think my tracers have gotten better while my afterimages have gotten a little worse, but I also know it is pretty dumb to pay attention to small details like that every day. I am aware that all of this is pretty common with HPPD, and quitting weed/psychs has greatly reduced my anxiety about this because I know it is just a waiting game. I love weed but I don't know if I'll ever be able to return to it, even 5-10 years down the line. My HPPD pretty much does not bother me day to day as I'm living my life, and I know I'm very lucky for this. I'm grateful to everyone that has shared their stories because it encouraged me to quit weed, and I'm also greatful to everyone out there doing research on this. In a way, it forced me to live a healthier life by going almost completely sober, and I have also been eating/ sleeping well. My life is definitely improving greatly, and having a good headspace about HPPD is very important to me. It is also worth noting I have been on 10mg of lexapro for my anxiety that almost ruined me and I don't think it has had any negative affects on my HPPD. I have recently started drinking again after quitting due to a bad trip on shrooms a few months ago, and I don't think alcohol has had any affects besides being a bit worse while hungover but I have heard that that's normal for the most part. While my HPPD hasn't gotten better persay, I don't think it'll drastically worsen like it did when I got too high that one night. I very strongly believe that sleep is very tied to HPPD in some way, and I am very glad my first LSD trip reset my schedule and helped me get my life back on track. I know for a fact that I would be in a way worse place to be dealing with this if I hadn't gotten my life back together. I'd never encourage anyone to take hallucinogens, and I have been spreading the truth about HPPD to all that will listen. I have told all my friends about HPPD and I think it's scary how so many young people take psychedelics (including weed) without knowing about it, so I am going to continue to spread the word. I know it's bad to be hyperaware of it, (my therapist knows about it and I am planning on telling my psychiatrist (I don't want to be diagnosed)) but I am going to probably update this post maybe once a year for the sake of logging my progress/ helping other people understand this condition more. Anyway, this was just kind of a long ramble, but feel free to reach out and I'll totally be willing to talk more about my experience. (6/27/23)
  6. Hey guys, I've had type2, constant HPPD for about 25 years.. coming to that stage, and age in life where I may require glasses.. I can read fine generally, but if I stare at small letters for more than a few seconds they move into each other and halos start to blank parts out. I don't want to have a misdiagnosis in my eyesight because of this and subsequently make my eyesight worse by using the wrong prescription. Any advice from people who already wear glasses and have had eye tests, or those who have had to get some while having this condition would be appreciated.
  7. So it’s been over a month since I had my first panic attack due to my acne medication which also has left me with anxiety. I know for a fact I got health anxiety due to the fact I’ve been jumping from self-diagnosis to self-diagnosis but the thing I can’t shake is what if I have HPPD. The last time I took any drugs was last summer and since then I stopped taking them forever and never looked back since, drugs were never really for me anyway and I didn’t abuse them either. Only smoked weed about 10-12 times in total over the span of 3 years and took 1.5 grams of penis envy mushrooms once for my first and only time which led to an extremely bad trip. Now I mentioned that was basically last year so, after a panic attack that I had last month (might have been my 3rd or 4th) that’s when I noticed that when I stare and zone out I notice objects breathing or distorting almost but here’s the weird thing, this started a year later and again I never abused drugs like that, this only started happening after my anxiety started which again was because of my medication. So now I’m flip flopping back and forth whether I have HPPD or not because there have been 2 instances where I didn’t experience the whole breathing effect for a week straight and there are moments when I check for it and it doesn’t happen. I’m positive this is just my anxiety only because of the timing of everything but you know how anxiety is and how it’ll make you doubt and second guess everything. The only thing I have to know for sure is if I have HPPD or not as it’s the only thing my anxiety has been anchored to right now because everything else that was brought up with anxiety like death and depersonalization I’ve gotten over. Ever since I took those shrooms I’ve regretted it and never thought about taking drugs again but I’m scared of the fact that this one little mistake has ultimately changed my life forever. if you want more details about what’s going on you can check out the only other post on my account, thanks.
  8. Has anyone had any positive effects OR negative effects with kratom or valerian? Specifically red vein kratom. Does taking either of these plants affect your HPPD? In what way? Thank you!
  9. I apologize for my English (I write through a translator) in 2019, I used speed for about two months, at some point, symptoms appeared recurring with hppd, but not quite. 1. all people have ears stretched out like devils (the shape of the face has been changed) 2. the world is made of plastic (as if painted) - it looks like derealization 3. time dilation (cars are moving slow, it is difficult to calculate exactly the distance to objects, it looks like a state under marijuana) 4. ringing in the ears 5. headache in one reproduction very strong (right) 6. the most important thing is that some kind of transparent gel floats everywhere, it is everywhere (envelops all objects, you can touch it and move it) 7. Devided in two parts text Is there somebody anything like that? Special gel
  10. So I got very minor hppd from an acid trip around 8 months ago. After the trip I smoked weed and drank a couple times, then I started noticing static and such in my vision... so I have been clean from all substances for 5 months. The anxiety/ depression is much better, and the visuals are pretty ignorable unless in bad lighting and not very bad. If I continue to be healthy and abstain from drug use, having recently quit nicotine as well, do I still have the possibility of recovering? I've heard plenty of cases of ppl recovering and having visuals go away within 1-2 years and that's what I'm hoping for! Is this a possibility? Hppd is minor and I plan on staying healthy as I am 17 and workout on daily basis
  11. Anna

    NEED HOPE

    Hello, my name is Anna, I am 29. I have HPPD for 2,5 months, my life has become hell. Before I was dynamic, enthusiastic and funny, now I can no longer function normally, I am only a shadow of myself. I have very little hope due to my age, I'm afraid of never recovering. I am depressed and suicidal for the first time in my life. My story : I used cannabis daily for 10 years, from my 19 years to my 29 years, I stopped everything for 4 months this year, I felt so healthy and happy ! The last week of August I stupidly smoked every night while beeing on Prednisone (Corticoid) for a flu, until Monday the 28th when I woke up and nothing was like before. I did no bad trip. I also used small doses of Mdma (7), excstazy (20), mushrooms (2), LSD (1), cocaine (5) during the years 2018/2019 and only twice LSD in 2020. My symptoms started with a feeling of hangover that wouldn't go away but I knew there was something else, then derealization, dizziness, blurred vision and three days later I started experiencing all the symptoms of VSS. I didn't sleep for more than a month, I had to quit my job and go back to live with my parents (few days before the onset I had a promotion and find the house of my dreams). I passed all the tests, MRI, EEG, blood tests etc. All clean. Today I live daily with these symptoms: Full VSS (visual snow, static, pattern glare, afterimages, blue entoptic field, floaters, night blindness etc...) Constant dizziness Constant nausea Derealization Head pressure Tinnitus Anxiety/Depression Constant feeling of being high I have read many posts and I have already talk to people from this website, but I feel so hopeless that I wanted to post my story in order to know if a severe ça se like me had good chance of recovery, if some who recovered recognize himself. I feel so guilty, one joint too many and boom. I'm tapering off benzo because if think it's slows down my recovery and I didn't want to take other meds for the moment. I am just taking supplements and homeopathy. I walk 1 hour per day, meditate and do yoga sometimes, read some books, watch TV and cry a lot...
