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  1. Well, no easy way to say this. I think I have hppd. I took extremely small doses of acid in my sophmore year in high school. One 50ug and one 100ug. That's it. Prior to trying lsd I've had experiences with dxm, and weed. I only did both of these substances every now and again. The visuals of today might have started a week ago, I felt no anxiety just was kinda trippy to still see stuff. Symptoms below* -trails -slight flashing in my peripheral -negative and positive in prints -Halos -Closed eye shape-ish movement when I try to sleep -I sometimes right when I'm about to fall asleep I imagine noises. Last night I smoked some weed, after 15 min I had extreme anxiety. Felt as if I was having a panic attack, the visuals were too strong for me. I closed my eyes (still tripping) then I fell asleep. I woke up feeling neutral, just slightly anxious. All of today I've had on and off anxiousness, when I'm occupied I'm fine, down time is when I'm anxious. Been going to the gym, eating well and I plan to never do a substance again in my life. Have a party tomorrow and I want to see if my anxiety will stretch socially where it never was before. Any piece of mind from individuals here would be appreciated. Thank you for reading
  2. This is mainly to the newcomers like myself. For those of you just entering your days of hppd, take it from someone who also hasnt had it for very long, ive only had it for 3 months. The first month to months could very well be a hellish ride straight to satans throne. But one thing id tell you is to not lose hope, insert yourself into discussions with friends and on forums(not just about hppd but anything) take some recommended vitamins like vitamin d3 and b complex and magnesium, get a therapist you can talk to and stay active, all these things will help you get better. While my visual symptoms have not subsided, my physical symptoms on the other hand have. Ive always had social anxiety tho, so for the most part i would say i definitely feel like myself again. I attempted suicide in my first month and its now my third month and im so glad i never did. If theres three things of most importance i could tell you to do 1. Acceptance(accept this is your life as of right now, you cant dwell on the fact you MIGHT have this for the rest of your life because you also MIGHT NOT. My girlfriend told me i just need to take it one day at a time, we live day by day not month by month or day by month, you dont know if youll have this tomorrow or a month from now or a year, which leads to my second) 2. Never give up hope (Accepting that you have it in my opinion is a great step to recovery. But also being hopeful in the possibility of recovery is very important) Acceptance and being positive/hopeful are two great things to feel towards hppd. Its at that point imo you can feel true improvement and recovery. 3. CEASE ALL DRUGS. I cant stress that one enough, let your brain rest. Those in my opinion are the three best things to do when faced with hppd. Granted i may have it milder than a lot of hppders but i do want you guys to know i havent smoked or dosed since the onset, i drank maybe 3 or 4 times(avoid that too if you can) i also have a foot injury right now but most of my improvement came when i was going to the gym and running and sweating like a dog. Hppd isnt the end, but in a lot of ways its an eye opener.
  3. Hello everyone, my name is Matt. I'm a student and I also work alot alongside school. I have experimented with a lot of drugs in the past and have developed considerably difficult anxiety and what I think could be HPPD. This has an effect on my life, work and school. I never had any problems with my drug usage until after I saw one of my best friend leap over a balcony during a mushroom trip. My visual symptoms are tracers, after-images, halos, also got tinnitus (although that was caused by a fireworks accident) but has been excacerbated by what I think is HPPD. My eyes are very sensitive to bright lights and I see bright flashes when staring at something bright, like the sky or my computer screen. I really want some answers because this is pretty frightening for me. I'm pretty much always anxious from day to day, and I was wondering if anxiety could make HPPD symptoms worse. I have researched a lot about these disorders but there isnt alot about HPPD anywhere. So I ask you, anxiety and HPPD = worse symptoms? Thanks in advance, any help is immensely appreciated!
  4. Hi everyone, i really dont know how to start and i hope you can excuse any mistakes in language as im from europe and i even have problems using my mother language at the moment due to my mental situation (If you want to skip the detailed story you can scroll down to my current symptoms, which basically began after one weekend of smoking too much weed where i had something like a panic attack while smoking alone.) Maybe i just start with a review of my past two months where my current state began and a little about me and my drug usage. Im 22 years old and started with drinking alcohol with 14 like all my other friends, sure i often drunk too much in the future but only at parties and never drunk alone or had the feeling that i need alcohol, pretty normal i guess. Last year (2016) i started smoking weed (just smoked one time before i was 21 and felt nothing so i had no demand doing it again). Due to new friends and an interest in weed because i found out my father smokes pretty often i started to smoke with friends occasionally and somehow i liked that feeling now. I would even say that after a few times i started to love that feeling. Alcohol was no more fun and i said to myself that its better to smoke sometimes and dont drink anymore except a beer or two sometimes (even my father said that to me). In fall last year i moved from my families house to my own place with a friend. That change in life was awesome i was so motivated, happy and loved the new freedom. Someday i bought my first own weed (maybe because it was possible now to do anything without the parents near) and i couldnt resist trying it out alone. It got more often and between november 2016 and march 2017 i smoked almost everyday i got time but i was still going to work everyday and university (sober). I think it still was a „normal“ amount and sometimes i didnt smoked for 2 weeks or so without a problem. In March a friend of mine died i didnt knew him very good because he lived in another town but somehow it bothered me a lot (dont know if this has something to do with my problem). Smoking weed after this incident was almost the same except that i felt a little tension in my chest and when i tried to sleep it took a while. Then there was the weekend whereupon everything started. On saturday march 25th two friends came over to have a nice evening and smoke some weed. I already worked the whole day and was awake since 5am but i didnt smoked for a week or two so i was excited. It was a great evening but after a while i was really tired and fell asleep for a few minutes when my friends were still there. I got some new weed and they left early like 11pm. I dont know why but instead of going back to bed i smoked another one alone. I felt again an odd tension in my chest and was a bit nervous but after a few hours i fell asleep. The following sunday my girlfriend had no time and i had new weed so the first thing in the morning was smoking again. I smoked three joints over the day i think and felt pretty normal (just normally stoned the whole day). Only in the evening the tension came again but harder this time and there were some „stitches“ in my chest. I was getting nervous but was able to calm down myself. Again it was harder to fall asleep this evening. It was like starting to dream while still awake and realizing it and wake up due to this feeling. The next morning i felt normal again i think and at midday i smoked another one with my flatmate because our internet was broken and we didnt know what to do. Suddenly i felt like being between stoned and sober and i just wanted to be fully sober. Everything felt a bit unreal like a dream somehow and the fact that our internet was not working was strange in my eyes and made me ask myself „is this really happening?