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Onemorestep last won the day on April 27

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About Onemorestep

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  1. Great; even before benzos and GABA I really only got around 5-6 hours of sleep a night :x
  2. So I started taking 1mg of Ativan and 600mg of gabapentin about 6 months ago and am thinking about how to get off of them when I'm out of college for summer vacation. If anyone has any suggestions that would be great. I divided the dose in half and am takin it twice a day now about 12 hours apart from each other. I think I'm experiencing some withdrawal symptoms already. Do you think that's because the agonization is less potent even though I'm dosing more frequently? Would it he be a good idea to move to .25 4 times a day and 150mg gabapentin 4 times when I'm more comfortable at this level? Then I can start reducing the individual doses. Kinda an odd method but idk seems like it would at least make it less up and down. also considering going to get MeRT done (form of TMS). I went off 1mg of Ativan (sometimes two) that I had been taking for three months very quickly using this. I was already in hppd hell so I don't know if I had withdrawal symptoms. let me know your thoughts.
  3. After several experiments with valerian I've come to the conclusion that I can no longer tolerate it. It helps so much with sleep and the next day I feel like I have large amounts of energy and a significant relief of physical malaise. I even feel like dancing. However I'm starting to realize it's more of a mania than just a reduction in symptoms. I don't seem to make good choices... (looking at you night in Bangkok where I spent $1000 on a dinner and made some other risky choices ;D) ive noticed too that after the mania there is a huge increase in anxiety and depression. The longer I've been taking it the worse the rebound is. I don't know if this is normal for hppd though. I've watched a similar reaction in those with bipolar (tonight in fact; I had to stop a girl from going on a walk in the snow without shoes...)
  4. Hahah I guess I should specify it SHRUNK my member xD and still I have pain months after the initial reduction. If I have sex and hurt it in any way it will form scar tissue within a few days too. Scary shit. I should mention I always have the 1 percent rare reactions to drugs. So if you aren't overly sensitive go ahead and explore I just am not one of those people who can do it safely it seems. Shame. It really improved my quality of life.
  5. Hey my names Trent too! I've never had any issues getting benzos in America even before hppd. Best to have a doctor who knows at least a bit about hppd. Be careful though. Benzos can be awful and before you know it you've been on them too long. I've been taking Ativan for 6 months now along with 600 mg of gabapentin. Coming off of them come summer break is going to be hell.
  6. For me the worst thing I got is anhedonia and that happened after 9 months on baclofen. I think the intense GABA agonism screwed with my reward system somehow. Keppra brings back my ability to enjoy things though and I speculate it's because it's bringing some of those semi permanently misfunctioning GABA receptors back into the normal fold of activity. But it's all just speculation.
  7. I agree with you that it's definitely brain damage in part at least. The medications I've used to treat the synptoms I believe are just modulating what remaining cells I have left to make the overall functioning more like it was before but it usually doesn't last and has unfortunate side effects. I think my next goal is to get stem cells shot into my brain in Thailand and see if that does anything. Even then I'm dubious since I believe a lot of my problems are coming from hypothalamus issues from oxidative stress due to the oxiracetam. Not sure how I could get stem cells that far into the brain.
  8. I find this to be a very interesting topic especially in regards to keppra and how sometimes it can help hppd so much. See keppra can negate the effects of negative alosteric modulators on GABA receptors in the hippocampus. Who knows for the rest of the brain. I don't think it has to do with the reduction in glutamate activity that helps the hppd. In fact with my experience with racetams such as oxiracetam increasing glutamate funnction made my visuals all but disappear. I have a hunch that keppra corrects malfunctioning GABA receptors in the brain which allows for its beneficial effect. It does however have a multitude of other mechanisms of action and those can lead to unsavory side effects such as abnormal thinking and anxiety etc. I've read somewhere it decreases neurotransmitter release of acetylcholine and that can cause anxiety in some. I had way ramped up acetylcholine function from using too much coluracetam and keppra helped with that so much with those high symptoms. Especially the physical ones and depressive symptoms. In fact a lot of my dopamine disjunction was corrected when I got my acetylcholine levels down because of their competitive nature. Haha the decrease in acetylcholine was so fierce that I actually felt kind of manic for three days every time I increased the keppra before my receptors sensitized to normal levels. if I had to guess there are many components to hppd involving acetylcholine function, glutamate function, dopamine function, and GABA function.
