Charlie77

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About Charlie77

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  1. I'm my experience I'd say when I'm feeling really depressed and anxious I definitely notice all my other symptoms a lot more, especially if I've been emotional, my visuals go absolutely crazy so I try avoid that as much as I possibly can.
  2. No I've never ever had anything like that, I don't ever feel particularly different when I have objects morphing in my vision, it just gives me a heart sinking feeling and more anxiety cause my mind is not always aware of my hppd and I'm learning more and more to ignore it but it's so difficult when things morph randomly because it's like I'm tripping again and I hate it
  3. Objects morphing has get really bad all of a sudden today, feel like I'm in a mini acid trip, it's horrible
  4. A little update on my progress so far at 0.750mg daily, my visual symptoms have not got any worse but it's very annoying I still see warping of objects I never had this before tapering and I'm really hoping it goes away after I'm done. so I have been going back to the gym properly 5 times a week (3x a week heavy weight lifting 2x a week cardio) for over a month now and it's got the point where after working out I don't have a sudden increase in dp/dr (would always really notice it on the 20min walk home) and I'm not left feeling out of it at all, in fact I feel clearer and more lucid after working out than I have in a long time. I did however have a major problem yesterday in the gym I finished my weights session and jumped on to some cardio as I normally do for 15 mins after weights, done 5 mins normal pace rowing but was noticing I was really getting out of breath and had to take a 5 minute breather before doing cycling which never happens I can always just jump on it straight away, so I started cycling on the bike a lot lighter than normal due to being so out of breath and after 2 or so mins I decided to check my heart rate with the heart rate monitor attached and I had a 230bpm!! I knew this was dangerous and me being out of breath so badly suddenly made sense so I stopped, I don't know if this is due to withdrawl but that's what im blaming it on cause I've never even had my heart rate go anywhere near 200bpm even when I've been doing extremely intense cardio. ive been having big sleeping problems only been getting 5-6 hours sleep since last drop in dose, falling asleep is hard due to all the patterns I see when I close my eyes and all the random images that pop up. Also experienced an anxiety attack in my sleep 2 nights ago and that was horrible, I woke up in a panic and my heart was pounding so hard and my chest felt like someone had just punched me, I was sweating like mad aswell my bed was just drenched, so I got up splashed water on my face and went an sat by the back door with the cold breeze on me for 20 mins until I calmed down, then I went back to bed with little difficulty. However last night I slept a whopping 8 hours, I woke up this morning and the way I was feeling I knew I slept well cause I had no heart pounding whatsoever and I feel pretty great today. Gotta keep fighting this but damn it's hard.
  5. Clonazepam is in no way a cure, take it from someone who is trying to wean off it after 1 1/2 years, it greatly reduced my symptoms for quite awhile but you develop tolerance over time and it becomes more of a pain. it got the point where it has little effect on my hppd and is making it worse trying to come off it so I recommend that everyone doesn't go on benzo's if they are looking for long term relief, it's great for short term but it will never last. Hope this helps you.
  6. Anyway moving on... for anyone that has been reading this post or who may come across it in the future I will be updating it as best as possible with my schedule for tapering and results to help you guys a gals if you find yourself in my situation. the first cut has not been too bad however I have noticed an increase in a symptom that I very very rarely noticed before and that was the morphing of objects or slightly breathing walls this has been a daily occurrence for the past couple of days and has stayed roughly the same, it is fairly mild still but it is very noticeable and causing me anxiety as it's not something I've particularly experienced a lot before. dp/dr is pretty much non existent thank god (worst symptom in my experience) , however depression is defiantly up a bit and also anxiety but that's mostly situational anxiety and anxiety from noticing visual symptoms. Sleeping has become more and more difficult every night and has become quite broken with me waking up multiple times through the night and fairly quickly drift off although I get at least 8 hours (broken sleep) if I force myself to. Also I have noticed an increase in visuals when I close my eyes especially before bed with random sometimes horrible images popping up or just straight up low dose lsd closed eye visuals, this is definitely making it harder to fall asleep. Now as of tonight I cut down my dose again by a 1/4 of a pill so that makes it 0.750mg per day, I take one split pill anywhere from 6-7 depending on what time I have dinner and my last whole pill from 10-12 again depending on what time I want to go to bed, tonight I have had terrible trouble with sleep (hence why I writing this at 3am) but other than that no problems, I hoping by doing a slow weaning process I am less likely to suffer from bad withdrawal, and from what I've read I should experience a lot less withdrawal after I am completely off. I shall continue to update if any drastic changes occur if not it will be once every 2 weeks when I drop my dosage.
