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Found 7 results

  1. My name is Julia and I am a 19 year old college student with minor HPPD. Throughout high school I had a very negative view of all drugs (I was mainly only aware of weed and alc) so I was completely sober my entire life, but this quickly changed in college. My new roommate happened to be a pretty big stoner, and she would leave from our dorm multiple times a day to smoke weed. She also helped introduce me to other drugs like alcohol, shrooms, and most notably, LSD. We were both struggling pretty hard with mental illness (major depression caused by anxiety for me), and things really took a turn going into the winter months of the school year. While I was never partial to alcohol, I quickly discovered how much I loved weed and shrooms. I began to go with my roommate to her car every night, and I began smoking multiple times a day. I also tripped on shrooms as frequently as I realistically could (every 1.5-2 weeks), but I never took a dose above 1.5 grams. On top of this, my sleep schedule had become utterly FUCKED and I was 100% nocturnal. I was going to sleep at 8-9am and waking up at 5-6pm, skipping class, eating like shit, quitting my extracurriculars like rugby, and overall ruining my life. This continued and worsened until April, and I can confidently say that these were the worst months of my life to date. In these months, however, I tried LSD with my roommate for the first time. Our dealer had tabs that were supposedly 200ug, and I took a tab at around 9pm on April 4th, 2023. My roommate and I then proceeded to sit on the bathroom floor of our (suite style) dorm and talk nonstop for 6 hours. Time became fake. We even went to the bathroom IN THE BATHROOM and didn't leave after that. Our suitemate went to bed and woke up and we were still in the bathroom. After this, we decided to venture to her car to smoke, but we got distracted and ended up talking in her car for another 4 hours. In hindsight I am very glad I didn't smoke while tripping but I will get back to that soon. Anyway, my first acid trip totally and completely reset my sleep schedule. I had tried everything in order to fix it before to no avail. Entering the end of the spring semester I was able to actually start going to class and I managed to get my GPA up and save my scholarships. It was around this time that I got access to my own stash of weed and a joint roller and I was smoking more than I ever had. Before the school year ended, my roommate and I decided to take one last LSD trip as a last hurrah, and this is the trip that gave me HPPD. I took one and a half tabs of the same LSD I tripped on before, and I also felt the effects for around 15 hours. My trips were honestly very fun and I don't regret them, but my vision was never the same after this trip (may 9th 2023). I don't think I noticed at first or recognized any sort of problem, but I began to notice I saw tracers when I was high. I first remember realizing it when the bright screen of my vaporizer left a trail when I quickly moved it across my vision, but I actually thought this was cool instead of concerning because I am very fond of tracers while tripping. I only became aware of HPPD in the first place when I stumbled across that John's Hopkins survey posted to a random subreddit I was in. I was curious and clicked on it, and I realized that they were describing what I was experiencing. Now that I was thoroughly hyperaware of it, my anxiety kicked in. This all culminated in one night where I was smoking a bong at my girlfriends house late at night. I had gotten pretty damn high, and I sometimes get a little paranoid when I am high. In this moment I was dealing with VERY apparent tracers, major anxiety about them, AND I was tired, and I was freaked the fuck out. I drew the line when I thought I started seeing tracers when people were waving their hands in a youtube video I was watching that night, so I just went to bed. This was the night that I think permanently changed my hppd (early june 2023). I now have slight visual snow that is always there but way more apparent in dark settings/on darker colors/ on solid color surfaces. I see afterimages of really bright things in my vision that stick around for a good 10 seconds, but I also see afterimages of objects that simply contrast with their environment that fade after around 3 seconds. For example, if I look at this text I'm typing right now for a few seconds and then look away, I can still see the lines of text across my vision for a few seconds. This happens with every day contrasting objects like a rug on a bathroom floor or the lines on an AC vent, etc. It also happens with the fairy lights hung on my ceiling when I am tired, and they leave trails whenever I shift my eyes. I still see tracers but only with things that are very bright and moving quickly (phone screen against dark room, car taillights at night) and they are WAY MORE APPARENT at night/when I am tired. All of my symptoms worsen greatly when I am tired. I think my tracers have gotten better while my afterimages have gotten a little worse, but I also know it is pretty dumb to pay attention to small details like that every day. I am aware that all of this is pretty common with HPPD, and quitting weed/psychs has greatly reduced my