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About dukkha

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  1. hi all, my hppd visuals have been manageable for years now. however, my DP and anxiety has been increased and it's making it difficult to speak clearly (i think triggered by separating from my girlfriend and the jetlag of flying to the otherside of the world). anyways, now that i'm back in the U.S. i was thinking about trying some of the many available herbal supplements available for a boost of mental clarity and confidence. however, i'm scared that something in them might flare up my hppd again--who knows how our bodies will react to different substances if some random substances caused hppd? that being the case, i was hoping for some recommendations and cautions. basically the only think i'm comfortable taking now are homeopathics! but i was also considering: ashwagandha cordyceps 5htp melatonin seratonin what do you all think? ~dukkha
  2. hey jay! i was going to say that it's good to see you're still around, but then i'm not so sure if that's such a good thing after all haha! anyways i hope you are well Dukkha
  3. Hi all, Just checking back in to the forum and thought I'd make a post. I haven't anything special or mind-blowing to say but I just want to send my love out to you all. Please know that you are not alone, not matter how alone you might feel. We are all in this together, we all suffer this together, we all are connected in different ways. It sounds ridiculous to say but I think something positive will come about from all this. Anyways, stay strong and know that there is nothing to fear. Big love, Dukkha
  4. Greetings all, I'm making a post here after a very long time. At least a year and a half I believe. I wonder if there are any posters stills around from when I used to post... Anyways I consider myself to be a so-called "success story." That is, HPPD is no longer dominating my life. In the fall of 2008 changes in my life triggered depression/anxiety which in turned triggered the come on of HPPD (i believed the seeds had been planted a half year prior by a bad experience on 2c-b. This went on for a while, took some meds, tried my hardest to keep up with university, did some meditation, and life slowly started emerged from the gloom and darkness of the HPPD reality. I lived in central Europe for a year and some months and came back home and HPPD became less and less of something that I thought about everyday. HPPD is a two way street. That is to say that if one is anxious about HPPD, it makes the overall situation worse and, since one's overall situation is the object of the anxiety, the anxiety and HPPD are compounded in a snowball effect-like way. However, the opposite is also true - the less one minds HPPD the less it pushes back. The less it pushes back the less one is impaired by it and so on. This, I believe, was my cure. Therefore the greatest advice I can offer to any member here is to look the deamon of HPPD directly in the face and, with the sincerest knowledge that you will NOT recover and that it might even get worse, tell yourself with a smile this is how it is going to be forever. Be one hundred percent confident that this is true. Smiling one thinks that this is how my life is now that is OK. I will continue on and that's that. I absolutely understand that this sort of approach is akin to standing on the verge of a nightmarish rabbit hole and making a leap of faith in endless darkness and is therefore not in the tiniest way an easy task. However, if one can muster the courage that is needed to give rise to this sort of mindset and continuously maintain it then one will be able to liberate themselves on their own from the hell realm of HPPD. Of course HPPD is not static, it changes day to day, but if one can make this sort of vow, HPPD will naturally dissolve on its own accord. I'm not free from HPPD in the sense that visual snow, floaters, tracers, DP, depression, and so on have completely vanished. They are there. However, these do not dominate my life and mind anymore and are only noticeable when I intentionally focus on them. I have had several ... hmm what to call them ... "flare-ups" in the past years. One of which I found myself thinking I was going back into it for good. However, from these "flare-up" experiences I found that this state of mind described above does provide results. Anyways, I apologize for not checking in with the forum for such a long time. I imagine the majority of you would do the same thing if you felt recovered from HPPD - so I hope you would not blame me, and I certainly would not blame you. (As a side note: it would do many members a great bit of good to get of the forums at length or indefinitely. There is certainly a great amount of support you all share with each other which is the best quality of this forum. However, the HPPD terms and outlook on life as well as the pain of the other members come to dominate one's thoughts and thought patterns and does not but compound one's problems and HPPD.) Just as if one managed to escape from a burning building it would be selfish not to head back to rescue the others, especially if you carry something that can act as a fire extinguisher, I had meant to make this post here for a long time. To be honest I'm ashamed I did not write it earlier and I hope it can be of some benefit to you all, whom I feel a strange but close bond with. Today I'm elated to share my little experience with you all. Death can come to take us at any moment, often sooner than we expect. I'm glad to have