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Found 11 results

  1. About a month ago I took a 50 mg of delta 8 thc in the form of an edible gummy. After consuming the gummy, I had a typical bad cannabis experience characterized by anxiety, paranoia, and mild visuals. I woke up the next day still feeling anxious and within the week began noticing visual disturbances similar to visual snow however this snow only occurs at certain times most usually when im feeling anxious. The other symptom I have noticed is an increased awareness of floaters when i am in areas with lots of light. Since this experience I have been able to confirm the edible I took(from a vape shop) was actually delta 8 and not synthetic which helped to ease my stress however I’m still experiencing visual disturbances. In y’all’s personal experience does this experience does this sound like a mild form of hppd or just my anxiety manifesting symptoms. thanks
  2. Boy, have I had fun struggling to explain this over the years. Having read implications that people can naturally develop HPPD without the use of drugs, I feel brave enough to come out and propose... I believe I was born with HPPD. Yes, there are an endless amount of possibilities of what can happen to a child before their memory develops. The unknown aside, my mother swears upon her life that she was emotionally compelled to be clean during her pregnancy. She did however try recreational substances in the years before her pregnancy. That's all there really is to factor into the early development without getting into genetics. Fast forward to my mental awakening: My earliest memories go as far back as 2 years old, with a high amount of detail for a small handful of experiences. HPPD's visual snow began as early 3 years old, no sooner than 4. I can't tell you anything else about my life with more certainty. Staring at a moonlit ceiling while lying in my parents' bed, unable to sleep, I could conjure up the visual snow and follow it about for entertainment until dozing off. I distinctly remember it starting as a zebra-like puddle which grew in unnaturally rippling waves. I was obsessing over this nightly until it began to take color and move like a three-dimensional flock of birds descending from the gypsum ceiling to toil about as a flock of hundreds of birds would. (Side note: Growing up with white Gypsum walls/ceilings is a disastrous trap for obsessing and worsening the condition. In my worst episode, I was seeing morphing, endless crude depictions of the black plague in my gypsum-walled home, aprox 16 y/o.) Depersonalization symptoms set in around 4-6 years old, the beginning of which I described as having, "woken up for the first time;" but I was already awake. I asked my mother if she felt it, worried it was a natural phenomenon I'd just experienced. This took place on the usual morning drive to school. At around age 10 I 'lost control' due to obsessive habits mixed with social stress, and began to have increasing difficulty with reading. At the same time I developed a sensitivity to horizontal stripes of almost any two colors. They force a sensation of false-vertigo, nausea, anxiety/nervousness, poor sense of balance or the need to steady myself all with an alluring fixation on this rather distressing visual. It's taken a long, long time to learn to limit the amount of stress this causes to a manageable level. Object-specific color changes usually occur with a pearlescent effect, and are a rather relaxing replacement for the old habit of obsessing (wall staring). Strangely, I find both the visual snow and object specific color changes to be... slightly controllable during dawn and dusk. I can really only give it the last mental nudge to get started, but otherwise can't control the outcome. I can also intuitively fight the potential minor trigger sensation/stimulus in an effort to squelch micro-episodes. Sometimes it takes a bit more than just conscious ignorance, which I really cannot describe yet. Along with this came high-ceiling spatial distortion. Basically what I mean by that is... Any warehouse sized store such as Target, Walmart, Raley's, Costco, Sam's Club, Sports Warehouse or even hardware depots will all force sensations of losing balance constantly between peripheral warping. I can only describe this as feeling like walking in a hamster ball. I must say this one snuck it's way into my childhood at random before becoming a staple of my symptoms. It takes intense concentration, energy and physical control to navigate the store. (merely forcing myself to remember the experience to describe it with better accuracy sent me into a slurry of funny typos!) I've always been regarded as dramatic or 'overly dramatic' for complaining of such sensitives growing up. None of my complaints were taken even remotely seriously, allowing me to steep in these issues and make them grow worse. Of course, my family speculated in all the wrong directions when they did listen, only creating more stress and many unnecessary issues through years of misunderstanding. I can't tell you how great it felt to shed the hysteria pinned upon me of potential mental illnesses once I learned about HPPD and shared it with my family, regardless of whether they believed me or not. It would be useful to note that I also went