“. But i managed to keep calm and said too myself that everything is normal that im just stoned and that i will be sober after a few hours. At the evening the internet suddenly worked again and i felt good again as far as i can remember. But instead of asking myself why i felt so strange and why i had this chest tension and stitches the last days i smoked another joint at this evening. Afterwards i was with a friend on skype playing a videogame when i suddenly had the feeling of getting a heart attack or something i had to lay down and was very anxious (i think this was my first little panic attack). The feeling came like in waves but i was able to calm down myself. It was a strange feeling i felt like not getting enough oxygen in my lungs, couldnt sit still and i just wanted to go outside. I took a walk but back home i didnt felt better. The „getting a heart attack“ feeling came multiple times again. Later it got better somehow and i was able too sleep (its hard to remember details since my memory is one of the main problems now). After this evening everything began and before you ask i never smoked or drank again after this evening (2 months now). The next day i said to my girlfriend that i feel strange somehow but not bad it was a strange feeling in my stomach like being a little sick and nervous. But the day was okay i even was in the city buying some led strips for decoration but when turning them on i realized that it make me feel very sick when the lights were flashing fast. I also got that same sick feeling in my stomach when i tried to focus small text. I thought that this weekend was just too much and its like a small withdrawal. The next they i went to university and in the train i was getting a bit nervous and was glad when i got off but otherwise everything seemed good i could concentrate just like normal. The only thing i noticed was that at midday a had to yawn like every 5 seconds for about an hour and felt a bit light sensitive (but it was one of the first sunny days so i thought my eyes just have to adapt to the new light condition). Back at home i started to feel strange and very nervous again, my heart started to beat very hard and fast and i thought again that i dont get enough oxygen. I went to the hospital because i couldnt calm down. I was so nervous that i was a bit confused, they checked my heart and blood values but everything was fine. After a while i got calm and was glad about the results. I left the hospital and felt pretty okay but was scared to stay alone. The days after i started to feel dizzy and extremely anxious and thought that something really is wrong with me i cried the next days very often for no real reason i felt hopeless and empty (hard to describe that emptiness). I went to my father because i couldnt be alone. At this time i knew something is different and everything felt strange and unreal like a nightmare but i couldnt really describe it and had no idea what was going on. After one week since all started i couldnt focus my eyes on anything for longer than a second and felt like seeing everything with 10 fps also every flickering light made me nervous and feel sick. This got better after a few days but i realized a lot new symptoms which stayed since then. So here is a list of what i noticed after the first strong fear was gone: Visual problems trails but by now only in dawn light condition every light and reflection blinds me and glares, even car, bike or traffic lights at daytime long afterimages of everything, positive and negative lots of grey and normal floaters in every light condition starbursting if the environment is dark around the light sources, gets worse if the light is far away ghosting, especially if its dark and there is white text on dark background everything seems a bit oversaturated at daytime very little static my eyes seem flickering and unsettled the whole time looking at a display is hard feels like looking through a slot or that something semi transparent is diagonal about half the display difficulty to focus my eyes on something for a time longer than a few seconds the feeling that my eyes are to slow if scrolling a website or something sometimes one of my pupils is almost double the size of the other one Other problems tinnitus (had tinnitus on one ear before but now worse and on both ears) constant tension in my whole body sometimes my muscles hurt even without doing sports at the beginning it was very hard to eat constant dizziness not strong but its there everything and everyone seems foreign, especially when looking in someones eyes i feel anxious and sick (maybe dp/dr dont know) cant really sleep, it feels like i instantly start to dream when i close my eyes but never get deep sleep, i wake up every 2 hours and sometimes i cant fall asleep again i feel dumb and cant concentrate at all (brain fog?) it feels like i cant think at all if i want or have to my brain just "does nothing" im really depressed i could cry every second but only because of the thought "you ruined your life, you had everything" no feelings except the one above, i feel like a robot and act the right way only because i know how to but i dont feel it (is this dp?) everything feels like a nightmare sometimes i think im still in my bed and its still march and i hope to wake up, i know this is stupid but im somehow not sure if its not true no sense of time at all, if something happend a second ago and i think about it it feels like it happend years before, i dont have feelings connected to the memories, and they all seem to be far away (anyone know this feeling?) my own thoughts "scare me" and feel also kind of far away, even if i plan to take a shower it feels strange in my head somehow old memories are suddenly in my head even if they happened 15 years ago, they are as clear as things which happened minutes ago, also if i look at something i instantly get a memory in my head which my brain seems to associate with what im seeing (i think this is one of the reasons why i feel like im in a dream and im not in here and now) i see faces and eyes everywhere even without looking for them like my brain searches for them without my control, i see them in trees, walls etc. i can say "its just a tree" and i dont see real faces or eyes but i cant see objects just like they are without my brain starting its rollercoaster drive of thoughts and associations (pareidolia i think but its extreme) i feel like the most important filter in my brain is messed up, in the city i see every reflection, movement etc. also sounds seem louder than before and i cant ignore them (i even hear sounds i didnt heard before, they are real but i think they were filtered out before, maybe hyperacusis) sometimes i think about suicide or behaving strangely and because everything feels unreal and like a dream im scared i will do it, i feel disinhibited somehow i feel like i have forgotten how to think, all i do is associate old memories and compare all the time how things were before 2 months Last week (i think) i found out about HPPD and found many of my symptoms which werent explainable with other disorders, especially those visual problems. I would love to hear some opinions about my symptoms and if they are typically for the HPPD related things like dr/dp, anxiety etc. friends say that i behave just normal only a bit sad and not as happy as before. This is what gives me a little hope because sometimes i thought i become insane. Tanks for reading.
