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Found 12 results

  1. Hi all, I’m a newbie. I found this forum a couple of months ago when I googled ‘can lsd change your peripheral vision?’ What a ride that was! After a week of intense anxiety, I retook control of my narrative and all symptoms generally subsided. So I assumed it wasn’t HPPD. On Sunday, I had a quarter tab and now I’m quite certain it is. I’m quite self-aware and I write for a living, so I may be able to put into words some of the things people struggle to describe. If so, I hope it’s useful. I think (/hope) that my case is mild but I guess we’ll see. I’ll start with my history, then the episode that led me to this forum, and lastly the most recent episode. History I’m 39. I never had drugs before the age of 37. I’ve had probably a lot of mdma, a fair amount of ketamine, a little bit of cocaine, weed four times, acid four times, and mushrooms once. I have adult ADD, which became apparent at the age of 35. I have a history of generalised anxiety, and a couple of periods moderate depression, initially managed by Lyrica (Pregabalin) and Wellbutrin (Bupropion - which was chosen because it acts on Dopamine rather than Serotonin - ADD). But it was actually mindfulness and journaling that really managed these conditions. I have ALWAYS had quite vivid dreams, often lucid. I have ALWAYS had hypnagogic closed eye visuals - waves of colour moving in concentric ‘circles’ inwards to the centre or outwards from the centre. Usually green, sometimes mixed with purple and blue. In a really dark room I can still perceive these with my eyes open. I have ALWAYS had hypnagogic auditory hallucinations. Like I’m processing everything I’ve heard that day. Sometimes it’s voices I absolutely recognise (family mostly) but saying things I don’t think I’ve ever heard them say. I’ve ALWAYS had trouble falling and staying asleep. I have often also been aware of levels of consciousness in the process of falling asleep. And it does feel like falling (like a physical sensation in the brain) from one level to the next. Sometimes, if I pay too much attention, it actually wakes me up. The first episode During the month-long run up to Mardi Gras here in Sydney, I had a weekend where I took two half-tabs of acid over the course of a day (along with a mix of mdma and ket at various times during that day). Nothing curious happened that weekend. But two weeks later, mdma behaved quite differently. I was getting the geometric visuals that I had previously experienced from lsd, but I hadn’t had any lsd. That same evening, in a fairly dark room, I began to hallucinate that each person who’s face I focused on was wearing Harry Potter-style gold wire-rimmed glasses. Which I knew was not the case and when I concentrated, the glasses disappeared. During the following week, I would sometimes catch the faintest echo of geometric patterns over uniform white backgrounds, such as walls in my apartment. Tessellating hexagons. When I closed my eyes I could see millions of microscopic red and green dots against the black background. This is what I believe translates into visual snow when the eyes are open (especially in dark rooms). In the corner of my eye I would catch a momentary movement of something dark, that turned out not to be there. Any small dark speck, like a crumb, or a stone, would momentarily appear to my peripheral vision as a tiny insect, until I looked at it directly. That is why I googled and found out about HPPD. I didn’t have ANY anxiety... until I read about HPPD. But for 48 hours it spiralled. Dark rooms at night were menacing, which made me unconsciously resistant to going to bed/sleep. Given my history with anxiety, I immediately returned to journaling and mindfulness. It took away the power that this concept of HPPD had over me, and everything seemed to return to normal by the Friday. And it didn’t recur after a weekend with just mdma. So I chalked it all up to anxiety and moved on. The most recent episode So, on Sunday I had a quarter tab. Wasn’t even enough to have a noticeable effect on the day. Monday was fine until nighttime. My sleep was restless and filled with dreams, lucid dreams, and non-REM dreams where the dream continues even in a state of being half-awake. It was the closest I came to experiencing Inception. In one dream I experienced the physical sensation of dizziness. Quite clearly. Usually dreams are conceptual and abstract. This was just like being awake. In another dream, I could read actual text (which I’ve always been told is impossible, as the language/meaning processing centres in the brain are not active while dreaming). I was sorting an email inbox alphabetically, and scrolling down to the word Seneca. I consciously spelled it out in the dream. Daytime on Tuesday was fine. Nighttime was awful. In one dream, I was in a car chase on the street