Yayoe10

A big problem I have that holds me back is the concept of time. I feel like time passes by TOO SLOW for me now. I use to always be so active before this. 2 full time jobs, gym 6 times a week. Full time student. A girlfriend. Hanging with friends. I was always doing something so LITERALLY days flew by . I remember always telling myself "I don't know what I'd ever do if my life slowed down out of nowhere it'd feel so weird id go crazy !" And that's where I am now I feel like my life's not moving as fast as I was use too. So I feel like when I don't have much planned for my day, I get more worried and feel uncomfortable with how slow time is going .

Hello I was reading feverfew actually helped some people with their dpdr, I tried it before for a headache which helped but it was pre dpdr. Anyone tried ?

4 hours ago, Kilgore_Trout said:

Yes completely. I know my DP/DR was entirely anxiety induced, and throughout my recovery I have gone through cycles where I feel intense dp/dr for a week, followed by a week of high anxiety and panic attacks, which then seems to receed into a state of dp/dr. 

 

My conclusion is that the anxiety is ever-present, but, as you stated above, you feel more disconnected from it when you are experiencing full blown depersonalization symptoms. Makes sense, considering dp/dr is a self protection mechanism; essentially your brain protecting you from your own anxiety. 

 

 

Yes !!! You understood exactly !! Haha same way I was seeing it that the DPDR is really a protection mechanism which most likely proves my DPDR is anxiety driven. So makes sense the lower my DPDR the more I notice my low anxiety issues and all that

Anyone here taken PMA ? And what were the effects if you did. I don't know if I got HPPD from MDMA or what I believe was a PMA pill.

Random question, but to those who have been suffering for years with HPPD, like 5 , 10, 15+ years. When you say you still have it , do you mean you're still dealing with it full blown as bad as from when it started, or let's say like 10% from how bad it used to be. Or do you just have minor issues like a symptom or two or is it all the symptom still from the beginning ? Also did were you able to live with it, as in still know you have it, but be able to live a "normal" life and not even notice it anymore even though you know it's there ? Just curious, because I could one day be almost completely healed and maybe just live with let's say trails the rest of my life but I guess technically i'd still say I have HPPD.

Has anyone been ever to START or CONTINUE drinking during their HPPD ? During recovery or post recovery 

2 hours ago, K.B.Fante said:

I've only had floaters since my hormones got out of whack and since anxiety can screw with your hormones it's not surprising you see them now that you're anxious. I imagine if you can get your anxiety down you might see a reduction in your floaters as well. 

Yea my anxiety had started to get down ALOT and I've noticed my floaters go down with it too they're like 50% better

7 minutes ago, TheMythos said:

It actually gives me hope reading your story that these can go away.

Happy to hear I could give someone some hope man! Always have hope! I've seen improvement in my after images and floaters regarding HPPD, also with my anxiety/ depression, and DR/DP. My visual snow if anything got a bitnmore heavier but I think it's because my anxiety is calming down I'm noticing it more 

Okay so before HPPD and anxiety I would never notice my floaters only every now and then I'll notice one or two and then back they'll be gone for months lol , after HPPD and anxiety I noticed a LOT of floaters especially the black cotton web looking ones, people told me it's just from anxiety I'm able to notice them more (got eyes checked all good), now 9 months later I feel a lot of improvement with my anxiety and SOME minor HPPD improvement , and have noticed I have LESS floaters and are less visible too, still they're but not as dark and not as many. Any comments ? Could be meaningless or meaningful , dunno lol 

20 minutes ago, K.B.Fante said:

Seems like nothing shows up, so I'm not sure I should even get one. I've searched the site for "MRI" and pretty much all anybody's said is that they don't show anything for HPPD. Just curious if it's even worth it and if anybody has had first-hand experience with this. 

I got an MRI maybe about 6 months ago. Nothing showed up. 

Anyone have any tips for the vertigo like symptoms ? Being dizzy and feeling unbalanced and like everything is swaying around you? Is that more HPPD or anxiety?

Just a symptom check I wanted to see if anyone could relate. Besides the usual symptoms I've read.

- lines vibrating , whether it's lines on your phone screen, or basically lines on walls like the edge lines of things. They vibrate . 