  5. Help! I have a very extreme case of HPPD! It all started when I took LSD for about 3 months ago, I was planning on taking 120ug which is a medium dose, but the tab I bought must have been around 800-1200ug. Some say that's good because, "Hey! More acid for less the price!" but in this case, fuck no. I had the worst experience of my life while never tripped so hard before. It was absolutely terrifying and insane. After that trip I decided, being the stupid 19 year old that I am with bad habits, I dropped acid again after about 1 week. I thought hey, this time it is around 100ug (Some friends did it the night before) and I should have a tolerance against it so the same thing can't happen again, guess what? It happend again! I tripped mega balls on 100ug of LSD, I got an level 4 psychedelic experience out of it, also a badtrip. I've been laying off all substances excluding nicotine and caffeine, but my HPPD just gets worse by the day. It started off pretty extreme, but now it's much worse. MY SYMPTOMS FOR ABOUT 2 MONTHS AGO Visual snow, morphing of objects, anxiety, seeing demonic like figures, advanced patterns in walls and shrinking and growing of objects MY SYMPTOMS NOW Visual snow, more extreme and advanced morphing of objects, seeing more demonic like figures, auditory hallucinations, floaters, light beams falling from the sky, more anxiety, seeing objects rotate and morph into advanced structures, I feel like I'm falling into an endless pit when i try to sleep and much more. Have anyone here had symptoms on the same level? If so, please tell me how you got over it, or how you're coping with it. Because right now, I just want to die. And I think it would be sad if I actually go all the way with that thought, I want to live longer than 19-20 years. Wish you all the best of luck!
  6. About 7 months ago I had an acid trip, it was a very small one. Since then I've had these symptoms: visual snow, after images, slight tracers, and light sensitivity. I've also been very spaced out, everything seems kind of Dream like, and stuff like that. Since my visual symptoms aren't really hallucinogenic and mainly just visual distortions, could these be visual symptoms of derealization, or is this just mild hppd? How long should this last
  7. Greetings, I stumbled across this forum/site while researching some mental issues I was/am having and basically I'm just looking for some answers and guidance. First and foremost, the already present mental illnesses. Severe anxiety and depression have been a fairly constant presence for me ever since my early high school days. I've managed and dealt with them for the most part, but within the last year they've taken a turn for the worse with almost weekly panic attacks and frequent suicidal ideation. Also, within the last 2 months or so it feels like I've been gradually losing touch with reality in the sense of continually questioning what is real and what is not. Because of this I finally got in to see a psychiatrist. After the visit I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder, panic disorder and probable schizophreniform disorder (probable pending further diagnostic imaging and meetings, though he feels fairly confident that I have some sort of mild psychotic disorder). As a result, he prescribed me escitoprolam and risperidone for my symptoms, both of which I am supposed to start next week with low doses and tapering up to the effective dose over a few weeks (he emphasized that I may not need the full therapeutic doses of either medication if a lower dose is effective). While I did mention my vision problems and illusory hallucinations, he attributed these to the anxiety and psychosis stating that they were my brain trying to make sense of a weird situation. However, I think these visual problems are HPPD and not related to any of the diagnosed illnesses. I say this because a lot of my visual symptoms are similar to those of HPPD. Furthermore, I have experimented with drugs in the past, namely MDMA (100mg one time over this past summer) and THC (45mg orally once this past summer. Not enjoyable at all since I was just launched straight into the worst panic attack I have ever had). I also used to take 50-100mg diphenhydramine 3-5 times a week to help with sleep, something I haven't done since I started having these symptoms of mild psychosis and potential HPPD. These were all mentioned to my psychiatrist. A summary of my potential HPPD symptoms is below: Lights appear to streak/downward beams come from lights, especially at night. Gets better when holding eyes wide open and when in bright areas. Monocular double vision in both eyes (i.e. double vision still occurs when one eye is closed or covered) especially with brightly lit objects and where there is high contrast. Glare, halos and star bursts, especially at night. Blurriness/cloudiness in vision Very mild trailing when moving something across visual field Some distortion of peripheral vision and perception of movement in peripheral vision Walls and other objects sometimes breathe usually after staring at them for awhile So, are those symptoms consistent with HPPD, or are they just a relatively normal eye problems that I'm getting too paranoid about? If it was HPPD, would the medications I'm supposed to take worsen it? I've been reading stories, articles and studies about how these two drugs interact with HPPD and how they almost universally worsen symptoms. I can deal with where I am right now in terms of VS, but if those get worse, the combination with the other 3 issues may be too overwhelming. Anyways guys, thanks for reading and I would greatly appreciate any help/advice you can give.
