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fruitgun

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Everything posted by fruitgun

  1. Yeah I just do it once in a while, not much. How did the psychosis manifest, did you quit using it completely?
  2. Some additional information: The Amlodipine initially made me feel better on 5 mg. It calmed me down and reduced dissocative sensations. When the dosage got increased I felt bad but like i said, that might have had other reasons. Sertraline eliminated the negative symptoms I suffered at this point. I advise against medication during your first two years of recovery because - in my experience - your brain is in a sensitive state during this period and might react too strongly too such substances. When I started Sertraline, I was in a state of relative stability. Another important factor is making connections. I reached out to people and made friends. Dont keep your problems to yourself, talk with others and put yourself in a versatile friendly environment.
  3. Hello, in November 2016 I had a very bad impactful trip on psychedelic mushrooms. My mind was in shambles for many months, I had intense anxiety and depression 24/7. I was not able to drink caffeine, drink alcohol, I had difficulties holding conversations. I was very hypersensitive to everyhing. Minor things like watching videos on my computer in full screen, being in rooms with specific spatial structures, thoughts about topics like the simulation theory, consciousness, life after death sent me into existential dread. So I was trying to live a healthy life, I exercised, took some supplements like omega 3, magnesium, vitamin D and tried to avoid substances like alcohol and caffeine. Around two years after my trip I started a new job which initially made me feel worse during the stress. However during this period I generally noticed a steady improvement in my mental state. However I was always worrying that too much time passes and my mind will never return to the happy, relaxed person I used to be. But as I spent more time at my job and got my mind more and more occupied I noticed even further improvement. So I am not saying that medicine cured me, but around one year ago I got put on Amlodipine because I suffer from hypertension. (already before my bad trip) Amlodipine is a calcium channel inhibitor and on various sites related to DPDR and HPPD I read that this type of medication helps with feelings of dissocation and anxiety. However when the dosage got increased from 5 to 10 mg I started to suffer very bad depression. I also had some other stress factors in my life during this time so I am not sure if it was because of the medicine. I went to a psychiatrist and he gave me a prescription for Sertraline, first 25 and now 50 mg. I can tell you, I feel really good. I do not have debilitating anxiety, depression or dissocation. I am able to enjoy music, movie, food, conversations. At some times even more than I used to do before. I can consume alcohol and caffeine without problems and I even smoke cannabis without adverse effects. (maybe do not let this inspire you lol) I do not really think about HPPD and similar issues at all anymore. It is not something relevant anymore to my life. Maybe in some way I am still different than before my trip, but thats okay. The brain and the mind are changing all the time during the course of your life. Some people suffer a stroke at the age of 25, develop Multipe Sclerosis, Parkinson, ALS or other types of awful neurological disorders at a young age. The symptoms of these diseases are on average much worse than your typical HPPD symptoms. Some people ruin their brain during their teenage years with amphetamines, opiates, alcohol or huge amounts of weed. Its okay to fall down in your life, its okay to make mistakes. Its okay to struggle. This is especially important for new sufferers: You will get better. I was at the bottom of the world and I am very fine right now. I work full time, make good money and have a girlfriend. The brain has an enormous potential for flexibility. As long as you are patient and try to live healthy, it will be fine. You will be happy.
  4. That would be unfortunate if cell death occured and the new-built neurons would be incapable of connecting with each other properly again. Is there some good way to measure if cell death occured in one's brain? And how long would neurons need to regrow and build new connections after apoptosis set in? Hope these questions had not already been discussed.
  5. It just says that I have a relatively shallow Pituitary Gland of 3 - 4 mm. From what I read about the Pituitary Gland, it seems to be involved in some processes which could be relevant for my condition. But tbh I got the MRI results from the lab and then I didn't consult with the psychiatrist again, so I don't know if that could be important.
  6. I got respiratory distress from it and it just made me feel bad. When I was moving my head, it felt like my vision had problems adjusting to it.
