Gaz

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Gaz last won the day on April 26 2016

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  1. Just thought it would be good to start a thread for 2016 reviews as we are almost at the end of it. I am interested to hear how 2016 has gone for you and dealing with your HPPD. My 2016 is the 2nd year since developing neurological problems from a heavy 24 hour drug trip. When I look back 2016 as a whole has been a lot better than 2015 for my hppd. I have learned a lot about how to deal with it and I know my limits. I now know when it's a bad idea to have a strong coffee or alcohol as it increases my DR / DP. 2016 has been full of ups and downs. I completed the London marathon earlier this year and I got married last month. My hppd was part of it you just have to accept it is the new you. I would much rather a life with altered consciousness than no conciousness although there have been times when I would say the opposite lol. I was very scared that I would have a full on mental break down on my wedding day as I am a very socially anxious person and I thought it would play havok with my derealization. It turned out to be the happiest day of my life and I did my speech fine which is what I was really worried about. I completely forgot about hppd for a day for once I was shocked. There have been bad days of course. I have had a number of episodes where my perception has been so badly altered that I feel like I am actually on acid and have genuinely thought that someone slipped it into my drink. There are much more rare now than they were in 2015 thankfully. At present my main concern is my cognitive functioning. I am becoming increasingly forgetful and my mind just goes completely blank sometimes for a few mins and I wonder why I am here and what I am doing. This can be very scary and my heart starts racing. I have just got back from my honeymoon in the riviera maya in Mexico near cancun. It was absolutely beautiful best 2 weeks ever. Highly recommend going. I had a relaxing Caribbean massage there for an hour and that was the best therapy for my hppd bar none lol need to have some more of those! Such a beautiful country with a rich history and vibrant culture. In 2017 I am hoping to get better at reducing my anxiety. I want to make sure I am getting enough sleep and exercise as I think this will be the best way to reduce it. I still fear for the future. We are hoping to have a child within the next 2 years. My biggest fear is that my children grow up to see me slowly become a vegetable and loose my job because my mental state has deteriorated so bad. I am trying to battle and stay optimistic. Bring it on I don't even care anymore this condition is bullshit life is just a joke anyway so might as well try and laugh with it. Anyway how was your year?
  2. I stumbled across this condition while surfing the web and I am convinced this is what I have. It says that "symptoms typically appear days to months after exposure to the toxic agent". My symptoms started about 6 weeks after I ingested an overdose of bk-2cb. "Symptoms include: headaches, fatigue, visual problems, confusion" I have all of those. There is a case of a fatal Toxic leukoencephalopathy involving a man who took 2c-e and I took bk-2cb which is very similar. There is no treatment and the damage is most likely permanent as it is a result of damage to the myelin (white matter) in the brain. Good times.
  3. HPPD is caused by problems with processing visual information in the brain so if you only have the problem in one eye then chances are it's just a problem with the vision in that eye. Have you been for an eye test recently? If your right eye is amblyopic (lazy) it's even more likely a problem with the vision.
  4. Thanks I'm sure it will be a laugh. I have heard from another post that hangovers suck with HPPD so I will just book the following day off work and take it really easy. I don't have any access to benzos unfortunately so I will just have to suffer it with a few paracetamols and a greasy fry up. My friends that are HPPD-free will suffer equally I am sure lol. Wow woke up in a skip? That must of been one hell of a night lol. The scene will always be missing. I think it might be a good idea to go and see my GP before hand and ask for a blood test to make sure there is nothing else going on because I feel very tired and weak all the time at the moment. Last thing I want is to end up in the back of an ambulance due to intoxication again, they will start knowing my face. My main fear is that I will go into a major derealization episode when I am drunk and end up in a psychotic state. Fingers crossed this won't happen. Alcohol mainly affects GABA and Glutamate so it should be ok as long as nobody drops an E in my drink!
  5. My stag do is coming up soon which means there will be plenty of alcohol involved. I haven't been drunk since I got HPPD last year. What are other people's experiences with alcohol and their HPPD? I am concerned that it might make it worse. It will be a one off few beers but I'm still worried about it since it is still a dangerous drug at the end of the day.
  6. Yeah I get the muscle twitching as well but only in the fingers of my right hand and mainly when I am stressed. The other problem I am having at the moment is that the sensation from both my hands and my forearms seem to blur into one numb sensation especially when I am walking. It plays hell with my anxiety attacks when you suddenly notice physical body sensations like this. I hope these symptoms will fade with time. It seems like a new symptom appears every 3 months as if it is a slow burning disease. Can neurological damage slowly get worse even after complete intoxicant cessation?
  7. Does anyone else have trouble swallowing food since getting hppd? I have noticed that I keep choking on my food a lot more recently. I read online that trouble swallowing can be a symptom of neurological problems.