where I grew up. We sped up to get away from a police car and turned a sharp corner. I experienced the centrifugal force just as though I was awake. I chose to wake up at that point. Today I have had a low-level dizziness all day. A strange dizziness that is difficult to describe, but I’ll give it a go. A dizziness that feels like it is affecting your balance. You feel like you’re staggering slightly to the right, but you’re actually walking dead straight. Only really happened when I was moving. A dizziness that feels like six pints of lager drunk, but with absolute mental clarity. A dizziness that feels like the moment before vomiting, when your blood pressure drops, mixed with the feeling of an adrenaline rush concentrated in a horizontal plane through the middle of your head, starting dead centre and spreading outwards. And a dizziness that feels like the absolute fatigue of sleep deprivation, and you have the physical sensation in your head at the point that you start microsleeping. It’s now 1:30am and I’m typing this out because I had a night terror, and what I think is a form of DP/DR. I felt a sort of paralysis in my arms, but also a field of energy that started just outside the skin of my arms up to my elbows, and I perceived it for maybe 3-5 cm surrounding the arms. This was probably in the halfway state between awake and asleep. Shortly afterwards I became aware that I was breathing very fast and shallow, like a panic attack, but I knew I wasn’t awake yet. I knew and was aware that my boyfriend was sleeping behind me. I was aware that he had stirred. But I was trapped. I yelled out ‘Help!’ but apparently this was just in my head. He woke me; cuddled me; calmed me. I can’t go back to sleep though. This is probably what I would have written in my journal, but it may be useful to others. And others may have insights that will help me. If you’re still reading, thank you, and I hope your experience with HPPD is improving.
  2. Hey all, One thing that has been consistent since those 2 years of dealing with HPPD is that the longer since I woke up the better I feel. Some days I almost feel normal on the evening. But the mornings are always awful. Has any of you also felt that sleeping seems to worsen symptoms of HPPD ? I'd be interested on hearing what you guys have to say on this subject. Let me end by wishing you strength on dealing with this shit.
  3. Started an Ipamorelin trial today. Took 130mcg an hour ago. I hope that this will help my sleep improve. Noticed no effects upon administration.
  4. Hey all, Just wondering if anyone has had success, or done anything, in regards to coping with symptoms that arise from lack of sleep. Currently, I'm in school, and I really can't afford to be bombing exams and missing assignments as well as skipping classes in pursuit of enough sleep. This also worries me for the future as it severely undercuts my ability to do many careers that I've been interested in my entire life. Any help would be greatly appreciated.
  5. Hey guys, At first with HPPD, all I noticed was some slight balance/vertigo issues, but it's been evolving little by little. I had some bouts of DP/DR which I've overcome mostly, as in the world still looks slightly off but I feel mentally here, and I've noticed slight visual snow and entopic phenomena on pretty much every bright surface. These are things I can cope with. However, something that hasn't shown itself till yesterday and one I legitimately cannot take is CEV's. When I close my eyes and it's dark enough, I see full on scenes play out in my eyes. I was sitting in the library, trying to get some rest, and put my head into my arm and all of a sudden began seeing something like a DJ spinning a record, which then changed to some sort of politician speaking, and so on and so forth. I've noticed a recurring theme in most of these is that a good amount are sexual in nature, as well as some other stuff like screaming faces. In describing these "videos", it's almost like at first it's just normal blackness, and all of a sudden the blackness has depth to it, then shading, and then full on visuals. Occasionally, there will be some small red flashes that are pretty short-lived. They sometimes have color, but even the ones that do aren't super intense colors, just slight hues. They also play like shutter film, almost like stop animation, and this applies to every one. This shit makes my other symptoms pale in comparison, as now I don't even have a refuge from HPPD by closing my eyes. It's like I'm fully trapped, and can't even get to sleep normally. I've noticed that they also don't show when I have some light going into my eyes, but the thing is my whole life I've slept in full darkness. Today and yesterday I had this happen, and both days I didn't get much sleep at all, which may have something to do with it. Anyone, please, help me with this crap.