  8. I am new to this forum so it would only be polite to say hello to everyone and if anyone could help I would be very grateful. In 2011 I had a very bad acid trip after my 1st time taking the drug, like other people that have had bad trips I will keep it short by saying I saw some pretty crazy things and it took me three days to come back to normal, which I thought never would happen. I haven't taken acid since 2011 and I never will again as it was the worst experience of my life, however from 2011 to October 2016 I was a regular consumer of cocaine, weed and at some point mdma every weekend for 6 months. Anther drug I have tried only a few times is Ketamine which again sent me into a crazy trip, it knocked me out (k hole) but went when I woke up. I feel I should add from 2014 to 2016 I smoked a lot of weed, like a half OZ every couple of days, and not just any weed, this was some strong stuff. Anyway getting to the point in October 2016 I was taking cocaine and smoking weed with my cousin, I didn't sleep and went to work the next day but went home early as I felt really bad, laying in my bed thinking I was going to have a heart attack. From that day I developed what seemed to be exhausting health anxiety, I got head pains, chest pains, pains in my arms couldn't breath, went to A&E and they said I had anxiety. I eventually moved back home as I couldn't be by myself. I went to my local doctors who said I had anxiety and depression and prescribed me propranolol and citalopram. The propranolol helped calm me down but the Citalopram really messed my head up and to this day I am convinced I have some sort of HPPD, and am looking for someone to agree with me or convince me otherwise. Since taking citalopram my vision changed, I see noses and ears slightly more pointed, and still persists to this day, my ears are constantly ringing, floaters which are noticeable all day, Visual snow ,eye strain, I'm sensitive to light, headaches and light trails aswell for example if I look at the TV and look away I can still see the TV light. I know from reading other stories on this forum that my symptoms are very mild compared, but I am not convinced that it is just anxiety. I have stopped smoking weed I still smoke cigarettes, and very stupidly I have taken cocaine twice in the last 5 months which left my body on edge for over a month a time. I also cant consume sugar drinks because it makes my body really on edge, caffeine, I cant even drink tea without feeling like Ive just drunk 10 espressos. Seen a private psychiatrist who diagnosed me with anxiety disorder, but I have never mentioned HPPD to him as I didn't feel confident enough to. Last thing I will add I suppose the thing that makes me think I have some form of mild HPPD is the Vision changes in peoples ears and noses that convinces me the most, especially after trying an SSRI, its a very strange side effect which my doctor cant really explain. I'm trying CBT next week to see how I get on but if anyone could relate, or at least give me some idea on if I have HPPD or similar to what they have read before it would be a great help. I have accepted that something is wrong with me, but the way I see it is if you want to get high then there will be consequences, and I am feeling them now. Thank you for your consideration G.C
  9. So I have minor dp and pretty bad anxiety from hppd but it always feels like there is this negative stress or anxiety surrounding my thoughts. It literally feels like it's trapping me and idk if it's physical or mental but it feels like I'm being mentally weighed down or something. Like something is preventing me from being free and happy and I can't relax or enjoy the moment. Is this anxiety or something more I need to worry about? Also, is it common for people with dp to not be able to like picture themselves in their mind? Like what they think others think about them? Or is my ego dissolved or some shit like that? Thx for all replies
  10. Abstract BACKGROUND: Following the hypothesis that blocking opioid receptors leads to a decline in opiate-modulated dissociative phenomena, experiences with naltrexone as medication for dissociative symptoms have been gained since 1999 (mainly in doses of 25-100 mg/day). PATIENTS AND METHODS: In this study patients with severe trauma-related and dissociative disorders were treated with naltrexone in doses of 2-6 mg/day (0.06 mg/kg body weight). RESULTS:The low dose treatment with naltrexone proved to be effective whereby 11 out of 15 patients reported immediate positive effects and 7 described a lasting helpful effect. The majority of patients who felt positive effects reported a clearer perception of both their surroundings and their inner life. Assessment of reality and dealing with it improved as did the perception of their own body and affects as well as self-regulation. The treatment was very low in side effects. CONCLUSION:Treatment with low-dose naltrexone may be a helpful element in the treatment of patients with complex posttraumatic stress disorder. However, it has to be realized that the decrease of dissociation may lead patients to a not yet resolvable challenge, in as much as dissociation had previously been a necessary mechanism of self-protection. PMID: 25421416 [PubMed - indexed for MEDLINE] Source: http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/25421416 Originally found it here: https://ldnscience.org/research?filter_disease=70&filter_reported_as[0]=trial
  11. Has anyone tried it? I looked through the forums and couldn't find much. I've been taking lamictal and it has eliminated the majority of my symptoms, but there is still some residual anxiety and I'm thinking about trying a low dose of lithium (~300 mg a day) to tackle it. Hope everyone is one is doing well!
  12. Hi, I get massive headaches after having a few drinks. When I have 2 glasses of wine it feels like I had 10 beers the next morning. Just wondering how it is for you guys?! I also have constant neck tension/pain. I'm still trying to figure out if this is due to HPPD or the stress/anxiety I'm in. Any experience? I also feel nauseas and have a strange sensation in my stomach (like motion sickness e.g. when I'm walking around or when I'm dizzy). I didn't find a lot about this on the forum. Do you think this is related to strained nerves or a common symptom of HPPD? Thanks!!
  13. Hi, I'm new to the forum. I have had HPPD symptoms for about 3 months now. I took a 150mg dose of BK-2cb powder (2c analogue) had an incredibly strong and terrifying trip that lasted 18 hours +. 3 weeks after the trip I had no problems at all except I got a bad ear infection and went to the doctor about that. She prescribed me a decongestant nasal spray which I used daily for about a week. I don't know if it was the spray that triggered it but after using that spray things turned very bad indeed. Anyway, the one thing that is causing me the most fear at the moment is the problems I am having with my vision changing into a slow frame rate version of reality. When I look at my hands moving they move like a flip book animation and then it happens to my whole vision, I get anxious and it just gets worse. I then have to go to the toilet at work to take deep breaths and calm myself down to make it stop. Has anyone else had any experiences like this? I'm just wondering if it's HPPD or if its a symptom of a Psychosis.
