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Everything posted by fruitgun

  1. Made my DP/DR fire up.
  2. That might be true for many cases but I don't think that "HPPD" is the same for everyone, it is a term used to summarize various symptoms triggered by drug use. I am not sure if visuals alone without mental symptoms could be described as mental illness.
  3. Couldn't drink during first months after my bad trip because it made me freak out. Now I can enjoy alcohol again, in fact I might be drinking too much. Guess I will try to cut it out again so my mind can focus on recovery.
  4. I get migraines since 2005, not all the time but often enough. Have been wondering if there is a correlation to my weird reaction to psilocybin. However this dreadful feeling and migrain headaches don't really appear simultaneously and I didn't get this feeling before I took mushrooms.
  5. Lion's Mane made me feel temporarily worse. I might try it again someday with a lower dosage or with a different brand.
  6. Yes kind of, I sometimes use the term "nihilistic" trying to describe it. It might appear just like a combination of derealization and depression but I feel like it's "deeper" than just that. I don't really feel it on a such a strong physical level anymore but correlating thought patterns still occur. However I'm optimistic this will dissipate over time.
  7. I also get feelings of dread but it's more of a feeling like everything is pointless and meaningless and featureless. It's a feeling of being incapable of feeling joy and like the world is just flat and dead. I also used to feel this strongly on a physical level, I could feel the dread in my head and this is also connected to my bad mushroom trip. I read about Stanislav Grof's Perinatal Matrices and what he described as Matrix II resembles these feelings well. I also got feelings of like having an abyss in my head or a hole which sucks up my brain/ mind, kind of. Yikes.
  8. Got much better in ten months but has not resolved yet. I consume alcohol and caffeine again, it doesn't affect my symptoms a lot anymore.
  9. Relapses are part of recovery. You have different kinds of stress going on right now, I'm pretty sure your symptoms will diminish when the stress does.
  10. I regularly have a feeling of being stoned or on a low dose of mushrooms. I know that many sufferers have similar symptoms. Is there any medication/ treatment to reduce this?
  11. Nice
  12. Will have an MRI tomorrow. Also an EEG and a VEP screening in a couple of weeks. I am curious if any of these procedures will show something.
  13. This symptom is still gone but I think about this a lot. How it is possible to feel the influence of a drug long after one quit taking it. Is it because the memory of the experience left a huge imprint on the mind? Flashbacks are one thing but some HPPDers say they are feeling drugged 24/7 (like Jay) and this really puzzles me because this does not seem to be like regular DP/DR. I really hope this will be properly researched one day,
  14. Sounds like derealization. From what is gathered from various websites, it goes away after a while for most people. But it can take some months or years.
  15. Like me, you experienced some traumatic experience from a bad mushroom trip. My trip was close to nine months ago and I already improved a lot though I still have a long way to go I guess. Looks you are already doing everything right. Keep it up, be patient and someday you won't be a part of this community anymore. Maybe seek a therapist, it can help a lot.
  16. I considered trying Kratom but I am not sure because someone on this site told how Kratom made his symptoms skyrocket long-term. Maybe it was laced with something else, dunno.
  17. Yes MDMA could cause that. I wouldn't worry too much about it, the healing process pretty much works the same no matter what drug caused the condition. Drugs can cause much more and worse symptoms than light sensitivity.
  18. Not sure if that is HPPD, maybe Visual Snow Syndrome (not like it would make much of a difference)
  19. You are living on this earth, so why not wait how things will turn out while you're at it. You will be dead long enough.
  20. Taking all these pills is a risky thing to do with HPPD. If I remember correctly, you mentioned in some post that you tried 10+ (?) medications in less than two years (correct me if I'm wrong). Any medication has to be planned very carefully, including the weeks/ months until the effects fully set in and also including the weeks/ months to completely taper it off. So IMO you should calculate like six months for trying ONE MEDICATION to see how it works for you, after you have intensively researched the effects and side-effects of it and of course have it discussed with your doctor. Taking multiple medications together is, like Fante mentioned, an even more complicated process. Trying so many different medications in such a short amount of time is just very unhealthy and doesn't help your condition at all. Believe me, a lot of the thought processes/ sensations/ whatever you are feeling, are either side effects or withdrawal effecs of the meds you have been taking. You seem to have a tendency to quickly grasp for some relief in form of medication, which is wide-spread in anxious persons. However this is not helping you and you have to get rid of this behavioral patterns. Quit these meds and then WAIT at least two months until it's out of your body. Talk with a therapist, maybe take a benzo if anxiety is too bad. You have this "working on farms" (I forgot how it's called :P) thing that you can look forward to, I am sure this will help. You have not destroyed yourself, you can live a good life, a life of your own. Breathe deeply and slowly. Things will turn out right.
  21. Yes I am a firm believer that prescription medication, taken on a regular basis, only delays recovery. The rewiring and healing of the brain has to happen on a natural basis and can not be forced by pharmaceuticals.
  22. Can you try to describe this headspace?
  23. Many HPPD sufferers reported that SSRIs didn't help them or that it even made their symptoms worse. Can you describe in what way it made your symptoms worse? Also has ANYONE made positive experiences with SSRIs and if yes, in what way? I got prescribed Citalopram a while ago but I didn't really bother to take it because I read so many negative things about it. However I am interested in some more anecdotal evidence for this. Mainly because on DP/DR websites some people report that SSRIs have helped them.
  24. There can be a cure for anything as long as there is enough research put into it, same thing applies to HPPD. I'm curious about the future.
  25. L-Tyrosine makes me feel more focussed, makes me think less about DP/DR and works against depression. However it is stimulating so I take some L-Theanine with it.