through roughly 10 years of chronic lyme disease, which definitely worsened my visual symptoms. I'm now 20 and going on a year and a half lyme-free (supposedly). My lyme treatments did not seem to have any particular effect on my HPPD besides the associated stresses of treatment. While moderately tamed down in severity, my visuals are still occurring daily. Experiencing my visual distortions is about as normal as breathing now, occurring or interacting with my daily life as subconscious thoughts do. I avoid recreational drugs adamantly as they can throw me far out of the balance required to keep my own peace. The medication combination I've found to help lessen my HPPD (prescribed for reasons other than HPPD) are Low Dose Naltrexone, Cymbalta and medicinal cannabis extracts. The LDN (Naltrexone) has been my only successful combatant against depersonalization, albeit a slow creep. 10mg Cymbalta once in the evening is just enough to help reduce possibly over-exciting stimuli from actually being too exciting. Yet, I still can't sleep in a dark room most nights. In fact, my difficulty sleeping is what's driven me to write this introduction. I've been skipping stones on the issue all my life, but it's only been getting worse. I used to sleep with lights off as a teen no problem. Now I absolutely need a lamp in the corner of my room to be lit until sunrise. I'm in an odd pickle, since this situation leaves me seeing pockets of visual snow on a nightly basis when trying to sleep. If I try to sleep in darkness or near-darkness, the slightest flicker of visual snow explodes into momentary images or after images of rather terrifying things; usually large or distant faces of ambiguous or monstrous nature. Sometimes straight out of media, sometimes abominations of the imagination. I find these frightening because they occur like jump scares, when I least expect them and only for a nano-second. I'm not one to obsess over violent or scary things, instead I'm unsettled rather easily, so I prefer to avoid thinking on such things. Perhaps that practiced avoidance is what's nurturing this emerging issue. Anyways, therapy is not helpful for this, as the phenomenon doesn't seem to be entirely tied to my state of mind. Certainly provoked under stress, but definitely no recurring themes or obsessions which could fuel these more severe night-time hallucinations. I've tried chopping this up to many other diagnosis by myself since my 20+ doctors over the years have never been able to guess at anything better than visual synesthesia or eye damage from frequent TV usage. Much of dealing with HPPD seems to be oriented around self-discovery rather than self-treatment, in my opinion. I'd love any feedback from others who believe themselves to have been dealt a similar hand in life, since we seem to be too few to notice or be noticed. - J.L.
  3. Hello all, My name is Christiaan, I'm 18 years old. Over this past summer I smoked copious ammounts of cannabis and consumed LSD thrice, with a space of three weeks between the first and second expereinces and one week between the second and third. On the first two occasions I consumed half of a 155ug tab and smoked a small ammount of cannabis alongside (around one bowl). during the final experience I tripped in haste in my home, and dabbed pretty heavily alongside. I had an amazing experience on 3/4 of a tab, and on the comedown of this trip I accidentally ate another 3/4 tab, intending to redose only 1/4. I panicked and went to my sister, who became upset and started to frighten me as I began to trip harder, and so I just went into my room and panicked quietly. Eventually, maybe two hours later I took 15mg Remeron, an SNRI I'm perscribed for GAD/Depression, which put me to sleep for a few hours. When I woke up I was no longer tripping. Needless to say, since this past experience I have ceased all cannabis/hallucenogen consumption. I have been seeing slight hallucenations. Surfaces sometimes breathe, subjects in paintings seem to float and move around, and when reading lettering, especially on a screen, the words and lines can really seem to warp and slide around a bit. I also have noticed strong starbursting affects on lights especially at night, but I'm fairly sure I experienced that before. I am terrified of this developing into something less easy to ignore, especially since I took an SNRI while I had a good bit of acid in my system. As time goes on I become less and less hopeful that this is simply my anxiety or heightened awareness of normal phenomena. Thank you so much if you managed to read all this. -Christiaan