  14. Hi all, I'm very glad to have found this forum and think that it has already aided me in understanding what I can do to help combat my (suspected) HPPD. I've been looking through threads and have found a few great stories which gave me hope and huge inspiration from those who have been suffering (and still are) but seem to be able to make a go of things. Some context, I am 20yo male, studying at uni and working. Previous to my breakdown, I had 1 LSD trip (Dec 2014), Shroom two weeks later cactus trips (Feb 2015), LSD trip 2- the bad one (20th March), Shroom trip 2 (9th May). Since approx 2010 I've been smoking week periodically, and over the past 2 years reasonably constantly; culminating in periods where I would smoke every night. I believe that I have got HPPD after having a particularly bad acid trip where I completely disconnected from reality, lost all connection to my sensors and from what I can remember decided that I was experiencing death at what were the bottom of existential crisis thought loops. After this I experienced what I will call disconnection from my past (i.e. with effort I could remember what had happened to me, but could not remember the actual feeling of being there (the quaila-any philosophy majors?)). I had some mental fog, but was otherwise seemingly fine. A month later in hopes of helping the situation I had a mushy trip at reasonably low dose (5 caps maybe), this started out really well, with mostly euphoria etc. I then started to feel very L.S.D'y and told my tripping buddy and he came up to my room with me and helped me write about what I was feeling; I believe at this point I had my first taste of DR/PR, as I frantically wrote about the meaning of life and the way in which we define ourselves as people etc. After an hour or so of this my anxiety abated and the trip ended very pleasantly. Approximately 3 weeks later, my mind somehow preempted my complete collapse and I went back to my parents house, where I ended up with crippling anxiety which saw me bedridden, this is when my HDDP symptoms appeared (I'm not sure whether one preempted the other etc), this all started approx 1st of June. I was a complete mental mess unable to concentrate or remember almost anything. I had streaks and trails (which as far as I can understand are reasonably mild comparatively to other peoples- but I was scared to death at the time), I believe at this time I also had thoughts of ending my life because I could not see a way through what was going on. At this point in time I had exams and managed to do one of the essays (in hindsight this probably stressed me out and made things worse). I went to see a psychiatrist whom I told the whole story, and it seems I got lucky because he took it all in and did not judge at all, which helped immensely. He put me on zoloft (SSRI) to treat the anxiety and Circadin (melatonin to aid sleep), I've also been using Temazepam when I have a really bad night. I am also hoping to get my hands on some benzos as a 'just in case'. So I'm now just over a month into this experience, things do seem to be improving. At times I feel completely normal, and having read what some people experienced and are experiencing I feel almost unqualified to feel bad for my situation. The questions I have relate to the mental symptoms which seem less talked about, while I am dealing reasonably well with after images/trails tracers and the such; I get almost complete disconnection from each day to the next, while I can most of the time remember with effort what I did yesterday I don't really feel like I've done it. I have also experienced this at random times during the day (kinda like turing around and looking at someone and being like what am I doing here and who is this and then having to dig for the info and being disconnected to it); is this to do with DR/DP? This coupled with my complete lack of memory really freak me out at the moment and seem to be my biggest barrier to getting back to a normal life (memory is good for uni and work ) Last question is thoughts on the SSRI use, I have talked to my doctor and while he is hesitant to take me off it he said if I believed it would be better in the long run, then he would defer to me on the matter. From what I've read it seems it might be best to go without the SSRI? Any general tips Cheers for all the love that goes around this place, the forum seems to help a lot of people in desperate need; I feel like I'm a lucky one to have found you guys so early, Peace, Love & Healing to all
  15. Hi all :-) I'd like to give an account of my experience with HPPD and related anxiety. I apologize for the length of my post! I'm under the impression that many HPPD-sufferers (though by no means all) began experiencing noticeable symptoms of HPPD after only a few psychedelic experiences. This was not the case for me. I got very interested in psychedelic substances at the age of 16 and did a lot of reading before actually indulging. At the age of 17 I tried LSD for the first time, and had an enjoyable and interesting experience. After this, I began tripping frequently, and by age 18-19 I had gone through 1000mg of 2C-B (another psychedelic compound) and had somewhere in the vicinity of 50 LSD trips. I had noticed slight symptoms of HPPD after using 2C-B quite frequently for a few months (tripping perhaps once every fortnight, sometimes more frequently), but I didn't think much of it. I figured that the effects were probably transient. I then acquired a large amount of 2C-C and some Psilocybe Cubensis mushrooms, while continuing to do LSD once in a while. During the time I used 2C-C, I noticed that my HPPD symptoms were worsening, but I still attributed it to my frequent use of psychedelics, thinking that it would soon die down when I eventually decided to take a proper, long break from using these substances. During all this, I smoked cannabis intermittently, while never becoming a "heavy" smoker by any means. At age 20, I moved to a big city (or at least as big as they come here in Scandinavia) and began studying physics at university. At this time, I made a decision to use psychedelics and cannabis much less frequently. Over the course of the next year, I only tripped a couple of times, and only at somewhat low dosage levels. It was after this period that I realized that my HPPD symptoms (moving coloured splotches, lingering