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Everything posted by 256

  1. When I start to panic I usually listen to soothing music to calm myself down. I really like Angels and Airwaves so I listen to the song "call to arms" as my calm down song. Ironically I really like their songs titled "anxiety" and "hallucinations"... https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=wnT5rQ_eylk
  2. My last gf broke up with me when I told her how much my hppd effected me emotionally. Today I took my current gf to my psychologist to have him explain how it effects me. Its basically a terms and agreements for someone to date us. I consider myself lucky to have a girl that still wants to be with me even though she knows I'm suicidal. Yeah still working on the whole acceptance thing... What are yall's thoughts on being an hppd sufferer and dating a normal seeing person?
  3. So I tried to wean off Klonopin via liquid Klonopin from the compounding pharmacy only to realize that I needed it more than ever. My benzo tollerance is outrageous. Most people would pass out at this dose but when my anxiety is this bad I have to mega dose. Eventually my doc won't raise my dose any higher then I'll be screwwed.
  4. I just wanted to share this. My little brother told me that people have asked him to do acid/mushrooms several times and every time he has said hell no because he's seen what I've been through and am still going through. Plus he has the same genes as me. I couldn't be more proud. Knowing that my suffering has made an impact and possibly saved someone from what we fight everyday means a lot to me. Like its not just for nothing.
  5. Maybe you stopped him from making it much worse though.
  6. I listened to the first song. Pretty peaceful and relaxing. I'll have to listen to more during work tomorrow.
  7. Klonopin has such an outrageously long halflife that making adjustments like that shouldn't be a problem. Glad it went well!
  8. Recently I've had chest pains as a result of increased anxiety. To me it feels like its just my heart like no other part of my chest hurts so I thought I was having a heart attack until I looked it up and found out chest pains can be a result of anxiety.
  9. My visuals don't get worse. Atleast I don't think so. Really sex is the only time I can completely drown out my HPPD and not notice or think about it due to having so much other stimuli. It's like they say, God gave man two brains but only enough blood to use one at a time.
  10. So maybe its not completely hopeless lol. Thats awesome to hear that you guys were able to get married despite having HPPD!
  11. Hahaha I live the name. You could post your symptoms in your bio. It sounds fucked up but I would be much happier if everyday I got to wake up next to a woman as miserable as me.
  12. Sorry. Forgot I had already posted that weed comment a while ago. My bad.
  13. Also would like to note that I have had horrible depression and anxiety since puberty. It's from my mom's fucked up side of the family. Mentally speaking.
  14. If you notice that you start tripping any time you smoke weed after taking your first hallucinogen. STOP taking hallucinogens. That could have been the red flag that saved my normal life, however I was too dumb.
  15. So as I have discussed earlier, my floaters are coincidental and not related to my hppd. I only see my hppd in the dark and on flat surfaces so I went to see a doc about getting a vitrectomy. He's on board but it turns out I have two retinal tears as well. I believe these to be recent because lately I have been getting split second static vision with sudden movement like standing up fast or turning my head fast. The retinal tears have to be lazered a week from wednesday then I can have my vitrectomy. If all goes well I will only be plagued by the blue shapes I see on walls and in the dark and I will have peace when i'm outdoors during the day. Lets hope all goes well.
  16. The laser surgery went well and I'm having the flashes less often. Although they say it takes about 3 months for the retina to reweld itself. On a side note I didn't have this symptom until I started taking nortryptaline but I doubt thats causing it.
  17. ^^^^ THIS!! The lack of understanding is what pisses me off sometimes, but nothin you can do about it I guess. I hate when people talk about past experiences trying to relate too. People tell me how bad it was when their grandma died and i'm like wow I didn't know you had an infinite number of grandmas and one dies every day?! Cuz you can relate right!? Sorry I'm kindof blowing this out of proportion. To me one of the worst parts of hppd is that you're expected to keep up the charade of normality and nobody cuts you a break and some people you can't or don't wanna tell. Like my boss. Back on topic though it seems like you can't have a relationship with hppd unless A. You have a complete handle on it and are a normal functioning human being. B. Your gf/bf I really understanding and patient. Or C. You find someone with HPPD. I fall under category B.
  18. My doc let me try pheno and it works wonders on anxiety for me. No meds actually reduce my symptoms so its all about managing anxiety and depression for me. I will be transitioning soon and hopefully all will go well. I still have Xanax for panic attacks. Ps. I was anxiety/panic attack prone before hppd so I have a rough time with it.
  19. Dr. Patrick Tapia in Birmingham Alabama. Probably the only guy in the state who has heard of HPPD. Very open minded and helpful. Stay away from older docs, they don't believe in HPPD.
  20. I forgot to mention that my floaters are due to a posterior vitrious detatchment. The doc said he had never seen floaters like mine before though... This leads to an interesting question. Can LSD actually damage the eye? If you have severe floaters I would reccomend seeing a retina specialist if you have the time and money.
  21. Well I mostly just reeeeaaaallly fucking hate my job. I work on an assembly line doing something I genuinely hate 8 hours a day 5 days a week and basically have a panic attack by lunch every day. It wasn't bad when I was a cable technician but then we switched to assembly line work and I can't stand it. I took a break from school to get myself together but now I just really wanna get back to school. The problem is I can't just up and quit this job because the company is not doing well and is run by some family friends so they kindof need me. Its not something I can just cut ties with. Also it's not like I can just tell my work about my hppd...
  22. I kinda know what you mean too. Glass half full I guess. I still feel like my girlfriend doesn't fully get it and it would be better for her to turn and run like the last one.
  23. Being hungover is like haveing 300% HPPD plus a terrible hangouver.. to hell with drinking.
  24. Do you guys also hate when people say "you seem fine to me" kindof a tangent but thats what friends and girls say to me when I tell them.
  25. Seems to me like the male to female ratio of hppd sufferers would leave most of us guys lonely even if there is a hppd tinder or even a mental illness dating service. Not sure I could handle the bipolar chicks in my state, God bless em.