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Unlucky last won the day on February 19

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About Unlucky

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  1. It's been almost 7 months now dealing with very mild HPPD. It first I found it unbearable, I was throwing up every morning, terrible stomach cramps, couldn't eat or sleep, severe depression and anxiety which crippled me. Cut to present day, emotionally I'm almost back to normal. Things have stopped moving towards me when I stare at them, carpets don't move any more. Headaches are gone and now I have just a little eye pain to deal with. Visual snow has decreased a bit. Dizziness and unbalance has gone. The only thing I'm left with is slight frame fate issues and mild palinposia. To anyone else this is basically cured. Yet im still struggling to deal with what has happened to me, I still get very preoccupied with my lingering visuals. Sometimes I even feel hopeless. I kept promising myself I'll be fine if this gets better, that gets better etc. when it does get better I'll move on to something else. I'm nervous that these small visual disturbances are going to take over my life.
  2. The reason your symptoms are getting worse is because you continue to do drugs. Dont you hate depersonalisation and derealisation because everyone here on this board hates it, including me. I've build my life though sheer hard work, and the idea of not getting to actually live it kills me inside. The only way you are going to recover is to stop doing drugs.
  3. Has yours gotten better over the years?
  4. Fante, what do you mean by frame frate? Could you explain? Im having trouble with my eye movement, they seen to skip when I'm looking around, I can perceive motion when stationary even in my prefrial vision, but when my eyes move or flicker it's like a set of images lined up, it's not smooth. This is my most annoying symptom, but luckily it's getting better, for the first few months I was very very dizzy and distorted, now I'm able to do everything I used to but it's still annoying, I would be disappointed if it stayed this way but from what I can tell it seems to be healing itself thankgod.
  5. That's rough Boozebome May I ask what led you to relapse? And what the consequences were? Someone I know was smoking a cigarette and I had to get away, I'm so scared of everything now!
  6. I was going to say, if my HPPD/Palinposia decreased by 95% I'd concider myself cured. Im lucky enough that I'm recovering nicely. Physically symptoms are non existent, no headaches, no stomach pain, I tiny amount of pain on my eyes, but compared to 6 months ago when I could barely move them, it's a huge relief. I don't even want to think about where I'd be if I had continued any kind of drug use. And if/when I get back to normality or close enough, the last thing I want to do is drugs, I've cut off my druggie friends so there's not even the slightest possibility of coming into contact with drugs or even alcohol, I'm done with anything harmful to the body. I hate talking about drugs, I hate anyone referencing drugs.
  7. How much MDMA have you done Jay? Before and after HPPD
  8. I thought you said your symptoms decreased by 95%
  9. Look I'm going to blunt but it's needed in this situation. This advice could save your life. QUIT DRUGS or sooner or later you will end up on this site for a very long time. I was in a situation were I felt off after MDMA, passed it off as something that would pass, I smoked weed and I ended up in very very dark place. It's been 6 months and there is finally light at the end of the tunnel for me. You may not be so lucky. If you really want drugs wait at least a year. But keep it minimal.
  10. After spending a few hours lurking this site to find experiences that match my own. I just want to log in with a rare post and say my heart goes out to you all, After dealing with this for almost 6 months (no time at all for some of the long term sufferers) with HPPD, it's been and still is the toughest part of my life. Keep on fighting guys/girls, hopefully for some there will be a light at the end of the tunnel. Just stay off the drugs guys, anyone cannot even possibly hope to recovery if you are all using, get a grip and get off them!!
  11. Well obviously I haven't told everyone the whole story regarding my friend, but I don't really want to air it online. Thanks for the replies guys. I've always valued my mental health Jay because my on my mothers side they've had a lot of problems being in hospitals, even shock therapy. So I know second hand that mental health is so so important, more than anything in my opinion. I was pretty stupid taking MDMA without even researching it. I put way too much trust in my friend, I didn't even know the dose he gave me. If I'd had known it would have been so intense I wouldn't have tried it. I guess I just wanted to hang out with my friends because they were drifting away into the drug culture and I thought I could balanced it with my own lifestyle. I do maintain that I'm unlucky because I took an average amount of MDMA over the course of the night and have experienced so much pain and suffering for what's considered an average night for some.
  12. I'll start with my story 22 yeah old from UK. First of all I'd like to consider myself as very unlucky, hense the name. I thought drugs were ok, I didn't particularly like them but I did defend the use of them. however I hate the drug culture, people high dancing to shitty music in shirty raves, it makes me laugh why people would ever do this. Anyway I smoked weed a few times a year on special occasions with a group of friends, we'd just chill out and watch a film. Now my friend got into MDMA the last year or so and wanted me to experience it, after two years last summer o finally decided to try it. It was alright wasn't overly keen because it was a bit too intense. Woke up the next day and something was really off, but said friend convinced me to smoke weed the next day and low and behold I, stuck with all of these stupid visuals, they literally appeared after the first toke. for months afterward I had panic attack after panic attack. I couldn't eat, sleep or function. I frantically paced up and down my living room to my kitchen for around 4 weeks. That's all I did, I even eat my meals while doing this. these were my symptoms. My headaches were unbearable, like my brain was forcing itself out the front of my head. I was taking 6 co codamols a day. My stomach was in so much pain, I couldn't do anything for four days when at its worst, the stomach pains last around 2 months. id get really light headed all the time for no reason. I suffered for heavy depression, nothing interests me, I felt very empty and just stayed in bed. Visual problems: visual snow: pretty light, but still annoying, slight after images. So basically mild palinposia. But will very very annoying considering I was blessed with perfect HD vision. now here's the biggest problem. I struggling with movement, I get very dizzy because my vision skips when I move my eyes. I can watch TV and see things move, but when I move my eyes up and down, side to side it will skip like a reel of photos. THE GOOD NEWS: after 5 months I have experienced tremendous signs of recovery, my visual snow is bearable and has deffinatly fading. Lines don't wiggle anymore. My headaches and eye strain are manageable, I no longer need any painkillers, the headache isn't always present. My head rushes are gone completely. My appetite is back to normal and by depression has gone. It seems as my eyes are slowly fixing themselves as I used to see double in my reflection now it's back to normal. The problems that remain is the light palinposia, slight anxiety and skipping vison. QUESIONS is it possible to make a full recovery? Has anyone here made a few recovery? When I read this board I get worried because so many people report worsening symptoms, and I'm scared that I might let this experience get on top of me and I'll slide into a worse HPPD state. Bearing in mind, I've only smoked a handful of weed and have done used MDMA once in my life. Before you say anything I will never drink again, I just couldn't justify it after the damage I've done to myself. And I'll certainly never try another drug. I've also cut out my said friend after 14 years of friendship, I have so much resentment over him as I blame him for ruining my life.