  6. So, quick for introduction to my background in regards of HPPD, I have done a whole bunch of drugs before and I already had HPPD in a major developement and tried to manage it with certain forms of therapy and by giving it aome conciouss time... my constant symptoms when it was the best were tracers and that a part of my concioussess is in the spirit world which is very fine with me. I pretty much had trust in DMT and Salvia (I don´t know why I trusted Salvia I only tryed it a few times before and one time it even scared me, with that I have to mention that I am used to trip hard and that it is hard to scare me in this sense ) To the topic... about 26h ago I tripped hard on salvia while I was on Paracetamol ( stupidity is big in this one because I forgot that I was taking Paracetamol because I took it as medication for my cold, knowing that Paracetamol has some sort of not fully researched effect on opioid eceptor and the fact that Salvinorin-a bind onto kappa-opioid receptors I propably wouldn´t have done the salvia) After the trip I instantly wrote down my experience and while writing it down I started this feeling in my body arise, it was a combination between the HPPD I got from a 2cb x MDMA x Methamphetamine x Cannabis and the HPPD I got from a painfull experience with 5HTP and LSD just mixed into this salvia dissociation and trip I slept hours longer than I usually do and woke up very dissociated The dissociation is my main problem with this case of HPPD because it is not only like depersonalization/dissociation-syndrome it has it´s very own vibe ( like every HPPD) ... I just never had HPPD from a dissociative psychedelic I guess^^ other symptoms include: very strong enhancement of colours ( even stronger that it was with the LSD HPPD) ,constant contact/concioussness with/about these imagined/normally unperceived entities that arise when tripping hard on salvia, also I don´t have small visuals in my visual field like specific tracers for this HPPD or swirls or anything but my whole vision is moving as one most of the time when it is weaker ( as if I knew the world was spinning) when it gets worse I can´t see sharply and more complex geometric patterns are in my whole visual field. I hope someone here can help me or that I can at least find some kind souls to share a path together much love and light Ari
  7. For the last 3 months or so I've had something strange going on. Um, stranger than usual. I'm getting on in years so sometimes I take an afternoon nap. When I wake up my visuals are intense. I mean really intense! It only lasts for about 30 - 45 minutes before my visuals drop down to "normal" (still present but not too bad). I don't feel any different. This afternoon, at work, I took a 15 minute dip into Nod and when I woke up I was seeing all of these bright red lines forming all over my hands. I looked out my window and .... well, it was intense. This doesn't happen when I wake up in the morning. Anyone else have a similar experience?
  8. Hi all, Allthough I sleep for 8-9 hours almost every night, I look and feel quite tired every single day. Also, since a few months i have been suffering from a cold, you know: running nose, coughing, sore throat, which does not seem to disappear. As you might know, the performance of the immune system is closely related to the amount of quality sleep a person gets, and I think this is the reason for my chronic cold. This has made me think that although the quantity of my sleep is fine, the quality of my sleep might be sub-optimal, possibly because of the disinhibition in my brain caused by HPPD. I use an iPhone app that determines sleep cycles by measuring nightly movement and it shows that I have a fairly normal sleep pattern. Furthermore, the fact that I remember my dreams ocasionally suggests that I am able to enter REM sleep (although perhaps this says nothing). Anyway, I'm hoping to increase my sleep quality to an extend that it will be more refreshing/restorative and perhaps increases my general well-being (physical and psychological). Probably, a better night of sleep might be beneficial to all of us. I'm interested in any of your experiences with supplements or medications that increases the quality of your sleep. Up untill now I often take magnesium before going to bed, I sleep in a very dark and quite room and even use a sleep mask now and then. Also, I don't have a hard time falling asleep and I usually do not wake up during the night. Its just that I do not feel (and look) very refreshed the next day. I have been searching around a bit myself and I stumbled upon some articles about Gabapentin (links below), that proposedly increases sleep quality. I know some of the members here have used or are using Gabapentin, can you share your experiences about that? I would not want to take it every night, to prevent the build-up of tolerance against it, but perhaps once or twice a week to just give me a better night of sleep on some days. What are your experiences with the build-up of tolerance? Any other ideas are welcome as well, thanks alot! Cupasoup Treatment effects of gabapentin for primary insomnia. (2012) http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/20124884 Gabapentin versus pregabalin in improving sleep quality and depression in hemodialysis patients with peripheral neuropathy: a randomized prospective crossover trial. (2013) http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/22644743
  9. Have any of you thought we could just be having flashbacks, but we went OCD about it for one reason or another and it keeps it saying there? Maybe we were scared of being schizophrenic so when we would have these flashbacks we would check, and due to checking so much they just sort of stayed? Just a thought because I never really noticed this too much until I personally got scared and started checking and now it is always there. Also, while I know the difference between reality and the weird visions or snow effect. What if we just accepted it as reality? For example, I feel much happier when I feel like I'm dreaming and I just say that I am, even thought I know I can go jump off a building, I feel less self conscious and I am more willing to talk to people than I was before.... What if like really is just but a dream?