  8. Over the last 3 to 4 months I have noticed a very big increase in fatigue and anxiety. I have been having very bad headaches and feeling more depressed than usual. The symptoms that are starting to really worry me though is the loss of sensation down my limbs. It's hard to describe but as an example when I put my rucksack over my shoulder I can't feel my arm move when I do it its just a "blur" of numbness. It kind of feels like I'm floating when I walk now as well as I feel like I have lost some sensation in my legs. Also when I get in a hot bath It feels different it feels like numb pins and needles rather than heat. My thumb on my right hand twitches uncontrollably every now and then. Also I have been having to release my bladder a lot more frequently than normal. My cognitive ability seems to have been reduced as well I can't remember things as easily and I have to read things 5 times over before it sinks in. think it's finally time to face the music and visit my GP as it is starting to scare me now. Hopefully it isn't MS odds are its another form of neurological damage. Either way I just hope it doesn't get any worse. I feel ashamed to even say that I think I might have MS as MS is a devastating disease that lots of people are suffering from, when my problems are self inflicted. It's just my symptoms match a lot of the symptoms online.
  9. The past few weeks have been pure hell. My derealization and depersonilization are through the roof and I have been having splitting headaches. It started getting worst when my hayfever started kicking in. Maybe they are linked or maybe it's just a coincidence. Has anyone else on here had a similar experience with hayfever making their symptoms worse? I was also wondering if I should take antihistamines or not. At the moment I have been suffering without them because I am worried they would be even worse for my condition.
  10. Good luck with the surgery hope all goes well. I very much doubt that LSD or any psychedelic has the potential to cause eye damage. A psychedelic drug is basically just a collection of keys put into the bloodstream that fit locks in the brain. I know that there has been some cases of eye damage from poppers recently though.
  11. Since getting HPPD I have woken up countless mornings to discover new chips in my teeth from bashing them together in my sleep. I also clench my jaw during the day a lot as a kind of coping mechanism. Anyone else have this problem? Think it is linked to stress and anxiety. Not sure what to do about it as I don't want to end up destroying all my teeth.
  12. Yesterday I was out shopping with my other half and I had a very unusual symptom that made me have a bit of a mild panic attack. I was walking along and all of a sudden I became super aware of my clothes rubbing against my skin mainly on my arms and legs. Then I noticed my shoes and socks rubbing on the soles of my feet. Then, more worryingly, I became super anxious and I felt like I was just a brain floating in space not knowing what feeling of touch was coming from where. It's a very strange experience to try and explain. I also felt like some of my other senses were affected. I had an unusual taste in my mouth when I haden eaten anything recently and my vision contrast was massively increased temporarily. I am wondering what has caused this horrible experience and wether it is a sign of anything serious. The only thing I have been doing differently lately is that I have been taking one a day hayfever tablets. I have stopped taking them now as I am worried they are affecting my brain. Anyone else experienced anything sinilar?
  13. Today I finished the london marathon. My legs are fucked but my HPPD feels reduced. During the race there was a few times where I felt disconnected from my legs (actually not a bad thing lol) and had some bad derealization. As it got more painful on my legs I noticed more symptoms like trails, colour changing etc. I think that the stress I put on my body today caused a whole host of endorphins and hormones to be released and that directly affected my HPPD. Now I have finished the race my baseline symptoms seem a lot lower than normal which is very pleasing. I wonder if hard exercise could hold a potential treatment for hppd. Has anyone else noticed anything similar when doing strenuous exercise?
  14. No I am not taking any medication. I don't want to go to the doctor about it because a) it could seriously endanger my career. b.) I don't think there is any cure out there. I'm just trying to get on with my life and I'm praying that my brain can slowly heal itself if I maintain a healthy life style.
  15. I have been trying to make sense of all my mental problems I have been having over the past 9 months. I have started to notice a few trends and triggers to my problems. 9 months ago I stupidly and regretfully took a large dose of bk-2cb, paving the way for an 18 to 24hr trip into hell. As I was sitting with my head in my lap in my local A&E department I stared at the geometric breathing floor and honestly thought that I was going to be stuck this way for ever and from now on my fiancée will have to visit me in a mental hospital for a few months before she leaves me for someone else. Thankfully, this didn't happen I am still with my fiancée and she has forgiven me for my foolish mistake and given me a second chance. Anyway to the point: my brain obviously went through a very traumatic experience where I genuinely feared that I was loosing my mind and was about to loose my world as I knew it. This could easily have caused my brain to dissociate as a coping mechanism to escape the terror. My main problems that I have now is derealization and depersonalisation. It's alwasy there in the background. My perception of reality feels unreal and distorted. However, my symptoms get 100 times worse when I am faced with social and emotional stress. I have had 3 very bad episodes where I have experienced a complete psychotic break down where my reality becomes so badly distorted that I struggle to hold on to my conciousness. All 3 episodes happened to me on the busiest day of the week at work when someone else was causing me emotional stress e.g. shouting at me for our company making a mistake. Maybe these episodes are actually my brain trying to dissociate again as a coping mechanism. It makes so much sense now. When it happens I have a deep sense of impending doom and as if I am going to wake up somewhere else. They are almost exactly the same experience as a strong salvia divinorum trip, which I know is a disociative drug. After I have had an episode I suffer with increased symptoms for weeks after before they slowly fade. Then I have another stressful experience and they spoke again. So now that I think I know what my problem is how the hell do I get rid of it? Ideally I need to remove the emotional stress from my life but that is obviously not possible as any job is stressful. Will time slowly heal this problem? Have you experienced anything similar to what I am describing? Do you have any ideas or tips to aid recovery? I don't want to go to my doctor about my mental health problems ideally. I would like to try and fix this on my own if I can.