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Everything posted by MadDoc

  1. Hard to say. I'd suggest just staying clean for a while to see if it improves. Not too much time has elapsed since your last dose. Give your head some time to bounce back. Also, getting an eye exam is never a bad idea. Are you just seeing some motion or are patterns forming? When I look at a surface designs, shapes, patterns start to form out of nothing. That's me though, we're all different.
  2. I didn't quit cannabis, it quit me. I used to smoke every day all day long. Very suddenly it started giving me panic attacks. I also stopped dosing around the same time because I knew something was wrong. You may be having a similar reaction. What if you took a break for a while? You might find that your visuals and anxiety improve. Cannabis induced anxiety is quite common. I've smoked roughly 10 times (roughly) since I quit. I always have a bad reaction. Recreational cannabis will soon be legal where I live. I couldn't care less. It's not for me. I use meditation to deal with anxiety and stress. Great medicine for a hectic world.
  3. Welcome. For some people the symptoms go away, for others they don't. In my case they didn't go away completely but they've significantly improved over the years. It's only been five months since your last experience. Give yourself some time to bounce back. I believe the single best thing you can do for yourself is to stay away from psychoactive substances including cannabis. Exercise, a good diet, staying focused, and a positive attitude can also be very helpful. Even if your symptoms don't go away you can pursue your dreams and it doesn't necessarily mean that your intellectual abilities have been comprised. Testimonial: I dosed heavily for over 6 years. I don't know how many times I dosed but it was a lot. I ended up with visuals that I have almost 40 years later and will probably have for the rest of my life. I managed to get an advanced degree, get married, raised some amazing kids, and have had a happy life. I'm nobody special and I'm not saying this to sound like a big shot. What I'm trying to say is having hppd doesn't necessarily mean you can't move forward with your life. The fact that you're getting help with anxiety and that you're doing so well is an excellent sign. Anxiety, for many, can be one of the more debilitating symptoms of hppd. As for the visuals, chances are that those will improve over time if you stay clean. While I still have visuals they have significant improved. I used to have intense closed eye visuals and those are almost completely gone. I would take some time to read through some of the threads here. There are some bright people who post and there is some really good advise. Doing so helped me understand where I was on the "hppd spectrum" and helped me realize that this condition wasn't unique to me. Hang in there and take care.
  4. If you're having tremors, it might not be a bad idea to go to the doctor especially if they persist. I've never heard of hppd causing tremors but anxiety can produce a whole host of issues.
  5. Me again. Drinking didn't make my hppd symptoms worse. However, over time, my life became unmanageable. I think I could have made better progress coping with this disorder if I didn't drink through my 20s. As Homer Simpson says "alcohol, the cause of and solution to all of life's problems". I probably didn't get the quote quite right, but you get the idea. Staying away from drugs is a wonderful decision. At first they're mind expanding, fun, and an adventure. Over time they turn into low grade entertainment. By the time I was done dosing, I just didn't see the point in doing it anymore not to mention I was a wreck of a human. Hang in there. All we can do is the best we can do.
  6. If you are seeing visuals a few days after dosing, that's quite common. If you're seeing visuals a month after then that's a warning sign. My advice (I'm not a doctor of any kind) is to stop taking drugs for a while. If the visual anomolies and other issues don't go away then you may have hppd or may be someone who is susceptible. I dosed heavily for over six years ignoring all the warning signs. Granted, back then, there was no Internet and the term hppd was unknown. Take care of yourself. I understand that psychedelics produce an amazing experience. However, some of us get stuck with lingering effects that don't go away. If you're one of those people, the less you dose, the better off you are.
  7. Many years ago I went to a university for one year and ran for my life. Understand, this was 1977 and drugs were everywhere. I didn't have the maturity to control myself and I just went off the deep end. If I could do it all over again, I'd stay in school and turn my back on the drugs and the drug culture. Easy to say 40 years later, not so easy when I was 18. That being said, I did end up going back to the university once I had sobered up and had gotten my sh*t together. School can be very stressful. Add on top of that an anxiety disorder and it can be really rough. I don't know if that helps but it's what I went through. Leaving school can be a tough decision. Does your university have any counseling services? If so, it might be worth checking out.
