miketusa

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miketusa last won the day on January 28 2015

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About miketusa

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  • Birthday 11/09/1992

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    Mississippi
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    Reading, writing, the like.

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  1. Ive dropped L about six or eight times since onset. Eaten shrooms about four times. Smoked DMT around five times. I smoke weed every day. I was unable to drink for a time, now I drink every day. I really don't know what to make of my condition. It was at a point, definitely HPPD. However, after about a year and a half it stabilized. It never seemed to get much better or worse. Regardless of my sobriety. We're all different. I kind of just stopped worrying about. Dealt with the anxiety though meditation and good game trips. Never felt better, never been happier. It is my belief that there is hope for everyone. Symptoms that still persist are consistent visual abnormalities, and tinnitus after a loud show.
  2. It made my symptoms worse at first. Sent me into downward spirals of fear and paranoia. But being the stubborn ass I am I stuck to my guns and kept on smoking. Now that I have built up a tolerance, and gotten used to, and aware of the way I'm thinking when I get high it's generally a non issue.
  3. Sturgill Simpson - It Ain't All Flowers One fantastic album. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_EGCwKp1Xss
  4. This the damn truth! I spent the first year and a half inside my house staring at computer screens and waiting to die. I literally had to have a good friend of mine follow me around for months reassuring me that I was fine in most every situation I began to feel apprehensive about. I still fall into that ugly groove of social insecurity sometimes, though. Thank god for the few truly understanding people.
  5. Yes I absolutely do. I definitely have more clarity. I can remember most things better. And it really was like the flick of a switch. About year, and a few months. Prior to that I was fairly sober most of the time. But my anxiety was getting worse and worse and I felt like utter shit. I ended up just saying fuck it.
  6. My HPPD hasn't gone away completely. I have pretty gnarly visuals somedays. But I've worked through the anxiety attached to those symptoms and now they are insignificant. I don't know how much cognitive damage I've done, if any. I'm sure I've done at least a little. I'd say I'm like 80% "recovered". But, life goes on. And I got back in the drivers seat, and stopped being so scared of myself. What I'm about to say will likely be met with some slight trepidation. I started eating LSD again. With more or less, a "guide" or "guru". Old head, part of the "family". He worked me through it. And once I got through it. And saw the beauty in myself, and the world again. And realized no matter what happens here, to me, its all going to be okay my anxieties literally vanished. One second I had them, and the next I did not. And since then I've been on a spiritual path, so to speak. I meditate. I spend a lot of time outside, just smiling. I read a lot more. I feel fantastic. There hasn't been a day thats gone by in the last six months that I've been worried how HPPD will affect or is affecting me. It's insignificant. It's been marginalized. And now I begin to wonder where the sickness really begins. How much of it is us? How much of it needs to be treated by pharmaceuticals? Im not advocating the use of psychedelics for treatment in this situation. I'm merely stating that maybe its more a psychosomatic issue than previously thought. Obviously things like visual abnormalities prove some changes have occurred some where in the brain. But treating the dread, and the feelings of detachment. And waves of unwarranted anxiety, maybe the real key to fighting back. At least they were for me. I can smoke cannabis again, I can drink again. I take psychedelics sometimes. Absolutely no issues since I got over my anxieties. Embracing an issue like this is easier said than done. But I think a lot of it has to do with an individuals inability to let go. Constantly perpetuating this hungry, needless cycle in your head with thoughts of sorrow, and dread, and fear will simply keep you in it. You are what you eat, folks. Anyways, this is what worked for me. Sorry if this comes across as offensive to any of you. Best of luck! Much love! And keep on truckin'.
  7. get up get out, get out of the door
  8. I enjoy Marc Maron a great deal, thanks for the interesting share!
  9. I've smoked DMT three times post HPPD. No discernable effects on my condition. Nothing seems to make it any worse or better for me these days. Long periods of sobriety, or long weekends of getting fucked up. I dont think DMT is a cure for anything. It is quite an interesting thing, though.
  10. Quite an interesting letter. I myself have never done ahyuasca. I have a friend who has, and had nothing but good things to say about it. I guess the greatest risk is the pontential of worsening your condition. . .I think if you feel like its something that could pontentially help, and youre in a position to try this, then go for it. Seems like an interesting adventure if nothing else.
  11. But in my case I experienced the weed thing, and was able to overcome it. So where does that leave people like me? I feel like the wound itself has healed and what im left with our scars. The visuals and minor symptoms I still experience.
  12. For me tripping also exudes a very real physical presence. The muscle tightening, the fluidity you feel. . . almost like liquid, at least thats how it feels for me. . . and then it sort of mingles with the excited anxiety or ecstasy like feelings. I don't know. Its a very hard thing to put to words.
  13. I would agree that feeling disconnected-from-reality is the hallmark symptom of "tripping." It's hard to say how I "feel" exactly. I know one thing, going back into that world, and staring it down really, really helped me feel more comfortable with my HPPD. Did I have the greatest experience of my life? No, not quite. I was a pretty standard acid experience. But. i do feel overall more at peace with it. It is what it is. I just had to go back in there a few times. It felt weird leaving things the way they were. Scared as fuck of any drug. Which leads me to further question the correlation between the dp/ dr everyone feels and PTSD. Also, I tend not to worry about the future. It's a terribly crippling characteristic. But, who knows? Maybe in a couple weeks my brain will implode with CEVS and Ill think I'm an orange. And then I'll pace around in circles muttering "Orange you glad I'm not an banana." in a very soft room. Anyways, I am unfamiliar with the typical MAOI pharmaceuticals, have you tried any yourself Visual? What would you recommend I start with?
  14. Regarding that video. Has anyone tried watching it daily over the course of a few months? Or is that a silly idea? Im no scientist.
  15. Same. If HPPD is still tripping, then count me out. It definitely felt that way for a couple of weeks after onset. I have dropped acid, real acid, tested and everything a few times in the past few months. Very low doses twice, and then a medium dose the third time. My HPPD seemed to improve marginally for several hours after all three trips. And I have sustained no unwanted side effects. Which leads me to the belief that I have healed as much as I am going to. There seems to be an extreme distinction between the dp/dr and the more perceptual abnormalities. Not news. However, it does appear possible that while my visual abnormalities persist, the part of this disorder that rendered me unable to partake in recreational drug use seems to have utterly dissipated over the course of the last year. But I take it slow, slow for me. Please don't comment on the foolish decision to take more psychedelics. I'm am more than aware of the dangers! But I do feel the need to share all and any experiences related to it. Im a bit of a reckless guinea-pig, i must admit. Or drug addict, whichever you prefer. Anyways, as I seem alone in these experiences, i would implore that everyone continue on the sober path.