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  1. I've had hppd for a year now and it has completely ruined my life, I'm always either paranoid/depressed and about 5 months after getting hppd I got social anxiety. I have bad visual snow and everything in my vision looks weirdly outlined?! Nobody believes me and my whole life basically feels like a trip? I haven't done any acid but I still smoke weed everyday but it's basically the only thing that keeps me sane lol I have no idea what to do with myself and half of the time I'm thinking whether my life is worth living anymore, anybody else get any of the same shit happen? How long have you guys had it and do you know anyone that's actually fully recovered from this or are we all fucked?
  2. I have engaged in many many binge drinking episodes over the last decade or so and began to suffer panic attacks during withdrawal as a result. Hypersensitive receptors? Maybe. I developed HPPD with comorbid DP/DR in 2005 so have a feeling that all of the negative psychological symptoms are linked to this neurological disorder. I have tried SSRIs which did naught to help my psychological problems whilst increasing my visual symptoms and am currently on lamictal (100mg) for five weeks which doesn't seem to be demonstrating much efficacy thus far. I have been reading about the damage binge drinking can cause to our NMDA/R and am wondering if the NMDA/R might also be linked to my HPPD/DP/DR. I also suffer from trichotillomania if that is relevant at all. Would TMS be useful if the NMDA is implicated in what ails me? TMS on the PFC of perhaps another area of the brain? I know positive thinking/acceptance/exercise etc. are very useful at helping on live with this conditions but really think I need the expertise of a neurologist/psychiatrist to truly make somewhat of a recovery from these disorders. Thanks for all of your help and thank you for reading.
  3. long story short i got hppd back in 2019 from using lsd once. went through all the motions and managed to beat it and got used to it after 6 months. stupidly done cocaine 3-4 times over 3 years and noticed that i mightve made it ever so slightly worse whereas sometimes it didnt affect me. recently done coke twice in october and now my visual snow is on every single surface, i cant unsee it. auditory hallucinations have started as well, its not schizo as i have spoken with others who experience the exact same thing as me... brain chatter at night and in the morning and ill usually always have a song going through my head all throughout the day. its getting unbearable, for the last 3 weeks ive thought about suicide everyday... ive reached out to specialists in the uk but havent heard back... worried ive fucked my life up. I got through this the first time and was enjoying every aspect of life and now im back in this hole and dont see a way out. pls help
  4. Hello everyone: My name is Marco, I am a 21 year old student living in Mexico. I'd like to tell you my story, my toughts towards HPPD and the lessons I've learnt from this experience. I developed HPPD on January 2021. I was throught a bad emotional moment, due to the pandemic and a broken relationship. Since august 2020 I had decided to try LSD so I did it with a couple of friends. I did it twice, both times in parties and drinking alcohol. having as a result pretty mild experiences. I've never really been into drugs: I'd tried weed before, a couple of times, also in social situations, but I was never a regular consumer. Then on October me and one of my best friends had mushrooms, which were actually very strong. I did not enjoy it at all, but nothing bad happened after that time. Then, at the beginning of this year, I bought acid and made the decision to have an LSD trip for the first time without alcohol or any other distraction. In fact I don't know if it was LSD or something else -based on the research I've been into these recent months it could've been N-BOME.- and had a horryfing bad trip, with lots of negativity and hopeless thoughts. The upcoming day everything changed. I almost had no sleep after the trip, as I was heading home from a holiday, and all the hallucination symptons remained more that two days. I almost had a panich attack and I had to tell my parents the situation as I thought I really needed to see a doctor or go to the hospital. Fortunately I was able to calm down and had some sleep after 36 hours. Since then I'm on this journey. I talked with some of my friends about my syptoms but everyone told me the same: they were normal, LSD may have some flashbacks and that it was nothing I should worry about. But the weeks passed and I was not feeling any better, but the opposite. Since my university classes are online now due the pandemic, I got a job on a hostal near the beach in Mexico. My plan was to travel the country as the school allowed me to take the remote classes wherever I was. My departure was scheduled one week after the LSD trip, so I almost decided to cancel it and to stay home. But finally I decided to travel anyway and here's wher I am right now. I must say some of my symptoms have improved a little since this started. But some have worsen at moments. Generaly I feel better than two months ago. February and March were definitely the worst period for me. I barely could not concentrate on my classes and tasks. I was drinking a lot, so I felt bad all day long. I had terrible headaches and pain in the eyes. My visuals were strong and the braing fog affected the way I talked and some of my daily activities. I decided to implement some changes on my lifestylle and they have helped me to feel better. I quited coffee and alcohol, and of course any kind of drugs. I have as much sleep as I can and I am trying also to eat healthier and to drink lots of water. It was hard for me to work out at the beginning but now I attempt to take a run three or four days a week. Anyway I don't feel capable to do some of the stuff I enjoyed the most before this started. I used to read a lot and now it is hard for me to concentrate, and it is painful actually to read. I used to play chess, to participate in forums. I wrote for a newspaper and had a radio show. I am aware that some of this activities are hard for me now because I've lost some confidence on myself. And also anxiety makes it way worse. I've realized that when I've been capable to lower my anxiety everything feels so much better. Traveling has been fun, but I haven't feel able to enjoy it a hundred percent. Now I am coming back home so I will experience again how it feels to have a routine and be more calmed as I won't have to work anymore and I'll have some time to rest, eat healthier and work out. I am not closed to the idea of seeing a doctor, but honestly with everything I've read about the condition I am not hopeful either. HPPD has taught me a lot about patience. I don't know if I'm ever gonna fully recover from this, but the only way I'll find out is with time. Taking one step at a time and working everday for my wellness and health. My hope is far to be over. I am a resiliant person and I've faced pretty hard challenges during my life. I try to see HPPD as another challenge life had for me. Of course it makes life so much harder, but also it feels right to notice I've been four months now with this, and yet I've managed to keep studiyng an International Relations bachelor in one of he most demanding universities in my country, to work in some of the most beautiful and touristic places in the world, made dozens of great friends from all over the world, worked as a High School english teacher, and discovered amazing spots with amazing people, enjoying the craziest adventures. Of course it hurts, of course it's hard, unconfortable, demanding, painful and discouraging. But I am not letting HPPD ruin my plans, goals, objectives and dreams. I'll force myself to be a more empathetic, healthy, honest and transparent human being. And also to help others and understand other people's problems. I really have to thank everyone on this forum. It has helped me a lot to understand more about this condition, the way I can live with this, and a source of inspiration and aid in some of my lowest moments. Greetings to everyone, if you have some recommendations, tips, or you just want to have a conversation feel free to send me a message, I'd love to meet you all. Marco S.