  10. I've had HPPD for about 5 months now. I'm 100% sure it was caused by two intense mushroom trips spaced about a week apart. My symptoms include: -Trails and static -Moving patterns -Objects changing shape/size -Anxiety These last three symptoms seem to be the easiest to cope with in my case. The symptoms that really scare me are the ones that seem to happen more inside my head. -I get racing thoughts that move extremely fast and seem to branch out on to different strings of thoughts so I end up thinking about too many things at once and this seems to trigger a lot of my anxiety. - All of my perceptions and memories feel hazy which is usually accompanied by deep thoughts about what is going to happen when I die and other philosophical things like that which seem to also increase my anxiety -Random disturbing or confusing thoughts pop into my head for example picturing in my head my throat being sliced or other images of harming myself or being harmed. I have never self mutilated or even considered it which is also one of the reasons why this really troubles me. -Sometimes while trying to sleep I get extreme depersonalization accompanied by a feeling that I am melting which I experienced while on the trip. I also have distorted perception of the feeling of my body as in my body will feel long and stretched out as if i were made out of putty and pulled across the room. Also another thing that really bothers me is sometimes I perceive and extra limb, like I can feel an extra arm or leg. I have various other symptoms, but most cannot even be put into words. I take this condition very seriously and I've completely cut all drugs out of my system and severely cut down on my drinking(about once every month and a half and only having 1 or 2 beers). I run collegiate cross country and track so I run every day so my exercise is taken care of. I try to avoid caffeine as much as possible because it makes my symptoms slightly worse. I try to make sure to get a decent amount of sleep; I feel like this has a lot to do with worsening or bettering of my symptoms. The problem with sleep is that I have to find a happy medium because too little sleep makes symptoms worse and too much sleep makes symptoms worse. Also my symptoms seemed like they were getting better about 3 months in, but I was prescribed an SSRI which drastically worsened symptoms. Anyway sorry to write a book, but I would really appreciate your comments and suggestions
  11. I've had HPPD for about 5 months now. I'm 100% sure it was caused by two intense mushroom trips spaced about a week apart. My symptoms include: -Trails and static -Moving patterns -Objects changing shape/size -Anxiety These last three symptoms seem to be the easiest to cope with in my case. The symptoms that really scare me are the ones that seem to happen more inside my head. -I get racing thoughts that move extremely fast and seem to branch out on to different strings of thoughts so I end up thinking about too many things at once and this seems to trigger a lot of my anxiety. - All of my perceptions and memories feel hazy which is usually accompanied by deep thoughts about what is going to happen when I die and other philosophical things like that which seem to also increase my anxiety -Random disturbing or confusing thoughts pop into my head for example picturing in my head my throat being sliced or other images of harming myself or being harmed. I have never self mutilated or even considered it which is also one of the reasons why this really troubles me. -Sometimes while trying to sleep I get extreme depersonalization accompanied by a feeling that I am melting which I experienced while on the trip. I also have distorted perception of the feeling of my body as in my body will feel long and stretched out as if i were made out of putty and pulled across the room. I have various other symptoms, but most cannot even be put into words. I take this condition very seriously and I've completely cut all drugs out of my system and severely cut down on my drinking(about once every month and a half and only having 1 or 2 beers). I run collegiate cross country and track so I run every day so my exercise is taken care of. I try to avoid caffeine as much as possible because it makes my symptoms slightly worse. I try to make sure to get a decent amount of sleep; I feel like this has a lot to do with worsening or bettering of my symptoms. The problem with sleep is that I have to find a happy medium because too little sleep makes symptoms worse and too much sleep makes symptoms worse. Also my symptoms seemed like they were getting better about 3 months in, but I was prescribed an SSRI which drastically worsened symptoms. Anyway sorry to write a book, but I would really appreciate your comments and suggestions
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