  12. Hey guys, I’ve been suffering VSS for 2 years into mild and not too symptomatic way, but last month it became so several worse and I want to ask you something about my symptoms because I am super confused and afraid. Let me explain my case. About 2 - 3 years ago I tried hashis cigarette from some friends, I had a really bad trip with visual hallucinogens (something that got me super anxious and depressed, I didn’t like the effect). After some weeks I got panic attacks and much anxiety, so my doctors prescribed me Sertraline 100mg and Lorazepam 1g per day. After some months of getting alright I started getting VS symptom, static dots in my vision like a TV. I went to the doctor but my vision was alright and my brain too, so as it didn’t bother me too much I lived with it for 2 years. On Summer 2019 I felt so good so I stopped the medication gradually, I stopped the full medication on December 2019. Last month I got too anxious because a medical test. So my VS got worse and I started with flashes in the eyes, palinopsia and severe nyctalopia. I also had a kind of bad tinnitus so I went to the doctor and got treated with Dacortin (corticosteroids). and also I had to start again with my psychiatrist medication because anxiety and obsessive compulsive intrusive thoughts. Nowadays my VSS is super severe but I also have some weird, uncomfortable symptoms, and I get something new everyday, I am super afraid. I have really severe symptoms: VS, palinopsia, nyctalopia, afterimages, really hard flashes at the edge of my vision, spontaneous and random black and bright dots that appear and disappear from the vision quickly, and also I have the perception of looking and object and the object moves so lengt but it only have a seconds duration. Everyday from 1 month symptoms get worse and worse, I had to stop working because my world is so distorted. Do you think it’s VSS, or HPPD?? What I can do and how I can be threated? I need help. I saw a lot of success on Clonazepam and Clonidine or Lamotrigine. Should I go to the doctor to get a prescription of those? I am super afraid, anxious and desesperated. I also have obsesive and intrusive thoughts about becoming schizophrenic, or suffering it for all the life. I can’t live with that, I feel like living into a psichedelic trip, and I NEVER tried LSD, cocaine, MDMA, or something like that, I have been always fear of these kind of drugs. So what do you think? Looking for your answer, thanks for your time and attention.
  13. Hello All! Hope everyone is doing well, if not follow the words of Winston Churchill "If you're going through hell, keep going" you can do this. I joined uni in September 2021 and to say the least, I made some bad choices with substance abuse. Below I have listed what substances and the frequency I used them: Weed/Hash/RSO | Every day, anywhere from 3 to 15 joints a day just to exist in a high state. LSD | Most weekends, most of the time double dropping 200ug tabs, some days even going as far as 5 tabs spread over the day, this only happened twice. 2C-B | This was the worst as I am sure I become addicted to the drug and only stopped because my dealer ran out, taking 30mg pills multiple times a week. Psilocybin | Taken every couple of weeks to a month between usage. My highest dosage was 3.7g of AA+ mushrooms which was my first bad trip, I never want to go back to that place nor will I. MDMA | Once or twice a month, I would take a little bag of 0.3g - 0.5g and key that through the night. Ketamine | This was infrequent as I hated the taste so I used this probably 3 times over 6 months. Cocaine | I tried 2 bumps of cocaine both times I hated it. Speed | Only tried once and couldn't sleep until 5 the next day, weirdly I didn't feel highly energised, just felt focused. Kratom | Only tried once. The most I took at once was at a campfire with a group of friends and again I need to list what I took in just one night: 2 tabs of LSD 3 30mg 2C-B 1 gram of MDMA 1 250mg MDMA pill 800mg of weed edibles Joints when they were handed to me. I hadn't tripped in about 4-8 weeks when I got back home and on the 28th of June, I had a friend message me saying "I have some strong weed that makes me prang out" of course I needed to try this and invited him over, I smoked a joint and went to bed. Shortly after is when I got the worst case of cold sweats I have ever had along with shaking, the feeling of impending doom, and genuine belief I was about to die, safe to say the weed did in fact make me prang out. After a couple of hours of comfort from my girlfriend and a cold shower, I managed to get to bed, when I woke up all the symptoms of what I now know is HPPD were apparent. The following night, intense shaking/convulsing ensued waking my girlfriend up, and out of fear for my life and thinking something was wrong I called a friend and had them take me to the A&E (I live in the UK by the way), 10 hours later I was seen by a doctor and given the all-clear after my blood and ECG all came back clear. I have visual snow now, quite apparent halos around text, persisting positive lights that stay in my vision after looking at bright lights, constant headaches, and having more anxiety than I have ever experienced. I also have been having episodes of intense vertigo followed by nystagmus (In my case my eyes shaking left and right with rapid speed, I have also confirmed this is not BPPV, also I have recorded my eyes during one of these episodes and they do not move, leading me to believe this is some kind of damage to the brain. I am going to talk to a doctors about this soon. I have also visited an optician to have an OCT scan of the backs of my eyes and an in depth look of my eyes and they seem to be in perfect health, again leading me to believe this is an issue not associated with my eyes. After completely sobering up from everything instantly after the A&E trip, I have now accepted the fact that I am dealing with HPPD, to increase my chances of recovery I am now taking multiple vitamins including B1 B2 B6 B12, and a plethora more (The exact multivitamin I am taking now) I am starting to eat slightly better by having my own packed lunches and starting to eat fruit, sleeping better usually from 11 pm to 7 am or around that time, and have started drinking a lot more water along with swimming intermittently. Is there anything else I can do or change to increase my odds of recovery? Best regards,
  14. Hello. I am McCabe Mostoller and I’m now 17. I got this shit two months before my birthday after a really wrong acid trip that fucked my life backwards. I’m here to say YOU will get better. But I’m gonna give the truth. I have lived with this for what feels like years when in reality it has only been a set of months. I’ve been in therapy the whole time and I luckily got a therapist who not only understands but is treating someone else with the same issue, who in fact, lives in the same place as me. Which yes a lot of the time distresses my brain and makes me believe I’m not living or I’m dreaming or whatever, all that dumb stupid shit. But none the less the more time goes on the more I am able to live with this condition. Now the question of does it get better, the symptoms anyway? Yes and no, for me my visual symptoms have more of switched I guess, they aren’t the same as they used to be but that doesn’t mean their worse. Even if they were because I’ve had it for so long, or what feels like an eternity to me now, I’ve learned how to somewhat come to terms with it. Some days it’s worse some days it isn’t. My advice with that is, don’t worry about the visuals or feelings going away, try to worry more about yourself learning how to live and deal with it. Because I think for all of us this is trauma. You gotta learn to deal with it like any other trauma, even if you have trauma already and you think this is much much worse. It might be. But you have no control over that part. But you are able to figure out how to respond to it. I’ve made stupid mistakes while having this condition because of being so depressed. I went back to weed multiple times, then stopped, went back, constant cycle you know. And yes