SFT

Can definitely relate. Recently (in my third year) what has happened earlier in the day has started to merge completely with yesterday for me. My recovery has been slow, but linear, so it's depressing to see that I'm seemingly declining cognitively as of late. What you said about losing sense of direction etc was very prevalent for me in the beginning. It has improved though. It's a typical symptom of a rekt hippocampus.

Hi Quick backstory: I'm not an avid drug user. My HPPD/Issues started after the first and only time I tried MDMA. I redosed multiple times and drank heavily the day of dosing and the day after. This was two and a half years ago and I've suffered since then. I have never experienced anything remotely like my symptoms, but I think I should mention that I've experienced migraines with aura about 15 times over the course of 15 years. For the last two and a half years I've had prolonged periods of feeling very good, but recently I've been back in a rut. I'm experiencing moderate to debilitating mental fatigue, constant brain fog, a myriad of cognitive issues, depression, dizzyness, pressure, insomnia, weird sensations, irregular sense of awareness, the sensation of having lost my soul, suicidal ideation, greatly reduced work capacity, etc. Today I'm experiencing a moment of clarity that is in such a stark contrast to my regular day to day life that it's fucking scary. I've aquired a small stash of clonazepam illegally, and I've been very careful with taking it. I've had it for about a year, and I guess 1-2 times a month I will take 0.5 mg to help me get through stressful periods at work or in life. It gives me unparalleled symptom relief and improvement. I'm not talking about masking symptoms here, I'm talking about very drastic improvement of cognitive ability, articulation, vocabulary, actual pronunciation/speaking, reduction of dp/dr, increase of mental sharpness, increase of multi tasking ability, 100% reduction of brain fog, increased work capacity, energy, sociability, a very drastic increase in mood, no depression, the list goes on. I don't suffer from anxiety any more (it improved suddenly after 10 months). Last night i took 0.25mg(!) of clonazepam before bed. I slept beautifully, and I've basically felt today what I haven't felt since I got "sick" in November of 2013. I feel like my soul is back (for lack of a better term), I'm sharp mentally, I feel like a man again. Like a man who is able, competent, mentally quick/sharp. I had to summarize about 10-15 different numbers at work today, and I did it easily in my head while simultaneously explaining something to a coworker. This would have been impossible on a "normal" day for me. I've always been a thinker, and today on the subway I noticed I was thinking about philosophical issues as I've done ALL my life, but not in the last 2,5 years. In a sense my personality, soul, my innermost sense of self and thoughts have been RIPPED away. Experiencing it again today made me realize (again) what I've lost. Today I have the energy to feel desperate to get it back. Tomorrow I may be back to apathy and suicidal thoughts. Could this solely be due to the GABAergic effect of clonazepam? How does clonazepam affect 5HT and DA? What can I learn from this? Taking low dose clonazepam takes me from feeling 25% like the man I was, to about 98%. Can this point me in a direction towards other SUSTAINABLE treatment options? Low dose SSRI have been shown to increase allopregnanolone, has anyone on the forum done triels/research down that road? I know SSRI is hit and miss with people in our situation.

I tolerate alcohol in moderation Benzos are well tolerated What about opiates? Very interested in experiences here

Thank you guys, I greatly appreciate your posts. I live in Norway, and I'm employed by the municipality so the chance of actually losing my job because of a sick leave is slim. The chance of me having to quit it though, is a bit higher. I might go with a shorter sick-leave as you suggest, but I must also consider the stress of actually being home from work. I would feel like shit and maybe I wouldn't be able to let go and relax completely. For the coming weeks I will cut out most social activities even though that might sound like the wrong thing to do. I will up my meditation as it does help tremendously, and I'll search up some de-stress techniques and I'll perform them religiously. Maybe I will be able to de-stress sufficiently without getting sick leave for now. I'll also cut out carbs during the day as a carb-filled meal fatigues me beyond belief now.

Thank you man. For around 9-10 months I felt as if I was on a stimulant 24/7, even while sleeping. Still, my condition was very very good from around month 7-9. Now it seems the hand-brake is pulled as you say, though sleep itself is still sub-par. Is this curve a one-time thing, or could it continue to fluctuate back and forth between over stimulation and fatigue? I found that Swedish page you linked helpful as well. Do you have any more information about this? I can read Swedish if that's needed. I'd like to learn everything about how the process is thought to work from the alarm phase to homeostasis. Edit: I was also anxious in the first phase, but more anhedonic and apathetic now.

Sorry for hijacking the thread, but I found the one chart that was linked very interesting. After 10 months of suffering, though without fatigue as a symptom at all, I suddenly started getting pretty severe fatigue. I've now been suffering from this for about a month, and it seems to be slowly improving. Can this be explained in terms of stress-response?

Thanks guys. But do you think it could be detrimental to keep working? I mean, could I hinder recovery to a permanent degree? I feel a little better today, and maybe this is just a long ass setback in recovery. I don't want to stop working at all, but I do really suffer much more because of it.

Hi I'll give you the cliffs of my story real quick: Did MDMA once, combined with alcohol and it ruined my brain. For a little over 11 months I've suffered from, and continue to suffer from: Anxiety (Recovered, at least it seems like it) Depression DP/DR HPPD Insomnia Dizzyness Headaches Mild bruxism, though horrible tension headaches Food intolerances Bad IBS An array of cognitive impairments Indescribable suffering ??? etc Now, my question is whether working in this condition could actually be detrimental to my recovery? I had a long summer break, 7 weeks, during which I felt very good, and had many days where I was symptom free. And I had weeks and weeks where I was close to symptom free, living an absolutely fulfilling life. This carried on to the first month and a half working, I felt great. However, now I've been on a steady decline since the end of September, and I'm starting to get scared that work is actually annihilating me further. Work is now extremely hard, and I have to fight to get through it. I think I'm actually fighting harder now than I did during the first 3 months. The only reason I'm able to keep fighting is because I hope I will feel better again in a short while, but it does not seem to be happening. I'm scared that I'm now deteriorating myself permanently by working like this. What should I do? I live in a country with very reasonable health care/disability options.

Hi I've used MDMA one time in my life, and since then I've had a big cluster of symptoms, including anxiety, dp/dr, insomnia, depression, mild HPPD (blue dots, floaters, hard to see images on pc/cell phone in 3d). I've recovered greatly over the past 11 months, but I seem to have grown intolerant to alcohol. During earlier parts of this condition I don't think I was intolerant, but I stayed away from it because I thought it would be detrimental to my recovery. Now when I drink I just feel physically bad, headache, tenseness in face, spacey feeling, increased DP, etc. I've also noticed some itching appearing here and there, as if I'm having an allergic reaction. My question is: Have anybody here had the same symptoms and recovered the ability to drink alcohol? Thanks. P.S. I should mention that I became intolerant to lactose about 2-3 months into this condition. I don't expect to recover from that.