  4. Hi all, First I'd like to say I'm glad I found this forum. It's awesome that so many people can come together to discuss this issue, since not a lot of people know about its existence. Reading your stories has really helped with my anxiety. I started smoking weed about a year ago, eating space cake or smoking joints maybe once a month or so. I was never a heavy user, just did it on occasion and didn't get overly high except for a few times with the space cakes. I started noticing floaters in my vision all of a sudden, but didn't think too much of it and was sure it would go away. I didn't notice them that much anyway so it did not bother me. I then tried LSD, only about 65ug, and had a very good trip. This was the first time I experienced hallucinations. I still felt normal at this point. Then, one day I decided to try some mushrooms. I only took about 1.5-2g of dried Golden Teachers, and my trip was very good overall. I was just sitting and thinking by myself while having some mild hallucinations. On the come-down, I got greedy and wanted more so I started smoking weed to extend the trip. Big mistake. I must have smoked way too much because my trip started to go down to nightmare town after that. I won't go into details here, but I just felt like I was going absolutely insane and I had no control over my thoughts. The anxiety really hit hard and I felt like I was going to be like that forever, stuck in a time loop. I get a little anxious just thinking about it still. After the bad trip, I continued to have strong anxiety for about 2 weeks. It was really bad and I got scared. I have lived a very good life with little worries in the past, so this was unusual to me. It eventually subsided though, and I felt OK again. However, the floaters got really bad. They were now permanent and I could almost always see them, which was very annoying. I got my eyes checked and nothing was wrong with them, and the doctor couldn't explain the floaters. At this point I started to suspect that they were caused by the drugs, and I started reading about HPPD. Now, it has been a few months since that mushroom trip. Apart from the floaters, I have some DP/DR symptoms. Sometimes I feel like an alien among people, and I'm constantly questioning the reality that I'm observing. It goes up and down, but most of the time I don't feel quite normal. I'm always scared that I'm going to end up with schizophrenia or dementia or some shit like that. These thoughts just adds to the anxiety even more. I just miss feeling "clear headed", instead of constantly living with major brain fog. Reading about some of the success stories gave me hope to get better though, and I'm trying to get normal again. I've always valued my health so eating well and being active will be easy for me, thankfully. Some of you have way worse symptoms than me, and I can't even imagine what you're going through. I sincerely hope you all recover from this shit. Oh and I forgot to mention, I haven't taken any drugs since that bad trip. I'm definitely planning to stay sober. These bad trips really make you appreciate it.
  5. Hello, I'd like to preface my story by mentioning that ever since I was a little kid, I've had lots of HPPD symptoms before doing any drugs. The first one I noticed was visual snow. i wasn't born with it, but it developed when I was probably about 5. I actually thought it was normal. I also started seeing CEVs, with big splotches of bright colors moving around in my vision after closing my eyes for long enough. Then when I was maybe about 13 I started developing mild palinopsia. I never saw afterimages per se, but if I darted my eyes somewhere, and they happened to pass by a light, I would see a long trail of the light. There were a few other symptoms but they were pretty mild. About a year ago, I first started smoking cannabis a few times a month (not synthetic). It's the only psychedelic I've ever done. For the first 6 months or so I had no problems at all. One night though, I got much higher than usual. I don't know exactly how many hits I took, but even my friend who was an experienced smoker admitted to being really high. After I came down, I was driving home and I noticed some trails or afterimages along the white lines on the street. I could see that something had changed about my vision as time went on, but it was really mild. I would see more afterimages than usual and was more sensitive to light. I ignored it and attributed it to being a coincidence. I smoked a few more times, but in small amounts, and it never got worse. Convinced that the weed didn't cause it, I decided to get really stoned again just to see what would happen, and sure enough the palinopsia got much worse. I now saw true afterimages after looking at anything, even if it wasn't very bright. The afterimages lasted about one second. I felt very depressed but eventually got used to it. Now here's where you'll stop feeling sorry for me. 3 months after the last episode, I decided to try smoking in a very low dose again. Since I didn't have any problems with the lower doses before, I figured it might be okay. I only took about 5 hits or so and the palinopsia did get a little worse. The afterimages are more intense and easier to induce. Also, my visual snow has noticeably gotten worse. It's been about two weeks. Needless to say I've learned my lesson now, but it does suck because I'd honestly like to continue smoking, but I guess I can't take any more chances. Migraines run in my family, so I have a feeling that this is an underlying migraine problem that's just been exacerbated by the weed. I've been seeking treatment from a neurologist (although I didn't tell him this was from a drug). He prescribed me Topamax which I tried briefly and experienced no results from. I don't like that drug because it messes up my cognitive function so much. That's the extent of my treatment thus far. I decided to join the forum after learning that this was HPPD. I hope I can get back to my old normal one day.