it did make it worse during the time and for about a week or two after I would stop smoking marijuana. Of course that thought in my mind always wants me to go back to psychedelics, but of course I’m not gonna do that to myself, it’s like another intrusive thought. Part of me wants to but I know I won’t do it. It’s hard of course. But one interesting thing is I stayed in my house for most of the time after getting this as I have a fear of the outside, especially at night haha (I’m sure you all understand). But when I do it’s usually for work and school (I also attend a more laid back school, I only go two days a week for two hours. If you want to know how this is possible just dm me and I’ll explain what it is). I’m starting to feel the stress of the outside world seep into me again which ironically is both horrible and refreshing. Of course I don’t want both the weight of this shit and outside problems on me. But I locked myself away and isolated for so long that it feels nice to see the outside of my head every once in a while even if the stress In turn makes me symptoms worse. I like to think living with this is like living with a handicap for a video game. You always gotta try to avoid difficult situations cause anything can really set you off and spiral you into a panic attack and In turn spiral your vision too haha. I hate it. However the more you live with it again, the easier it gets to deal with this “veteran difficulty” type thing you’ve got going on. Sorry I know I’m making a lot of jokes and puns here but I haven’t been able to about this for so long and I’m trying to just be cool with it for a little bit of time before it decides to spike up again. My life is weird. I don’t understand. Like many of you, I think I’m dreaming or dead. I have this thought that I’m actually constantly dying and changing to other parallel universes. Like quantum immortality. Yeah saying it all out loud to people that aren’t my therapist and it also just being typed on a page makes me sound crazy. Idk, I’ve learned I can’t control my thoughts for a while but hopefully soon that will change. One weird thing that this condition has done to me is really screw up my actual dreams. I have a lot of waking dreams, if you know what those are, and dreams where I am in the place I fell asleep and I wake up in the dream and something happens that didn’t actually happen and then it makes me believe it really did happen, which is part of the reason I believe I’m shifting realities. Yeah there’s a lot messed with my brain. That’s why I gotta be doing therapy. But if you struggle with any of those other things that I struggle with just know you’re not alone even if it feels like it. I don’t know you. But I’m here supporting you with my thoughts. I know how hard it is. But don’t let it beat your ass for too long, you’re a strong human being, I mean you’re living with a very hard disorder. So am I. And there’s now progress for research and all this great stuff happening. People are starting to recognize this. People are starting to care. So don’t give up. Please. It does get easier. I promise. JUST DONT DO ANYMORE DRUGS UNLESS YOU KNOW THEY DONT INTERACT WITH YOUR SYMPTOMS. Trust me you don’t want to be the thing that makes it worse for yourself. It sucks. Anyway, hope you guys find your ways and abilities. I love you all and happy new year. Hope this is the one that can free us all if not get us closer to leaving this prison cell of this disease in our heads.
  15. To me: I am 20 and have had HPPD since 4 years. I am from germany so please forgive my bad writing. So what can be said about HPPD? HPPD what I think is always 2 things: The visual and the feelings that come with it. The visual itself is neutral. You cant "feel" the visual. The visuals may trigger feelings but feelings=feelings, visuals=visuals, agree? Out of this understanding it doesnt matter how your eyesight is. The feelings (anxiety, anger, sadness, frustration) are the thing you need to put your energy on. You cant really help yourself clear the vision (it will happen by itself or never) but with your feelings you can do a lot. And the end of the journey may be a forfilling life... Stop wasting all your time waiting for a medicament that will clear the eyesight. Even if smth like this comes out it wont make you feel any better. Break the illusion that your "bad" situation is only related to your eye sight. That is and will always be fake. Yeah having this condition in your vision isnt the best at all I understand but its not as huge as you make it. The real "problems" are somewhere else in you... trust me. And with that you could now start the process of self care! Start accepting yourself! Start taking yourself serios! Start trusting yourself again! My way was and is meditation (zen). But you can do anything. Yoga, therapy and and and... 2022 is the easiest year to get depressed and sad and shit but also the easiest way to get happy and thankful! You legit just have to google how! If you dont start getting out of your comfort zone your whole life gonna be like this. Do you want that? Sorry for being so harsh. Best wishes. ^^
  16. Hello and Happy New Year. I am new to the forum and how I got here was from watching a Vice interview with Andrew Callaghan, who has/had a YouTube channel called "All Gas No Brakes". If you are not aware of him, he does a type of Gonzo video journalism with some pretty hilarious results. Anyway, at the end of the interview he mentioned how he had HPPD and had gotten it from overuse of mushrooms which he started using at 13 and he's now 20 something. Anyway, I had never heard of HPPD so I decided to look it up, and that led me down the rabbit hole of YouTube videos, some medical journals and then finally to this forum. After reading about it now for many hours over the last two days, seeing some examples of what it could be it and hearing others' experience with HPPD, it made me wonder if this is something that I have had now, in varying degrees, for over 30 years? Let me explain: I am now 47 and I first took acid when I was 13 and did it twice. Then, when I was 15 until 18 I went full on into the acid world along with almost daily pot smoking which caused my school performance to go completely down the tubes. I went from being an A/B student to just graduating from high school. I eventually stopped using acid when a particularly bad trip, which was brought on by too much pure liquid LSD followed by some serious pot smoking, caused me to have a serious meltdown, making me feel as if I was in some type of cartoon land. It was very scary. I know now that part of what I felt that caused the exteme panic was depersonalization. I felt completely disconnected from the real world, and my friends I was with. I had had some other meltdowns in the past but this one was a doozy. I only did acid one more time after that and after that last trip I remember that the after effects seemed to linger longer than normal and kind of caused me some anxiety and paranoia. I believe that this was also when a fear of choking on my food began to rear it's ugly head. That I have gotten under control now. Around this time, age 18, I also quit smoking weed regularly. Whenever I would do it, feelings of the bad trip would come back, making me anxious, uncomfortable and on some occasions causing depersonalization. Of course at the time, I had no idea what it was. I just felt very weird and outside of myself and wondered if I would ever feel normal again. Of course, I told no one not even my friends about it and just privately dealt with it until I eventually just learned to accept it for what it was (even though I didn't know what "it" was until now). I knew however that taking drugs was not good for me which is why I pretty much cut them out. All except for alcohol. I took magic mushrooms a few times in my 20s, which was fine (no freak outs) and then 5 years ago, when I was 42, I took a microdose for the first time in over 20 years. The experience, since it was very mild, I remember as being quite enjoyable. I don't seem to remember any negative effects other than having a hard time