- a tingly/numb life sensation when I'm laying down , especially bottom portion of my body . Can get quite annoying. Usually happens every time I lay down.

- eye shadows in my peripheral vision , basically in the side of my vision I usually see a little shadow more like a dash, a thick line you could say, mostly in the sky (never a human form shadow or anything )

- beams of light at night when I'm driving in the night sky instead of seeing shadows I'll see a beam of dim lit light across the sky, and when I look that way it's gone.

- a surreal feeling like you don't remember what it's like to feel normal , could resemble low DR maybe.  But more like I just don't remember how to be or feel normal.

- vértigo like symptoms , also semi dizzy and unsteady , sometimes feels like can't walk straight 

- also double vision . More like ghosting I think it's called. A semi double vision of things

i think that's it for now if I think of anything else I'll post it.

3 hours ago, Hppdjake said:

Yes and it's worse in brighter lighting.  So how would I make this go away, just abstain from drugs for a while? Cause I wanna get back to my normal self

Yea I can't handle the brightness as much. Tbh idk I'm in the same situation as you lol 9 months in. I do feel way better than at first. Except I still have my days like right now everything feels so surreal and TOO 3D and vivid lol but I'm just dealing with it. 

On 3/26/2017 at 9:51 AM, Hppdjake said:

So I took lsd around 6 months ago. I realized I had hppd a couple weeks after, with some anxiety tied in there. I kept smoking weed and my visual snow and stuff got worse so I've quit all drugs except for nicotine and have been this way for 3 months. But ever since I took the acid, everything looks kind of different. Like everything looks kind of surreal, and colors are kinda brighter, and I'm always spaced out. I don't feel as if I'm completely in a dream or anything, but it's just the feeling that everything looks kinda "off" and something is slightly different. And when I'm in crowds, sometimes the collection of peoples voices will sound different than it used to. Is this de realization that is just a part of my hppd and slight anxiety, or what? And also, should I quit the nicotine to see if my visuals get better?

I can relate in that "surreal" feeling , and that something just feels "off" about everything around me. Not sure if it's DR/DP either or something else . I feel like it's a low version of DR

1 hour ago, K.B.Fante said:

From what I gather HPPD has a pretty vast spectrum of both severity and number of symptoms. I know when I first got it I didn't necessarily outright hallucinate but if I stared at any sort of pattern for more than a few seconds I'd basically start seeing things within the patter and my vision would begin to twist and morph and essentially it was like I was still tripping on acid. After two years that symptom is gone yet I still have afterimages, trails, snow and DP, so it just goes to show how bad it can be for some people as opposed to others. We're all suffering though, so it's important not to diminish the pain of others just because you might have something worse off than they do. 

Yea no I'm not diminishing anything , I just wanted to know if there was levels to this. Because I consider myself mild HPPD if anything , I see how much others have more intense symptoms . My worst symptom if anything is DP/DR, which has calmed down ALOT if anything 50% of how bad it use to be. To the point when it's super calm idk if I'm actually normal or just low DR, I just don't even remember what it's like to feel normal tbh 

13 hours ago, K.B.Fante said:

A lot of the symptoms overlap but from what I gather the "levels" just depend on how severe your symptoms are. So if three people have afterimages, one has them for .5 seconds, the next for two seconds and the last person for five seconds then the last person has much worse afterimages than the other two. Same principle applies across the board, however those with "full blown" HPPD also have a lot more symptoms than someone with mild HPPD. In addition to standard snow, afterimages and halos, someone with really bad HPPD probably has DP-DR, head pressure, streamers, brain fog and so on. 

Oh okay makes sense. I thought full blown was maybe different symptoms. Cause I suffer from DP/DR and head pressure and brain fog but I feel from reading others have worse level of HPPD. I thought maybe severe was like actually hallucinating and seeing things 

So I've been curious since I've been trying to be more informed on my condition but what exactly is low HPPD, mild HPPD and full blown HPPD, since I keep seeing these terms everywhere I wanted to know the difference between each. 