  8. I found acceptance freeing in a way. I realized that I have a disability and like so many others who have a disability, I was going to persevere. In my case, acceptance didn't make my symptoms worse. Instead, it got me focused which helped a great deal navigating life. I realize we're all different and we all react differently to situations. In some ways I think I'm lucky. The anxiety and depression that you, and others, have described sounds far worse than anything I've experienced. Perhaps I've just forgotten and my past seems roseyer than it was.
  9. I get shapes forming between the words. Also, there are times where there's motion or energy running through the white space surrounding the text. This has improved over time but I it's still an issue when I'm tired.
  10. Yes, exercise provided you're able. Also, (here I go again) meditation can help with mood. It also helps with that jittery "too much electricity in my brain" feeling. I realize I sound like a "broken record" repeating meditation, meditation, and meditation but it was so helpful in my life that I simply can't stop bringing it up.
  11. I didn't do anything. You helped yourself. Realizing we have some level of control over our own minds is a step toward wellness. Not only for those with hppd but everyone.
  12. @gabriel I'm very happy to hear the mindfulness practice is starting to show some benefit! Maintaining the practice can help with blood pressure, conflict, stress, mental focus, and of course, anxiety. The benefits improve over time if one keeps practising. I learned the practice at a local teaching hospital. When my doctor suggested I go I thought it was bunk. I was wrong. I think it saved my life or at the very least, my sanity. Again, wonderful news!
  13. @HDDeer Interesting. Your post got me thinking. When I was a little kid I used to see recognizable shapes in the trees between the branches. I think it's called negative space. When I looked at the stars I'd see cobweb like threads connecting the stars and I'd immediately see shapes. If I stared up under the trees at night I'd see cartoon like animations play out in the vague outlines of the branches and leaves. This was long before I had tried anything psychoactive. I was basically a normal kid with no indication of mental illness or schizophrenia. I'm starting to think my brain is simply wired to see patterns. I'm wondering if these natural abilities, for lack of a better term, are indicators for contracting hppd or at least the flavor of hppd I have. When my daughter was about 5 she made a comment about seeing shapes between branches. My Mom has made similar comments over the years. Perhaps there is something genetic at play. I realize none of this is concrete but your post brought back these memories and helped me connect some dots.
  14. In general, the little "floaters" you see when you look at the sky are normal. If you're concerned about them go to an eye doctor. Some physical eye conditions can make these worse especially as we age. Brain fog can also occur in anyone anytime in their life for a variety of reasons. For me the Winter months are the worst because of the darkness. It's not necessarily due to drug use. If your face is getting numb and painful, go to the doctor. It could be a sinus or a dental infection. If it starts getting worse, don't wait! As for the other symptoms, it's hard to say. If you do have a touch of hppd it sounds pretty minimal. I'd refrain from using psychoactive substances, at least for a while, to see how things go. Note, I'm not a doctor in any way, shape, or form. If you're concerned seek out a medical professional.
  15. Sobriety has treated me well. There was a time where I felt life without drugs would be dull and unexciting. I've found the opposite to be true. I'm not a religious sort, but every sober day feels like a miracle. Sounds stupid, but that's how it registers in my coconut.
  16. Give yourself some time. A couple of months isn't much. Staying clean is the single best thing you can do for yourself. Keep up the jogging, exercise is good too! Try not to be pessimistic. Chances are your symptoms will improve as long as you stay clean. A positive attitude goes a long way. KB, I agree. The chemicals available now are scary. They have no track record and they're constantly tweaking these molecules so they're "legal". People, be careful!
