it's certainly not all good. keep in mind that when i say i manage my symptoms, i don't mean that they're gone. i still experience a whole bunch of different visual/mental/physical sensations all the time. the way i feel on a daily basis is clearly not the way a normal person is supposed to feel. i get brain fog, anxiety, periods of hopelessness, depression etc. i barely pay attention to my visuals anymore, but they're all there. i can wave my arms around and see thick, long trails if i pay attention. positive and negative after images, physical feelings of floating or sinking, everything breathing and flexing in and out. it's a bizarre experience. i often have trouble communicating well with other people, but other times i'm completely fine. i smoke weed because when i'm smoking it regularly i don't get migraines. did i mention i get blindingly bad migraines? they're a product of benzodiazepine withdrawal that i still experience years down the road. luckily they're rare, i've only had a handful; less than a dozen. i experienced all of these symptoms while on medication as well, and they were worsened upon withdrawal for a very long time. it's been over two years since i discontinued valium and just over a year since i finally quit trazodone. i have periods where these symptoms are EXTREMELY bad for months at a time. it waxes and wanes, and lately it seems like they flash back and forth even more quickly, which is good in a way, but also unpredictably bad.
the way i cope with it is to push the fuck through it, no matter how awful i'm feeling that day. it's as simple as that. i stopped making excuses for myself. i started working out 4 days a week, lifting weights, intense cardio. i started eating a high protein diet. i eat a high protein small meal or snack every 2-3 hours. limiting my simple sugar intake has been extremely helpful. i stopped drinking all juice and all fruit. for carbs i eat oatmeal in the morning, and rye bread an hour or so before working out. i eat LOTS of raw vegetables. no caffeine, no cigarettes, and very recently i swore off alcohol. i got a job and i went back to school. i focus on making money an and try to stay productive in class. just doing things that challenge my state i find to be extremely difficult, yet rewarding. instead of spending all my time trying to figure out HPPD, i just maintain progress in some other area of my life, and everything improves as a whole. i feel like i have more reason to live now than ever before in my life. this doesn't mean every day is good, but there are moments, and i cherish them. and things are steadily getting better. i don't feel different than i did a month ago, but compared to how i felt in the fall, i feel like a million bucks. it may take years, but i maintain that i will be okay someday. patience and hard work, folks.
i feel like medication isn't so much battling HPPD as it is ignoring it.