Hello everyone . Just wanted to know if anyone can relate, ive been dealing with a mild hppd case for a couple of months now (I'm guessing it's HPPD since I can relate to everyone's visual symptoms) , but one symptom I still have and I haven't seen anyone post about it is jaw tremors ? I have daily all day long jaw tremors. If I put my teeth together they chatter no matter what unless I clench my jaw. It's a non stop chatter. Sometimes I don't notice it I try to ignore it but it's always there. And does get worse when I get anxious . Can anyone relate ?

On 3/20/2017 at 8:45 PM, K.B.Fante said:

I nor anybody else here can verify whether you have HPPD or some other cognitive disorder. You're the only one who can decide. All I was saying is that you certainly seem to have symptoms that align with HPPD. It appears you also have symptoms of other conditions as well, but that's just what I gather from reading your post. 

My HPPD is doing OK. I've been through hell the last two years but I've drastically changed my lifestyle and diet and am currently seeing a solid, steady improvement in my symptoms all the time, however it's still a very slow process of healing and I imagine it'll be another year or so before I'm fully healed.

Sucks we all have to suffer from this. Do you experience a lot of DR/DP?

32 minutes ago, K.B.Fante said:

You definitely have HPPD symptoms. When I first got this I also felt extreme exhaustion. I could hardly stay awake and even everyday tasks like completing a sentence and making lunch were difficult. I think that's the result of large-scale neurodegeneration to be honest. Looking back I also think I got my HPPD from a synthetic...

The only thing you can do now is take all the steps possible to heal your brain. There's plenty of advise all over this forum, so you might wanna sit down and do some reading. 

Thanks for your reply . So it is HPPD symptoms ? That's what confuses cause I would tell some symptoms to my therapist and she'll say it's just anxiety that I'm too hyper aware of everything. But all the visuals are so annoying and stressful especially after images . How's your HPPD ?

im about to hit a year in 3 months. 

So I had a wierd experience (wouldn't call it bad trip because I don't believe I tripped) back in June. I was drinking all weekend , when on the last day of my vegas trip I decide to do MDMA, friend gave me an untested pill and I was told was a good one, didn't feel like MDMA at all, another friend was given the same pill , looked up pill reports and seen these pills could've been PMA, or Meth, not sure, either way will never know I messed up by trusting my friend. Didn't feel that pill at all though , so I took a third of a good pill and felt the roll, it lasted bout an hour then I was back to normal, but after started feeling cold, and 30 min later started having trouble breathing , tunnel vision , loss of balance, and racing heart. Don't know if I was having a heat stroke or now that I think about it maybe a panic attack.

the week and a half after that experience was HELL, hourly panic attacks , paranoia, everything , I was feeling tired, and my body felt heavy. After a week and a half I woke up one day and was feeling AMAZING, woke up early made myself breakfast and was bumping music and feeling great texted all my friends I was feeling alive again. Yet 2 days after that the panic started creeping up again slowly. Then caught chronic sinusitis, and kinda made things worse. And for 2 months fealty with daily head aches and even developed thunderclap/cluster headaches. My stress levels were high. I stopped working and going to school. When that finished I developed DR/DP. Started noticing double vision, then the starbursts , then the off balance, visual snow, halos, and then tracers. The panic attacks have calmed down but I still deal with depressive episodes and daily anxious feelings especially towards the afternoon and night . It's tiring , I deal with extreme exhaustion everyday, some days many bones ache, it's really stressful. Overall my symptoms have improved you can say, still there but improved , but is this really HPPD, or just anxiety? I'm seeing a therapist and mentioned HPPD but she didn't have a clue and diagnosed me with anxiety. Prior to that drug use I had only used MDMA 3 other times maybe with 2 months in between each time. And cocaine about a year ago for 2 weeks small amounts . Never liked smoking was always a drinker . Some days I feel like all this is bearable , but some days like today I feel so scared , I get this "crap I really fucked up im really dealing with this" thought and everything feels so surreal , or i just can't accept it some days. It's scary, sometimes it just feels like I'm still having a MDMA "come down" idk but I get so scared . I wish it would leave . Does anyone have any suggestions ? I know I wrote a lot and was all over the place but I just want to reach out to people who understand me. This extreme exhaustion is horrible too.