MadDoc

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Everything posted by MadDoc

  1. I refer to my meditation practice as "medicine for a modern world". Life can be really stressful at times. Relationships, jobs, money, desires, kids, politics, etc., etc. I think the gadgets we have make life more convenient while not allowing us to properly disconnect. Humans IMHO need this space to be well. Sorry to hear about your Grandmother. I lost my Grandfather 30 years ago and I still miss him. Tough being human.
  2. For me, pattern form on surfaces. It always happens. I also see faces, animals, among other things on seemingly random surfaces. Pattern, like on carpets, are never static. Always shifting and transforming. I used to feel like I was slightly dosed all the time. That either went away or I've had it so long that I no longer notice. I'd advise that you stay away from cannabis. It puts me in a strange state of mind and my hallucinations get tough to handle. It also gives me panic attacks. I never really got the extreme anxiety that you're describing. Though, I remember being at a job interview in a small office and the cork board behind the person interviewing me turned into an array of faces. Hard to focus with all of that going on. I guess what I'm getting at is you're not alone. Myself and others in here deal with what you're experiencing. I've never taken medication for this. However, there are quite a few people in this forum who have. I'm sure they'll chime in soon. Hang in there.
  3. It's not uncommon for really strong cannabis to give people panic attacks. From what I've seen and experienced that can come on quite suddenly. It's hard to say what's going on with the symptoms you've described. That being said, "black floaters" are pretty common especially as we age. You might want to have your eyes checked. The symptom of concern is seeing things like a person actually being a tree. Does this happen all the time or every once in a while? I'm curious, have you ever taken any drugs besides alcohol and cannabis? I've read in this forum about people getting hppd like symptoms from weed. For me, it was over use of psychedelics that gave me this disorder. My symptoms are quite different from what you're describing. So, I can't say if you have hppd or not. I'd refrain from any drug use and see if the symptoms start to moderate or go away. It sounds like you're already doing that which is great! Hang in there!
  4. I suspect if you're lucky enough to have your symptoms clear up, and you resume taking psychedelics, then the chances of it coming back are very high. For whatever reason some of us are predisposed to this disorder and I doubt that vulnerability just dissapears along with the original symptoms.
  5. Have you seen a doctor? The headaches and light sensitivity might be caused by a physical issue. It wouldn't hurt to get it checked out.
  6. I'm not a doctor of any kind and I have no formal medical training so take this with a grain of salt. I'm hyper-sensitive to THC. It makes my visuals run riot, my heart speeds up, and my mind falls into alien thinking "patterns" that are very difficult to describe. However, I do take concentrated CBD oil to help me sleep. I don't get any of the negative symptoms that I get from THC. CBD has worked wonder for insomnia, something I've had most of my adult life. As for the other medications, I have no idea if they may be the cause and I don't know if they would somehow interact with CBD.
  7. I've never taken medication for this disorder. This isn't because I'm a strong person. Instead I didn't have access to competent medical professionals who could help. In the 80s hppd just wasn't a thing. So what helped? Simply put, meditation. I realize I say this in every post. That being said, it helps. It not only helps I think it made life possible. It doesn't cost anything, you don't need crystals or a guru. It's something we can all do and it works. At least it did for me. We have the ability to control our reality. However, one must commit to it. Just like learning how to play an instrument or learning a new skill one has to work at it. Ok, I'll step off my soapbox once again. I agree with KB. taking care of your body is important. Diet is part of being well. Not sure if that helps, but it's the path I chose.
  8. Welcome. Agreed. Stay away drugs including weed. Because you haven't dosed too many times chances are good that you'll see improvement over time. For many the anxiety is the hardest thing to deal with. Address that sooner than later. Try to stay focused and keep moving with life. I don't know enough about your situation to answer your question about DP/DR. Nor am i really qualified. That being said, anxiety can do a lot of strange things both physical and mental. Good luck!
  9. Give yourself some time. Even a single dose of acid can change your perception for a while. My advice is to stay clean at least for a while. Chances are your symptoms will moderate over time. I'm no doctor but what you're describing when you look at the moon may be an eye condition. I'd get that checked out. Take care of yourself and hang in.
  10. I'm not qualified to make a diagnosis but what you're experiencing, especially the visual anomolies, is what I deal with. I too can't use cannabis. It amplifies the visuals and I lose the ability to communicate. In other words, it sends me into outer space. Staying clear of psychoactive substances is an excellent step to getting well. My advice is to give it hell. In other words don't let it win. Stay focused and work toward your goals. Over time, the symptoms will probably moderate. Some symptoms may totally disappear. For the stubborn issues, your brain will adapt. I've had pretty significant visuals for my entire adult life. Even if you have hppd you can lead a wonderful life. I thought about what you wrote and wanted to add more. If you're having thoughts of checking out please get some help. I'm not a religious sort but I view every day I have on this planet as a miracle. You're clearly a bright person. Find your path to being well. I realize law school can be very stressful. Address the stress in your life and living becomes easier. I strongly recommend mindful meditation. It worked for me. Hang in there!
  11. For whatever reason I feel compelled to repeat my sobriety mantra. Part of getting old I guess.
  12. Yes. However, It always gave me an uneasy feeling knowing that stuff was tampering with my dreams. Dreaming is an essential part of our mental maintenance and disrupting it never felt right. I could only sleep on a very purified acid taken in rather low doses. The dreams were strange .... very strange. Personally, I'd just go for a clean and sober sleep. You'll be happier in the morning.
  13. While weed always causes a bad reaction with me, if I have insomnia I use concentrated CBD oil. For me, it works really well. I fall asleep quickly, sleep deeply, and don't wake up groggy. At one point in my life my doctor prescribed sleeping pills. I took one and woke up feeling terrible. I never took another.