  6. So, I have a question for those that are either currently smoking weed or used to when they HPPD. My questionsare, how much did you smoke? Was it the normal amount you smoked? More? Less? A single hit? Additionally, if you did it in small amounts (less than what you normally did or just a single hit, big or small), how much worse did it make your HPPD, if at all? I live in the US in the great state of Washington (there's the state and the capital, I live in the state) where recreational use/purchase of weed is legal. The temptation was just too much and I ended up buying just over an eighth from 2 well known and reputable dispenenaries in my city. One strain is a milder one that the cashier ("budtenders" as they like to call themselves) reccommended for anxiety (low THC indica hybrid), and the other is a high THC, high CBD indica. I haven't smoked any of it though, but when and if I do, I'm only going to take one small hit or enough to feel a little buzz (my tolerance is low enough that one hit is probably going to do it for me) Long story short, if I smoke a tiny amount of weed (one small hit), will my HPPD become significantly worse and/or permanent or will it be benign? Thanks in advance
  7. Hi all, I'm very glad to have found this forum and think that it has already aided me in understanding what I can do to help combat my (suspected) HPPD. I've been looking through threads and have found a few great stories which gave me hope and huge inspiration from those who have been suffering (and still are) but seem to be able to make a go of things. Some context, I am 20yo male, studying at uni and working. Previous to my breakdown, I had 1 LSD trip (Dec 2014), Shroom two weeks later cactus trips (Feb 2015), LSD trip 2- the bad one (20th March), Shroom trip 2 (9th May). Since approx 2010 I've been smoking week periodically, and over the past 2 years reasonably constantly; culminating in periods where I would smoke every night. I believe that I have got HPPD after having a particularly bad acid trip where I completely disconnected from reality, lost all connection to my sensors and from what I can remember decided that I was experiencing death at what were the bottom of existential crisis thought loops. After this I experienced what I will call disconnection from my past (i.e. with effort I could remember what had happened to me, but could not remember the actual feeling of being there (the quaila-any philosophy majors?)). I had some mental fog, but was otherwise seemingly fine. A month later in hopes of helping the situation I had a mushy trip at reasonably low dose (5 caps maybe), this started out really well, with mostly euphoria etc. I then started to feel very L.S.D'y and told my tripping buddy and he came up to my room with me and helped me write about what I was feeling; I believe at this point I had my first taste of DR/PR, as I frantically wrote about the meaning of life and the way in which we define ourselves as people etc. After an hour or so of this my anxiety abated and the trip ended very pleasantly. Approximately 3 weeks later, my mind somehow preempted my complete collapse and I went back to my parents house, where I ended up with crippling anxiety which saw me bedridden, this is when my HDDP symptoms appeared (I'm not sure whether one preempted the other etc), this all started approx 1st of June. I was a complete mental mess unable to concentrate or remember almost anything. I had streaks and trails (which as far as I can understand are reasonably mild comparatively to other peoples- but I was scared to death at the time), I believe at this time I also had thoughts of ending my life because I could not see a way through what was going on. At this point in time I had exams and managed to do one of the essays (in hindsight this probably stressed me out and made things worse). I went to see a psychiatrist whom I told the whole story, and it seems I got lucky because he took it all in and did not judge at all, which helped immensely. He put me on zoloft (SSRI) to treat the anxiety and Circadin (melatonin to aid sleep), I've also been using Temazepam when I have a really bad night. I am also hoping to get my hands on some benzos as a 'just in case'. So I'm now just over a month into this experience, things do seem to be improving. At times I feel completely normal, and having read what some people experienced and are experiencing I feel almost unqualified to feel bad for my situation. The questions I have relate to the mental symptoms which seem less talked about, while I am dealing reasonably well with after images/trails tracers and the such; I get almost complete disconnection from each day to the next, while I can most of the time remember with effort what I did yesterday I don't really feel like I've done it. I have also experienced this at random times during the day (kinda like turing around and looking at someone and being like what am I doing here and who is this and then having to dig for the info and being disconnected to it); is this to do with DR/DP? This coupled with my complete lack of memory really freak me out at the moment and seem to be my biggest barrier to getting back to a normal life (memory is good for uni and work ) Last question is thoughts on the SSRI use, I have talked to my doctor and while he is hesitant to take me off it he said if I believed it would be better in the long run, then he would defer to me on the matter. From what I've read it seems it might be best to go without the SSRI? Any general tips Cheers for all the love that goes around this place, the forum seems to help a lot of people in desperate need; I feel like I'm a lucky one to have found you guys so early, Peace, Love & Healing to all