  5. Hi there. I've had HPPD since I was about 19... so going on 16 years now. I won't get into all the details but what I'm wondering is if anyone has resolved, or read about someone who resolved their Blue Field Entoptic Phenomenon (BFEP)? This is probably one of my most annoying symptoms and is prevalent on any large bright surface. Central vision and peripheral. Any feedback would be much appreciated. - Brad
  6. I don't know why I've got hppd, the symptoms started years after my bad trip. I used to smoke a lot of "spice" when I was a teen, one time I had a really bad trip, strange hallucinations, and a panic attack. Years after, hppd like symptoms occured, like trails, afterimages etc, but I can't find a cause except maybe anxiety.
  7. I came across this idea through some research and it might actually be helpful. Im not saying thats a cure or anything near that BUT subliminal messages have been proven that by their interaction with the subconscious mind trick it into believing what we want it to believe(seems like a placebo effect but its not). Basically, subliminals can be beneficial if they want them to be(crazy, right? ). Well its not. Its just the law of attraction. And dont get me wrong here because i don't want to give people false hopes, im not saying that it will be 100% helpful to every single person in here, im just saying that people should at least research it. Personally, ive used some subliminals in the past and they did help a lot(for thick hair etc.) I did have some good results, im not gonna lie. So i saw a video on yt(subliminal about hppd ) and it actually made a lot of sense. At the moment, im working on my own subliminal which will be specifically about hppd. The reason why im the one who makes it, its because i want to make sure that all the messages i will be using are 100% positive for the mind. I will upload this here but if you dont find it positive enough for your mind don't listen to it. There are some more factors to make a subliminal 'work' which i will be explaining if you want me to(im not no expert or anything near that so i advise you to research anything before trying). Thanks!
  8. Hello guys, it's been a year since i had the same problem as you. Always exactly 1 year I took 150ug of LSD and had a terrible bad trip that traumatized me and left me sequels. I had flashbacks and I missed a lot because of it. Distorted visions in my peripheral field. All this was cured with antipsychotics, especially risperidone (I can not remember the dosage). But what it took to be cured was the emotional sequel that caused me. Psychedelic experiences transform you radically and unfortunately if you are not prepared for them it may take a long time for you to get back on track and I confess that I am not yet 100% healed of this trauma. But what I can say to you is that the worst of all this is not the visions, but the horrible thoughts that go through our heads thanks to the anxiety that causes us. And what I want to know about this post is just that. What are the thoughts that torment you because of this anxiety? Write them in the comments and we'll help each other by talking about them. For example, I used to think all the time that I was getting schizophrenic, that there would be some outbreak, over time this evolved into existential crises where I thought my soul was lost in space time and I was not living reality, just watching it (depersonalization and derealization helped in this).