falling asleep due to the visuals with my eyes closed. The next day was also a bit of a struggle. I have never done MDMA, ketamine or other synthetic drugs. While I am fairly anxiety-free now, in my early 20s, which wasn't long after I quit both LSD and pot, I began to have panic attacks. My first one happened when I was 21 and at the time I didn't know what was happening, I just felt like I was having a flashback. It was brought on now doubt, due to my living at the time, which was just existing, and being under a lot of both mental and personal stress. They continued at completely random times for a few years until they went away. This was probably due to my having started to exercise and eat better when I hit 24, and my way of living was getting better. I also did cocaine for the first time and did it very sporadically until about age 35. I continued drinking primarily and then smoking pot when the mood struck me. The decision to get high would usually turn out to be a bad idea because I would always do it when I was drunk. One particular episode when I was 36, of drinking and smoking more than I usually did (one or two bowl hits) led me to have only what I can refer to as a "pot black out" where I don't remember what I did for an hour or more until I came to or began to sober up. I guess it was a DP/DR thing. All I know is that my girlfriend at the time, who was a huge stoner, didn't like the fact that I ran off with a married woman and wandered around this music festival with her for an unspecified period. I often wondered if the weed was laced but it just turns out that weed strains now are very potent. During my teens I started to drink and have continued to do so. For a while it was beer and then wine before turning into drinking hard liquor on a daily basis. At first it didn't seem to be any problem but it eventually began to make me wonder three years ago if I was turning into an alcoholic. Not to mention I was also having depression, anxiety, etc. But again I didn't make the connection between the two. I was also exercising regularly, eating healthy, meditating, doing yoga and other good things. During the pandemic I decided to cut way back on my drinking and smoke more weed. I had always had an on/off again relationship with weed since I cut it out in my teens due to reasons listed above but now I am beginning to think that I need to cut it out once and for all because it aggravates what I believe to be HPPD. It's a shame though, because I feel that now I can truly enjoy weed again after not being able to for so long. Even times when I have gotten too high, while it can feel a little uncomfortable, I can manage. I am sure this all has to do with age, self-awareness and knowing how to handle anxiety. My HPPD symptoms, if that is truly what it is are the following: 1. Mild visual snow when in mid to darkly lit rooms or outside at night. 2. Things changing shape, etc if I stare too long at them or until I blink. This is especially a problem watching TV or having a conversation with people. If I stare (zone out) at the TV or anything too long, after a while everything else in the background will seem to melt away. I have to shake myself out of it. Maybe this is why I don't like to watch a lot of TV?? 3.After images, I seem to get this a lot from computer screens, which is why I have started wearing blue screen glasses 4.Ghosting of things. 5. Floaters. 6.When I was younger and this probably began after I first tripped, I use to always get crazy visuals at night when I would fall asleep. I don't have them so much anymore but every now and then, usually after too much caffeine, I can get little spots of light in my vision. 7.If I concentrate hard enough on things like my carpet, crazy designs, etc. I can "see" vague images but they are not enough to cause me any panic. 8. Reading in dark mode on my IPad at night, in the dark, can also make text kind of weird causing some ghosting. 9. I play music and sometimes after having stared at music notation for a period, the notes can seem to change ever so slightly. While I don't see them now I am sure there was a time when I would get trails from objects, albeit very subtle. I always thought that this had something to do with my bad eyesight: I wear contacts and have an astigmatism in my left eye. At the same time, ALL these things can get amplified when I smoke pot,drink or do both, which I usually do, and will usually persist even when I am sober. They have also happened after having taken an Delta-8 THC edible. Perhaps this is why I feel just as stoned and out of sorts on D8 THC as I do on regular THC? Over the last few years, since I started smoking pot again (or whenever I have decided to smoke it again), I have noticed these HPPD symptoms ramping up. The same thing with OCD, which I only realized I had a few years ago, even though I had gotten negative or weird thoughts throughout my life since I first used either LSD, pot or both. I sought treatment a few years ago after a period of regular pot smoking mixed with alcohol was causing some more than normal intrusive negative thoughts, and causing me some anxiety. I even saw an OCD specialist for a bit, which helped. While I didn't want to believe it at the same time I am 100 percent certain that the pot use caused it. Based on the HPPD survey that you can sign up for on the first page of this forum, I now believe that early age psychedelic use has caused the following symptoms in my life and have been with me since I was a teen. Again, I never made the connection until I came across HPPD, this forum and took the survey. 1.OCD 2.Vertigo - completely took me by surprise but it makes sense because when I was a kid, before I started using drugs, heights didn't bother me as much as they do now. 3.Chronic back pain?! 4.Panic attacks (though I don't have them anymore) 5.HPPD 6. Social anxiety (not so much anymore). I am more introverted than not but I have to be on when I teach, which is my day job. Other things I have considered that may also be due to my early use of psychedelics: I also don't really like driving at night and its made even worse when it rains. This is due to the halo effect that I can get from on-coming cars' headlights. I am not sure if this is HPPD or not but just thought I would mention it. I could never get those damn "Magic Eye" Puzzles to work. Every time I would zone out on the image and try to see the hidden picture the design would just blur out into nothingness. Certain patterns really hurt my eyes It takes me a while to adjust to darkness For a long time I did reality based visual art and now when I do any sort drawing, especially abstract, I have to try really hard to not get too caught up in whatever random patterns I am creating. Anyway, if HPPD is what I have had with for this long (almost 30 years) then I have learned to deal with it. It is what it is as they say. My life now is the best it's ever been: I am married, have a career I love, and have just a basic quality of living that I had when I was younger; I am sure that has helped a lot. Meditation and mindfulness has helped get my OCD under control and now I am going to cut out both pot and alcohol for at least a month and see what happens. I didn't realize that caffeine can aggravate HPPD and I drink at least 3-4 cups a day so, maybe I need to either cut that out too or at least just have one cup each day. I had Covid-19 as well in 2020, before I was vaccinated, and I wonder now if the 'brain fog" amplifed my HPPD a bit? It is obvious from having read some of the other posts on this forum that my case is not as bad as others and nor was it ever to the point where I couldn't function normally day-to-day. However, it is safe to assume that because I used drugs at such a young age, before my brain was fully developed, HPPD, along with the other symptoms that I have listed above, has been with me a long time. It is just now that I am realizing why that is and for that I feel like I have made in a huge leap in my day-to-day life. Again sorry, for the length of this but I feel I had to get it all out there as a way to help me process it better.
