Meadow

I've tried Kava a couple of times, in high dosages too, and never felt anything. The person who took it with me mentioned his relaxness, feeling good, muscle relaxation etc etc. But for me there was nothing excecpt the numb feeling in my mouth while drinking it. I don't know, maybe it is a personal thing, but could it be that Kava doesn't work for HPPD'ers? I doubt that there are any researches on this topic but maybe someone else here tried it and can share their experiences. It would be really interesting.

Thanks syntheso, it means a lot to me to know that I am not alone with this I don't really know about what could have caused it... maybe stress in university or me taking opiates at rugularly base, but that's going on for at least 1,5 years I guess and the coming-back of the symptons started a few months ago.... Maybe the big *whatever rules the world* just got boring and decided I could need some colour and dp/dr again. I am not religios at all, but in the last time I like to think of some plan behind everything, like as an excuse or something like that

I've been to the dentist today and had x-ray too. I didn't feel any impact on hppd. But in the room there was a painting at the ceiling (for patients to look at) and it was some 3d-illusion with balls. That was some wild stuff going on there. Watching that made me nearly forget about the tooth repairing

I've checked the Sopranos (wiki-article) and it sounds intresting, maybe I am going to watch it. The problem is, I don't like watching TV and it messes with my visuals. My name is inspired by a real meadow with appletrees on it. A nice place to relax and escape the world

Thanks you two for answering I am not enrolled in university anmore, I left it two days ago and told my mom the day after. She wasn't so happy about it, but it's my life and so on.. I can't care about that atm. My mom knows about me doing drugs, but she isn't happy at all about that and if I told her about HPPD she would be like "Ha, told you!" maybe she wouldn't say it, but I am sure, that this will be her thoughts. I know that I have nothing to lose and I keep saying that to me in many situations where it works. But I've been always shy and needed some time to warm up with new people and I think most people won't give me that time. The year in university I didn't make any friends. I've sat on my own and around me all those people with new friends and talking and having fun and I was just there with a silent "help me" in my eyes. My mom really presses me to find something new to do... and this isn't helpful at all, but you guys know that of course. I think I am going to write the two of you personal messages later this evening or in a few days. Thanks again. It feels so good to know that I am not alone on this planet with a confused mind.

It's been a while since my last post here and I just started visiting this forum again a few weeks ago, when I felt something strange is going to happen. And it worsened. After a few days I realised it's my HPPD again... It "went away" (or better: not bothered me) for quiet a long time. I can't tell how long exactly, because I totally lost my track of time. But now it is here again in full bloom of doom. Everywhere where are patterns they start to move and change colours and unsettle me a lot. Visual snow is all over my sight again and so many other optical effects I can't describe now in full detail, because looking at the screen is pretty hard too. I can hardly read what I wrote, so sorry if there are any typing mistakes. But the worst part is Depersonilasation and Derealisation. I feel so out of place, out of my body and what ever you want to call it. All my senses have gone nuts and I really can't define what the term "me" does mean. Everyday-life is nearly impossible and I even don't know what I am doing here right now. Point is, I was studying chemistry at university, what I liked, kind of, and I was not so bad at it. But with my new state of mind I can't handle it anymore. I just looked for the papers you need to quit the whole thing there. It would be a waste of money and time if I'd continue. Last time I went there I was just sitting there staring at all the colourfull moving patterns. When I try to study at home, dp/dr kicked me off everything and I was just sitting there and... I don't really know how I spent all that time, it just flooded away. I don't know how to tell my parents about that (I am living with my mother) because she doesn't know anything about my "drug-aftermaths"and I really don't know how to go on with my life. When it stays like this (which ist the most probable case in my eyes) I can't participate in any job or stuff like that and I just don't know what to do. I just want some quiet place with no patterns where everything can get to normality again. Because I am always hiding in my room I don't have any friends in the real world whom I could tell about that... most won't understand anyways. So thanks for listening and if someone has some advice or whatever they are very appreciated :')

Opiates work pretty good for me. Anxiety and other strange feelings are gone and visuals don't bother me anymore. But when I take them too regularly I notice different visuals appear. That's strange I guess, because I don'tt hink Opiates are meant to give you colourful visuals? What I am talking about are things like colourful shapes, which appear in my field of vision and move around a bit, or my visual snow starts to form patterns and gets thicker or thinner like waves... hard to describe, but these things are only there, when the actual effect of opiates is there. But after a while without opiates and when taking them again, it needs a while again to get to those optic effects. I don't have tinnitus, so it has no effect on that for me

1) few weeks after my 16th birthday 2) Hardly anything, things like nutmeg, kratom,peganum harmala (everything of them twice) and hawaiian baby woodrose 3 times 3) my fourth time with woodrose never ended... but months/years afterwards I took some mushrooms which gave another blast. 4) No.