  8. Hi guys, New to this forum. I have had palinopsia for about 12 years now. During 2002 I was using cannabis daily, not in vast quantities, but I was stoned most days of the week. At the end of June I was hitting some of the creamiest, dirtiest bongs known to man. had a number immediately after one another. I knew it was too much but was trying to push the limits. For about 30 mins I couldnt see anything but I could hear voices. Then suddenly everyone and everything became very much like a cartoon character. My friends all looked like they should be in a Simpsons episode. I also thought there were giant insects buzzing about. I was advised by my friends to go outside and try chill out. It took me a long time to walk the short distance. Once there the sky went a dark red colour and everything else went varying shades of black. The sky then switched to green. There were constant loud screeching noises. Felt a bit like when Frodo puts the ring on in The Lord of the Rings in fact. Also felt like there were worms wriggling in my head. Very frightening experience. I then lay down for a number of hours whilst it felt like my arms and legs were smaller than they should be. It eventually all wore off but for next number of months I was quite badly fatigued and would frequently go to bed early. Then in August one evening when closing my eyes I noticed a strong after image remained. This gradually grew until I had strong palinopsia. I no longer drive at night as its too difficult, I have visual snow and the rest of the usual symptoms. I went to my doctor at end of 2002 and he thought that it was nothing. I thought it was maybe all in my head. I then went to my optician in 2007 to tell him but there was a more immediate problem with the eyes themselves that needed treatment which took a number of years. It was only this year that I actually came across the term palinopsia. It has not got any weaker over the years although I have learned to live with it. Basically the question I have is could that cannabis use have triggered its occurrence or is it just a coincidence that those two incidents were in the same summer? Thanks for reading!
  9. I believe that my heavy cannabis consumption in the past is related to my symptomes. maybe only as a kind of trigger or what ever. i researched and find an article: http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/21572239 a fewmonth ago i was able to read the whole article but there is only the abstract left now. i think that this also could trigger my HPPD long after my last acid trip, if weed could do this alone but timelimeted as the study stated.
  10. Sorry about wall of text. Please help me!!! Hello all, my first time posting here, I'll start with my story. I'm 16, 17 in a couple months. I had an 8th of mushrooms the day after my 15th birthday, had a great experience with no noticable persisting effects, tried acid a month later. It was not lsd. It tasted strongly of harsh, metallic, bitter, hairspray-like chemicals. I took 2 hits, the girl who had taken the same stuff said one tab her made her feel it mildly, so I figured 2 was fine. I thought the risks were of a bad trip, I wasn't worried about hppd. After I took it, I read online about lsd mimics and taste and had some anxiety, understandably. I was alone for the whole trip. It went ok, about 12 hours after taking it I went to sleep, I didn't have any freakouts, I was just a little stressed that I had taken a mystery drug. The main effect of the drug was a pattern tied to the floor. It was only on my low-quality, reddish-orange carpet, not on walls or ceilings. It looked like curvy, goopy lines that formed symbols in circular formations on the carpet. I also was able to make flat surfaces "melt"(although with this drug it was more like turn to energy and buzz) while under its influence. I didn't notice static during the trip. I did half an eighth of shrooms 3 months later, and the acid(by acid I mean mystery drug) pattern returned to the floor, like, bam. Never saw it on my first shroom trip. It was just like, normal looking floor, take barely any shrooms, bam, instant spiderweb of lines that won't go away no matter what. This stressed me out quite a bit, and went away completely when the shrooms wore off, and I haven't had a bad trip yet, out of