  17. Hi guys, this is my first post so apologies if I'm doing something wrong. Is there anyone here who got HPPD from Mescaline/Peyote and only that? Logically, any psychedelic can cause HPPD, and Mescaline is a psychedelic. It's a Substituted phenethylamine, just like 2C-B, which can cause HPPD. However, I have yet to find a single case of someone getting it from just mescaline. John Halpern did a study on some Native Americans, some of which had used Peyote hundreds of times, and found no cases: "We specifically screened the 80 potential participants... in the peyote group for a history of hallucinogen persisting perception disorder (“flashbacks”);... none reported this condition." Mescaline is not a common drug by any measure, but I would expect to find at least one case. I emailed a Native American church and out of thousands of people who the respondent had guided through Peyote trips, none reported HPPD. The closest things I found were Havelock Ellis's "heightened sensitivity to the more delicate phenomena of light...", which I don't believe is HPPD as his report was very positive about Mescaline, or "Fleeting Afterimages" reported after mescaline by 4 people who were administered it in a study mentioned here. Sartre also reported being followed by crabs for years after using mescaline, but that doesn't sound like HPPD. The other cases of HPPD mentioning Mescaline invariably mentioned use of many other psychedelics, and Mescaline was never the one last used before the onset of HPPD. If anyone here got HPPD from mescaline or any mescaline-containing plant, then I'd love to hear about it, and if not perhaps we need to look into whether Mescaline could be considered safe - or at least safer.
  18. Hello my name is Lucca. I was born and raised in South Africa, Cape Town and have lived here for most of my life. I am a Male at 26 years of age (1994). I trained and studied to be a Chef and graduated from College in the year 2013. I had been working as a Chef in the industry in various countries since then (South Africa, Spain & France). For the past year I have been running my own business fixing Surfboards. Its a small business only consisting of myself but I am able to pay the bills with the income I make from it. I can also say that my work makes me happy and I am satisfied with my results so far, considering the circumstances, especially here in South Africa where I am currently living. I developed Hppd & DR/DP when I was in Grade 8. I was about 13 years of age at the time. It had been onset from the use of Cannabis. I did not know what was happening to me at the time. All I knew was that the Weed that I had smoked had caused it. I went on trying not to think about everything that was suddenly happening to me. The difficulty I was experiencing in my academics due to constant visual illusions, derealization (felt like I was seeing the world from 3rd person view which affected my spacial awareness which in turn affected my ability in Sports tremendously), complete inability to concentrate (I have Adhd. That became much worse after onset of Hppd & DR/DP) and the increased general anxiety was all a very terrifying experience at the time. I was too afraid to tell anyone about what I was going through and when I did try come out to tell my friends or family they all just thought I was either lying or overreacting/dramatizing. So I immediately learnt at that tender young age that this was not something I could get help for from anyone I knew and that I just shouldn't speak about it. I believed for a long time that I was the only person in the world who had this very unique condition. So I kept it in as my little secret for many years before finally one day meeting someone else who also had Hppd and who had been to specialists in the field who knew about the condition and who was able to give me very usual advice and understanding of the condition I had now come to better understand. So eventually I came to terms with everything and decided that I was just going to accept things for what they are and try move forward with my life. I tried to be as normal as possible, in my friends group at the time, which meant I would have to smoke more Weed. Which I did.. Allot more. I remember putting myself deeper and deeper into that psychedelic hole of derealization. I remember sometimes I would smoke Weed and have the best high. And 9/10 times I would smoke and have panic attacks, paranoia, fear, intense hallucinations and anxiety beyond comprehension. This went on for years where I would go for periods without smoking, seen slight recovery, then just relapse and binge smoke back into that psychedelic hole that I seemed to want to put myself in so bad. Eventually when I was 15. Mushrooms and Acid became a thing among me and my friends group. I remember my nickname at High School. It was "Shrooms" which eventually turned into "Grampa". The latter has actually stuck with some of my older friends. But then, unfortunately Shrooms and Acid had become my new "Weed". I would drop Weekly and trip on Shrooms every 2nd-3rd day. Allot of these trips were with different friend groups but I found that allot of my psychedelic experiences regarding Acid n Shrooms to have been Solo trips. Usually just me and my Dog, Max, up in the Sand Dunes just above my parents house where I grew up. I swear there was something about those Dunes that were just so surreal and that made those Trips just a little "more" than any other place that I had "adventured" in at the time. Less to say that those years of my life brought on unimaginable levels of Hppd. Eventually after failing 3 grades and being expelled out of 3 different schools I quit all drugs. Im not sure how I did it but I finally got my education and graduated from Chefs Academy. Still battling with a constant harrowing of Hppd visuals and experiences that just did not seem to diminish over time. Years later I had noticed a substantial recovery in my Hppd Visuals since absence from all Psychedelics (including the use of Cannabis). I believe I had almost made a full recovery from my Hppd where only times of fatigue, illness or use of Alcohol would I get symptoms that were noticeable enough to cause some disturbance to me. I started Wellbutrin recently to help with some depression that I have been dealing with due to a relationship with a Girl ending (3.5 years). The Wellbutrin helped with the depression almost immediately but brought on extreme anxiety and panic attacks with it. Generally made things very speedy with the high anxiety/panic you would experience from smoking a really big Bowl in an uncomfortable environment. After 10 days I could not carry on anymore. I have recovered from my depression, on the most part and I am functioning normally with business good as per usual. But now what has returned is my Hppd, in full force. Visual Snow, Tracers, Optical illusions and vivid color changes have all returned. It has definitely been a couple of years since I have experienced Hppd like this. It's honestly a bit refreshing. Kinda like visiting a place you haven't been in for many years. Or seeing an old friend after a long time. I definitely wouldn't call it a pleasant feeling as those examples I just gave could possibly be but I would definitely not compare it to the negative feelings that went with the initial onset of the Hppd my first time around. I feel allot more prepared for this, this time. I don't feel the anxiety from the visuals like how I used to all those years ago when symptoms were closely similar. And whats more is that I feel comfortable talking about it this time around. In fact I am here writing this post to share what little experience or advice I can to anyone who may benefit or find comfort from it. If