A few hours ago I ate about 5 gramms of dried fly agaric. No intereference with HPPD-Sypmptoms so far, but this isn't even with psilocybin with me (it gets worse after a couple of days and not imediately^^) Right now I feel absoluetly calm and relaxed and in peace with the world and all its inhabitants. and some time before today I felt as if flying when closing my eyes. I know I should avoid tripping because of HPPD, but I still love those feelings and everything. I stopped all drugs for more than a year and a half, but that had to effect on my HPPd so I think tripping is okay as well, even if it get really nasty from time to time, until now everyhing went better again. Update: Now, after about 2 days, I still feel calm when I look inside of me. There is no trouble like before, everything seems to work. But there is some strange effect too: I am easily getting into arguments with people. There is a wish to discuss and humiliate. Especially with my boyfriend. I really hope he doesn't really hate me now... A long time I can keep those argumenting-ambitions down, but it doesn't work always... If you read this, what I don't think actually, please forgive me!

Sometimes my neck stiffens too, but I had this before getting HPPD and I don't see any connection between my symptoms and my neck actually, it feels stiff, when I laid wrong or soemthing like that, but I guess i am more sensitive to such kind of things... those feelings of my body are just more intense than before.

Nice idea, I will try that soon, but with another text, because I am pretty familiar with latin words ;-) Edit: Just tried it with different texts in various languages. There were black strains appearing at my desktop but I could still read the words, but everything else seemed to move and to swirl around and it blurred a lot, but not the text itself. I don't know if doing this will have any effects, but I am just going to go on with it, I guess. It can't do much worse, I hope ;-) If I notice anything going better, I will let you all know

A time ago I had some tramadol too. And when I took some (a bit too much for just painkilling) I felt as if my HPPD was gone, at least it dodn't bother me anymore. But I became kind of addicted pretty soon. And when all trama was away, it was really really hard. It is about half an year ago, but I still get the feeling sometimes of really wanting it again. (I got it from a friend...) I don't think it made my HPPD worse, there were just withdrawal symptoms added.

Do you have visual symptoms and what are they? --> yes, I have visual symptoms. This huge concentration lack just added up to my "normal hppd". I'm sure I will forget some symptoms, because they change a lot. I have Visual Snow, halos around objects, sometimes starburst and I'm very sensitive for smells, lights, sounds, etc, or when I want to read a text letters look as if they move or they even form patterns/figures, negative afterimages as well, or objects seem to move or there are appearing frames/colours/whatever, mostly when looking at the PC, but also when being in "real life". So just a whole bunch of what HPPD has to offer. A few days ago I noticed something new. After telling somebody that I feel better about my HPPD, I really saw some strains of fog. They started at the lower part of my field of vision and slowly climbed up. I looked somewhere else, but they came with me. So it was kind of part of my eye... don't know how to describe that. Generally I just feel like being in some state of dreaming. my body feels strange as if not belonging to my thoughts and I don't know what this "I" is, i mention always... I felt like this before, I mean with HPPD already, but this no-concentration-state is nothing new to me. But it went away quicklier and just came occasionally. Now it is kind of always with me and I don't know how to get rid of it. Maybe that's because I want it so much to leave. because I really need my concentration to get a good graduation.But it isn't helping when I put myself (the part I can control) into the state of thinking that it doesn't matter what I do and that I can learn later. The dreaming just stays, no matter what I do. It is just like that I am sitting on my bed, books and papers in front of me, but I just sit there, not able to get my mind on these things. It feels as if there is some barrier in my head that keeps me away from real life. Sometimes I can't even follow my thoughts, so they are just gone, which I had often at the very beginning of my HPPD. And I read a bit about piracetam and aniracetam and stuff like that, but I don't know if I really want to take medicaments. Actually I don't even want to go to a doctor, because I have really bad experience with a lot of them... but that's another story Medis are kind of the very last option for me. I don't really know how this lack of concentration started... a few weeks ago I began learning and at the beginning all went well, but slowly it was harder and harder. And now I am hardly able to do anything. Even writing this means a huge effort to me... I take long breaks between every sentence(nearly) and it is really hard to get started again. my mind just wants to have in it, what HPPD gives me and not what I have or want to do..