anxiety about this because I know it is just a waiting game. I love weed but I don't know if I'll ever be able to return to it, even 5-10 years down the line. My HPPD pretty much does not bother me day to day as I'm living my life, and I know I'm very lucky for this. I'm grateful to everyone that has shared their stories because it encouraged me to quit weed, and I'm also greatful to everyone out there doing research on this. In a way, it forced me to live a healthier life by going almost completely sober, and I have also been eating/ sleeping well. My life is definitely improving greatly, and having a good headspace about HPPD is very important to me. It is also worth noting I have been on 10mg of lexapro for my anxiety that almost ruined me and I don't think it has had any negative affects on my HPPD. I have recently started drinking again after quitting due to a bad trip on shrooms a few months ago, and I don't think alcohol has had any affects besides being a bit worse while hungover but I have heard that that's normal for the most part. While my HPPD hasn't gotten better persay, I don't think it'll drastically worsen like it did when I got too high that one night. I very strongly believe that sleep is very tied to HPPD in some way, and I am very glad my first LSD trip reset my schedule and helped me get my life back on track. I know for a fact that I would be in a way worse place to be dealing with this if I hadn't gotten my life back together. I'd never encourage anyone to take hallucinogens, and I have been spreading the truth about HPPD to all that will listen. I have told all my friends about HPPD and I think it's scary how so many young people take psychedelics (including weed) without knowing about it, so I am going to continue to spread the word. I know it's bad to be hyperaware of it, (my therapist knows about it and I am planning on telling my psychiatrist (I don't want to be diagnosed)) but I am going to probably update this post maybe once a year for the sake of logging my progress/ helping other people understand this condition more. Anyway, this was just kind of a long ramble, but feel free to reach out and I'll totally be willing to talk more about my experience. (6/27/23)
  2. Hi all, First I'd like to say I'm glad I found this forum. It's awesome that so many people can come together to discuss this issue, since not a lot of people know about its existence. Reading your stories has really helped with my anxiety. I started smoking weed about a year ago, eating space cake or smoking joints maybe once a month or so. I was never a heavy user, just did it on occasion and didn't get overly high except for a few times with the space cakes. I started noticing floaters in my vision all of a sudden, but didn't think too much of it and was sure it would go away. I didn't notice them that much anyway so it did not bother me. I then tried LSD, only about 65ug, and had a very good trip. This was the first time I experienced hallucinations. I still felt normal at this point. Then, one day I decided to try some mushrooms. I only took about 1.5-2g of dried Golden Teachers, and my trip was very good overall. I was just sitting and thinking by myself while having some mild hallucinations. On the come-down, I got greedy and wanted more so I started smoking weed to extend the trip. Big mistake. I must have smoked way too much because my trip started to go down to nightmare town after that. I won't go into details here, but I just felt like I was going absolutely insane and I had no control over my thoughts. The anxiety really hit hard and I felt like I was going to be like that forever, stuck in a time loop. I get a little anxious just thinking about it still. After the bad trip, I continued to have strong anxiety for about 2 weeks. It was really bad and I got scared. I have lived a very good life with little worries in the past, so this was unusual to me. It eventually subsided though, and I felt OK again. However, the floaters got really bad. They were now permanent and I could almost always see them, which was very annoying. I got my eyes checked and nothing was wrong with them, and the doctor couldn't explain the floaters. At this point I started to suspect that they were caused by the drugs, and I started reading about HPPD. Now, it has been a few months since that mushroom trip. Apart from the floaters, I have some DP/DR symptoms. Sometimes I feel like an alien among people, and I'm constantly questioning the reality that I'm observing. It goes up and down, but most of the time I don't feel quite normal. I'm always scared that I'm going to end up with schizophrenia or dementia or some shit like that. These thoughts just adds to the anxiety even more. I just miss feeling "clear headed", instead of constantly living with major brain fog. Reading about some of the success stories gave me hope to get better though, and I'm trying to get normal again. I've always valued my health so eating well and being active will be easy for me, thankfully. Some of you have way worse symptoms than me, and I can't even imagine what you're going through. I sincerely hope you all recover from this shit. Oh and I forgot to mention, I haven't taken any drugs since that bad trip. I'm definitely planning to stay sober. These bad trips really make you appreciate it.
