Trent397

Hey guys I've had this for about the last 3 years, I have told literally no one, no friends or family because it's something that I'm ashamed of having. I've been on anti depressants for 4 years now and to cope with my depression I continue to drink and do drugs everyweekend. But I can't go on like this, my symptoms are getting worse, if there's anyone reading this with advise I would love a reply. The thought of taking my life has been very consistent for a few years now, I'm 23 years old and I just wish I could go back and do things differently in life. I pray to the lord most nights for help but it's my own fault I'm continuing the lifestyle I am, which is only making my hppd worse

Has anybody been prescribed xanax or any type of benzos because of this? And did your doctor understand the situation and allow it? Thanks

Yeah thanks dude, I feel running and excercise do help. But I will try meditation. This shit has nearly bought me to the end but it's relieving knowing there's others I can talk to going through it aswell.

Hey guys, just decided to finally join a forum  which discuss HPPD.

3 years ago when I was heavy into my drug use I was out at a club and a friend I knew said he had mdma. I went to his car and had two caps worth, and he convinced me that doing both at once, which I snorted, would give me a better high. 20 minutes later I completely lost my mind and it turns out these mdma caps were actually synthetic and were mda/acid based caps. For the next 6-8 hours i was completely gone not knowing where or who I was. And my friends were worried for my mental state. I eventually came out of the horrible trip and came back to reality, but was still shocked and scared of the damage I had just done to my brain. 

Over the next few months I started to realise that the reflection of light from cars for e.g would stay in my vision for longer then usual. And at this time I also came off my antidepressants, (not knowing the side affects of how hard it really is to come off), and over time I have noticed my HPPD has become worst. I am back on my anti depressants because I feel like they help me cope better from day to day. But a lot of the time suicide is on my mind because of this and I honoustly don't know what to do. I want to cure this but have very little hope there will ever be one. I feel either Valium or xanax help me aswell as it cures the anxiety of my illness. 

I am still a regular drinker and I know this doesn't help the cause at all but I feel like it surpresses the pain. If there is anyone reading this with helpful knowledge I would love to hear it