Hello. I'm sorry if tehre is already a thread about this, but I looked for one and didn't find one. Actually, I did not put much afford into the search, which is caused by my problem... I can't concentrate on things for a long period of time and I have no motivation to do things. I am still at school but finishing it this year, in April. So for those big last exams I need to know so many things and the exams themselves will be about 5 hours each, so therefore I need to concentrate a lot too. But for a few days I just get my ordinary homework done, but afterwards I just can't get myself to study. Of course doing homework helps too, but it's not enough, I'm afraid. So I am just sitting around, listening to music or play some computergames in which I get lost, because of dp/dr. Everything does just not work as it should be.... Anyone knows what I can do in order to get something done? It is not all about learning for school, I also don't get myself to do other senseful things. I'm not taking any medicine or stuff like that, just some Kratom from time to time, which helps me dealing with other symptoms. At 4th February there is my first important exam, 220minutes of Physics, about everything I've learned in last two years. I Don't feel like I am going to remember everything which is important. But don't get me wrong, most of the time I am not in panic about this. Just sometimes. But most of the time I'm not even having enough motivation for being afraid of getting bad grades...

The Stooges- We Will Fall Just flew away with this song. That's what I like abou HPPD sometimes... to just feel high without taking anything. But only when it's the right moment...

Thanks to everyone so far. My panic is gone and when I get myself to analyze that feeling (which still is here, but not as intense as at this morning) it feels like a different state of dp/dr too. What I've taken a few weeks ago, was not really med, but psilocybin. The trip itself didn't mix up with my hppd, and afterwards it was gone for a few days, but then it came back stronger, but after a week it decreased again to what it has been before and in some points even lower. But now and then I discover new symptoms or old ones increase. I know that it's no good idea to take those mushrooms with hppd. But the trip gave me a new look at life and myself and everything and I am really glad that I did it, even when it means more hppd. The increasing might have been here without mushrooms too, so ... well, I just don't know what would have been happening without, but I feel better the way it is. Of course the lack of sense of balance is something I'd like to get rid off, but what I've learned about the world is much more important for me. But I don't want to encourage anyone here to do the same!!

Hello, I woke up about 4 hours ago and when getting up, I felt as if my sense of balance was gone. I couldn't walk straight and everything around me seemed to move and I coldn't say wherefrom noises, voices or other things came. I still feel very uneasy about this. I didn't take any medicine or drugs or something for several weeks. I just woke up and it was like this. and still is. Does this relate to HPPD? Or are there other reasons? Lately I discovered many new hppd-symptoms for me, things I never had before, like for a few moments everything I saw looked as if thorugh a pink glass, next day the same, but with a bluegreen colour. This skipping of symptoms is really strange and makes me feel uncomfortable, but not as much as my gone sense of balance does. Neverhad soemthing like that before, just when being on drugs, but I am definately not at the moment. Please, can anyone tell me, what's wrong with me?

I never tried pentazocine, but I use kratom and tramadol, at least sometimes. And the beginning I was really fine with tramal. Everything felt just great and the symptoms didn't bother me at all. Now, after taking it too regularly, I have much increased visuals, mainly when there is tramal inside of me, but also afterwards, but it decreases pretty fast. And somehow these increased visuals are pretty cool. The CEVs are so vivid and when tramal does what it is emant to, you (at least I) feel just good. These are only my experiences, and I know nothing about pentazocine. So, I guess you have to wait for someone else to give you a good answer...

Thanks for your replies. I know that it is a normal phenomen, but this night when I saw it too, was not warm at all. It was maybe about 15° Celsius, but this is only a guess. I slept later in a tent and it was very cold, I could hardly fall asleep because of this freezing. But I have to add: That evening my hppd-symptoms went crazy. Everything was increased to a new maximum. (Haven't seen my boyfriend for a few days and when we phoned we had a spontaneous idea of me catching the next train and go to him (i ahd a bout 20 minutes to inform my mother and pack my stuff)) So, maybe you are right that I worry too much about this mirage, but I really think it is strange to see it when there is no heat...