  14. I tried kratom. It didn't make my symptoms worse but it gave me a stomach ache and made me feel jittery. That being said, a friend of mine who has ptsd (military horrors) swears by it. We're all different I guess.
  15. I felt the same way when I found this site. I had no idea the disorder I had lived with for over 40 years had a name. I felt like I was the only being on this planet that had my brain rewired by psychedelics. I'd had this malady all of my adult life ( I'm 58 now). I dosed very heavily from 1973 to 1980 when I quit using. I've had visuals my entire adult life. I managed to raise a family, get an advanced degree, and have a profession. I think us old folks have a message that hppd isn't the end. Life continues and it can be a wonderful life. Welcome!
  16. Not quite the 60s. I first dosed in 73, shortly before my 14th birthday. After that first dose I noticed I'd get visuals from weed. As you may recall, back then, weed wasn't all that strong but you could get a big bag for $15 I dosed for a solid six plus years and stopped in 1980. I've had visuals ever since. Good to hear from someone who's had this for the long haul.
  17. Hard to say. I'd suggest just staying clean for a while to see if it improves. Not too much time has elapsed since your last dose. Give your head some time to bounce back. Also, getting an eye exam is never a bad idea. Are you just seeing some motion or are patterns forming? When I look at a surface designs, shapes, patterns start to form out of nothing. That's me though, we're all different.
  18. I didn't quit cannabis, it quit me. I used to smoke every day all day long. Very suddenly it started giving me panic attacks. I also stopped dosing around the same time because I knew something was wrong. You may be having a similar reaction. What if you took a break for a while? You might find that your visuals and anxiety improve. Cannabis induced anxiety is quite common. I've smoked roughly 10 times (roughly) since I quit. I always have a bad reaction. Recreational cannabis will soon be legal where I live. I couldn't care less. It's not for me. I use meditation to deal with anxiety and stress. Great medicine for a hectic world.
  19. Welcome. For some people the symptoms go away, for others they don't. In my case they didn't go away completely but they've significantly improved over the years. It's only been five months since your last experience. Give yourself some time to bounce back. I believe the single best thing you can do for yourself is to stay away from psychoactive substances including cannabis. Exercise, a good diet, staying focused, and a positive attitude can also be very helpful. Even if your symptoms don't go away you can pursue your dreams and it doesn't necessarily mean that your intellectual abilities have been comprised. Testimonial: I dosed heavily for over 6 years. I don't know how many times I dosed but it was a lot. I ended up with visuals that I have almost 40 years later and will probably have for the rest of my life. I managed to get an advanced degree, get married, raised some amazing kids, and have had a happy life. I'm nobody special and I'm not saying this to sound like a big shot. What I'm trying to say is having hppd doesn't necessarily mean you can't move forward with your life. The fact that you're getting help with anxiety and that you're doing so well is an excellent sign. Anxiety, for many, can be one of the more debilitating symptoms of hppd. As for the visuals, chances are that those will improve over time if you stay clean. While I still have visuals they have significant improved. I used to have intense closed eye visuals and those are almost completely gone. I would take some time to read through some of the threads here. There are some bright people who post and there is some really good advise. Doing so helped me understand where I was on the "hppd spectrum" and helped me realize that this condition wasn't unique to me. Hang in there and take care.
  20. If you're having tremors, it might not be a bad idea to go to the doctor especially if they persist. I've never heard of hppd causing tremors but anxiety can produce a whole host of issues.
  21. Me again. Drinking didn't make my hppd symptoms worse. However, over time, my life became unmanageable. I think I could have made better progress coping with this disorder if I didn't drink through my 20s. As Homer Simpson says "alcohol, the cause of and solution to all of life's problems". I probably didn't get the quote quite right, but you get the idea. Staying away from drugs is a wonderful decision. At first they're mind expanding, fun, and an adventure. Over time they turn into low grade entertainment. By the time I was done dosing, I just didn't see the point in doing it anymore not to mention I was a wreck of a human. Hang in there. All we can do is the best we can do.
  22. If you are seeing visuals a few days after dosing, that's quite common. If you're seeing visuals a month after then that's a warning sign. My advice (I'm not a doctor of any kind) is to stop taking drugs for a while. If the visual anomolies and other issues don't go away then you may have hppd or may be someone who is susceptible. I dosed heavily for over six years ignoring all the warning signs. Granted, back then, there was no Internet and the term hppd was unknown. Take care of yourself. I understand that psychedelics produce an amazing experience. However, some of us get stuck with lingering effects that don't go away. If you're one of those people, the less you dose, the better off you are.
  23. Many years ago I went to a university for one year and ran for my life. Understand, this was 1977 and drugs were everywhere. I didn't have the maturity to control myself and I just went off the deep end. If I could do it all over again, I'd stay in school and turn my back on the drugs and the drug culture. Easy to say 40 years later, not so easy when I was 18. That being said, I did end up going back to the university once I had sobered up and had gotten my sh*t together. School can be very stressful. Add on top of that an anxiety disorder and it can be really rough. I don't know if that helps but it's what I went through. Leaving school can be a tough decision. Does your university have any counseling services? If so, it might be worth checking out.
  24. I found acceptance freeing in a way. I realized that I have a disability and like so many others who have a disability, I was going to persevere. In my case, acceptance didn't make my symptoms worse. Instead, it got me focused which helped a great deal navigating life. I realize we're all different and we all react differently to situations. In some ways I think I'm lucky. The anxiety and depression that you, and others, have described sounds far worse than anything I've experienced. Perhaps I've just forgotten and my past seems roseyer than it was.
  25. I get shapes forming between the words. Also, there are times where there's motion or energy running through the white space surrounding the text. This has improved over time but I it's still an issue when I'm tired.