mikethemerc1

Well hell I wish i was as lucky to not be affected by pot as you guys, then i'm lucky that I do go through periods of remission as well. It seems HPPD affects us all differently, maybe every type of HPPD itself is different depending on what drug caused it, who knows. I've been having bad flashbacks of late even without exposure to drugs so who knows I might relapse for no reason.

So for those of you that remember me...I'm a HPPD remisser and im proud to say I've remissed twice. I haven't been on here cause I'm back to 95% (I'll never remember 100:) but I hate to say my troubles are far from over. If you remember, I relapsed due to seconhand pot exposure...a full relapse of symptoms that lasted a good 5-6 months. Now its seems some liberal tax hungry assholes think they can make tax money off it in Colorado. They say they legalized it because they wanted to boost more money for education...are you fucking serious? I mean in my pre HPPD days I smoked...always had tweaks but did it anyway (shouldve been a good warning not to do heavier drugs) but I cant believe just because everyone does it the government has given in. I mean coke was huge in the 80's but NYC never said "well we cant control it so lets legalize it". Yeah pot isnt as addictive as coke and its near impossible to OD but pot can give you a fun case of DP/DR which IMO was worse than visual snow. People think pot is harmless because most people never heard of DP/DR HPPD or any of the things that have fucked our lives. I know I'm in the minority, some HPPDers still smoke and have no reaction, but some of us have relapsed due to secondhand pot. I live in Boston, MA, which undoubtedly legalize pot within 10 years maybe 5. My life is more miserable than when I had full blown HPPD months ago because its everywhere here...in the streets even! And that with pot merely decriminalized...if they legalized it shit itd be more common than cigarettes. So I stay agoraphobic...I go out only when necessary, luckily i got a nice settlement of cash that I'm investing but that begs the question...should I up and leave the USA? Go to a country where they execute you for owning pot? I mean you guys can relate to if you were back to normal but could relapse at any moment more than anyone I know. So if you had 300000 dollars, and a hppd threathened life what would you do? I actually bought a gasmask im so paranoid of legalization...help!!!

Currently im on Klonodine .1 mg a day. Its a blood pressure pill that also is an alpha channel blocker. It blocks alot of the body's fear responses that may be associated with DP/DR. I have had great results with anxiety DP/DR. IMO it has helped me more than k pin without that high feeling and memory problems. The only negative is that it slighlty increased my snow, but that could be because it makes you a little tired and my snow is always worse when im beat. It's a great alternative for klono.

Mg I feel you coming out of this didnt change all that much, I just with I did more with the time I had instead of school which ultimately puts back here.

Just let it be man I had good things with theanine it's better than k pin as for DNA RNA lol I don't think you can eat genetic code. But maybe you're starting to heal stop thinking about it and see what happens, can't get worse

Yeah just like I though Parris island was endless... Us hppders would kick ass in the military were all suicidal anyway but not really. We just know there are worse things than death there fore aren't affected by human senses like we once were. Death, a life without static, pure darkness, something I haven't seen in years. I have no fear.

If I kill myself over hppd it will be like leaving las Vegas, one hundred liters of whiskey and a prostitute

Diphenhydramine ie Benadryl made me trip balls when I was denying this was a hppd relapse. I couldn't sleep so I took it, nothing permanant but I was seeing snowflakes all morning.

Honestly I don't think hppd is a stand alone disorder, the drug obviously irritated and already fragile part of our brains, I mean they're not in our system anymore so it had to trigger something else. I mean I know some real acid heads who hardly get flashbacks so the whole burnt out receptor things I don't buy. Dopamine is part of the problem yes, but it's not like we don't make it like Parkinson's. I mean my experience, where such a small amount of exposure to weed brought back full blown hppd is proof that dopamine isn't the whole problem, there's no way I fried those receptors again from that. Yet migraines can be triggered by anything. Idk Pma is identical to hppd, maybe scarier actually since drugs don't have to be involved. Maybe hppd is just induced migraine aura without infarction, if that's the case maybe there's hope for getting docs to help us, and not treat us like junkies

Yeah I keep an eye on my drinks like a mother if someone slipped me acid I'd just shoot myself

Trust mg this is the only thing that makes me crazy, and of course the whole running away from secondhand pot smoke. I'm really contemplating moving somewhere where pot is highly criminalized I mean people smoke it right in the street in Boston cause the worst cops do is take it away. Hell when I was working on the pd half the officers smoked. I'm starting to hate America even more.

Hey you're out of that cesspool of drugs we call college be thankful should be easy to avoid now.

Wellbutrin works on dopamine receptors, but that's all I know. If you want to take an anti depressant thats the one id say. I personally say stop everything, although that's tough, I know all about crazy effects from mixing meds, real trips hell and they're always bad, but mixing meds will do that Wellbutrin alone is rare.

No I understand what you're saying but the migraine aura thing is what I think is more what im experiencing, yet I think all these disorders are the same so what's the difference anyway. But I know what you're getting at the world even healthy people never see the world they did years ago. The brain constantly changes but it's the awareness of the change that is disturbing. Honestly I'm well put together mentally, but when I look at the time I've spent with this disorder it's disturbing even more so than the disorder, I wish I never researched anything, hppd, dp dr, any of it. I wish I couldve just pretended it didnt happen but then that fear comes back. Illogical since Ive healed once and will again eventually, it just my own mind hurting me at this point, trying to find answers to all of it, and at the same time trying not to ask the questions because I did it once and here I am again. I guess I have a concern on migraine aura because of my 8 mm pituitary cyst that is likely the source of my migraines pre hppd. If that's causing migraines, then maybe it's could cause Pma. I know that's bull since drugs were involved, but maybe my fear of it gave me a migraine! Maybe I should just shut the fuck up and move on again for that is the only option and solution.

So I was feeling a lot better recently, everything was reverting back to normal, except for minor 5 minute flashbacks. Then at night I had a rough time getting to sleep and had a weird head buzz and the hppd got notched up in intensity. Yet I don't know, I had migraines when I was 8. Soon after, I went through a phase I called "the thoughts". I'm pretty sure I went through dp dr and didnt know it. A lot of people said I went through puberty, but it wasn't. This lasted six months roughly and I was put on tenex for add. Idk what alleviated what but it faded just like my first bout of hppd. Now I'm fairly certain drugs are triggers for migraines. So idk if my migraines are part of hppd or vise versa. I've never been a heavy drug user, one hallucinogenic use triggered my hppd. Is it possible that these are Pma? persistent migraine aura? Is dp dr a symptom of Pma? My first hppd experience ended without drug use, but after I took 3 weeks of desiprimine for migraines. I had severe sleep parayalis as a result but my hppd stopped a few months later. I doubt that stuff helped with those effects, but idk. I thought I was in the last weeks of this and boom, two steps back. I guess a week of no symptoms is great but i dont know why it got worse again?