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Found 6 results

  1. Between the ages of 15-17 I experimented with various hallucinogens. I think that I took LSD and mescaline, because that's what people said they were giving me. I probably only took these drugs on 10 or fewer occasions. The last drug I took was most likely LSD and I took a very large dose. The experience was intense and I had difficulty managing it after 2-3 hours. At that time I thought that I was going to die, so I reached out for help. Someone helped by making me a strong drink which helped me to calm down. Then I continued to drink wine through the trip. As one can imagine, I became violently sick that night. After that experience, I withdrew from friends and any mention of hallucinogenic drugs made me extremely anxious. I wanted nothing to do with these drugs anymore, they scared the shit out of me after that. At this point I remained well, except for my instinct to avoid hallucinogens and the experience of anxiety when I was around people who wanted to use them with me. After about six months, I was at work washing dishes in a restaurant when I suddenly noticed the snow phenomena and then immediately afterward I had my first flashback. This represented the onset of my experience with HPPD.. Other symptoms included intense anxiety, enhanced color intensity, trails, melting walls, visual snow and feelings of unreality. It was difficult in 1973 to get help because so little was known about the disorder. Initially I was given Valium and that allowed me to complete my high school education, college and graduate school. Basically, Valium only addressed the anxiety, it did nothing to ease the flashbacks and other HPPD symptoms. After a few years I was under pressure to stop taking Valium which I was unable to do completely. In 1985, a psychiatrist gave me Xanax and Doxepin which helped me to sleep at night and alleviated some the the anxiety that I experienced. While this treatment did not address my flashbacks and other symptoms, I at least felt as thought that I could deal with having HPPD. My next break came around 1998 when I started taking Prozac. This med eliminated the need for any other meds. It helped me to sleep at night and almost eliminated my anxiety, but it didn't prevent the flashbacks, snow, etc. Finally in the year 2000, I stopped having flashbacks. I haven't had one in 22 years. I still have some other effects like visual snow but at a much more tolerable level. For many years I have been intrigued by the apparent similarity of HPPD to PTSD flashbacks and I have wondered if my experience represents a form of post traumatic stress. I'm in the process of reading the book "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van Der Kolk, M.D. The book details how traumatic experiences can cause visual flashbacks and other neurological symptoms which are a consequence of past traumatic experiences. Certainly my last trip was traumatic, and just as in PTSD cases, I withdrew from friends and began experiencing anxiety over the perceived source of my traumatic experience. Although Dr. Van Der Kolk (from what I have read so far) does not make a connection to HPPD I'm thinking that maybe it is possible. Also, one of the problems that I overcame in my ordeal with HPPD was agoraphobia. I overcame this problem after reading the book "Hope and Help for Your Nerves" by Dr. Claire Weekes. This book introduced me to a behavior based model which describes agoraphobia as resulting from the avoidance of places that we associate with anxiety. Basically, if we avoid a place because we experience anxiety there, we begin to experience greater anxiety when we do visit that place. This leads to more places that cause anxiety and more avoidance until we get to the point that we are home bound. Dr. Weekes explains that the anxiety can be controlled by gradually exposing ourselves to the places that produce anxiety. In my case, because I was afraid of having having a flashback in public places, I started avoiding places and my world grew smaller and smaller until I couldn't leave home. This technique worked for me to recover from agoraphobia and from panic attacks. Furthermore, when I began to apply this technique to flashbacks, they went away as well. At that time I was taking Prozac which greatly assisted me in this effort. Today, I no longer experience anxiety and no longer take Prozac. Of course, I don't know if this would work for anyone else but I thought that my experience was worth sharing.
  2. June 11, 2019 SUBJ: Faces of HPPD Survey/Research Published – RESULTS! Dear HPPD Online Community: As a mom with a grown son with HPPD, I was so fortunate to come across this forum several years ago for information and support. David Kozin, who runs this board, is an amazing man to have created and maintained this website and kept up his work/studies over the years – all the while suffering with HPPD. I would like to thank him for this platform, and well as thank those of you who participated in the survey that I launched four years ago to collect data about individuals who had received an official diagnosis of the disorder. Fast forward…. Here it is June 2019. Long overdue for the published report, however, I lingered – always hoping to gain a larger sample of subjects. I am fortunate to have a PhD in psychology, experience in research, and a heart to try to make a difference. Instead of publishing a book, it only made sense to get the results in the hands of the scientists and medical professionals through scientific writing. I am so happy to tell you… the peer-reviewed medical journal, Addictive Disorders & Their Treatment, published by Wolters Kluwer publishers, has reviewed and accepted my manuscript for publication in an upcoming issue. Last week the article completed rounds of publication editing and formatting. The article is posted at their website for advance release. Lewis, DM, Faces of HPPD: Hallucinogen Persisting Perception Disorder Patient Survey Results and a Descriptive Analysis of Patient Demographics, Medical Background, Drug Use History, Symptoms, and Treatments. Addictive Disorders and their Treatments. Forthcoming 2019. The link is here: https://journals.lww.com/addictiondisorders/Abstract/publishahead/FACES_OF_HPPD__Hallucinogen_Persisting_Perception.99733.aspx (NOTE: This direct link will change probably in a month or two when the article is given a print-issue date – right now, it