  3. So my pseudo hallucinations are finally starting to get better but my floaters vary a lot. Coincidentally my floaters have nothing to do with my hppd and are due to a posterior vitreous detatchment in my left eye. However they still cause me a lot of anxiety and mess with my vision. In certain lighting conditions I can ignor my hppd completely but the floaters are extremely annoying. I'm considering getting a vitrectomy to remedy this but I'm terrified of general anesthesia making my hppd worse. I'll look for a Dr. that is willing to do it with local anesthesia. I know a lot of Docs consider this operation extreme just to get rid of floaters but I really want them gone. What do you guys think?
  4. Hello all, I'm not 100% sure if i have hppd or visual snow. I tripped 8/9 months ago and only developed full symptoms two months ago. Ever since the trip +2weeks I have had constant Scheerer's Phenomenon which is when you see the moving sparkles and translucent floaters in the sky and on light bright objects. This is by far my most irritating symptom. Since mid September i have also suffered from DP/DR (though this has gotten a lot better), visual snow, after images, more persistent floaters, and double vision often when on phone/trying to read. I believed i had hppd in the beginning but I have also looked into visual snow and realised that sufferers of visual snow sometimes also have the extra symptoms i describe. Is like to ask if i have hppd or visual snow syndrome? And can visual snow syndrome be caused by drugs or is it random?
  5. Hi, I'm an 18 year old girl who has had hppd i believe for 8 months. I stumbled across this board a few weeks ago and decided to join hoping it might help having some support around me. The reason why I say my HPPD is a little atypical is because of how it originated and what has happened to me. I believe I first got very mild HPPD from times in December and February I tripped. I have only ever taken what you would call actual psychedelics twice (if you discount MDMA and weed). What I took on these two trips was most likely a 2c chemical (2cb/2ci/etc). I know, I'm a dumbass. Shouldn't have took pills I didn't know the contents of. The first time I took 4/5 of the god damn things, second time I took 2. I wish I could give more info on what they are. When I developed this really mild HPPD about 2 weeks after my second trip, I didn't really give a shit about it, I think I thought it was interesting. I remember the exact moment it onset - it was about 4.30Pm and I was walking home, I was looking at the sky and I started tripping out on the sky like I did on my second trip. I saw - and still see - little white dot 'sparkles' moving through and between each other, and 'translucent 'ripples' in the sky. No other real symptoms though and the sky stuff was fairly mild. I started to get CEV for a month or two but i forgot about that/it left. Throughout this time every few weeks I was taking mephedrone and I took MDMA about 3 times. I noticed I started tripping out as I was coming down sometimes but it didn't last. Then in summer I drank alcohol a decent amount, took mephedrone only once about 1g, went out the same night and smoked weed through i think it was a 'bowl'? Whatever it was it was strong as hell. I was stoned to death for hours, dry heaving, dry mouth to the point i thought i would die, the absolute lot. Finally fell asleep, woke up in the morning and everything was normal just felt reallllll hungover. Around 3-4 weeks after that I had my first panic attack. Around 3 weeks of that is when I can say my REAL HPPD started. I had a traumatic discovery about my family, went into a state of depersonalisation and derealisation, didn't know what the fuck was wrong with me. I had no emotions at all, I didn't even feel like I existed. I felt like an object in the room. It felt and still sometimes feels like everyone else is on one plane and I am on another, its like looking through a misted up window at life. Also started getting intense headaches. I've got over that mostly I think but when that happened... The visuals came. Oh boy they came. First noticed the visual snow. This is a constant 24/7 thing as are many of my visual symptoms. Then the visuals I previously described on the sky got more and more intense - those moving sparkles and translucent ripples in shape grew in size and speed. I also started to see these sky visuals on white/bright surfaces when outside (never inside). Recently I have developed positive after images - when i look at literally ANYTHING, like i will look at someone's eyes, look away get an after image of their eyes, same with text, objects, whatever. And a lot of floaters at night when cars are going past etc. I also have a thing with seeing a green/white circle floater in my vision. This comes and goes but it has NO OUTER STIMULUS. Two times now it has come for 4/5 days then left again. What bothers me the most is the sky stuff - the moving sparkles and translucent ripples. Recently these have stopped being solely confined to the sky and now when I'm outside I will just see them all over, its so annoying. The ripples themselves move and they have become more defined and form weird shapes. So yeah, I think thats the extent of my symptoms. Other than the obvious intense anxiety and depression - and agoraphobia - i have now developed more as a result. It has been two months and at the first onset In September i had suicidal thoughts. Over that mostly i think. But its been pretty hard. I'm really hoping that this gets better at least a bit soon and then keeps getting better. I am in a really frustrated place now. I've just booked on to get therapy. I dont know when il start considering meds like klonopin and keppra. If anyone has any advice for me id appreciate it soooo much!
