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Hallucinogen Persisting Perception Disorder (HPPD) Support Forum

StateOfRegret

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  1. StateOfRegret
    I don't think we really need any "unphysical" thinking to explain this. Your experience, memory and behaviour is determined by neuronal pathways in your brains. Think of it as a network of connections which may either weaken or strengthen. SomebodySomewhere's demonic visual can serve as an example (I hope you don't mind, SomebodySomewhere): He explained that he had a visual where people under florescent light looked demonic or dead-looking, and that it originated in a death-focused trip. This kind of experience creates new neuronal pathways, where the light pattern of someone standing under a fluorescent light is associated with death and perhaps fear. The more you re-experience this, the more the pathway is strengthened. The more likely it is that this pathway will be activated next time you see someone in similar lighting. On the other hand, new experiences can alter this pattern. Seeing your wife standing under fluorescent light, and realizing that she actually looks quite wonderful. Over time, the pathway strength may also simply fade, due to not being activated because your mind was occupied by other things ("to stop thinking about it"). This sort of reinforcement learning mechanism was actually exactly the basis for how researchers often think about artificial intelligence nowadays.
  2. StateOfRegret
    That differs a lot. But it seems that for most it is a very gradual process. That's certainly been the case for me. My HPPD was/is fairly typical in most respects: arising from heavy use of psychedelics, visual symptoms dominated by patterning, moving splotches of colour, morphing etc. Some derealization, dizziness, anxiety. Most of it has gotten a lot better over the course of four years, but it hasn't completely subsided. I should mention, though, that Keppra did help with the visual side of things, when it was prescribed to me.
  3. StateOfRegret
    Done. Good idea!
  4. StateOfRegret
    For a long time, I constantly felt like I'd recently taken some psychedelic. With time, this feeling has diminished. It's still there, but to a lesser extent, and I've mostly learned not to be scared by it (this in itself helps a lot, but it all takes time, of course). That being said, benzodiazepines (particularly clonazepam) definitely gave me some short-term relief, but it's not something I dare use on a daily basis. For me, Keppra (Levetiracetam) did provide some relief from the visual symptoms of HPPD, which helped with the general feeling of derealization. Unfortunately, my doctor took me off the drug due to elevated liver enzymes, but this seems like a fairly uncommon reaction. Sorry that I don't have any "quick fix" answer to your question :-/ .
  5. StateOfRegret
    Yikes, now I feel bad for not seeing this sooner :-/ I've been away for a long while, but I've not forgotten you folks. Nor has HPPD forgotten me, unfortunately ;-)
  6. StateOfRegret
    Yes, definitely. But I smoke a lot, in general.
  7. StateOfRegret
    What you're saying is essentially "Just pull yourself together, man. It's not that bad, you're just fussy about it". Well, for some people it just is that bad. I'm not saying that I'm particularly badly off, personally, but I'm not going to pretend that others are not. That'd be pretty condescending. It is true that your attitude can worsen or better your situation somewhat, but this is not the same as saying that the problem is mainly a matter of attitude. Recognizing the fact that attitude plays a role in your mental health does not mean we are to downplay the severity of actual neurologic or psychiatric conditions.
  8. StateOfRegret
    This pisses me off a bit. If you think HPPD is completely negligible, then why are you here? Maybe your HPPD is not so bad. Good for you, then. But don't downplay the struggles of others, that's downright unacceptable. HPPD has driven numerous people to the brink of suicide. Several members here have struggled with it for decades.
  9. StateOfRegret
    My reading speed has gone down quite a lot since I got HPPD. I find it hard to focus on text (which is a bit of a problem, given that I have to read a lot). Letters move around and patterns form in the space between the letters. I wouldn't call it debilitating, but it's definitely an annoyance.
  10. StateOfRegret
    It is difficult to say since there seems to be a lot of individual variability as to what affects the disorder and what doesn't. Personally, alcohol doesn't affect my HPPD except maybe very short term. SSRIs, on the other hand, were clearly detrimental for me, at least in the initial phases (beginning treatment, stepping up the dose). I can't say how they would have affected me in the longer run as I never stayed on them that long.
  11. StateOfRegret
    Hi Bugger, The anxiety is still quite bad, though I have perhaps grown more used to it, which might sound a bit strange. The visuals are still around in the form of coloured splotches and some geometric patterning and "movement" of textured surfaces etc. I think that the intensity may have gone down somewhat, though not drastically. In short, it is essentially business as usual. Last summer I tried Keppra with mostly positive results but had to stop due to liver issues. I believe that I have described this somewhere on the site :-) I'll try to find that thread and elaborate later - I'm on the phone right now. Ps. What are you studying?
  12. StateOfRegret
    Hi Megan, welcome to the forums Perhaps you could describe your symptoms. Describe what makes you consider whether you have HPPD. If you want to read about other people's experiences with HPPD, I recommend that you read some of the threads in the Introductions subforum - there are lots to pick from My personal story is Here.
  13. StateOfRegret
    Hey 415! Thanks for your comments. After trying mirtazapine for a bit longer (it was a couple of months ago, so I can't recall exactly how long, but I think it was 5 or 6 days) I can definitely relate to the "pro-depressant" comment. I'm not usually prone to depression but I felt absolutely anhedonic and grim and was a general pest to everyone in my vicinity while taking it! Definitely not pleasant. I'd have to agree that it is somewhat anxiolytic, though.
  14. StateOfRegret
    I actually have some tianeptine somewhere in a drawer. Never really gave it a fair try, but it's on my to-do list. Afobazole even more so.