my 3 total. I don't know really if I have hppd or not. My vision is permanently altered. Meaning, everything in my field of vision now buzzes with shimmery, staticky energy. An object I focus on, like a tree, looks totally clear, but my vision is always buzzing and shimmering. Also sometimes when there's a bunch of bits of something on the floor(e.g. white specks on black floor) if I try I can make them separate and move and zone out, and sometimes even melt/buzz. Only if I try though. Closed eyes and dark rooms are comfortable for me. I see light amounts of multicolored static in dark and closed eyes, but it is light, not enough to stress me out. I get no cevs, no pure blackness but nothing disturbing or approaching what I saw when on drugs. When I get stoned and go to bed, the visuals are not distracting, nor are they like they were when I was on the acid, where I had to keep my eyes open just to avoid sensory overload and sharp piercing colors. Smoking weed gives me a little acid high every time I do it. It increases the shimmers and makes it easier to intentionally trip like I just mentioned. Hell, I can't trip out to a surface unless I've smoked weed, drank alcohol, etc recently. I've still been smoking weed multiple times a day every day for the last couple years though. I certainly don't have anything close to the hell some of you describe, absolutely no suicidal impulses, haven't been depressed. I've been living with acid visuals, so to speak. I got myself all worked up about hppd about a year ago by reading about it on the internet, but I just convinced myself I'd get better with time and ignored it, which is for the most part good advice as far as I've read. After I worried about it for a few months, I stopped. I quit worrying about visuals and continued to smoke weed all day every day and enjoy myself high without worrying about visuals, which by the way were just the shimmers, because I was not looking at surfaces and making myself trip. During this time I passed the G.E.D. to graduate high school early and before that got a's in advanced classes(weird guy I know) as if to demonstrate that I was still functional in a spaced-out, foggy, weed/acid state. I did spend a couple months sober last year, but I was very sick during that time with a very physically painful stomach illness and I don't remember that period too well. I believe the visuals subsided only a little, but I was very stressed during that time, purely as a result of physical pain. I resumed smoking weed right when I got better, and I haven't been able to discern any loss or rise in weed visuals over the last year... until a couple days ago. A couple days ago I had nothing to do alone for like 10 hours, and high quantities of top shelf medical cannabis plus excessive indoor shut-in video gaming lead me to begin stressing over my visuals again. I began stressing over the shimmer-vision, which weed greatly increases but does not impair functionality. It seems to only really exist in my peripheral or on flat things like walls, trees don't shimmer, words on books and the web shimmer a little, but I can read smaller print than a lot of functional older folks so I think I'm fine. Then I re-researched hppd, found this site, and worried myself sick while reading all the posts that say don't smoke weed, hppd never got better, hppd came back after a period of none, etc etc. That night, I smoked some weed, felt a little better, looked at my garage floor, and that same pattern was there, and it would not go away. First time I've noticed that pattern in months, used to see it when high at the location of my acid trip, nowhere else, now I'm seeing it on the garage floor and sidewalks. Anything grainy. Flat walls are clean if a bit shimmery and buzzy. Generic carpets have started to show ghosts of these patterns, but not overlays like before. It isn't as strong as it was on the mushrooms trip, it is transitory, transparent, ghostlike, but it bugs me. And last night, I smoked some weed, sat down, stared at the garage floor pattern, and had an intense acid flashback where the floor melted into moving energetic electric goop just like on my acid trip and I felt extreme dp/dr/disassociation/ego loss/what-have-you. I felt extreme pressure in my head and extreme distance from reality during the visual. e.g., I was spaced out and it was difficult to break. One thing to consider is that I've been stuck with sativa-dominant weed after a large purchase by a buddy and I. One other thing to consider is that I've been smoking all kinds of great weed including sativa dominant kinds without significant problems. One other thing to consider is that I used to have problems eating and sleeping before marijuana use and marijuana has helped me with those quite a bit, even after I did acid. So the main advice on this board is, don't focus on the problem, meaning don't look for these ghosts of acid patterns in my floors, and avoid all drug use. But you see, quitting weed just because if I try I can trip would be focusing on the hppd! It'd be changing my whole life based around hppd rehabilitation! I'm afraid, however, that if I don't quit it could get worse, or keep it from getting better. I really don't mind the temporary visuals I get when high enough to stop smoking, I get overall more enjoyment then sadness from marijuana, which is something I am very thankful for. I'm so glad I stopped my hallucinogen use when I did and didn't take more hits.