  6. Hello fellow inmates, This August will mark the 28th anniversay of my hppd event. I can't gloss it over, it's been tough. Although I knew a few students in college who had persisting halos, trails and strobe motions visuals - my problem is different. The Facebook page for this site currently has an example of the floaters and flashes, sparks and static that I see every day. For the most part, my life has been good. But, my hppd has been a big contributer to serious bouts of depression and anxiety. It has impacted my life in significantly negative ways. Luckily, when I am doing well, the floaters and flashes don't bother me much. I cope with them. If I am stressed and depressed? they bother me much more. Finally, in 2012, I discovered that my condition had a medical term and that my symptoms were not unique. All the doctors and therapists I had discussed this with had never heard of a permanent visual side effects from LSD. About five years into my hppd, I was lucky to have a neurologist who took me serioulsy and ordered a Visual field test, PET and MRI. He claimed that there may be some slight abnormality in my optic cyasm - the junction where the two optic nerves meet and then enter the brain. They can diagnose this by a delay in the signals from the eyes to the visual centers of the brain. I've recently looked into other visual problems that are related to the optic nerve and one -- optic nerve atrophy - it rather interesting. Although the condition causes faded and washed out vision, this related information seemed relevant to me: "The optic nerve can also be damaged by shock, various toxic substances, radiation, and trauma." Of course, the "various toxic substances" caught my eye. So, I started thinking that perhaps blotter acid (toxic substances) with a questionable additive do some optic nerve damage? This is just a theory. But, I think it's worth considering. Has anyone else come up with a neuroligical explaination? I am so grateful for this forum. I look forward to connecting. Hope to connect with all of you soon. -Dante
  7. I'm 16 right now, a junior in high school and my HPPD starts the summer of me going into freshman year. I smoked for the first time with one of my close friends and it was some cheap mids.Took about 8-10 decent hits out of a soda can and didn't feel much until i went inside and it hit me. The lights were really bright an I felt like a marshmallow on the couch. It took me awhile to get used to the feeling and at first I was really paranoid but later I ended up having a great time. I remember smoking a few more times soon after that and getting really dazed and didn't really do much but think to myself which stopped me from socializing and having a good time with my friends. Every time I would smoke it took me a little bit and then it would hit me, "I remember this feeling", "I feel like I'm in a dream". This is started me down a bad path in my future and I didn't really want to do much with myself except for experiment with weed. I graduated middle school with 10 kids in my class and I had a few REALLY close friends that I hung onto and all we wanted to do is light up, but I did not smoke a lot at all...I'd say on average like once a week. We eventually split up and went to different high schools but we still chilled on weekends and were really close. A whole year goes by very quickly and I slowly start to realize some static vision, floaters, and a bit of a detached feeling. But I thought this was all normal because of the marijuana despite some very unusual experiences/thoughts I've had in the past. I thought maybe my friends were having the same thing but they just didn't worry about it like I did. I remember opening up to one of my friends at the beach and he assured me that it wasn't permanent and it would go away in a month if I stopped using. He said that it was just normal and I shouldn't worry about. At this point, all my friends I had were very close to me and they all smoked so I decided I was going to hold onto it and just enjoy myself...all of my experiences weren't bad and I actually had a lot of exciting, adventurous highs. As the years rolled on I've came across some unusual experiences that I still remember to this day. It just seemed like sometimes I would have a bad reaction off of as little as 2 or 3 hits...Everything just kind of fades away from reality....my friends look like holograms...Everything is static and dreamlike...I lose myself and don't have an idea who I am anyone...I feel like an alien, generic, empty consciousness. I thought I was in some sort of serious danger... My hearts beating extremely fast and I don't want to die...I was stuck like this forever...I thought people viewed me as weird...I begin questioning if the world is real or just an illusion...I think really