  9. Hi guys, I’m a first timer here and I really need some help with this. I did shrooms 3 times over a 3-4 week span, I dont remember the exact time period (this was a little over a month ago like in april). Im prescribed vyvanse which I take daily and the only other things ive done are drink and smoke weed. Anyways, after my last shroom trip everything was fine and i haven’t done it since but i do drink all the time. about two days ago i smoked weed for the first time in two months and i saw the letters on my phones keyboard dramatically wiggling and getting bigger and smaller while i was high. This has never happened to me before when i have smoked, I have only ever seen this when im on shrooms so this freaked me out because of what ive read on hppd. The next day I was watching tv and noticed that words on the screen were wiggling a little bit. Ever since then, every time I focus on a words or letters for too long, I see them subtly wiggling, it comes and goes and it has been improving over the past few days and its pretty much gone now. its nothing too bad and I wouldn’t notice it unless i really stare at them but im afraid it might get worse over time and I’m starting med school in two months. what makes this weird is that Ive read of hppd happening and then getting better shortly after a trip but my thing started a month after. The good thing is that I dont see static, visual snow, or any of that other stuff, just a subtle letter wiggling. I was thinking that i had it the whole time but i didnt notice until i smoked but what is weird is that i drink all the time and it never made it worse or even apparent at all to the point that i didnt notice I even had anything but weed did. Is it possible that weed may have triggered a mild form of hppd from previous shroom use? Also im prescribed vyvanse which i take every day and i have noticed that i dont see things wiggle when im on it, which is weird becuase Ive read everywhere that stimulants make it worse. What worries me is that I need Vyvanse for school and cant stop taking it and according to what I have read amphetamines worsen HPPD. Im not sure if I have it or not and since hppd is not very well understood im not sure whats going on. At such a critical point in my life this is kind of freaking me out so I would appreciate if those who may have experience with this kind of stuff would help shed some light on what is going on. I apologize if I sound dumb and don’t mean to disrespect those who truly have it but this is making me really nervouse and don’t know who else to ask. As far as when I smoked weed that time it was different than other times and I didn’t like that the letters kept getting bigger and smaller because weed doesn’t do that. Thank you for your help guys.
  10. Hello, my names is Mark. I am 19 years old and in September I will be turning 20. In advanced I would like to appoligize for a very long post and for being very specific about my drug use. I need help. I come from Russia. I moved to LA when was 13 and by the time I was 14 I became and active drug user. I don’t have any real mentally ill people in my family like people with schizophrenia and such. My older brother who is about to turn 38 is a sociopath and my mother and sister have anxiety. My dad is a functional alcoholic but nothing to crazy. Moving to LA: 2012/2013 - I started using Magic Mushrooms, ALD-52, Marijuana. Also started smoking cigarettes. In March of 2013 after a 500 microgram ALD - 52 trip I developed some HPPD but didn’t know what that was until I went to Amsterdam that summer to do a summer job and took mushrooms and told someone that I have some of the aspects of the trip when I’m sober and that person recommended to read about HPPD. I came back and tried DMT, for some reason it didn’t work. Coming back to LA: 2013/2014 - I continued to used psyhadelics. I’ve finally tried LSD - 25 and had a very powerful trip that made me stop. I tried Cocaine and MDMA. I was fasinated with the world of American pharmaceuticals and tried a bunch of random pills like: Ritalin, Vyvanse, Codeine, Hydrocodone, Xanax, DXM and serroquil. Side note: I was very depressed. My HPPD was getting worse and I lied to my psychologist that I’m done with drugs while using drugs. He recommended me to go see a psychiatrist that would prescribe me some anti - depressants. I was on Wellbutrin for 2 months and it didn’t work. He then put me on Lexapro for the rest of the school year but it made go crazy for a bit in terms of WD’s. I kept taking the pills and then stopping and then taking them again and I’ve developed racing thoughts before I went to sleep so then he placed me on Lunesta witch I abused and it was one of my favorite drugs. Moving back to Russia: I got expelled my senior year when I was 15 and had to move back and for a month I smoked hardcore Sativa weed, took Lunesta and did a bunch of cocaine/meth. After a horrible MDA experience in Moscow I eventually decided to stop taking drugs and became a full blown weekend alcoholic + I also took drugs, but only sometimes. 