(I was thinking about taking more my 1st time!) I just don't want to make my situation worse! I realize I'm very young, and my mind is still developing, and so I'd like some advice from those experienced with hppd regarding marijuana in a minor case. I want to be able to enjoy marijuana later in my life, and I want to do what will cause the most overall happiness in life. Marijuana gives me a shortcut to happiness, but I read about hppd getting worse and worse with continued marijuana use, and I want to be able to enjoy marijuana when I'm 40, but from what I've read I may be killing my chances at that by smoking so much lately and worrying about this so much lately. I imagine it's possible a few years of sobriety will lessen my hppd symptoms to the point where cannabis doesn't cause me to see this pattern, and it's possible continued daily use will worsen the symptoms until pot becomes unpleasant. I hated the feeling of my acid flashback, felt out of control and physically sick, but if I didn't stare at the floor and zone out, it wouldn't have happened. Although, now that I've noticed it again, I can't get that pattern out of that floor, I see a little ghost of it every time I glance at the floor. Another thing I'm worried about is, if I quit for a few years and try it again, I'll have no tolerance and I'll get crazily high and my visuals will almost definitely come back, give me a bad trip like last night, and scare me away. So I haven't smoked any since last night. The visuals have gone down a little, but it has been a while(maybe 3 months) since I've gone 3 days or more without smoking. The pattern is still there, on the floor, at least little bits and pieces, would it really be logical to discontinue marijuana use, and deal with the problems of no drive to eat(affecting me today) or sleep and make this drastic life change just for the effects I described? Would it be unsafe to get some nice indica and go outside for a change of pace and just avoid tripping by not spacing out at floors and stuff?
  11. I'm 16 right now, a junior in high school and my HPPD starts the summer of me going into freshman year. I smoked for the first time with one of my close friends and it was some cheap mids.Took about 8-10 decent hits out of a soda can and didn't feel much until i went inside and it hit me. The lights were really bright an I felt like a marshmallow on the couch. It took me awhile to get used to the feeling and at first I was really paranoid but later I ended up having a great time. I remember smoking a few more times soon after that and getting really dazed and didn't really do much but think to myself which stopped me from socializing and having a good time with my friends. Every time I would smoke it took me a little bit and then it would hit me, "I remember this feeling", "I feel like I'm in a dream". This is started me down a bad path in my future and I didn't really want to do much with myself except for experiment with weed. I graduated middle school with 10 kids in my class and I had a few REALLY close friends that I hung onto and all we wanted to do is light up, but I did not smoke a lot at all...I'd say on average like once a week. We eventually split up and went to different high schools but we still chilled on weekends and were really close. A whole year goes by very quickly and I slowly start to realize some static vision, floaters, and a bit of a detached feeling. But I thought this was all normal because of the marijuana despite some very unusual experiences/thoughts I've had in the past. I thought maybe my friends were having the same thing but they just didn't worry about it like I did. I remember opening up to one of my friends at the beach and he assured me that it wasn't permanent and it would go away in a month if I stopped using. He said that it was just normal and I shouldn't worry about. At this point, all my friends I had were very close to me and they all smoked so I decided I was going to hold onto it and just enjoy myself...all of my experiences weren't bad and I actually had a lot of exciting, adventurous highs. As the years rolled on I've came across some unusual experiences that I still remember to this day. It just seemed like sometimes I would have a bad reaction off of as little as 2 or 3 hits...Everything just kind of fades away from reality....my friends look like holograms...Everything is static and dreamlike...I lose myself and don't have an idea who I am anyone...I feel like an alien, generic, empty consciousness. I thought I was in some sort of serious danger... My