etardnow

dont underestimate tinnitus, i haven't heard silence in a year now. why i do drugs? my enjoyment of life is amplified. don't get me wrong, once i somewhat dealt with the emotional shock of having hppd, i still had fun. i met with my friends all the time, went to raves (sober) and even the clubs sober. my initial return to drugs made me go on a spree but MDMA or cocaine is something i would do monthly at minimum. i mean I'm in asia right now and not doing drugs doesn't bother me one bit. hppd or not, in the long run, i guess its not a smart move to do drugs but in the short run, it has actually helped me heal from the emotional/mental shock i deal with from hppd. almost like curing PTSD which MDMA currently holds some merit in experimental trials. if anything, some of the medicinal drugs I've taken had some effect on hppd. i recently got strep throat and took some antibiotics of the fluoroquinolone class. my anxiety came back and tinnitus was temporarily worsened. I was quite surprised at the connection because my anxiety and tinnitus and other physical symptoms started when i took some ciprofloxacin last year. it was just a couple month after i got hppd so i just attributed it to hppd. right now, the visuals are my norm so sometimes i forget i have hppd but it hasn't actually improved one bit. its just that starburstings and ghosting visuals have become my norm that it doesn't even phase me, life goes on.

Hey guys, its been just over a year now of hppd and wanted to give an update. TL;DR no improvements, broke my post hppd 10 month drug free streak and did not experience worsening. Anxiety and very very mild dp/dr is gone. I have no improvements on visual symptoms but anxiety and mild dp/dr is gone. With the anxiety gone, the visual symptoms arent such a bother and i learned that life goes on. After about 10~month of being drug free due to hppd, i gained enough confidence again and indulged myself into various drugs again. Did mdma again 3 straight weekends, smoked some pot, and tried cocaine for the first time and drank 2-3 times a week for a coupe month. i even tried all 4 in 1 day. In terms of worsening due to drug use, i think pot made it a bit worse(permanently) but overall its an insignificant change. ex, the tracers are more defined, so before if i only saw like 10 instances of tracers, ill now i have 15? i guess that means the duration of afterimage/tracer before it disappears have increased by a milisecond or so. i believe im one of those cases where the symptoms will never improve even after a decade. However, as long as my symptoms dont get worse, i think i won't mind. I realized that living in fear was such a big problem of hppd. Can i drink this caffeine? can i do a full exhaustion workout? can i drink till im fucked up? can i pull an all nighter? can i eat this junk food? can i take this med for my cold? One by one i tried it and each one did not worsen my hppd, so i went back to the unhealthy but satisfying lifestyle. i do realize that my symptoms are on the milder side so its easier for me to cope than other members but im the type of personality that has always learned to adapt and go with the flow. if i really had to say, the symptoms that bother me are tinnitus and hairloss. hairloss started right with hppd, and doctors say its genetic but i dont have baldness in my family and i just know its due to the brain change. (hormone expression or bad circulation or something i guess) also a random post i read from a reddit thread and regarding hppd. i've always side with this theory and it sounds about right in why we have hppd but i dont know if it has any merit. LSD increases the serotonin-receptor density in your brain. "Loose-connections" on LSD are due to neurons firing when they otherwise "shouldn't". While using LSD there is an increase in synapse levels of serotonin and the body reacts by increasing the receptor density to accommodate. This is also the reason for "flashbacks". You can get an increase in serotonin levels in the future which can trigger pathways that have an increased sensitivity to serotonin due to the increased receptor profile. The receptor density does decrease with time but it does create real changes to the brain. tl:dr, new pathways are formed on LSD, the newly opened pathway doesnt close up properly after lsd use resulting in hppd. im currently 1month drug free again due to my summer vacationing but the slightly worsened symptoms havent reverted to my baseline, so i assume this is my new baseline but its not much different so whatever. I might get hated on this but FOR ME this site has become toxic. Reading some of the post almost stirs up the ever familiar emotions of anxiety and worry that i had beginning of hppd. like searching for an answer that isnt there and becoming more desperate after reading each thread. Funny how when I did have anxiety, reading those posts and relating kind of helped me calm down but now reflecting back, it might not have been so helpful in the long run. i guess my mentality is a bit weak and i would rather ignore (is bliss) my problems then to face it and try to fix it no matter how long it takes.

about 20 days short of my 1 year anniversary (wouldve been may 23) of hppd and drug sobriety, i took some M. worked the same and it was magical. I popped at the armin only 5hour concert anyways after trying M and everything was fun, i decided to smoke weed again and also try snow for the first time. for 3 weeks i went on a drug binge, 3 weekends of m, 3 weekends of drinking leading to coke, and every few days use of marijuana. as for symptoms, i think tracers, starburst, and visual snow in pitch black worsened but it was so minute that it didnt deter me from use. i also read that some people became "fixed" while high (due to the dopamine/sero w.e) but for me the visuals were pretty much the same. one thing that it sorta fixed was that i cant initiate voluntary nystagmus as easily anymore. but i did the drugs because i basically accepted hppd, the mindset i was and am in right now was much more different then what i was even half a year ago. I tend to not come to the forum anymore because it basically claws at my mental barrier. i havent gotten better symptom wise but my mentality is so strong now that i am rarely if at all bothered by hppd. The only thing that i hate is im going bald and i know for sure its fucking hppd and not genes. With hppd, I got testosterone related symptoms which include but not limited to balding. I also still dream every single day which sucks because i feel like that my brain is not getting the real deep rest it needs. ever since lsd i have become a very light sleeper and if i wake up after a good amount of sleep 5hours? then thats the end of my sleep. before hppd i used to be able to sleep 10+ hours. cheers