2014/2015 - I would drink from 500 ml (17 ounces) - 1 liter (34 ounces) of whiskey/vodka or any hard liquor or cocktail every Friday and Saturday in clubs and bars, during the summer I drank on Thursdays and Sundays too. Sometimes I went on benders but drinking wine mostly and starting in the evening only. I also huffed nutritious oxide sometimes. I took cocaine a couple of times and since the weed in Russia is mostly laced with Acetone, Spice, or JWH based chemicals and hash is laced with heroin most of the times it always sucked and made me feel like I was tripping. I only smoked weed and Salvia when I went to the US, wich was twice, both times for two weeks. I also “really” tried Xanax and fell in love with it on the trip I took to LA during New Years. Moving back to LA for the last time: 2015/2016 - I smoked every single day for 5 months, did a bunch of cocaine and used Xanax almost every day but took breaks for 2 weeks sometimes, I snorted OxyContin and drank Codein Syrup but rarely because I was really overweight and felt that I might die. I did mushrooms once, ecstasy once, ketamine once and I did Adderall also once. (Last time I did psychedelics and speed) I Kept getting sick and going to the hospital every time so decided to go back home and never move back. Moving back to Russia again: I lost a bunch of weight and kept drinking once again and at one point broke up with my at the time girlfriend and went on a two month whiskey/laced weed or really bad weed/fake Xanax bender. I ended up fleeing to Chicago (doing real Xanax, smoking weed, and drinking beer) and then Europe were I was cross faded most of the trip . I barely remember this, it was all during the summer. Somehow I managed to get my shit together before my birthday and sobered up a bit. Turning 18: 2016/2017 I was living in Moscow and found and OK plug for weed and started smoking every day. Got addicted to Xanax and Pregabalin (Lyrica) and by the time it was December 2016, I took up to 50 pills a weekend. 26th of December I OD’d. I drank whiskey morning till night every day and took codiene, Valium, Xanax, Atarax, serroquil, pregabalin, phenozepam and phenibut everyday until I went into an epyleptic shock and got taken to the ER. Rehab: My dad made he go to rehab in Israel and I was there for 4 months completely sober. I sometimes took mirtazipine to sleep. Rehab saved my life. 2017/2018 I got out and didn’t use anything until I got drunk in some bar in Siberia (Novosibirsk) and decided that I’m going to drink because I couldn’t do NA. I drank every weekend not as crazy as I used to but still pretty intense. I smoked once in two months only if would travel and see my high school pals in places like Copenhagen or Amsterdam were it’s legal and safe. Took cocaine once by accident during the summer (was in my drink) I got into a very bad car crash in December because my taxi driver fell asleep and broke my legs and stuff. I spended a month in the hospital where I was given Fentanyl, Tramadol and Gabapentin everyday (very depressed, had to go to the bathroom laying down). I got out and stayed in the country side watching films taking tramadol and gebapentin and smoking weed for 2 weeks. Then I quit and became sober again. Now: Here is what happened. After I got on my legs witch was recent I got back to drinking. On March the 3d I had alcohol poisoning I think and had to go to the hospital because the next day I thought I’m having a heart attack. I was in and out of ER for three days cleaning my blood. I was going to Barcelona for 10 days for work and I so paranoid that I’m going To get Delirium Tremens from drinking so much so often that I thought I was entering psychosis (btw I took atarax almost every hungover because anxiety was to intense) I went to the psychiatrist on the 9th and told him that I need something to manage my anxiety and also a benzo addict in the past and he prescribed me Buspar and Alimemazine. I took 30-40 mgs of Buspar everyday for 2.5 weeks. I got to Barcelona still very paranoid that I’m loosing my mind. Gave up and started taking Xanax 2 mgs per day for 4 days. On top I smoked weed everyday and after I couldn’t cold turkey Xanax cause of anxiety I tapered down until I got home. On the 21st of March I got back completely sobered up, even quit smoking cigarettes and had anxiety attacks (still have them) almost every day that made me take some Buspar and Atarax. On the 24th I flew to see my dad in Germany and took ambien a couple of times to sleep. I also went to the pharmacy and got my self bromazepam and thank god I had it because after being very obsessive about becoming schizophrenic at a very young age or something, I suffered a very bad anxiety attack and I took some broma and it helped. April: I got drunk on the 29th and told my parents that I need to solve this HPPD nonsense because I’m fucking done and emailed Doctor Abraham (famous HPPD Doctor) he emailed back and gave emails of his colleagues telling me his to old for this and he’s retired. None of his colleagues have responded to my very emotional email. I’m willing to fly anywhere and do whatever it takes to help my self. I am now 100% sober and going back to NA just to stay sober. It’s really painful to be sober rn because I feel insane! Anxiety mostly. If anyone knows doctors, hospitals, centers that focuses on HPPD/anxiety tell me. Because I need to solve this. Please don’t ignore this. I need your help. I have every single symptom of a really bad case of HPPD atarax - Hydroxyzine rameron - Mirtazapine lexotanil - Bromazepam my email is: markefr1998@gmail.com
  11. Hey guys i think i found the triger for recovery sorry for bad engrish This is called subliminal audio i has been known to cure many physical and mental problems so i ascume that this would help. I know this sounds like placebo but it is not i know because you can hear those voices in the video here is the video and update if it helps instructions are in the desciption
  12. The story starts a month ago when my brother visited tulum for the weekend he took 1/4 of a 1200micrograms rick and morty lsd, since then he was different, one weak ago were hitting the bong and suddenly he had a psychedelic trip and it seemed like the one he had 3 weeks before when we dropped acid so any way he got on a bad trip and told me that it felt like an lsd bad trip just by smoking weed, the trip that lasted 2 days then he came down. now he's always paranoid i cant talk to him for longer than 5 min. my question is should i be worried? and how could i help him? how should i treat him?
  13. i can either tell my parents my brother has hppd or i can tell the me had a flashback whats better?