even only just a little. So what little advice I can give to those of you just finding out that you have Hppd is to just breathe and try focus on the positive, regardless of whatever small positive you can find. Everything can be quite intense in the beginning and it will seem as if it will never improve or go away. Just have patience. In time you will learn to accept everything for what it is and be able to carry on with your day as normal as possible. In time you will notice it less and have it interfere with you less as you get more accustomed to the constant stimuli. I found with myself that once I finally accepted things for as they were and completely stopped all aggravators of Hppd (Psychedlics etc). That my symptoms did improve in time. So much so that I could say I had almost made a full recovery of all my Hppd symptoms in a period of about 5/6 Years from the last time I used any narcotic (other than alcohol. Alcohol definitely makes hppd symptoms seem worse for the day drinking and the days recovering from the hangover, for me at least). So there is hope, even though it might seem as if there is none. So just remember you are not alone and there are other people in this world who have experienced and who are currently going through a similar journey as yourself. For those of you who are looking to treat yourself for depression with Wellbutrin. I would suggest proceeding with caution as it increasingly worsened and completely stirred up my mostly recovered Hppd from within the first 2 hours after taking my first dose. On that note I would like to ask if anyone has had a similar experience with Wellbutrin worsening their Hppd symptoms? I would like to know how many doses of Wellbutrin did they take before ceasing administration and how many days, weeks, months, years have they been recovering from the increased symptoms of Hppd due to their Wellbutrin intake?. F.Y.I I am on day 2 since my last dose, after dosing for 10 consecutive days at 150ml XL. Symptoms are the worst that they have been in years. I am remembering now how uncomfortable Hppd can be again but I am trying not to let it get to me. Rather just being fascinated by it all and attempting to proceed through my day as "usual" as possible. I apologize for my poor grammar and word order. I hope this piece above can be easily enough understood and I hope it can bring some sense of hope or strength to someone battling with their Hppd. Just remember you're not alone in this world with this. That has been something that has given me strength.
  19. I think my condition is caused by usually mixing differant drugs like 2cb, lsd, shrooms, 25I nbome, noids, mdma, amphetamines, ketamine etc. mostly with weed. I have been more or less ok with my symptomes but since i started using ritalin a bit more than a week ago 10mg twice daily it got worse, should i keep using it or will it keep getting worse. I have also recently tried Sertralin, seroquel, diazepam and mirtazapin. Everything seems to make it worse exept diazepam. Any ideas for treatment other than these drugs? Which drug(s) helped you the most with symptomes of hppd? (Sorry for bad english)
  20. Hello guys , so i have been suffering for 2 months and half from hppd caussed by alcohol , i smoked weed 8 month ago had a bad trip and stopped using it i was not having hppd after the bad trip,so it’s maybe related to the cause of alcohol i have been sober until now,i don’t see any improvement, it’s getting worse at night especially. i want to hear your opinion about those 2 supplements CoQ10 and vitamin D , some pepole reportd good improvement with this 2 supplements as you can see here 1.what your thoughts about it 2.if you try it especially CoQ10 one https://www.tapatalk.com/groups/thosewithvisualsnow/a-discussion-with-dr-weatherall-the-leading-visual-t7745.html ” I had after images, halos around objects, trailers, bolts of lightning, and of course, VS. I still had a headace after my initial onset and had to go to a doctor to get meds to relieve the headache. After I started taking 400 mgs of CoQ10 for some time, I suddenly noticed that the after images, halos around objects, trailers, bolts of lightning had ALL DISAPPEARED”
  21. Hi everyone: I’d like to share more about my HPPD experiences. As I told you in my previous post, my name is Marco, I’m Mexican and I’ve got HPPD for more than four months now. This forum has been way far the best source of information, inspiration, awareness and counseling with the condition I’ve found during this period. My psychologist insists it is an addiction issue, and my friends despite being friendly and supportive with me, they cannot fully understand what I am going through. So I hope some of my reflections and ideas help others just as reading about your own stories guys helped me a lot when I was first disorientated and felt lost at the beginning of this journey. First I’d like to tell you I’ve always been interested on politics, society, abstract ideas and concepts, culture and subjects related. HPPD seemed to take that away from me for a while. In the last two weeks I’ve been able to start reading again the topics I do enjoy, and to really feel interested about them, something I did not feel able to do for more than 120 days. I am studying an International Relations bachelor in one of the most prestigious programs in Mexico. My dream is to work either as a diplomat for the Mexican government or to join the United Nations and contribute in some of its programs and institutions, such as the World Food Program, UNICEF or Human Rights. My goal is to mark a difference on people’s lives and improve the quality of life on developing countries, weak democracies and humanitarian crisis. The first two months of HDDP I was not interested at all one those issues anymore. I was struggling not only with my physical pain but with a pretty strong brain fog that did not allowed me to think clearly on the topics addressed by my teachers and university. Academic tasks felt difficult to be done and not worth it. I also lost passion on some of my other hobbies: running, playing sports, hanging out with my friends and discussing about any subject with them. I am also a huge soccer fan, so I lost all my team’s season -luckily they made it to the Play offs and now they are playing next week in my hometown- and I did not watch a single match. It was a slow and sometimes desperate process not to feel any interest about stuff anymore. I once read one book -the two Popes- and although an interesting reading- I did not think like I fully enjoyed it. All of this happened to me meanwhile traveling across Mexico. So I saw many spectacular places and met the most interesting people. But again, I kind of felt I was being fake with my environment, instead of truly showing how I felt. Maybe a month ago I started watching a lot of films on Netflix, and that really helped. It was a relief for me to notice I was becoming capable again to follow and fully understand a story, but the most important fact for me was the feeling of actually having fun. Then I decided going for a run maybe 3-4 times a week, and that also helped a lot. I guess it is the hormones the brain segregate when I work out, a similar reaction when eating something you like or having sex. I mean, I am not a physician or a health expert but that’s the basic knowledge I have about how the brain works. After movies it tryed small readings. Looking for articles on the newspapers and media outlets I like -The New York Times, El País, The Guardian, Washington Post and CNN- and addressing the international issues I am more into: the Venezuelan crisis, the Israeli-Palestinian conflict and so on. Last week for example, I engaged reading an article about the Cuban exiled