made this post before that time. I remember one member who passed away (username Andy) during my time posting here. I wrote a little something almost a year ago in remembrance of him. I didn't actually didn't communicate with him too much but we share similar beliefs (reincarnation, etc.) so I felt close to him in someway. I'm not sure if you'd call it a poem or a eulogy or what. So with the fear of being already overly verbose, I'l conclude with it: I never really knew you, Beyond the flowing white of Your Buddha avatar. We all met on the same plane, Having faced the same unfaceable Problem. The suggestions for solutions were Limitless: Drugs, herbs, therapy - anything alternative. On that gloomy little island you called home. You huddle alone with the answer. Sadly the bottle runs quickly dry. On occasion this bundled fear blossomed into a lotus. As you took position in meditation Perhaps this was were our karmic connection was cast? Sadly this was short lived As was your precious human birth Aspirations of as much greatness I can muster - I send out for swift attainment of the unsurpassed state! -Dukkha
  5. I can relate to the speech thing, where the brain and mouth don't seem to make the connection. I'm not sure how much is HPPD, thuogh I feel some is, and how much is me being ... me. My question for you though is how does your ability to communicate and express yourself change according to environment. D. ... also ...sorry to hear that the new year is not starting off so hot for you .. i wish you all the best for quick improvements
  6. Yes I totally feel you on the caffeine issue. It really doesn't sit well with me but I love loose leaf tea so drink minute amounts. Even though it perks me up, it leaves me feeling drained over the next few days and takes away energy from me over all. But as to your issue ... if Klonopin is making you tired, you could experiment with the lowest dose you can get away with since you said it is necessasry. Also, how is your diet? Getting lots of greens throughout the day and solid protein in the morning is like letting your body run on high octane fuel. Regular exercise routines throughout the week can also give you sustained energy. You're body will start producing more energy than if you lead a sedintary lifestyle. Also there are vitamin combinations, essential oils, tinctures, herbal supplements and all sorts of stuff that can be energizing. So ... I'm essentially advocating the natural path to energy. Dukkha
  7. Has anyone ever had any energy work done? For HPPD or otherwise? D
  8. Yes looks absolutely excellent! I'll have to see if someone will sponsor my trip there and dismiss all the missed school work (in other words I can go! Sorry!) Please report back with detail! Dukkha
  9. Greeting old forum friends, I've been off the forums for a while now. It's been good for me but I feel neglectful being an admin. I will try to check up on the forums and you all more often but I'm still rather busy. Part of the reason for my lack of appearance on the forums is that my HPPD is fading into nothing. Our body heals itself if given a chance. Based on my experience, HPPD does heal significantly with time. There are things you can do to aid this process. Taking care of your self - physically (diet, exercise, no harmful substances), emotionally (not feeding your HPPD with anxiety, self-loathing, depression, hyper-activity, and other unwholesome emotions as well as doing things that give you meaning, such as a job, school, or family), and spiritually (i've found meditation and restorative yoga to be very beneficial but also a supportive community [i.e. church, sangha, AA group, etc.]). Have faith. I believe this disorder is not permanent, despite the HPPD misnomer. Perhaps, I will have visual disturbances for the rest of my left - they haven't left me entirely. But the surrounding issues, namely anxiety, depersonlization, and a general shitty feeling, are definitely not permanent have taken a backseat allowing me to lead a rich and fulfilling life. I wish you all the best in this struggle. With love, Dukkha
  10. Wow my friend, my heart goes out to you in hope that your immense suffering will lessen. Sounds like things are moving in the right directions. The forums are here for you as much as they can be. Dukkha
  11. I imagine that, assuming HPPD is genetic, their offspring would be potentially susceptible to HPPD if they ingested psychedelics. However, beyond that they should be perfectly healthy and normal. Duke
  12. Congrats man! Being in school has really helped me by giving me something focus intently on and leaving HPPD and other things behind. I'm also working on my bachelors in Religious Studies and have 2 semesters left. You probably know how annoying it is trying to explain the difference between theology and the academic study of religion to everyone who asks what you study. Dukkha
  13. It sounds like you are on the right path towards seeing improvement. It is impossible to say if your symptoms will every improve, to be brutally honest. But your ways of dealing with them certainly will, even to the point of "neutralizing" them. Getting fired only increases your feeling of 'being in the hole'. I wish you all the best. There is some good advice in the above posts. with empathy, D
  14. I would say for sure. Mind and body are so intricately connected they can almost be seen as one. It is more difficult to generate physical energy if you're in an HPPD slump in my experience. You just have to psyche yourself up and get pumped - overcome the side effects of HPPD. -D