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China

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China last won the day on August 1 2015

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  1. Damn, just re-read my paragraph, sorry for sounding preachy lol, that wasn't the intention. I hope you start feeling better soon, dude
  2. I've frequently felt like the black sheep of my family as well. Being the black sheep isnt necessarily a bad thing, it just means you and your parents have different ideas on what's right, and what you should or shouldn't do. Now having hppd, it can be hard to really get a grasp on what you think is right, being your thoughts are all cluttered. You have to realize you're young though, and most people don't really know what's right, what they want, etc, even well into their lives. Don't be so hard on yourself, and don't be so hard on your parents either. You may not always agree with them, but you may not always agree with anyone. Generally, your parents just want what's best for you, or what they think is best for you. Maybe take their suggestions with a grain of salt, and don't overly dwell on the things they say. Living with authority figures may make you a little angsty and quick to aggression, I know it does for me. They love you, though, and they will always be there for you till the day they die, it's kind of what parents are supposed to do. You probably know that, but it's harder to practice something than preach it, so just try to be a little nicer to them one day at a time. Breathe and think before you jump the gun. The anxiety, anger and detachment will fade, just keep telling yourself that. Repeating positive thoughts in your mind will make you think positive after time. Don't sweat these feelings too bad, as they are just feelings. Ultimately you have the power, and if you want to stop feeling bad, try to do things that make you feel good, tell yourself good things, and slowly you'll feel better. it just takes time, so don't worry if you try these things for a few days and they don't work. Stay gold dude, you're worth more than you think. You may have forgotten what normal feels like, but that too will pass, and what is normal anyways. You're you, no matter what. I know your probably know these things, but I figured I'd just tell them to you again sorry don't mean to tell you how to live your life.
  3. Sounds like you're on the right track man, judging by that second paragraph. Just keep on keeping on, and it'll get better with time. Even if the symptoms dont lesson, you'll learn to adjust. Over time hppd wont hold the same clasp on your life that it has now. I think it's great that you found a new positive perspective with which to see your life through, even if it is from hppd. You seem like a strong guy, and you'll only become stronger over time. What doesnt kill you only provides a challenge. Depending on this site might not be the healthiest thing for you. It's just a constant reminder that we have hppd. It's here to help for sure, like if you're having an off day, the people on this site are here for you. But browsing this site too often is kind of depressing to be honest lol And you're never alone dude There's always someone rooting for you. Finding your way to cope with it is difficult for sure, but it's not impossible. You have the support of your friends and family and us here on hppdonline.com Haha, I'm insanely tired too, it's 6 AM where I'm at.
  4. LethargicAcid, Keep on meditating man. Those anxieties surfacing are a good sign, means your flushing out your emotions. Meditation can bring out the fore front of nasty emotions, as opposed to disengaging with hppd, it makes you come face to face with it; it makes you deal with it. Trust me, meditation's the way to go. It may not seem like it now, but it can really help you conquer hppd in the long term. I've had it for a year and a few months, and meditating really helped me out a lot.
  5. If you get knocked down, https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=2H5uWRjFsGc
  6. Hey man, don't lose hope and don't stress out. HPPD's akin to a rollercoaster, some days symptoms will die down, some days symptoms will flare up, c'est la vie. Give it a few days or a week at the most, and I'm pretty certain you'll feel better. Maybe Hppd is cyclical, and worsening symptoms are a sign that the brain is trying to heal itself? Idk, but no worries man, I've gone through the same thing, and usually after a couple days my symptoms die down.
  7. Hey guys, I haven't really posted in a while. I've kinda just been lurking around this website for a few months, checking to see if anybody has found a cure, or maybe some tips and trick to deal with hppd. I've been holding on to this hope that a cure is going to be found everyday now. I've been meditating constantly, praying constantly, I've gotten a job to preoccupy myself from overthinking my hppd, etc. Well....actually Ive gotten a job to get money primarily, but the break from overthinking is an added bonus. I've been trying and trying and hoping and hoping....and I'm just tired of it. I'm really tired of it. I'm sick of caring so much, I'm sick to my stomach in fact. It's so stressful to be stressed out about stress...you know what I mean?..Probably not. I don't know, in a few months it'll be my hppd's one year anniversary, and I haven't really seen any improvements in my overall symptoms. But, you know what, I have seen improvement in how I cope with them. I use to freak out over my symptoms, and feel like Ive damaged my brain and fucked myself over for life, and I still do feel like that at times, but I've gotten better at looking at the bright side. I have friends, and a family that loves me. I have food on my table, I have a pretty good sense of humor. I want to make youtube videos soon, and hopefully get sponsored so I can make youtube moneys and fuck youtube bitches, lol. Eventually I want to use that money to become a musician, and fund my endeavors. Maybe one day, if my albums sell well, I'll be able to take a trip to south America and visit the rain forest over there. The indigenous people there don't suffer from baldness, or diabetes, or cancer, or brain disorders, and I feel like the herbs there would be able to help alleviate the symptoms of hppd. So I'd like to go there and bring some of the herbs back to America for research, and maybe eventually find a cure for "incurable" diseases. I give money to charity, because I know what it feels like to feel hopeless, and if I can help someone, just a little bit, I want to do it. The old pre-hppd me would've never done that. I'm not trying to seem arrogant or anything at all, I'm just trying to make a point. Hppd isn't the end. I still have hopes, I still have dreams, and I've honestly become a more caring person because of it. If you're just now going through hppd, or have been going through it, I just want you guys to know, That none of you are "broken" or "crazy" or "fucked" or any of that. We're all going to have our off days, I'm going through one right now (drank too much last night, flared up my symptoms), and life maybe a little more difficult for me these days, but I'm not giving up, and I'm going to wear a smile on my face through every second of it. If you're ever feeling overwhelemed or thinking negative thoughts or feel introverted, just breathe. Breathing helps me out a lot. I take one deep breath and I instantly feel better...This post is fucking long and I'm just rambling, but the main reason I posted this was for you. I hope in someway this helps someone, I really do. Keep on vibin' guys.