hearts beating extremely fast and I don't want to die...I was stuck like this forever...I thought people viewed me as weird...I begin questioning if the world is real or just an illusion...I think really deeply and my thoughts, mostly negative, begin to manifest themselves on an unfathomable level...I would just tell my friends that I'm tired and don't feel well and go inside to lay down. When I wake up the next morning I'm fine but a bit foggy and depersonalized. This was such a serious self conflict that I couldn't call quits on the weed. The experiences were so surreal that I could not grasp or understand in my sober mind what this was..It was like waking up from a nightmare and feeling a sense of relief but you keep having the same nightmare all the time. Ok so now couple years go by and I'm now a junior in high school. I actually just recently quit smoking but that was because I absolutely had to. I really wish I stopped smoking earlier on but it was a bad case of depression combined with an inner conflict, which I would call anxiety, that led me to keep doing it. HPPD became so intense that every time I smoked pot I would get intense feelings of discomfort. I would cry because I just didn't feel the same anymore and I felt detached from the people who I knew I loved like my mom and dad. The feelings would take me further and further outside reality and into a life where emotions don't exist. These feelings started very small from when I first starting smoking pot and gradually got bigger and bigger to what they are now. My symptoms now are as follows: chronic neck, back, joint pain. Static vision, sparkly shimmering air and walls. Random spots of color and light flashing in my peripherals for a split second then goes away. Afterimages. Extremely bad depersonalization...the derealization seemed to go away after the first year. Pretty bad depression, lack of confidence (mostly because I feel different, stupid). Unable to feel pleasure. Social anxiety. This still is a burden for me but I'm trying to get myself well grounded. Everyone needs something to live for so I'm trying my best to pursue that to get my mind off of things. I'm keeping an optimistic mind and I KNOW that one day I WILL get better from all of this. I just need to think logically and stop making quick decisions that lead me into trouble. The cure for HPPD is just to forget about it completely. It's like a bee that won't sting you if you just ignore it. I've learned many things from this hellish disorder that will change my life for the better when I finally beat HPPD. Having a grasp on reality is priceless, don't ever take it for granted, I still don't understand why so many people want to escape it by doing drugs. Knowledge and wisdom stem from our understanding of the world...and that truly defines who you are. Always keep a positive mind. Thoughts truly have an enormous impact on our lives. Thoughts control moods/feeling which control actions. Turn your negative thoughts into positive ones and they won't haunt you as much because a more positive outlook will be embedded into your subconscious. Thoughts are the way in which we perceive reality...that is why every single one of us is unique, like 1/6,000,000,000 unique...letting negative thoughts engulf you will cause you to truly believe in them because they are so deeply embedded and will make your reality hopeless, full of depression, and fearful...positive thoughts will inspire you to do more things, get active, and live in the present and enjoy life. I think reading a book helps so much because it takes my mind off things and allows me to explore my mind. For those who have trouble with sleeping, I suggest you start reading...it calms your anxiety and shuts down the thinking processes of the mind, allowing you to fall asleep easier. Things that are helpful to know: -Yes you can HPPD from just marijuana, I am 100% positive it wasn't laced and that this led to my problem. -Reading and exercise are very good for the anxiety related issues. But make sure you don't overdo your exercise... I wrestled for a couple months for school and the over exertion made me go through a period of hell on earth for a few weeks. My symptoms magnified like x3. -No SSRIs, my theory is that HPPD comes from an imbalance in the neurotransmitters and if you take the wrong drug it will continue to put an adverse effect on the unbalanced neurotransmitters and worsen HPPD. SSRI inhibit the reuptake of Serotonin. -Clonazepam (klonopin) will decrease anxiety and has been proven to be very helpful in treating HPPD but not curing it. The Benzo class drugs have an effect on the GABA receptors in the brain and the amygdala which controls anxiety and flight or fight response in the brain. -Accept it, move on, forget. It WONT go away unless to make an effort to stop it. RESPECT TO EVERYONE GOING THROUGH HPPD, I WOULDN'T WISH THIS ON MY WORST ENEMY. JUST KNOW THAT YOU WILL GET BETTER ONE DAY! MUCH LOVE
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