  7. I suffer from really bad headaches from time to time and I can take a load of paracetamol and that will dull the pain abit but not get rid of it and sometimes won't even make a difference, and these headaches can also last for days. I took some codeine before around 60mg and it made my head feel really foggy and increased my dp/dr abit and made me have really bad hot and cold sweats, before hppd I would take 30mg codeine and would feel a nice buzz and absolutely no problems but what I experienced was more dysphoric. So I was wondering does anyone else have problems with headaches and how do you treat them without making hppd worse? Or has anyone had similar problems from codeine or other opiates to help with pain?
  8. How are your other symptoms such as dp/dr and your anxiety or any other symptoms? I don't suffer too badly with vs what bothers me most is things appearing to move and warp slightly, also great to hear you improving man keep it up whatever your doing
  9. I've seen a few of your posts accusing people of not being 'real' and I have to say it's massive insult and extremely weird, I'm here asking for help with this terrible condition, nobody would put their time and effort in to writing these posts pretending to have hppd! And yes crosshairs like a scope as in two lines crossing over each other so I can easily split the pill in to 4 pieces, if your gonna keep accusing people of being 'Russian spies' and not being 'real' then please go away and don't comment.
  10. My pills have cross hair lines so can be broken up fairly easily into quarters, and no every doctor I have seen doesn't have a clue or even care what hppd except for my new doctor who is very understanding he had never heard if it before but I educated him on it and he accepts that is what I'm suffering from even though I don't have a diagnosis as of yet.
  11. hppd

    I know it's really difficult but I'd try give up caffeine and nicotine for awhile cause they made my symptoms a lot worse overtime especially the anxiety which basically in turn makes you notice your other symptoms more and makes hppd a lot worse. Don't give up man you have to give it time and trust me it will get better try stay natural without any pharmaceutical drugs unless you really really need it. My symptoms at the beginning were as extreme if not more so than yours, I was almost like in a full blown acid trip all day everyday, with pretty much no sleep, severe dp/dr to the point I thought I died and was living in a dream, and anxiety attacks 4-5 times a day and severe anxiety that just would not shift, I stupidly gave in after just over a month and got prescribed clonazepam which really works but I took it everyday for well over a year now and am now dependent on it so if you are going to take some type of benzo listen to jay's advice he has a good schedule for not becoming addicted which I wish I'd seen before I started. I'm currently weaning myself off very slowly and it's very difficult. But good luck man things do get better just stay sober, eat right and workout hard and have a hobby or something to distract your mind.
  12. Quit weed coming up to 2 months ago now and won't be smoking again let alone drinking alcohol or any other mind altering substances. I've already starting weaning my self off clonazepam very slowly at 0.125 every 2 weeks so I'm now down to 0.875 a day and withdrawal is already starting to kick in. I have some Valium laying around but I'm not touching that stuff ever again, gets me high and then I just crave it, never had anything like that from clonazepam. I don't really want to go on any other medication either I just wanna live without it if possible, if my hppd gets real bad again I've got a prescription for lamotrigine that I will try as a last resort.