  14. First off my name is isaac im 24 from a posh suburb in southern California.... so like many of you i started my psychedelic use very early and i used it very very heavily, i went from never having had a sip of alcohol at 16 to at 18 having used around 250 hits of lsd about a half ounce of dmt a quarter pound of mushrooms, dozens of experiences with san pedro, extracted mescaline, all the chemicals in the 2c series, mxe, ketamine, mdma and various other bs mixed in........ by the time i got out of high school i was hearing things that wernt there seeing people in the corner of my eyes that were not there i wasent even able to hold on to a thought for more then a few minutes at a time before having my mind "wiped"..... this led to extreme anxiety and hard core heroin addiction i started slamming grams a day for the next 4 years, ive been homeless for about 2 years total i latter started getting involved in extremely violent gang activity abroad ...... fast forward to today im 1 year sober and have a very good job stable living situation and have good control over my violent erratic impulses............ for the time after my psychedelic use where i turned into a shit head i really forgot about my hppd which is fairly sever from what i can tell, i feel like im 4 feet deep in my head like im observing the world by proxy like VR or something when i close my eyes im in a fractaly fragmented psychedelic space, when my eyes are open the visual drag is very substantial comparable to an average single dose of lsd the world looks like im looking thru rippling water with a film of oil on it....... i just feel so detached from my body my vision everything, i recoil from human touch as if any human contact is some one trying to stab me..... i am so detached from everything i cant connect with any one and normal social constructs are the most confusing thing to me i long for it but just can no longer grasp it, i feel like ive turned autistic after everything that has happened i feel like a ghost of a person who can only think analytically...... recently my hppd has goten much worse the other day the world looked like it was erratically shaking to the point i droped to the floor to gain my bearings, i feel like im on a average dose of a cluster fuck of psychedelics constantly (im completely sober i dont even smoke weed)..... im not a bad person i just want to be a productive peaceful member of society with normal healthy relationships and i want to get out of this box im stuck in in my head i just want to feel alright....... i dont know if this is how i should have introduced myself but here i am
  15. dooo i have a chance of getting better if i go healthy and stop smoking
  16. Hello(: my name is Annie, and I started dating my amazing boyfriend Kai a few months ago. I love him, absolutely crazy about him. He has HPPD with a sister diagnosis of anxiety. I do not have HPPD but I do suffer from GPD and Social anxiety. So I understand his anxiety. This is where my question comes from; if you were dating someone, and you have hppd, what would you want them to know? Kai is a little closed off about it, because he is now 5 years sober from drugs, and 3 year sober from alcohol so he really doesn’t like going into the details of it, and what he did when he was under the influence. So what would you want your significant other to know, recognize, do to help, etc.? I know his medications, when he should take them, what makes his visuals worse and all that but I want to do more for him. Thank you for reading and responding!! (:
  17. Hi everyone, i really dont know how to start and i hope you can excuse any mistakes in language as im from europe and i even have problems using my mother language at the moment due to my mental situation (If you want to skip the detailed story you can scroll down to my current symptoms, which basically began after one weekend of smoking too much weed where i had something like a panic attack while smoking alone.) Maybe i just start with a review of my past two months where my current state began and a little about me and my drug usage. Im 22 years old and started with drinking alcohol with 14 like all my other friends, sure i often drunk too much in the future but only at parties and never drunk alone or had the feeling that i need alcohol, pretty normal i guess. Last year (2016) i started smoking weed (just smoked one time before i was 21 and felt nothing so i had no demand doing it again). Due to new friends and an interest in weed because i found out my father smokes pretty often i started to smoke with friends occasionally and somehow i liked that feeling now. I would even say that after a few times i started to love that feeling. Alcohol was no more fun and i said to myself that its better to smoke sometimes and dont drink anymore except a beer or two sometimes (even my father said that to me). In fall last year i moved from my families house to my own place with a friend. That change in life was awesome i was so motivated, happy and loved the new freedom. Someday i bought my first own weed (maybe because it was possible now to do anything without the parents near) and i couldnt resist trying it out alone. It got more often and between november 2016 and march 2017 i smoked almost everyday i got time but i was still going to work everyday and university (sober). I think it still was a „normal“ amount and sometimes i didnt smoked for 2 weeks or so without a problem. In March a friend of mine died i didnt knew him very good because he lived in another town but somehow it bothered me a lot (dont know if this has something to do with my problem). Smoking weed after this incident was almost the same except that i felt a little tension in my chest and when i tried to sleep it took a while. Then there was the weekend whereupon everything started. On saturday march 25th two friends came over to have a nice evening and smoke some weed. I already worked the whole day and was awake since 5am but i didnt smoked for a week or two so i was excited. It was a great evening but after a while i was really tired and fell asleep for a few minutes when my friends were still there. I got some new weed and they left early like 11pm. I dont know why but instead of going back to bed i smoked another one alone. I felt again an odd tension in my chest and was a bit nervous but after a few hours i fell asleep. The following sunday my girlfriend had no time and i had new weed so the first thing in the morning was smoking again. I smoked three joints over the day i think and felt pretty normal (just normally stoned the whole day). Only in the evening the tension came again but harder this time and there were some „stitches“ in my chest. I was getting nervous but was able to calm down myself. Again it was harder to fall asleep this evening. It was like starting to dream while still awake and realizing it and wake up due to this feeling. The next morning i felt normal again i think and at midday i smoked another one with my flatmate because our internet was broken and we didnt know what to do. Suddenly i felt like being between stoned and sober and i just wanted to be fully sober. Everything felt a bit unreal like a dream somehow and the fact that our internet was not working was strange in my eyes and made me ask myself „is this really happening?