Hello, some time ago when I sat in a car (not driving it myself) it was a really hot day and I saw lots of this imagined water on the surface of the highway, but only on straight sections, when there was a turn in the road there was none. I know it is normal to see that and it is because of the heated air next to the street surface, but I've never seen as much as at that day. Now the strange thing: a few days later I sat in a car at late evening, it was dark and no way as hot as on this other day. But I still saw some water. It was a complete different way we went and there were lots of turns, but still this water. I asked my boyfriend if he saw that too, he denied. The day before I couldn't ask him in the car, because there were too much other people and they did not talk on their own and I don't want them to know about my symptoms. anyway, he did not pay attention to it. well, I often have negative afterimages, but this water in the night looked like normal, no negative colours, and it had different shapes... anyone out there who knows soemthing more about HPPD and this fata morgana stuff? cheerio

I know how hard it is to get along with these feelings myself. When it was really hard I just laid on my bed at let it do with me whatever it wanted. At this time I did not know about HPPD at all. I was completely on my own with that and I did not know how to handle it... Now I avoid stuff which causes dp/dr and anxiety to get worse, at least I try it. It does not work always. When it couldn't be avoided distraction is really helpful or just taking a walk in nature. I just look at the things and realize their beauty. This world is not a bad place, there are just circumstances which want you to think it is. I know this all might sound strange or useless... but I don't know how to put it in better phrases. It's just important to listen to your body and do want it "tells" you.

thanks a lot. You made me smile and this is something special this morning... because I am about to face one week without my boyfriend, he went already in night to see some friends kind of far away, too far to go there by train if I feel too lonely. (Last weekend I got by train to him, but it was just about 1 hour away...) I need to find some distraction and I am very glad that this forum is here again, I'd really needed it, wehn it was down... everything would have been so much easier, but hey, I survived. just as always. That thought is very calming for me. Just looking back at everything I survived. I can't be as weak as everyone sees me. I went multiple times through hell and I am still here and smile because of online-hugs

the analyzing thingis the same with me. Kind of annoying sometimes... the alien story is really cool and I would understand it (I guess) but my boyfriend...well... after a few minutes he seemed as if he'd forget what I said and everything was like before. Right now I am at my home and he is at his (both of us are 17 and living with parents) because I couldn't stand that tension in the air any longer. I know running away is no solution, but I felt like being torn into thousand little pieces. Had also this headpressure thing and he went listening to music although I told him that I want him near me... Now I do feel a bit better, cause I ate a little (at their home I get hardly anything to eat (I am vegan and they eat everything and the only plants they know are tomatoes and wheat^^). My room is also kind of dark, this summer brightness kills me too... I just don't understand him. Is it really that hard to remember that I feel like I do not because of him but for other reasons? If you call these reasons aliens or drugsdoesn't matter, I guess. He always asks me what he shall do. Where the hell may I know that from??? I don't even really know what I myself can do to make me feel better...

Hello, this question is really hard to answer for me. My boyfriend always asks me what he can do for me. Especially when I have lots of mental probs like DP/DR or a huge anxiety. He always thinks I am mad at him for something when I act like I do when those symptoms increase, but I always explain him, what's wrong. I don't think he understands everything or he imagines it in a wrong way. This morning I told him, he should hug me and tell me that I am not going insane. Last evening I was really sunk into myself, so I managed it to not freak out, but he worries so much about me... What can I tell him? He does only know about some symptoms, because he would be really freaked out if he knew everything that's goingon in my head... Anyone has experience with stuff like that? (sorry if here is alreadya thread like this, but I couldn't find one)

For me, Kratom is really cool. But sometimes it causes visuals itself, but they are different from hppd-visuals. When I am really on that feeling, everything is fine. There are my symptoms, but I don't care at all about them. I guess Kratom affects another part of the brain or something like that. I feel really good after taking Kratom. Sonmetimes I don't even notice visual snow or other things and well, yeah, it is justalright for me. On the other hand I can't handle alcohol anymore. A little amount of it sends me through hell. Therefore you have to be careful and somehow find out what works best for you.