  9. So in the last week of august this year I started keppra and had enormous success with cessation of the cognitive and emotional aspects of hppd. It was truly more than I could ever have wished for in a single drug. However I did notice my hair started falling out a lot more than usual. Especially in the shower. I always had tons of hair so it took me a while to notice that it was indeed thinner. But by the time i stopped taking it its gotten a lot thinner. Ive always had the kind of hair where i would need to use product to keep it from being so poofy. Now i dont need to which is a place but it is noticeably thinner especially at my widows peak. The hair loss seems to be permanent. Unfortunately, I took some ritalin at the end of september (not knowing that this is one stimulant that should deff not be used by people with hppd) and it caused some strange reaction in the state of my hppd and the keppra started giving me extreme physical anxiety in my stomach when taken. So i titrated off it. This is where the second and most scary fucking drug side effect I have ever had developed-- I got peyronies disease. For those of you who are unfamiliar with peyronies it is when scar tissue forms in the penile tissue and causes changes in length, girth, and shape of the penis. Its taken a few months but the pain has subsided for the most part and the change in shape has seemed to stop but holy shit it was and still is scary. Last time I tried to take even a small dose of keppra in january it caused penile pain for a while. Now some might ask how I know this was the keppra? I guess i cannot prove it for sure in any way but I do remember how last year I took oxiracetam (keppra is in the same class of drugs) and when I went off of it I got peyronies in my perineum region. It didnt effect the actual size of my penis so I didnt think much of it. However it happened overnight and right after I stopped taking the drug. I found one person on the internet who also noticed after starting keppra they got peyronies and am soon to be in contact with a man on a peyronies forum who suffers from it due to racetam use. Now Im only posting this so people can know that keppra can sometimes cause very odd and unusual symptoms. As can all racetams. They are powerful drugs. I still believe everyone with hppd should try keppra though. It truly can change your life! Im still deciding whether i would rather have these symptoms go away so i can feel again even if I lose my penis. Scary thoughts. soon i will be seeing a neurologist and im going to try and figure out exactly why keppra was helping me although its a very unresearched drug so im not too hopeful. hope you are all well, Onemorestep
  10. I have a methylation problem and have to take it everyday. I've never had an issue with it. Don't have the bottle on hand right now but I think Im taking around 700 percent daily intake and have taken 1333 percent before without issue. Tbh I've found it to be benign stuff and don't notice any cognitive problems or emotional issues. Everyone is different though! When did Dr. Abraham retire?
  11. Very interesting. I would like to see more of this! I've been on benzos for about 4 months now after a break of about two years. Unfortunately I feel I am getting a bit reliant. Hopefully I'll be able to get off again soon. Last time I found that baclofen was very efficient at getting me off benzos. However, it came with a litany of side effects (euphoria, hyper sexuality, made me kinda a jerk, then complete anhedonia followed by brutal withdrawals when I stopped. Got me off drinking though so thats good) so I don't recommend it. I was on 120 mg a day at my max I think but mostly took around 100.
  12. Thanks for the response! The doctor told me that it doesnt cross the blood brain barrier so I think that means I'm safe. Although I had to delay my trip i should be taking it soon.
  13. I have had interesting results with valerian. If I take it every day at 800 mg at night I have a huge reduction in DP. I'm talkative and happy during the day and notice a big difference in my social life and general happiness. However after a week I start noticing anxiety during the day and after cessation of valerian panic attacks for about a week to 10 days. This is after 7 days of valerian use. Recently I tried every other day and had a similar experience. It's something I think I can use every once in a while if I want to have a great day the following day but long term use isn't worth it and makes things worse than before m while withdrawing. It is interesting bough. I've heard it works on benzo receptors? Not 100 percent on that. Either way I think they effect the brain for much longer than you can "feel" it in the system
  14. Has anyone had any issues with malaria medications like atovaquone-proguanil? I'm going to Thailand, Vietnam, and Cambodia this month and am very worried about having a bad reaction to the medication. My hppd is very very sensitive. I can't do any drugs or even drink without severe downstream effects that last months (I'm not sure I really recover when I do them, just change into a different chemical state). Any experience or advice people have would be wonderful! Much love
  15. This was very pleasant to read Glad you are feeling well!