after-images and so on) had not gone away. They seemed to have lessened somewhat, and I paid less attention to them than before. Nonetheless they were clearly noticeable, and somewhat distracting at times. I felt no anxiety in relation to my HPPD symptoms, and decided that they weren't hindering me in my daily life. At this point I slowly began experimenting with psychedelic drugs once again, picking up pace after a few months. Apparently I had not learnt my lesson. A friend and I purchased a rather large amount of 4-HO-MiPT (a psychedelic tryptamine, somewhat akin to mushrooms in effects) and some 25C-NBOMe (a potent psychedelic). At this point we were tripping on a weekly basis. After a couple of months, it became increasingly clear to me that a long hiatus from all psychedelic substances would be needed at some point. But I postponed it. After our last exams we decided that we'd kick back and enjoy ourselves with a bit of newly-purchased 2C-C. I had slept poorly for a couple of days, and really should have gone home and laid down. Instead, I went ahead and ingested a dose of the 2C-C with my partner in crime. This turned out to be a mistake. After an hour, I began noticing that I was unable to have a simple conversation with our trip-sitter (a sober friend who, thankfully, was also present). I thought to myself "I really didn't imagine I would get this high from this stuff". About 15 minutes later it was becoming quite uncomfortable. I mentioned to my friend that it didn't feel like any 2C-C I'd ever had before, and he agreed that it was qualitatively different. I asked him if he thought it was something to worry about, and he responded that he wasn't sure, but that it would perhaps become a problem if it continued growing in strength. By this time I felt extremely hot and my heart was racing. We decided that, since this drug definitely did not resemble 2C-C, we had no idea what it was. We experienced some visuals, but mostly it was the physical effects which were completely different from what we expected. I said, that if we had ingested an unknown drug, which still seemed to be growing in intensity, we might have to go to an emergency room, since there was no way of knowing how long the effects would continue increasing in strength. First we decided to take a cold shower, to see if it would cool us down, as we were experiencing something akin to hyperthermia. It helped a little, but the relief was short-lived, and it did nothing to attenuate the tachycardia we were experiencing. To cut a long story short, we went to the emergency room, which was an unpleasant experience worthy of its own report. The nurse said that I had a resting pulse somewhere in the high 120's, which is definitely not life-threatening. By this time, the effects had died down a little. The next day, I felt very close to normal, albeit somewhat shocked. I paid a visit to another friend, who was smoking a potent synthetic cannabinoid called UR-144, but I chose not to partake in light of the events of the previous night. A few beers later, my judgement somewhat impaired, I chose to try some of the synthetic cannabinoid after all. This was perhaps my biggest mistake. A couple of minutes after smoking the cannabinoid I felt a surge through my body, a tingling sensation which spread to every part of my body. I started shaking somewhat, but I managed to ride it out, and within a few minutes I felt alright, albeit somewhat shaken and quite intoxicated. Soon after, I decided to call it a night and went to bed. I awoke the next morning, and this is where things got uncomfortable. As soon as I opened my eyes, I noticed that my surroundins appeared out of the ordinary. I felt quite high - almost as high as I had done the night before - and my HPPD was very noticeable. I hoped that this intoxication would subside quickly, as I had promised to visit my parents for a family get-together later that day. Upon arriving at my parents' in the evening, I still felt just as out of it. I had difficulty following the conversation, and I was beginning to become very anxious about the whole thing. I decided to tell my parents what had happened, as I felt unable to continue pretending. Soon after I went to lay down. Around midnight I went downstairs and watched some TV with my mom, still feeling very high and physically uncomfortable. I had been feeling a constant tingling sensation throughout my body the whole day. This is when I had my first panic attack, something I've never experienced before. It hit me very quickly, beginning with an sudden surge of intense "tingling" in my body. I jumped up from the couch, shaking and feeling as though I was about to lose all connection with reality. This state of sheer terror lasted for perhaps 2 minutes, after which I slowly returned to a less debilitating level of anxiety. The next day I was still in this highly uncomfortable state, and I had another panic attack. This one was different. It kept building for perhaps ten minutes, before climaxing in a severe panic attack. I was shaking uncontrollably, couldn't even stand up, and my mom even ended up calling the medical services, who had nothing useful to say. The next day I visited my doctor, who prescribed a benzodiazepine (Oxazepam) for the anxiety. This helped somewhat. I didn't have a full-blown panic attack after this. But I still spent more than a week in bed, completely unable to do the simplest things. Even watching TV proved too much. I felt over-stimulated by any sort of stimulus, and was plagued by strange bodily sensations (mostly the tingling feeling) and strong HPPD-like visuals. After being bedridden for well over a week, I managed to go for a few short walks, while still feeling very strange and anxious. I have been getting better very slowly since then, and it has now been five weeks since the night I smoked the cannabinoid (and since I ingested the unknown substance which landed me in the ER). I now only take benzodiazepines on some days, but I am still far from functioning normally. Most of the unpleasant physical sensations have lessened greatly (thank God for that). The most persistent one has been a strong sense of dizziness, but that is getting better as well. The only symptom which is still in full force is my visual HPPD, which has a tendency to bring out anxiety as well, since it reminds me of the state I'm in.