“. But i managed to keep calm and said too myself that everything is normal that im just stoned and that i will be sober after a few hours. At the evening the internet suddenly worked again and i felt good again as far as i can remember. But instead of asking myself why i felt so strange and why i had this chest tension and stitches the last days i smoked another joint at this evening. Afterwards i was with a friend on skype playing a videogame when i suddenly had the feeling of getting a heart attack or something i had to lay down and was very anxious (i think this was my first little panic attack). The feeling came like in waves but i was able to calm down myself. It was a strange feeling i felt like not getting enough oxygen in my lungs, couldnt sit still and i just wanted to go outside. I took a walk but back home i didnt felt better. The „getting a heart attack“ feeling came multiple times again. Later it got better somehow and i was able too sleep (its hard to remember details since my memory is one of the main problems now). After this evening everything began and before you ask i never smoked or drank again after this evening (2 months now). The next day i said to my girlfriend that i feel strange somehow but not bad it was a strange feeling in my stomach like being a little sick and nervous. But the day was okay i even was in the city buying some led strips for decoration but when turning them on i realized that it make me feel very sick when the lights were flashing fast. I also got that same sick feeling in my stomach when i tried to focus small text. I thought that this weekend was just too much and its like a small withdrawal. The next they i went to university and in the train i was getting a bit nervous and was glad when i got off but otherwise everything seemed good i could concentrate just like normal. The only thing i noticed was that at midday a had to yawn like every 5 seconds for about an hour and felt a bit light sensitive (but it was one of the first sunny days so i thought my eyes just have to adapt to the new light condition). Back at home i started to feel strange and very nervous again, my heart started to beat very hard and fast and i thought again that i dont get enough oxygen. I went to the hospital because i couldnt calm down. I was so nervous that i was a bit confused, they checked my heart and blood values but everything was fine. After a while i got calm and was glad about the results. I left the hospital and felt pretty okay but was scared to stay alone. The days after i started to feel dizzy and extremely anxious and thought that something really is wrong with me i cried the next days very often for no real reason i felt hopeless and empty (hard to describe that emptiness). I went to my father because i couldnt be alone. At this time i knew something is different and everything felt strange and unreal like a nightmare but i couldnt really describe it and had no idea what was going on. After one week since all started i couldnt focus my eyes on anything for longer than a second and felt like seeing everything with 10 fps also every flickering light made me nervous and feel sick. This got better after a few days but i realized a lot new symptoms which stayed since then. So here is a list of what i noticed after the first strong fear was gone: Visual problems trails but by now only in dawn light condition every light and reflection blinds me and glares, even car, bike or traffic lights at daytime long afterimages of everything, positive and negative lots of grey and normal floaters in every light condition starbursting if the environment is dark around the light sources, gets worse if the light is far away ghosting, especially if its dark and there is white text on dark background everything seems a bit oversaturated at daytime very little static my eyes seem flickering and unsettled the whole time looking at a display is hard feels like looking through a slot or that something semi transparent is diagonal about half the display difficulty to focus my eyes on something for a time longer than a few seconds the feeling that my eyes are to slow if scrolling a website or something sometimes one of my pupils is almost double the size of the other one Other problems tinnitus (had tinnitus on one ear before but now worse and on both ears) constant tension in my whole body sometimes my muscles hurt even without doing sports at the beginning it was very hard to eat constant dizziness not strong but its there everything and everyone seems foreign, especially when looking in someones eyes i feel anxious and sick (maybe dp/dr dont know) cant really sleep, it feels like i instantly start to dream when i close my eyes but never get deep sleep, i wake up every 2 hours and sometimes i cant fall asleep again i feel dumb and cant concentrate at all (brain fog?) it feels like i cant think at all if i want or have to my brain just "does nothing" im really depressed i could cry every second but only because of the thought "you ruined your life, you had everything" no feelings except the one above, i feel like a robot and act the right way only because i know how to but i dont feel it (is this dp?) everything feels like a nightmare sometimes i think im still in my bed and its still march and i hope to wake up, i know this is stupid but im somehow not sure if its not true no sense of time at all, if something happend a second ago and i think about it it feels like it happend years before, i dont have feelings connected to the memories, and they all seem to be far away (anyone know this feeling?) my own thoughts "scare me" and feel also kind of far away, even if i plan to take a shower it feels strange in my head somehow old memories are suddenly in my head even if they happened 15 years ago, they are as clear as things which happened minutes ago, also if i look at something i instantly get a memory in my head which my brain seems to associate with what im seeing (i think this is one of the reasons why i feel like im in a dream and im not in here and now) i see faces and eyes everywhere even without looking for them like my brain searches for them without my control, i see them in trees, walls etc. i can say "its just a tree" and i dont see real faces or eyes but i cant see objects just like they are without my brain starting its rollercoaster drive of thoughts and associations (pareidolia i think but its extreme) i feel like the most important filter in my brain is messed up, in the city i see every reflection, movement etc. also sounds seem louder than before and i cant ignore them (i even hear sounds i didnt heard before, they are real but i think they were filtered out before, maybe hyperacusis) sometimes i think about suicide or behaving strangely and because everything feels unreal and like a dream im scared i will do it, i feel disinhibited somehow i feel like i have forgotten how to think, all i do is associate old memories and compare all the time how things were before 2 months Last week (i think) i found out about HPPD and found many of my symptoms which werent explainable with other disorders, especially those visual problems. I would love to hear some opinions about my symptoms and if they are typically for the HPPD related things like dr/dp, anxiety etc. friends say that i behave just normal only a bit sad and not as happy as before. This is what gives me a little hope because sometimes i thought i become insane. Tanks for reading.
