max powerless

Thankyou Jimmy I do still want to seek diagnosis as it would give me closure on alot of dark thoughts that I cannot cease and also assist when talking to outsiders about what's going on in my head without sounding like a loony, I have a job stacking shelves and am currently saving for what I expect to be expensive treatment/Consultation, also I have little faith in drugs as I do have an addictive personality (especially towards stimulants)

Also My psychologist has said that I suffer from derealisation although I don't think he can officially diagnose, also 2 I suffer horrible short term memory since my overdose which has lead to me keeping a diary Which has work fantastically and I would recommend to others who find difficulty remembering ( I titled mine M-RAM for Max's random access memory)

Hi I'm Max I am 20 and I have been experiencing some crazy times for approx 4 months now. I started smoking pot regularly when I was almost 18 which developed into a weekend munt habit which progressively got worse up until a few weeks before my 20th, the drugs I was taking where mainly pills to begin with then moved to base as the affects where longer lasting later 2012 it was more than just weekends and I was moving into longer benders. During this whole period I dabbled with a few psychedelics, shrooms(twice) 25-I (4 Times) LSD(3 Times) and 25-c (once). The 25-c trip was the last (late Nov 2013) which I consumed 1800ug of 25-c (stupidly huge amount) and 350mg of methylphenidate concerta. At the end of the trip I hit a very acute feeling as if I was going to die and had completely lost controlled of myself as I steamed toward oblivion. Every day since that trip I have been bouncing from that feeling to the feeling of nothing. My visual symptoms consist of large amounts of static in the air, auras around my point of focus, changes in shade of my environment, and occasionally I get patterns protruding on surfaces(I know there not real because they are moving), blips of light in the top right region of my vision. I have mixed body feeling all the time fluctuating from relaxed to very tense with frequent spells of panic and disorientation as if I'm in an emergency. I only just found out about hppd this week but before I read into it I had very little idea of what was happening to me or how to explain it in any other way then "I feel like I'm on the edge". Since that trip I have stoped all drug use(a couple of Times since then I have smoked pot with the intention of somehow traveling back to reality, before o found out about hppd) I still smoke cigarettes and the occasional beer. I have been seeing a psychologist who has help abit and given me lots of great calming exercises. Just wondering who I should see to talk about diagnosis, I live in Sydney Australia Virtual hugs to all of u