I first took LSD at the age of 14 and I'm pretty sure I have had this ever since. Although my first trip was hilarious at first then terrifying beyond belief later I used it probably a further 10 to 15 times with the last when I was 18. I have used recreational drugs like ecstasy and speed on numerous occasions during my teens and cocaine and weed during my twenties but not really to excess. I have also used mushrooms on only two occasions in Amsterdam where I lived for a couple of years.
Believe it or not I've only just found the name HPPD as of yesterday and I'm now 39 years old. I have tried to find help online down the years with no joy so kind of learned to live with it but it has been tough on and off for so long. My symptoms have been mostly constant floaters when I look at the sky. Distortion of people's faces especially at night and when I'm in busy places. trails when things pass me quickly (I often test this by waving my hand in front of me, happens every time, still), moving objects, flashes, halos and static in a dark room.
I used to go into a total trippy like panic about it and it has led to very poor concentration, constantly questioning everything and so many bizarre thoughts to mention. I've had counselling on a couple of occasions which has helped to deal with the effects through CBT but I didn't talk a lot about my visual symptoms just my anxieties. I'm on citalopram at the minute but while I think it's helped my physical anxiety my mind is still in overdrive.
I think my reason for seeking help again is for a few reasons:1) I have a daughter now and don't want to totally lose the plot for my families sake. 2) I'm sick to death of this shit and sometimes feel like I could just pull down a big zip and step out of this foggy world. 3) I'm training to be a counsellor myself and the personal development has led me to try to sort my shit out.
I've had some really horrible times over the years with some hellish family stuff almost tipping me over the edge but I always tried to live a life I perceive to be normal and even question that I'm not being true to myself. I question everything and would describe myself as CONFUSED!
I'm more than likely going through a bad patch because I'm getting less sleep than normal and using more coffee due to the little one but would appreciate any comments as to whether I may have HPPD.
I hope the title hasn't panicked anyone too much? I am living a pretty much decent life and will continue to do so because I don't like the sound of the other option too much!