  15. StateOfRegret
    Painting; Appreciating your writings! Would love to hear more details on your afobazole experiences (I realize that I'm pretty much just repeating my post from Sep. 17th )
  16. StateOfRegret
    Very true, 415 ! It's also worth noting who funded the medical research in question (Yes, I'm ''in science'' but I don't have delusions about the infallibility of the so-called scientific method )
  17. StateOfRegret
    Chris: Yep, certainly takes discipline. Oh, and good to see you posting again . I tried a single dose (15mg) of mirtazapine yesterday night. I'm not going to make any statements wrt effectiveness yet, just wanted to say that so far, it hasn't affected my HPPD as far as I can tell. It did make me extremely tired, though. I slept well but awoke feeling exhausted and felt 'zombiefied' for hours. Upon returning from university I fell asleep again and awoke late in the evening. One of the possible side-effects is strange dreams. I had some pretty strange ones while napping, but then again, that's not too unusual for me. I think I'll postpone giving it a real try for another week, until I have some more time on my hands.
  18. StateOfRegret
    415_STYLEE: Sometimes your posts come across like medication adverts "Always avoid SSRIs, take Wellbutrin, it will remove your depression and give you confidence!" Anyway, saying that bupropion is good for anxiety is probably a bit of a stretch. Many anxiety sufferers feel worse using it, due to stimulation. Anxiety sufferers are different, but most don't do well with stimulating drugs. In short, Luukzorika21: If you're looking for advice on the general effectiveness of different anxiety medications, don't ask here. Look at crazymeds, crazyboards, socialanxietysupport or similar sites. If you're looking for info on the interaction between anxiety medication and HPPD, ask here Also, have a look at my anxiety medication thread. Wish you all the best!
  19. StateOfRegret
    I went through the same thing recently. My symptoms spiked as well. I just took aspirin + codeine to knock down the fever and aches that came with the flu, that helped a bunch. Taking a benzo would be perfectly acceptable in my opinion, though. Hope you feel all better soon, a-a
  20. StateOfRegret
    I did take high-dose B-complex but not faithfully. Anyway the "rage" part really wasn't all that bad. I didn't fall out with friends, just had a few heated interactions with people I didn't know very well I really felt no side-effects which would deter me from continuing treatment. It was only the liver thing. As for interactions with drugs or alcohol; no. I didn't drink any alcohol at all or use any other medication except for very sparse benzodiazepine usage (less than once every fortnight during that time). I would love to continue Keppra treatment, but the liver involvement was a bit worrisome. It has to be said, though, that ALAT values twice the normal range isn't that bad. It's no worse than what one would expect if on a high daily dose of some NSAIDs, for instance But it was high enough that my GP recommended cessation and recommended against increasing the dosage (which is what I would have done, had the liver issues not surfaced).
  21. StateOfRegret
    Hm, something prone to causing jitters/anxiety is probably a no go for me, but I appreciate the suggestion
  22. StateOfRegret
    Hey Visual, thanks for your reply :-) . It is not unheard of, though. Look up levetiracetam hepatoxicity if you're interested It is relatively rare, though. wrt "Keppra rage"; I wouldn't so much call it rage, in my case, but there's no doubt that it was a manifestation of the same side effect that people refer to as keppra rage (sorry if that came out a bit convoluted ). I didn't feel angry, just very "direct", stating my opinion without much thought to how it might affect other people emotionally. I'm still considering what to do now. Trying lamotrigine seems like an option since keppra did have some positive effects for me.
  23. StateOfRegret
    I've been meaning to post this for a while, but here it is, my experience with Keppra. I took Keppra for a little over two months, taking 500mg/day for the first five days and 1000mg/day for the remaining two months. Before beginning Keppra treatment I had all the usual bloodwork done and all looked fine. During the period where I took 1000mg/day I had blood tests done twice and both showed elevated liver figures - I don't remember the details, but my ALAT/ALT was twice the upper boundary of the normal range (indicating liver problems). Since it hadn't decreased at all by the second blood test after beginning Keppra (which was about a month after the first one) my doctor recommended that I didn't increase the dosage and advised me to perhaps taper off if the medication wasn't having substantial positive effects. Now, I didn't feel anything remarkable during the treatment, but it did seem to have some effect. It seemed to reduce after-images/palinopsia, which was great. It seemed to do very little for general "patterning", but it may have helped this a little bit as well. It made me pretty confronting and unrelenting. I seemed to fall out with a few people while taking it, which is unusual for me. It may have helped general anxiety somewhat, but not much in any case. So, all in all, not remarkable nor a complete let-down. Oh, and if you take Keppra, remember to get blood tests for liver function!
  24. StateOfRegret
    Yeah, probably anxiety. Tingling sensations/paresthesia is pretty common with anxiety, I have that a lot. That and dizziness/vertigo, feelings of unreality (derealization), tachycardia and feeling of electric buzzing/shocks are some of the strange characteristics of my particular strain of anxiety Hope you feel more at ease soon
  25. StateOfRegret
    20mg oxazepam is not very much, thankfully. I'm surprised you could even feel 5mg. I took 1.5-2mg clonazepam for two weeks exactly and didn't experience any withdrawals. I took oxazepam for 3 weeks at one point and didn't experience any withdrawals then, either. My tolerance to benzodiazepines rise really fast, though! Faster than I've heard anyone else describe. I've never abused them (ie taken them to get high or used in excess or with alcohol).
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