  18. Hi, I'm new to this forum and have only spent a couple of hours reading through it. I have had mental health problems as long as I remember but it has never been diagnosed. So it's not definite but the family doctor, past psychiatrists, and my school nurse have all thought that I suffer from anxiety and depression, and I believe so too. all of my symptoms make me feel ver depressed and anxious, and like my life is hopeless and I can't live like everyone else. i have used 25i-nbome twice, the first time was fine but the second time I had a very bad trip and I believed that I was dead. its been almost 3 months now and I've been experiencing what seems to be symptoms of hppd. My symptoms are: In dark rooms or when my eyes are closed I see blue or red fractals at the centre of my vision, and I'm mildly lit rooms they travel over the walls, Long lasting after images from bright objects, the worst symptom is that whenever I look at carpets and sometimes other objects they seem to grow this psychedelic pattern into them, seeing this really scares me. I avoid it by not looking at the floor basically but if I do then it will make me really anxious and more prone to my symptoms for the rest of the day. Does anybody else see this? Because I've only ever read about one other person having it. i see slight red lines over my keyboard on my phone screen On plain walls I also see what seems to be like mild static. when I am hungover I also have strong CEV's that basically take me back to the night before or I see a distant screen that shows what seems to be videos of me I still have hope for this going away as a lot of the symptoms are only really there when I think about them. So I was wondering if others think this seems hopeful or not? the fear of my symptoms never going away also scares me a lot and makes things a lot worse. i am basically sober now, I don't even drink caffeine, but I do occasionally drink alcohol which I am trying to stop. I am on a diet and I go to the gym for a couple of hours daily. i can have episodes where I feel a lot better and that it is going to go away, and I can sometimes have whole days when I don't think I see any visual disturbances, but small things like my mood being changed can bring it on again where I feel worried about the hallucinations all the time. i am only 17 so I don't have access to any medication to help yet and it takes a long time to go through the children's mental health service. i was wondering if people think my hppd will fade eventually, and if there is anything else I can do to further my recovery. please don't give comments that are negative or make me feel like I will never be cured because it makes things a lot worse for myself. thank you for any responses given!
  19. So i smoked weed 10 times No other drugs. But dont know if i have hppd. my symptoms are. I have breathing walls but only when i Think alot about it. And i Feel dizzy AS if im on a boat. And some vertigo. And some afterimages. Visual snow. And alot of dpdr. And alitle tracers but that are my only symptoms. My doc says it probably just was the dpdr Doing it. But i kep beeing affraid that i have hppd.... DO I? The dpdr is 24/7 but the visuals are only realy there when i Think about it. Will i be normal again or Can i be stück with this im only 14 years old
  20. So I took lsd around 6 months ago. I realized I had hppd a couple weeks after, with some anxiety tied in there. I kept smoking weed and my visual snow and stuff got worse so I've quit all drugs except for nicotine and have been this way for 3 months. But ever since I took the acid, everything looks kind of different. Like everything looks kind of surreal, and colors are kinda brighter, and I'm always spaced out. I don't feel as if I'm completely in a dream or anything, but it's just the feeling that everything looks kinda "off" and something is slightly different. And when I'm in crowds, sometimes the collection of peoples voices will sound different than it used to. Is this de realization that is just a part of my hppd and slight anxiety, or what? And also, should I quit the nicotine to see if my visuals get better?
  21. I don't really know where to start and I'm not sure how long this is going to be so I apologise in advance lol. So I'll start at the beginning, I'm 19 and I've tried LSD 5 times in the past year. I first tried it with some family members as I had red ALOT on lsd. I've always wanted to know what I was getting into before I tried a drug (I've only actually smoked weed and done lsd). The experience was amazing, noting crazy but just chilled. I did this 3 more times with mates instead and they were all great as well, no HPPD at this point, until early October last year. I took a 120ug with some friends, nothing crazy happened and was actually a bit of a let down, so I managed to cut another tab into 4 (me and 3 others taking it). Nothing, so we met a friend to smoke a spliff as I heard it can kickstart a trip. That's when things went really, really bad for me. I started tripping like crazy and got really scared really fast. I'd red on what to do when going into a bad trip but all my knowledge at that point in time went straight out the window. It wasn't the actual visuals that freaked me out, it was a seriously intense fear of everything. I was generally petrified and thought my body was shutting down and I was going to die. I didn't even want to go to sleep (this went on till 4am) , the visuals were VERY intense though, swirls and some serious colour over my vision, I could barely walk, this went on for 6 hours but felt like a week. Worst experience of my life. After the bad trip that's when I started to notice changes in my vision and perception. I get halos, trails in lights, light burns on my vision and my general perception feels slightly off most of the time. I feel it comes In waves, when I'm distracted or with people/friends I don't tend to get the discontinued feeling or perception changes, but when I'm working or chilling by myself, I'm more aware of it. I've red so much on how long hppd can last and have not plucked up the courage to share my story to the community for advice until now. I sometimes go into an anxious mood and it's a slight feeling of what I had on the bad trip. I'm guessing my anxiety is tied with it so it relates back to it whenever I'm feeling anxious? If someone could confirm that, that would be good. I've got friends who want to smoke weed in the summer with me and I said I'd wait at least 8-9 months before trying a joint again. Do you guys think it's a good idea or what I should do. Honestly any advice on anything I've said would really help, or any comment on it at all. If you've red this far I really appreciate you for checking my story out, look forward to seeing some replies