  16. Just thought i'd drop in to let y'all know that afobazole (Russian axiolytic/anti-depressant) has really been really helping me with my anxiety (I have had HPPD & DP/DR since age 16. I am 31 now). It's great to not be worried about benzo's or pregabalin, trying to balance sporadic use with the risk of becoming addicted. Afo takes a few weeks to start working and it's subtle compared to benzo's (no muscle relaxtion/ inhibition/ sleepyness etc. it's not much of a tranquilizer). It can be stopped at any time with no withdrawals according to the research i've looked at. When I get a bit more time I will post some more in depth analysis and links to studies, but just for now i'd though id share this info with all my HPPD brothers and sisters out there in the world. Idealy I can just keep benzo's for the odd emergency situation. Just for disclosore I also take Tianeptine 12.5mg 3 times a day (it's a mood brightener and a novel kind of antidepressent that doesn't seem to make HPPD worse due to not having the same Mechanism of action as SSRI's. I mainly take tianeptine in the hope of long term neurogensis/neural plasticity and to reduce the negative effects of chronic stress on the brain. (Living with HPPD and DP is stressful right?!) It can help with anxiety to a certain extent. I also take; B12 (methylcobalamine) Vitamin D3 (sublingual) Ubiqionol CoQ10 Krill Oil Astaxanthin (anti-oxident) Chelated Magnesium / Calcium supplement Vitamin K2 Phosphatydylserine + Chinese tonic herbs - 8 Immortals / Reishi Mushroom extract / Chage mushroom extract / Ginseng Sublime formula. jeez it's a lot of stuff, no wonder i'm broke! Cheers, Luke
  17. Hello everyone, I'm exited that this website exists. I don't even know if anyone will read this, but I'm all fucked up. I have horrible hppd that has been plaguing me for a year and a half now. Peoples faces look cloudy, I can barley remember them unless they are someone I see every week. Regularly I will see geometric shapes that are translucent and colored, Sutch as large rectangles that stretch and phase off surfaces, but it's mainly lines and color smudges always dirtying my vision. things get smaller and bigger all the time, and when they shrink they give off vibes. It is worst at night. I was a fool and extensively abused many phycadelics about a year and a half ago. Mainly the nbome series and that was for 4 months at doses of 2-5mg. But tolerance kicked in and I started going for more exotic combinations, Sutch as 4 aco dmt, nbome and mdma. My favorite was just plain shrooms and lsd. During those 4 months not a day went by when I was not in a supertrip. I severely regret my actions. I quit everything when I got my hands on N,N Dmt and smoked it like weed for a week. After that I have not been the same. Is there any way to help ease this madness? I usually just carry it along with me every day. Emotions affect it.
  18. Hey all! I'm still searching for a medication to treat my anxiety problems that won't simultaneously aggravate my HPPD. As many of you know, that is one tough nut to crack. My immediate thoughts: SSRIs: Seem somewhat effective for my anxiety. Aggravates visuals, had to discontinue. At least HPPD symptoms returned to ''baseline'' upon discontinuation. Benzodiazepines: Greatly attenuates my anxiety (particularly etizolam and clonazepam) and helps HPPD symptoms as well (particularly clonazepam). Very addictive, not a long term solution. I build tolerance to benzodiazepines pretty quickly. Buspirone: Seems too ineffective to be worth it (never actually tried this one) Pregabalin/gabapentin: Seem to have many of the same pitfalls as benzos, plus some extra common side effects(?) Beta blockers: Ineffective in managing my anxiety, since it doesn't primarily manifest with tachycardia, tremors, flushing etc. Atypical antipsychotics: Seems like a dangerous combo w/HPPD (particularly risperidone). Older/atypical antidepressants, such as TCAs: Never tried any of those. Very interested in hearing personal experiences or ideas about any non-SSRI antidepressants useful in treating anxiety, particularly about how they interact with HPPD. Thanks in advance, folks Hope you're feeling all right. Looking forward to hear any and all thought on possible anxiety medications w/HPPD.
  19. Hello out there. this is my first time posting. ill start at the begining. when i was 15 i took a large dose of lsd and had the worst experience of my life this was not my first time using in fact i had taken lsd 60 or so times prior with no ill effects. i got through the night only to realize some of the visual phenomenon persisted. i developed a tolorence to the symptoms over a period of months. the fear was enough to refrain from drugs and alcohol for a while. then my youth and addictive personality took over and i had convinced my self that as long i didnt mess with lsd i could do what i want. i was dead wrong!! i am 32 years old now and after about 10 seperate experinces brought on by everthing from marijauna to antbiotics i have worsened to in extent i fear is unmanegable. each experiance was generally an 8 hour or so period of very intense symptoms only stopping with sleep followed by a marked increase in perminant symptoms. my symptoms are as follows. visual snow/static,what seem like moving worms or sperm over my feild of vision if the field involves only one color like the sky or concrete or painted wall, very intense negetive after images. trails and the strangest one is when my symptoms are at ther worst i get a pressure or almost burning senstaion in the back of my scalp. my fear is that i will one day no longer be able to function as a normal person or will be institutionalisd . i cant seem to take any form of pain management or most antibiotiocs so my medical options are quite limited wich scares me alot. i have a hard time keeping in mind that im not crazy and these are symptoms of medical condition. my wife has threatened to leave me if i dont stop talking to hear about it. half the time she doesnt believe me and the other half she doesnt want to be with some carzy person.i am at my wits end with fear and anxiety. i have thought about suicide alot lately and that scares me. im in tears now and most of the time when im alone and im not normally the type for that. i just dont know how to keep moving forward. thanks for listening
  20. need help asap please! i nearly committed suicide the other day and would really appreciate if anyone could help me in finding a doctor that understands hppd in my area. I live in Tacoma, WA, USA, which is about 30 miles south of Seattle, WA. I just want to be better so i can finally have the confidence to meet a girl and to love as well as my lifelong dream to pursue a career as a piano composer. I am 18 years old now and have had it since i was 16 (September 2, 2012)- yes i remember the exact date because since then it has been a living nightmare. Ever since I developed HPPD I have had Constant Depression and Consistent Anxiety of the extreme along with the disturbing visual snow and hallucinations.