deeply and my thoughts, mostly negative, begin to manifest themselves on an unfathomable level...I would just tell my friends that I'm tired and don't feel well and go inside to lay down. When I wake up the next morning I'm fine but a bit foggy and depersonalized. This was such a serious self conflict that I couldn't call quits on the weed. The experiences were so surreal that I could not grasp or understand in my sober mind what this was..It was like waking up from a nightmare and feeling a sense of relief but you keep having the same nightmare all the time. Ok so now couple years go by and I'm now a junior in high school. I actually just recently quit smoking but that was because I absolutely had to. I really wish I stopped smoking earlier on but it was a bad case of depression combined with an inner conflict, which I would call anxiety, that led me to keep doing it. HPPD became so intense that every time I smoked pot I would get intense feelings of discomfort. I would cry because I just didn't feel the same anymore and I felt detached from the people who I knew I loved like my mom and dad. The feelings would take me further and further outside reality and into a life where emotions don't exist. These feelings started very small from when I first starting smoking pot and gradually got bigger and bigger to what they are now. My symptoms now are as follows: chronic neck, back, joint pain. Static vision, sparkly shimmering air and walls. Random spots of color and light flashing in my peripherals for a split second then goes away. Afterimages. Extremely bad depersonalization...the derealization seemed to go away after the first year. Pretty bad depression, lack of confidence (mostly because I feel different, stupid). Unable to feel pleasure. Social anxiety. This still is a burden for me but I'm trying to get myself well grounded. Everyone needs something to live for so I'm trying my best to pursue that to get my mind off of things. I'm keeping an optimistic mind and I KNOW that one day I WILL get better from all of this. I just need to think logically and stop making quick decisions that lead me into trouble. The cure for HPPD is just to forget about it completely. It's like a bee that won't sting you if you just ignore it. I've learned many things from this hellish disorder that will change my life for the better when I finally beat HPPD. Having a grasp on reality is priceless, don't ever take it for granted, I still don't understand why so many people want to escape it by doing drugs. Knowledge and wisdom stem from our understanding of the world...and that truly defines who you are. Always keep a positive mind. Thoughts truly have an enormous impact on our lives. Thoughts control moods/feeling which control actions. Turn your negative thoughts into positive ones and they won't haunt you as much because a more positive outlook will be embedded into your subconscious. Thoughts are the way in which we perceive reality...that is why every single one of us is unique, like 1/6,000,000,000 unique...letting negative thoughts engulf you will cause you to truly believe in them because they are so deeply embedded and will make your reality hopeless, full of depression, and fearful...positive thoughts will inspire you to do more things, get active, and live in the present and enjoy life. I think reading a book helps so much because it takes my mind off things and allows me to explore my mind. For those who have trouble with sleeping, I suggest you start reading...it calms your anxiety and shuts down the thinking processes of the mind, allowing you to fall asleep easier. Things that are helpful to know: -Yes you can HPPD from just marijuana, I am 100% positive it wasn't laced and that this led to my problem. -Reading and exercise are very good for the anxiety related issues. But make sure you don't overdo your exercise... I wrestled for a couple months for school and the over exertion made me go through a period of hell on earth for a few weeks. My symptoms magnified like x3. -No SSRIs, my theory is that HPPD comes from an imbalance in the neurotransmitters and if you take the wrong drug it will continue to put an adverse effect on the unbalanced neurotransmitters and worsen HPPD. SSRI inhibit the reuptake of Serotonin. -Clonazepam (klonopin) will decrease anxiety and has been proven to be very helpful in treating HPPD but not curing it. The Benzo class drugs have an effect on the GABA receptors in the brain and the amygdala which controls anxiety and flight or fight response in the brain. -Accept it, move on, forget. It WONT go away unless to make an effort to stop it. RESPECT TO EVERYONE GOING THROUGH HPPD, I WOULDN'T WISH THIS ON MY WORST ENEMY. JUST KNOW THAT YOU WILL GET BETTER ONE DAY! MUCH LOVE
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