  17. David, excellent post! In my experience hppd is quite uncommon. I'm still in touch with the people I dosed with decades ago. I was the only one who ended up with this condition. Granted, that's a small sample size of about a dozen people. That being said none of them had even heard of anyone with long term post-dose symptoms. Understand that we indulged nearly continually for quite a few years. This is just about the only place I post. The internet is a place I find unnerving and prefer to keep a low profile. My point? I don't know really. Your post just got me thinking. K.B. I hear what you're saying about the 60s generating acting like drug use was a badge of honor. In the late 60s I was a pre-teen who was fascinated by these stories. I couldn't wait to give it a try. My drug use was at best misguided and at worst, self destructive. Raising kids is hard but as parents we need to set a healthy example. I was very blunt with my kids when it came to drugs. I realized the mandatory DARE program in the US was telling them half truths and they knew it. Because of that a lot of kids thought the dangers were lies fashioned as a means of control. That being said, I didn't open up about my use until they were out of college. Again, I don't have a point really. Just thoughts tumbling in the brain.
  18. Hi Johan. When I was first struggling with this disorder I attributed anything and everything as a trigger. Over time I realized that the stress of thinking about some medication, food, or activity was actually the culprit. There certainly are some foods and medications that can cause issues but these generally contain something like cafeine, dxm, nicotine, or a heap of sugar. Everyone is different though. The fact that you're here and the fact that you want to be well and move forward with your life are excellent first steps. There are some in here who have recovered. There are others, like me, who have adapted. Life with hppd can be productive and wonderful. I mean that. Hang in there.
  19. Satiate or indica, I can't touch it. I get panic attacks, paranoia, my visuals go through the roof, and my thinking seems alien. Strange thing is, I have friends who dosed as much as I did and they have no problems with cannabis. Then again, they never got hppd.
  20. I say this in almost every post, and I'm going to say it again. What helped my anxiety is daily meditation practice. It teaches your mind to focus on "now" instead of living in the past or fearing the future. It takes a while to start working and you have to practice daily. You don't need a guru or crystals or any thing. Search for "mindfulness meditation". There are a lot of sites that describe the practice. Take care.
  21. Give yourself some time. Your first psychedelic experience can leave you rattled for a while. The good news is you've only dosed once, and you've decided to stop. Chances are your symptoms will moderate but give yorself some time. I think it's perfectly natural to focus on residual effects of psychedelics. It's a powerful experience and it can change you to some extent. I found simple acceptance of my condition, getting focused, and moving on with my life helped. Don't give up and don't let it get the best of you. I wish I had learned my lesson after my first dose. Instead it left me wanting to do it more and more. You are very wise to stay clean.
  22. After I stopped dosing I realized that I had a real issue. That was in 1980. I realized that something wasn't right while I was dosing but just assumed it would clear up. For many years I felt very alone with this disorder. The internet didn't exist yet. I mean who do you talk to? When I found this forum it was a huge relief. Not only did my condition have a name but there was a group of people with the same affliction. For the first time in decades I didn't feel singled out. Welcome. Take some time to read some of the threads. There are some very bright people posting here.
  23. I had intense CEVs. They weren't scary. Instead they were crazy twitted shapes and scenes that would twist and morph into other things. Very colorful as well. I think it was the worst symptom because there was no escape. When my eyes were open, I'd hallucinate, closed the crazy images. However, my CEVS have basically dissapeared. For a few months, instead of crazy images, I'd see symmetric circular designs that looked like a maze. These would flicker. Then those dissapeared. I "sort of" have CEVS but they're like faint shadows and I have to "look" for them to "see" them at all. Not perfect but I'll take what I can get.
  24. I hear what you're saying. This is the way I look at it. If I were to lose a leg, or lose my eye sight, or get cancer then what would I do? I'd go through a phase of "this isn't fair" which I did when I realized that I had this disorder. I think that's a normal reaction. There are certain things we can do like staying sober and taking care of our bodies. However, there are some things we just can't change. For me it was a matter of saying "I'm living my life and I'm doing it regardless of the hand I've been dealt". Give yourself some time. My psychedelic use was rather extreme but over time certain symptoms have moderated significantly. There is always hope.
  25. I can't consume cannabis. It makes my visuals run riot and the anxiety returns. Generally, anxiety isn't an issue with me. But with weed, BAM! It comes back full force. I stay clear of it.