is advance copy, undated. In the future, you can search the article at https://journals.lww.com/addictiondisorders/ . While the article is available for immediate download, many of you know that publishers charge money for copy downloads (this one is $49), and authors cannot give away their copy. This, I know, is not a good thing for some within the community who do not have the funds. However (here’s the good news ), I contacted the publisher and obtained permission to publish a summary of the results (the important data!) and I created an infographic that provides you all the results. I am including it here as a .pdf file, attached. It’s reader-friendly, and I hope it provides insight. I want to mention some findings that particularly concern me: the high rate of suicide ideation (among other co-morbid psychological/psychiatric symptoms reported), and the significant number of individuals who reported being unable to work due to HPPD. I feel strongly that HPPD needs recognition as potentially disabling – and I believe there are some individuals who may need government assistance (eg, Social Security Disability benefits). My future work leads me in the direction of carving a path for HPPD as a qualifying mental disorder for eligibility for assistance. I will keep you posted on that. Again, thank you so very much for those who partook in the survey. My best wishes to each of you for good health and peace of mind, Doreen M. Lewis, PhD https://www.facesofhppd.com https://www.vellichorresearch.com Faces of HPPD Infographic - LEWIS.pdf
  3. Hello Everyone! Wow! I have only recently discovered that continuous flashbacks have a label! I have had HPPD since I was 12 years old. Now I am 60. I spent the school year dropping LSD, Psycibin, Mescaline, and Marijuana. One time I simply never came down. It intensified soon soon after. I knew of no one else who had this like I did! I was simply terrified! I only told my brother, not my parents. My biggest fear was that I would get uncontrollably higher. I had every symptom but the very worst was the feeling of not being fully present. The experience was like just arriving in my own body but realizing I had already been doing whatever it was, but not with full presence. Maybe this is "de-personalization"? I would explain it to various Doctors and Opthalmologists through the years and all I got was "hmm....."! So, I finally just learned to cope. Then about a year ago I found the name HPPD. The casebook description of symptoms were as if they had read my secret diary! I know that I was never diagnosed but I know what drugs I used and when the HPPD started. Now it has been 48 years! Definitely some of the symtoms are not as vivid as in the beginning, however, if I get tired or in a conglomerated atmosphere there they are. I also think after so many years these just become part of your normal perception. For me, HPPD did not go away. How did I cope until now? I definitely quit any drug use immediately. I gravitated toward a simple Christian way of life, actually living with Old Order Amish at times, where I was not bombarded by electric stuff. I think those who have HPPD will seriously have to deal with sensory overload and seek out a peaceful existence on many levels. Live your life anyway. I raised 7 children, grandchildren and life goes on, just looking through Kaliedoscope eyes! Be healthy! Be smart and realize sometimes one stupid mistake done in youth can change your life forever! In my case, I just wanted to be cool in 1969! I really didn't realize the risks. How true it is that we reap what we sow! I want to cry...that I lived my whole life with this and never found anyone else with this or knew even that it was recognized! The only report on flashbacks I ever heard of said that they think LSD creates new neural pathways in the brain.That was maybe 30 yrs ago! Wow! I am truly impressed at my own survival! Trails, pulsating breathing walls, tinnitus, time slowing down, colors, everything. Even dialated pupils. Sigh. How exhausting at times! It has helped me just to keep in mind that my own perception has been tweeked.My chemistry was altered. I would not wish this on anyone! But, if you have it, just live your life as peaceful as you can. Do everything you normally would do because your heightened perception maybe can be helpful in other unexpected ways. Don't do anymore drugs. Dont tell others who may not understand. We've been tricked by the devil's potions! God bless us all!
  4. So! I have ever had any problem with smoking weed or any psychedelics in the past but as of a week ago, every time i smoke my pupils dilate and i get bad headaches that seem to just turn into pain throughout my body. i dont want to stop smoking weed because im very bored all the time. I took shrooms about a year ago, when i was 16, and didnt have very much because i was sharing with a lot of people. about a month or two ago i took acid and tripped for like 18 hours and it didnt go away fully until i went to sleep. since then there wasnt any problems until a week ago. i ate a weed brownie at 8;00 before a field trip at school and didnt feel it until i took a bowl when i got home. i was scared at first because i got way too high then my pupils got big and i started feeling like i was on acid. coincidentially, i also quit smoking tobacco around the same day this all happened. ive done moaks for about 6 or 7 months and decided it was time to quit. im not sure what is causing the acid flashbacks but they are very annoying because they hurt my head a lot, and the pain isnt limited to my head. i feel immense pain on my right shoulder and all up my arm, kinda like i hit my funny bone really hard and its like a lingering pain. if anyone has any information that i dont know i would grately appreciate it because im thinking about not smoking weed for a while but i dont want it to be for no reason
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  6. I believe that my heavy cannabis consumption in the past is related to my symptomes. maybe only as a kind of trigger or what ever. i researched and find an article: http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/21572239 a fewmonth ago i was able to read the whole article but there is only the abstract left now. i think that this also could trigger my HPPD long after my last acid trip, if weed could do this alone but timelimeted as the study stated.
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