  21. SELF DIAGNOSED I am posting this tonight after a long time of having HPPD, to compare my symptoms to everyone elses, and most importantly be convinced that my symptoms are just symptoms. Like most people with HPPD the anxiety of thinking it is something else can kill, and I am hoping to get some perspective on this here from other people with HPPD. I have read through the forums many times, and have seen my symptoms many times, but I guess something about me posting it gives me some sort of peace of mind? You input it greatly appreciated! I am a 20 year old, college student. Healthy & Athletic (All my life) HPPD 2 Years Symptoms: (100% of the time symptoms increase with anxiety) -Blue Field Entopic Phenomena (White blood cells visible against blue sky) -Visual Snow -Trails on lights in dark. Especially RED -Random lines at night -Scintillating multi colored patterns in white walls in certain lighting (like a line of tie die through my vision that kinda morphs around) -Outlines, "Auras" around people/objects against light backgrounds (re appeared after further drug use, disappeared for a while) -VERY slight Depersonalization, derealization. (rarely) -Anxiety -Panic Attacks (Rare) -Slight after images. Pressing on my eye, stare at the tv screen, etc. (Can get images out of them if i'm super anxious, very rare though) Drugs taken: Ecstasy, Adderral, Weed -Ecstasy: Timing: Ecstasy at 16. 3 month period (often) until bad trip. 1 year & half later BOOM HPPD Symptoms. (VERY late onset) Started again (foolishly) A year ago, dosed pretty heavy every once in a while (monthly), quit about 3months ago after anxiety killed me (&truthfully want to change my life) -Adderral: Once RIGHT before my first HPPD symptoms occurred. Had first Panic Attack, started noting HPPD symptoms shortly after. -Weed: Periodically since I was 15. Never been a big fan due to it generally caused me anxiety. Medical History: (I've never mentioned the drugs) -Struggled with anxiety & migraines as a young kid. Disappeared until it resurfaced with HPPD (Not migraines just anxiety) -Neurologist (I described most the symptoms) Dismissed it as something he didn't see as worrying -Optometrist (Diagnosed with astigmatism) -Ophthalmologist (Assured me nothing wrong with eyes) I have NEVER taken LSD/ACID & maybe this has a correlation as to why my symptoms are not as bad as other people having hppd? I'd say compared to some things I have read on this board, my symptoms are definitely lighter than others. ?????? Does this sound like a typical case of HPPD and nothing else? I really wonder sometimes if there could be something else wrong with me. I've never had a brain scan or mri but is it really necessary? What else could it all be? Thanks!
  22. Hi all, just wondering if this is a sensation that you ever get? I am talking about the sensation of receiving an electric shock. The severity varies, of course. I can often feel the sensation building until it suddenly climaxes in what feels like a "jolt" of electricity. It feels almost exactly like I'd imagine being on the verge of a seizure feels like. Very unpleasant. I'm aware that anxiety on its own can cause some people to have a similar feeling (which is bizarre; anxiety can do some absolutely crazy things). Interestingly, the first time I ever felt it was on a high dose of psychedelic mushrooms many years ago.
  23. File Name: Translocator Protein (18 kD) as Target for anxiolytics without benzodiazepine-like side effects File Submitter: StateOfRegret File Submitted: 10 Mar 2014 File Category: Publications A study on Emapunil, novel anxiolytic. Abstract: Most antianxiety drugs (anxiolytics) work by modulating neurotransmitters in the brain. Benzodiazepines are fast and effective anxiolytic drugs; however, their long-term use is limited by the development of tolerance and withdrawal symptoms. Ligands of the translocator protein [18 kilodaltons (kD)] may promote the synthesis of endogenous neurosteroids, which also exert anxiolytic effects in animal models. Here, we found that the translocator protein (18 kD) ligand XBD173 enhanced gamma-aminobutyric acid-mediated neurotransmission and counteracted induced panic attacks in rodents in the absence of sedation and tolerance development. XBD173 also exerted antipanic activity in humans and, in contrast to benzodiazepines, did not cause sedation or withdrawal symptoms. Thus, translocator protein (18 kD) ligands are promising candidates for fast-acting anxiolytic drugs with less severe side effects than benzodiazepines. Click here to download this file
  24. Hi, My name is Deborah, I'm 32, and from The Netherlands. (feels like AA typing this ) I was a recreational drug user for quite a few years MDMA and Speed, and noticed the MDMA drug effects were getting less and less pleasant over the last year or so. I had quite some traumatic experiences on MDMA, like my gf passing out and thinking she was gonna die, or her going into a major k-hole I thought she was never gonna come out of. A week later I took some speed, stayed up 3 nights and got to a point where I was almost passing out all day and had heart palpitations (and a doctor telling me I was just having anxiety issues). I felt fine again after some good night's sleep. A week later I had another speed binge, I stayed up 3 days and on the 3rd day the same thing happened.. althoug this time it stayed. Accompanied with a whole array of new symptoms: persistent anxiety, not being able to sleep, agitated, not being able to eat, buzzing in my head, almost like electric shocks, head aches, tinitus, ear aches, lack of balance, dr and dp to the max! Emotionless except for crying and the feeling of hopelesness. I sleep only 4 hours of scattered sleep a night and this is on sleeping pills. My body just doesn't seem to want to relax in any way shape or form. I forget stuff all the time, however I don't have any visual stuff, I have a foggy mind, like there's a cloud in my head which gets sp bad I forget what I'm doing and all stimuli makes it worse, this goes hand in hand with the sensation of not being balanced, although when I go to a doctor I can walk in a straight line. Sound and moving images make my head go even foggier, and I completely lose my shit when not on Clonazepam. With Clonazepam the fog and imbalance/buzzing feeling in my head kinda go away for a while and I feel semi-normal. They did a standard mri and an EEG (although I was on lorazepam at the time, and wasn't experiencing much of the fog) and they seemed fine. Since I don't have a clue what the hell is going on with me I went to the doctor's office quite a number of times, and they have now labeled me as a hypochondriac. A crisis shrink put me on anti-psychotics, which made EVERYTHING worse. Another shrink says it's an anxiety disorder. With the SSRI's I get so extremely agitated and I go through the roof, so I am scared of taking those again. Another doctor is convinced it's HPPD... The only thing I know is that the clonazepam kinda works until it wears off.. Can anyone tell me if this could be HPPD? Or did I mess something up with my neurotransmittersystems? My neurologist thinks it's psychological, and doesn't want to send me to a neuropsychologist, and my GP doesn't want to send me anywhere anymore since he thinks it's hypochondria. I could really use some help.. Love, Debs