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MadDoc last won the day on May 16

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About MadDoc

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  1. I first had hppd symptoms when I was 14. I continued to dose until I was 20 quite heavily. I've had visual hallucinations since. My advice is don't take any psychedelics! I don't know if you have hppd but I have a question. Did you symptoms start after taking psychedelics? If so, then you might. Trust me, stop now!
  2. Second hand smoke doesn't bother me at all as long as it's outdoors. I'm hyper sensitive to MJ and go to shows quite often where people indulge in ridiculous quantities. As long as I don't inhale from a "device" I'm fine. Red Rocks? Have you ever been? Amazing place!
  3. No issue with pupil dilation with me. Back when I used to dose they would be as big as saucers except when I took DOM then they were like pinpoints.
  4. Valerian just makes me sleepy. What's NAC?
  5. I first noticed symptoms when I was 14. I'm now 57. My primary symptom is visuals. I gave a descriprion of the visuals I experience in the "introduction" forum. Many of my symptoms have gone away except for the visual patterns. I don't think I have more anxiety than most and I'm certainly not depressed though I used to struggle with both. My visuals really haven't reduced over the years but I'm so used to them that they're just a part of my reality. Have I been able to live with it? Yup, I'm still here. Has my life been "normal"? Yeah, I guess so. I went to college, got married, raised two amazing kids, and work in a profession (I hope I'm not coming off as a pompous bozo). Most importantly, I'm happy and feel fortunate for every day I'm here. Are there times when my visuals are distracting? Yes! Are there times I wish they would go away? Yes! But I suspect for as long as I'm alive I'll have them. All I can do is keep moving and enjoy life. I hope I answered your questions. You can't go back and you can't stand still, if the thunder don't get ya then the lightning will. Robert Hunter
  6. Ok, I got zero points figuring DP DR out. I used to get symptoms that I'd describe as DP/DR. Those were the first symptoms that went away after I ceased using. I don't remember exactly but I'm guessing it lasted a few years off and on. I remember feeling like I wasn't really human. Instead I felt like a piece of furniture without any real thought. Other times I felt like my body wasn't my own. That was a long time ago so the memories are faded.
  7. Mine never went away and I've been looking at them for 40 years. My closed eye visuals, for the most part, have gone away. I was a bit of an extreme case though because of the volume of psychedelics that passed through my coconut.
  8. You haven't destroyed your life. I took psychedelics for 6 years and I ended up with visual hallucinations that, I'm assuming, will never go away. But you know what? Life is wonderful and I feel fortunate for every day I wake up on this planet. You experimented with drugs. Lots of people do. Give yourself a break. More importantly, give yourself some time. The healing process can be slow. A positive attitude can go a long way to helping you recover. I'm no big shot expert on hppd, far from it. But I have had it for a long time and I found getting focused and getting on with life was the best medicine. Hang in there and don't despair!
  9. Ok, time to show my ignorance. Is DP depression? What's DR?
  10. I agree with these replies. Don't panic and be calm. I've never taken MDMA so I'm not familiar with it. However, there are some folks in here who can describe the symptoms they've experienced. Give yourself some time to get well. These are powerful drugs that, in some people, can have short term and/or long term effects. Avoid any drug use for a while to see if your symptoms improve. Even if you find you have negative symptoms that linger you can still live a long, productive, and wonderful life. So, be calm and let it run its course. If you can find a doctor who isn't useless he/she may help as well if you're open about your drug use. On a side note, I lived in Stockholm when I was a kid. Great experience!
  11. Ayahuasca contains DMT. I don't remember who said this but when it comes to DMT it's best to have heavy gauge wiring installed in your head (not the exact quote but you get the idea). I used to smoke it long ago and it's a POWERFUL psychedelic experience including total loss of your surroundings and body. There's no real way to ease into this substance. DMT can really leave you rattled and bug eyed. I remember some people experienced something spiritual but some swore they would never use it again and these were people who were very familiar with psychedelics. If you're prone to negative symptoms after using psychedelics I would stay clear of it. I don't know if it would cause long term hppd symptoms but I remember seeing tiny colored flash bulbs for a few days after use. My two cents for what it's worth.
  12. I find that when I'm anxious my brain is more active but not in a focused way. All that misdirected and unfocused energy make my hallucinations worse. This also happens if I drink too much coffee. When I'm calm and focused on something I don't really notice the visuals. That being said, I don't have too much anxiety in my life anymore. Just riding the wave.
  13. I've been thinking about this some. This morning I was looking out at the spring leaves as they morphed into faces, and designs. While I've gotten used to living with this condition it's very wearing. I sometimes long to see the world as it is. You really don't want to live with this disorder. Drugs can be a temporary lift and for many there's no lasting problems. However if you're in the minority prone to hppd drugs just aren't worth it. Just an old fool's opinion.
  14. Over the years all of my symptoms have moderated. Anxiety hasn't been an issue for a long time. The "closed eye" visuals inside my skull are, for the most part, completely gone. Depression is also something that's in my past. The visuals however are always there and probably always will be. The brain is elastic and changed to handle how I perceive reality. I still feel like an alien who has been dropped into a strange world but I really don't mind. Life is good. Good luck with everything and hang in there.
  15. We're all different so it's hard to say. I found that alcohol didn't make my symptoms worse but it made my life unmanageable. I stopped drinking almost 30 years ago. For me, MJ makes my visuals crazy so I can't touch it in any form. If you're going to drink or use MJ again, ease into it. Personally, I wouldn't take the chance. Then again I'm not 17. I'm an old guy who has lived with this condition for a long time. Hind sight is 20/20 or so they say. Be careful and be well.