  8. This miiiight be a slightly bias opinion, but I think it's a good idea definitely haha I was actually planning on attempting a fast tomorrow as well, we're in this together mr.50
  9. RLS if you truly do enjoy hppd, then more power to you man. Sac the shit out of the quarterback.
  10. David, I just want you to know I hate reading, but I read through all of that because it spoke to me. I could literally feel the emotion put into that man. You should write a book someday, please make it a graphic novel though, because a book without pictures is rubbish (; I symphathize with you man, and I really wish you wouldn't have such low self-esteem. I've been contemplating suicide a lot lately (HPPD's been a real pain in my ass) and I just want you to know, if I hadn't stumbled upon this website, that you created, I probably would've ended it already. I know it's sick and twisted, but just knowing someone else out there is having the same problems I am makes me feel a little less alone. So please, give yourself some more credit. you've helped a lot of people, there's no reason people can't help you. I'm a firm believer in karma, and I'm also a firm believer that you'll be able to get this ADHD thing under wraps. Don't sweat the small stuff, and try to look at the glass half full.
  11. Any info will do, speculations, hypothesis, basic understanding, what it does to the brain, what it does spiritually, literally anything, I'm open for it...also if I posted in the wrong section I'm really sorry lol, feel free to move it :3
  12. Intuition is a crazy thing, isn't it? In my understanding it's that spark of inspiration of un-experienced knowledge. Have you ever had an assumption pop into your head, not knowing just where it came from, no stream-of-thought that produced it, and you were right? I have, and actually had a moment of inspiration right before my last rc..."don't take it. You really can't handle anymore", it was something along the lines of that. Me being an egotistical, arrogant asshole, however, chose not to listen to my own voice of reason. I guess I thought I was the shit, now I wreak like it haha...aside from the self-deprecating humor (get it? ) I had an intuitive moment last night that told me that I should sleep deprive. From first-glance perspective, this seemed like a really dumb idea, and it still does. For some reason I kept thinking about doing it, even though I did my research and came to the obvious conclusion that it would only make my visuals worse, mess up my circadian cycle, etc, blah blah blah...it's no good for me. Then I thought, however...I have an inexcusable amount of free time in my hands. while most of you are working or going to school, or have some kind of schedule, I literally do a bunch of nothing all day everyday...so that being said, my intuition is telling me to stay up for as long as I can, and I would like to use this time to garner any and every amount of information referring to hppd I can. So if you guys could find the time, could you post everything (or just a single thing, if you don't want to waste your time writing an encyclopedia in this post) you know about hppd, or could you refer mr to some articles, or anything? I'm a thirsty hoe, and I'm after the k (knowledge). Lol sorry for the un legible post, I'm sort of a manic :3, but I just really want to know more about hppd and how it works before fasting again. I don't want to starve myself if I don't have to.
  13. FUCK YES to this^ I'm really glad for you it's really inspirational to see someone come out on the other side! I'm at 4 months, and I'm really hoping I can be where you're at in 5. Fingers crossed lol >.< Does this mean you no longer see floaters, tracers, etc? I'm seriously really really happy for you dude cheers to being 100% hppd free in a month!
  14. This makes me wonder, just how many people got hppd from a good trip? I haven't really come across too many good trip induced hppd stores (maybe one) it's too coincidental that so many different drugs can give you hppd (MDMA, psychs, delirients), makes me wonder if the chemicals were just catalysts for massive fear induced damage....idk it's 5 am where I'm at, might not be thinking too clearly lolEdit: never mind, I found some good trip induced hppd stories, I'm just spit balling shitty ideas lol
  15. Exactly what I'm thinking man, You can live normally, I would not recommend it though. You're on a limited supply of energy, and as such you kind of have to ration out what you can and can't do lol. If you're only going to fast for a few days, then you could probably keep on with what you gotta do. More than a week of fasting and you'll know what I mean, it's taxing to even walk around, or at least it was for me. I feel that you gain more benefits from fasting when you're stagnant. It's like taking a vacation from life in a sense.
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