community in Miami, and it was something that kept me like an hour totally immersed on it, sometimes forgetting about my HPPD. I also discovered some other hobbies, like cooking. Something that I am frankly good at and that I never tried before. Now I intend to cook dinner at least twice a week. It’s something fun and motivating. I’m glad my mental clarity is showing from time to time. Now I do experience more “lucid” moments that before and without knowing the exact reason I guess it could be due the way I’ve tried to put my mind to work. Also sleeping has been important, and even tough my nutrition is not the greatest -I’ve actually gained some weight in the last month- I am not drinking anymore, neither smoking or drinking coffee. In general I believe my physical aspect reflects my improvement. I just had a haircut two days ago. I think I look sharper, and generally my presence and even the way I speak feels better. Also the interaction I’m having with my friends in social media and even the dating and flirting I’ve been into the last couple of weeks feels right. I do not feel a 100% well, not even close, but I guess I’ve noticed being in a good mood definitely helps. Of course I also have my bad days, on which I don’t even want to get up from bed. I guess there are cycles and momentums, so I’m just trying to live the good ones, and make them more frequent. I’m soon coming back home. I don’t know how the interaction with my parents and brother is going to be like. I feel excited about the opportunities I have in my hometown, about hanging with my closest friends again, and generally about the positive aspects of being home: more money, free time, my own space, a car, and the list goes on. I’ll keep you updated about my process and the way I’m facing it. I may see a doctor next week, I just talked with my parents and they decided it’s the best option by now. Please tell me more about you guys and the tips, recommendations, tricks and everything that could be helpful for me please. Also if you want to discuss any specific topic feel free to comment or to send me a message. Thanks a lot for reading, hope you have an amazing day and keep fighting. You are not alone and we are all on this together. Sincerely, Marco S
  22. Hello everyone: My name is Marco, I am a 21 year old student living in Mexico. I'd like to tell you my story, my toughts towards HPPD and the lessons I've learnt from this experience. I developed HPPD on January 2021. I was throught a bad emotional moment, due to the pandemic and a broken relationship. Since august 2020 I had decided to try LSD so I did it with a couple of friends. I did it twice, both times in parties and drinking alcohol. having as a result pretty mild experiences. I've never really been into drugs: I'd tried weed before, a couple of times, also in social situations, but I was never a regular consumer. Then on October me and one of my best friends had mushrooms, which were actually very strong. I did not enjoy it at all, but nothing bad happened after that time. Then, at the beginning of this year, I bought acid and made the decision to have an LSD trip for the first time without alcohol or any other distraction. In fact I don't know if it was LSD or something else -based on the research I've been into these recent months it could've been N-BOME.- and had a horryfing bad trip, with lots of negativity and hopeless thoughts. The upcoming day everything changed. I almost had no sleep after the trip, as I was heading home from a holiday, and all the hallucination symptons remained more that two days. I almost had a panich attack and I had to tell my parents the situation as I thought I really needed to see a doctor or go to the hospital. Fortunately I was able to calm down and had some sleep after 36 hours. Since then I'm on this journey. I talked with some of my friends about my syptoms but everyone told me the same: they were normal, LSD may have some flashbacks and that it was nothing I should worry about. But the weeks passed and I was not feeling any better, but the opposite. Since my university classes are online now due the pandemic, I got a job on a hostal near the beach in Mexico. My plan was to travel the country as the school allowed me to take the remote classes wherever I was. My departure was scheduled one week after the LSD trip, so I almost decided to cancel it and to stay home. But finally I decided to travel anyway and here's wher I am right now. I must say some of my symptoms have improved a little since this started. But some have worsen at moments. Generaly I feel better than two months ago. February and March were definitely the worst period for me. I barely could not concentrate on my classes and tasks. I was drinking a lot, so I felt bad all day long. I had terrible headaches and pain in the eyes. My visuals were strong and the braing fog affected the way I talked and some of my daily activities. I decided to implement some changes on my lifestylle and they have helped me to feel better. I quited coffee and alcohol, and of course any kind of drugs. I have as much sleep as I can and I am trying also to eat healthier and to drink lots of water. It was hard for me to work out at the beginning but now I attempt to take a run three or four days a week. Anyway I don't feel capable to do some of the stuff I enjoyed the most before this started. I used to read a lot and now it is hard for me to concentrate, and it is painful actually to read. I used to play chess, to participate in forums. I wrote for a newspaper and had a radio show. I am aware that some of this activities are hard for me now because I've lost some confidence on myself. And also anxiety makes it way worse. I've realized that when I've been capable to lower my anxiety everything feels so much better. Traveling has been fun, but I haven't feel able to enjoy it a hundred percent. Now I am coming back home so I will experience again how it feels to have a routine and be more calmed as I won't have to work anymore and I'll have some time to rest, eat healthier and work out. I am not closed to the idea of seeing a doctor, but honestly with everything I've read about the condition I am not hopeful either. HPPD has taught me a lot about patience. I don't know if I'm ever gonna fully recover from this, but the only way I'll find out is with time. Taking one step at a time and working everday for my wellness and health. My hope is far to be over. I am a resiliant person and I've faced pretty hard challenges during my life. I try to see HPPD as another challenge life had for me. Of course it makes life so much harder, but also it feels right to notice I've been four months now with this, and yet I've managed to keep studiyng an International Relations bachelor in one of he most demanding universities in my country, to work in some of the most beautiful and touristic places in the world, made dozens of great friends from all over the world, worked as a High School english teacher, and discovered amazing spots with amazing people, enjoying the craziest adventures. Of course it hurts, of course it's hard, unconfortable, demanding, painful and discouraging. But I am not letting HPPD ruin my plans, goals, objectives and dreams. I'll force myself to be a more empathetic, healthy, honest and transparent human being. And also to help others and understand other people's problems. I really have to thank everyone on this forum. It has helped me a lot to understand more about this condition, the way I can live with this, and a source of inspiration and aid in some of my lowest moments. Greetings to everyone, if you have some recommendations, tips, or you just want to have a conversation feel free to send me a message, I'd love to meet you all. Marco S.