  22. Hey everyone, Background (you can skip this part) Been viewing from afar for a couple of months but now i could do with a couple of tips. Jay by the way, read a few of your posts, seem like a great guy and a musician! I have some of the normal but distressing symptoms, Light sensitivity is one that right now isn't nice, but from a post i've read it seems I have mild HPPD in comparison to some, so really don't want to come on here complaining. Weird thing is I did not get this from a drug I took for fun, but it's not important. Cards been dealt. It took 2 months but I think I've forgave myself, which by the way if you are reading this, have a think, guilt i've learnt from past experiences is soul destroying, forgive yourself. TL/DR: The reason I am writing is, I am a sound engineer and a drummer and right now it's impossible, especially mixing. Music is all I know, although sounds flat again. LAME, anyway... i've had a constant headache now for 6 weeks and getting worse daily, tried various combo's of Naproxen, Metoclopramide, Ibuprofen, Clonazepam, Codeine, Migraleve, Magnesium, but it just won't go away. It's always there, seems like a tension headache with the neck pain etc....This might be old news, but could not find much on the search with any advice, maybe there isn't any. Even a combo that would allow me to mix for a few hours would be a god send in a studio environment, change of job might be the life turn I need, who knows. This coupled with the fact my ears rattle and can hear fluid in both, so sensitive to noise, which as a sound engineer who works in arenas this might be game over (for a while! confident that the ears will have to get use to it's new loudness or tone themselves down again...wishful thinking) ANY advice welcome, much love. CK
  23. Hello. I wanted some advice to see if what I am experiencing is HPPD. Little bit of background, I did lsd almost 2 years ago. I only did it once and I always feel like such an idiot for doing it. I didn't even want to, but all of my friends peer pressured me into doing it and after awhile I finally caved in. (Not friends with them anymore.) Anyway, that was in about March/April of 2015. I felt fine, didn't have any symptoms that I know of. A few months later I got on heavy medicine for arthritis and then I had wisdom teeth surgery and that's when I started feeling weird. (Just lazy mostly, and anxious) I asked my brother and he told me about hppd, I read the symptoms and I remember saying "no way I don't have any of that". Later in the year (while taking 2 medicines for my arthritis I developed a ringing in my ear, a symptom of the medicine). My medicine also made me never hungry and I lost 30 pounds in just a few months! (Went to docs and they just kept me on) So then later about February of 2016 my brother and I were talking and this topic came up. I began freaking out and couldn't believe I ever did a drug. I started seeing static vision after rereading the symptoms. Then I had the worse week of my life to date: two people I cared about died in less than a week apart. I was in school so I couldn't leave, but my family left for one of the funerals states away. I was all alone and my anxiety got to extreme levels. I couldn't eat, and I kept throwing up. I took myself to the doctor and my blood pressure was so high she immediately put me on anxiety medicine. After a week on it, my eyes seemed to have gotten more sensitive to light. If I was exposed to super bright light for a long time I saw kind of like circles going into the center. I immediately got off that medicine but this weird thing kept going for awhile. It can still sometimes happen if it's super bright or I'm very very stressed (plus brightness). This was a year later. 2016 was so bad for me because I really believe my anxiety started giving me symptoms. I got off one of the medicines and my eyes and ears felt so much better. However, it is still slightly there. (And I'm still on one of the medicines). My current symptoms are: static vision only when looking at weird patterns or darkness, light sensitivity (plus the weird circle thing which only happens when bright), and in certain lighting I will see like hand trails in my peripheral vision, (I'm super pale, so only like with a dark background, not any colors, just like my skin tone) and eye floaters. However, I have asked my dad and he also has a hard time seeing certain patterns and a lot of people in my family see floaters. I also have always had bigger pupils and my eye doctor always has told me I had sensitive eyes. None of these symptoms started until a year after I took lsd and I had been on three different heavy medications. I feel a lot better today and the topic doesn't scare me as much, but do you think these lasting symptoms are from taking lsd once before? Or do you think it is because of the medicine I am on? (Which includes symptoms such as light sensitivity, dizziness, halos, blurry vision). Sorry this is so long, but I wanted to make sure I included all the details! Thank you in advance. Also any advice would be greatly appreciated!
  24. For the first couple years I jumped around to different doctors. No one had answers. After all this time I finally got the courage to google it. I can't beleive a lot of answers were so close this whole time. Ive been on Effexor now for more years then I can remember. It barely keeps me afloat. Ive been reading these pages all day and keep hearing about Kepra. I made a doctors appointment. Any advice about dosage or combinations would be greatly appreciated.
  25. I would like to propose the idea that if we start a live discussion board that is always online and any user can use at anytime when they start to panic or need comfort in dealing with hppd then maybe, that's the cure we need. I feel as if we are these innocent victims who need comfort from one another because honestly, I don't think anyone gets us and who better then The very same people who suffer from this to get support. Because obviously something went wron with our trips and i believe now is the time to make things right.
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