  13. I've seen all the doctors in my practice and every single one tells me that clonazepam is a very addictive drug and is no good for long term use etc etc so my dosages must be reduced, I asked them to prescribe me clonazepam or any type or anticonvulsant when I first had symptoms and was told flat out that's not going to happen, they instead tried putting me on anti psychotics and would allow a 2 week course of diazepam which was absolute bs and I said I'll go private, so I paid a stupid amount to see a very good psychologist who actually listened but wouldn't prescribe me anticonvulsants although was happy to prescribe me clonazepam. I now see a new doctor in the surgery, I can't remember his position but he is not permanent there and he has to abide by what the other doctors in the surgery tell him (his words) as he would be contradicting everything they have told me about carrying on with the clonazepam which he has no problem with me being on and he is very open minded and has actually listened to me properly and not looked at me like I'm just insane like the rest of them, he had a patient with migraine aura and prescribed anticonvulsants to her and they apparently really worked so he is more than willing to do that for me, so I tried keppra with horrible side effects so had to quit and now been prescribed lamotrigine but I'm very scared to take it especially while I'm still on clonazepam cause I know they both work on gaba and can have a synergistic effect which could make it even harder to get off clonazepam. I've got my first therapy session next week and actually really started living a lot more healthy, going gym regularly and eating well which I didn't bother with before, so ive actually started cutting down my clonazepam as of tonight by 0.125mg and from research online I'll lower it once every two weeks by the same amount, but I already know it will be hell, and possibly even worse due to hppd as it will most likely massively increase all my symptoms I just pray I don't end up in the state I was in on my first month my life literally was unbearable and completely unlivable. It's bad enough seeing what benzo withdrawal does to people without hppd, hence why I'm asking if anyone on here has any experience and could help me out with any tips on withdrawing, like any supplements that help etc.
  14. Okay so basically I've had hppd since February 2016, my symptoms were in my opinion very severe especially the anxiety and dp/dr, after a month of no improvement I was so desprate I got a private doctor to prescribe me clonazepam 0.5mg x2 a day and it was a miracle within 2-3 months I was pretty much 100% better but the clonazepam was causing memory issues so I decided I was 'cured' and tried tapering as advised by my doctor 0.25mg every 2 weeks and following this I had some withdrawal symptoms mostly confusion, getting angry easily and becoming manic at times, I was however smoking weed again everyday at this time (not sure if it helped with withdrawal symptoms) for around 2 months before I tapered cause I believed I was better and it also never gave me any indication it would bring back or make my hppd worse, I came off clonazepam for about 2 weeks and everything was great I was 'cured' then one night after taking some questionable cannabis oil pills it all hit me like the first time and I was experiencing sever symptoms and had to leave my job and of course went straight back on clonazepam on normal dosage (also quit weed and all drugs again including caffiene and cigs etc) and things got a lot better slowly again and I returned to work which brought back lots of anxiety to the point I had an anxiety attack every night after work and only slept 3-4 hours max and of course this made my symptoms a lot worse and I had to quit work again as I believed it would make me premenatly worse if it carried on or just end in a massive breakdown, this was 3 weeks ago and my sleep is almost back to normal with me now getting a solid 6-7 hours and my anxiety is mostly gone except my dp/dr is coming back mildly and it's horrible I haven't experienced this at all since early on when it began last year before clonazepam, my doctor and every doctor I've seen will not prescribe me anymore clonazepam and I am being told I have to wean off it even though I'm not ready and they know this full well but they are going to starting cutting my down By force very soon and the though of that is terrifying, so I was looking for some advice and help on here about weaning off clonazepam safely and weather it's just gonna make me go full blown hppd again because honestly I can't live through that again it was extremely traumatic for me, I've been prescribed lamotrigine but I'm too scared to take it due to the horrible stuff people have said about it on here and elsewhere on the web and it looks like it's the same as clonazepam it will mask it for awhile then I'll go through withdrawal hell if I ever try coming off it. Has anyone here successfully come off clonazepam and isn't on any medication? If so are your symptoms getting any better at all? Sorry for the long post I'm just so desperate and wanted to get down as much info as possible but I really feel like this is make or break for me, I have no family support and no doctors want to listen to me, thanks for reading guys I hope you can help.