  23. Yo folks. I smoked first time 0.2 No effect, no withdrawal. I smoked week later 0.2 acid Panic attack, little trip, lasted 15mins. Withdrawal, irritable 3days. Smoked month later 1.0 (Strong unknown, not wet(i think non acid) high fun Next day 1.0 high fun. Here we go... First strange thing i noticed, third day i was high in afternoon without weed. Normal week, clear brain. I drunk 0.5l of vodka and next day i got all visual snow symptoms. I was so stressed that i damaged my brain for 2months. Last 2months (4months of visual snow) i started to see things.. some sort of faces or eyes in front of me. Faces and strange objects in corner of eye. I'm not in psychosis. I know whats real and not even with depersonalization. I can imagine sounds(that happened before, like dog bark or something) or stuck them for minutes. I'm schizophrenic or what? These hallucinations are so strange... Will i heal after all? For now ofc i want to heal my hallucinations but visual snow is destroying me too. I hope we will all heal from this. P.S. I stopped everything after visual snow. No drugs, No alchogol, fuck this shit really.
  24. Hello All, My name is Allen. I've browsed this site randomly over the past couple years but was afraid share. I'm in my 30's and have had HPPD 2 for 18 years. I was diagnosed 5 years ago after a seeing countless doctors through the years. Recently I found out my wife was pregnant and I became determined to find a treatment or, god willing, a cure. When I was in my mid teens I took lsd about 5 times and I was a chronic marijuana smoker. The last time I took lsd I smoked weed at the same time and I had the worst experience of my life: My heart began to race uncontrollably, my arms and face became numb; I saw long blury trails on everything and I felt hot and cold all at once. It was so intense that I thought for sure I was going to die. In desperation, I curled up in a ball on my couch, closed my eyes, and began to pray to god repeatedly to make it stop and let me live, until eventually I fell asleep. I woke up the next morning and thanked god I was alive. I swore of lsd forever. Unfortunately that didn't stop me from trying to party with my friends as usual. Every time I smoked weed after that I would have severe panic attacks and almost black out. When I'd drink alcohol I felt like I had a lump in my throat and couldn't breathe. A couple weeks after that horrible trip I woke up to a dull version of the same type of visuals I had the night of my bad trip, I was petrified and began having random panic attacks. I finally told my mother what I did and what happened since and she took me to the doctor. The doctor swore it was depression with anxiety and completely dismissed any lsd involvement. She prescribed me Effexor and xanax. The effexor didn't help at all and it made my heart race. The symptoms were not going away. I was afraid I damaged my brain beyond repair. Shortly after I withdrew from school and became a hermit. The xanax helped a lot with anxiety but the visuals remained. Through the years I saw about a dozen different psychiatrists and none of them knew what was wrong with me and continued me on benzodiazepines and ssri's. I lost my insurance and couldn't afford all the doctor appointments and medicine, so I began getting zoloft and Vicodin off the streets to self medicate. Eventually the visuals became less intense and my panic attacks were less frequent. Although the visuals and anxiety are a part of my daily life, I still manage to function. Some days are worse than others but I forced myself back into society and I got a good job in construction, and married my girlfriend who has been with me through this whole experience. I got off the vicodin with suboxone and continued the zoloft. With the news of our first child, I found a new determination to get rid of this horrible disease for good. I told my doctor that I wanted to try anything we can to make this stop and she agreed to start prescribing me different medications to see what, if anything, will work. She prescribed clonidine last visit and I started it 6 days ago. Unfortunately it hasn't helped my visuals at all and last night I began having strange thoughts and seeing weird images when I closed my eyes. I'll keep everyone updated on how it goes. I'm really hopeful that something will get rid of this for good. Wish me luck and good luck to all of you. P.s. I am thankful to whomever started and maintains this site. I hope we can get this horrible disease more attention and find a real treatment for it.
  25. Hi Everyone! It's very rare for me to use online forums however due to this disorder being so rare I thought it'd be the best way to meet new people who have experienced similar things. My name is Neve, I am 18 years old and currently a University student in England. I've never been that adventurous with drugs and up until university I had only ever touched weed, even then it only being a round 5 times (first time being 15 years old). When I started university, naturally, I became more exposed to drugs and tried LSD for the first time and again a week later. Both trips I really enjoyed and got the typical experience (enhanced colours, sensations, patterns and sound etc..) It wasn't until I experienced 'flashbacks' on a random Tuesday night. My flatmates were smoking weed however I didn't due to feeling ill. I'm not sure if it was me being ill or the secondary smoke or the combination however I began to experience the same visuals and sensations as I did on my second trip (which was a lot more intense). I was convinced I had accidentally took acid or something.. One of the main things I noticed was colours changing/morphing into new ones, floral patterns and materials looking like they had layers; almost as if things were floating and breathing. At first I thought it was quite cool and I viewed it merely as a pleasant visual that would last a few hours. It has been almost 3 months since that experience and nothing has changed. It would be interesting to see how having HPPD has affected peoples lives. I try and just go with it, however, recently I have been struggling with it. I have never suffered with mental health issues (not that intense anyway) yet since starting university, my anxiety has been at its peak. Whenever I feel stressed or tired, my visuals enhance thus increasing my anxiety often resulting in panic attacks. After lots of research reading articles, watching documentaries etc, it seems incurable and something that I may just have to live with. Again, it would be really nice to meet people and learn about each others experience with Hallucinogenics.
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