  7. HPPD cases are different. For me I'd say, yes it's psychologically. I am basically traumatized from a bad trip. It sounds like Holotropic Breathing could help dealing with stuff like anxiety, depression and DP/DR which are obviously psychologically. I don't know about visuals but HB seems to be heavily neurogenesis-promoting so I am sure it could also help with possible neurological malfunctions (just like meditation, yoga, exercise and even CBT can too). However HB can trigger/ bring up a lot of psychological issues and is often compared to a drug-free psychedelic trip. That is why it is probably not recommended for everyone, like psychotic people and probably not for sensitive people with severe HPPD. I guess I'd try trauma-integration with a combination of micro-to-low dose cannabis and meditation, before I would try HB. My insurance wouldn't even cover Transpersonal Psychotherapy and doing it without guidance sounds very stupid. Also a competent therapist would be able to evaluate if one is stable enough to do this kind of therapy. It was just a thought that this method could help people who feel relatively stable AND whose symptoms primarily arose from mental issues or trauma.
  8. Bumping this, Holotropic Breathing seems to be an interesting option. I might consider consulting a Transpersonal Psychologist.
  9. I actually had lower BP when my DP/DR was high. Now that my DP/DR has subsided, BP is as high as before.
  10. It helped me with depression and anxiety but I don't really take it anymore because I don't like the drowsiness.
  11. That might be true for many cases but I don't think that "HPPD" is the same for everyone, it is a term used to summarize various symptoms triggered by drug use. I am not sure if visuals alone without mental symptoms could be described as mental illness.
  12. Couldn't drink during first months after my bad trip because it made me freak out. Now I can enjoy alcohol again, in fact I might be drinking too much. Guess I will try to cut it out again so my mind can focus on recovery.
  13. I get migraines since 2005, not all the time but often enough. Have been wondering if there is a correlation to my weird reaction to psilocybin. However this dreadful feeling and migrain headaches don't really appear simultaneously and I didn't get this feeling before I took mushrooms.
  14. Lion's Mane made me feel temporarily worse. I might try it again someday with a lower dosage or with a different brand.
  15. Yes kind of, I sometimes use the term "nihilistic" trying to describe it. It might appear just like a combination of derealization and depression but I feel like it's "deeper" than just that. I don't really feel it on a such a strong physical level anymore but correlating thought patterns still occur. However I'm optimistic this will dissipate over time.
  16. I also get feelings of dread but it's more of a feeling like everything is pointless and meaningless and featureless. It's a feeling of being incapable of feeling joy and like the world is just flat and dead. I also used to feel this strongly on a physical level, I could feel the dread in my head and this is also connected to my bad mushroom trip. I read about Stanislav Grof's Perinatal Matrices and what he described as Matrix II resembles these feelings well. I also got feelings of like having an abyss in my head or a hole which sucks up my brain/ mind, kind of. Yikes.
  17. Got much better in ten months but has not resolved yet. I consume alcohol and caffeine again, it doesn't affect my symptoms a lot anymore.
  18. Relapses are part of recovery. You have different kinds of stress going on right now, I'm pretty sure your symptoms will diminish when the stress does.
  19. Will have an MRI tomorrow. Also an EEG and a VEP screening in a couple of weeks. I am curious if any of these procedures will show something.
  20. This symptom is still gone but I think about this a lot. How it is possible to feel the influence of a drug long after one quit taking it. Is it because the memory of the experience left a huge imprint on the mind? Flashbacks are one thing but some HPPDers say they are feeling drugged 24/7 (like Jay) and this really puzzles me because this does not seem to be like regular DP/DR. I really hope this will be properly researched one day,
  21. Sounds like derealization. From what is gathered from various websites, it goes away after a while for most people. But it can take some months or years.
  22. Like me, you experienced some traumatic experience from a bad mushroom trip. My trip was close to nine months ago and I already improved a lot though I still have a long way to go I guess. Looks you are already doing everything right. Keep it up, be patient and someday you won't be a part of this community anymore. Maybe seek a therapist, it can help a lot.
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