trailing is one of the symptoms i started to notice later on, about 4-5month in. its not severe as in it fades in less than a second but anything that moves basically has trails if i focus on it through my peripheral vision. so even my hand will produce trails 100% of the time.

hello. wow i havent been here for about a month now. i can relate what you mean by visuals not mattering because although my visuals havent changed, and even maybe worsened a bit more, my sense of self and being content with life has improved alot. to be a bit honest, i think this site is a bit toxic for our condition. i mean sure there are certain 'ways' and support to help us maintain our sanity but none of them are a permanent solution and i dont see one surfacing anytime soon. it only feeds the subconscious anxiety for those who cant handle it. *edit: its toxic because being a part of this forum is a constant reminder that we are not at a normal healthy state. i feel that it conscious or subconsciously, it impedes our progress into finding content with ourselves. however, time is the REAL cure. as i mentioned, visions havent changed at all but my state of mind has improved tremendously. it is only now that i can reflect back that i realize what kind of a hectic panicked anxious state of mind i was in. whats funny is that even two month ago, i said the same thing. If i really imagine pre-hppd, i realize that , yes, my mentality is in a hyperawareness fight-or-flight mode and this greatly affects how we perceive our hppd. I have hppd for about 7month now and my state of mind returning to normal. The only thing that truly bothers me is the fact that im shedding a lot of hair, maybe its a lot of stress or i also believe that its due to the hormonal/neurotransmitter changes but nothing can be done about that and im slowly starting to accept it as a part of me and hppd. had to shave my head to adjust to it. even things like tinnitus, i really have to get my attention to focus on it for me to become aware of it. before, i would 100% hear tinnitus before sleeping but now, its not something that my attention goes to. quite amazing to learn that conditioning/self-behaviour therapy works. i said this before but its like time allows my brain to 'forget' how to bring such things to attention. its a bit different from being cured. if i focus it, i can bring it to my attention and the intensity is still at baseline so i wouldnt say its an improvement of the actual symptom but rather it is having to forget how to bring it to attention is whats happening for me. if two symptoms of mine were to go away, shedding hair and the feeling of sinusitis, i would say that hppd is a small part of my life. the hair part sucks cuz its a physical visual symptom. oh and i did the whole healthy diet and no junk food, caffeine, alcohol lifestyle for about 6 month and i lost a good amount of weight, about 20kgs but it did nothing to help my hppd. i cant say the same for you guys but i started to indulge in the sinful foods again a it doesnt make me worse, in fact it kinda helps me feel 'normal' again. i even started drinking alcohol again and it hasnt changed anything. i did try a couple powder specks (yes, specks, like 10< grains of coke lol) coke and i believe it intensified my starbursting by 1% so a drugs are still a no no for me; dont blindly do a whole line just cuz you think you "can handle it". edit* and remember this is my account, i have read a few stories of where conditions where alcohol worsened hppd so be cautious. anyways ill be back in a month or two. keep on the fight, good luck bros and sis.

im quite the opposite. music helps me keep my mind of hppd and i tend to enjoy it more thoroughly because i rather focus on music then my surroundings. However, i do sometimes experience the random snippets of 'echoing' of what i heard earlier in the day. I guess thats just our excited brain shooting random neurons.

Also dylan if you are reading this, i hope you answer my question from the alcohol thread. Did you mean that drinking a responsibly excessive amount has less to zero effect on hppd vs drinking a buzzy amount and experience worsened symptoms? Maybe because more the alcohol, more the sedation = better for our overly excited hppd brains? vs half sedation and randomly activated brains.

Could it be visual snow? or noise i like to call it. Kind of like noise in a camera picture? or Like how a tv screen feels digital even though its displaying crisp sharp images and colors. It might be worse at night because during the day you are being strong but when you are ready to sleep, you wind down mentally and physically and it lets your 'guard down'. Dont worry though, time heals. no pain no gain. lol Remember that the brain counts in months and years when healing. Personal experience: Got vertigo one morning from drinking the most i have ever drank the prior night. It lasted 1+ year before it went away. Thinking back on it, I find it amazing and reassuring that our brain is in fact healing and it takes 1+ years to do so.

I call it good days and bad days. Imo, you are not over the anxiety yet.? Afterall, improving or not, the existence of symptoms are basically a constant attack on your mental health and anxiety.... but only if you perceive it that way... I say this because, for me right now, i think 99% of the anxiety is gone. I still have visuals and i dont think they are improving at all and i think its even worsened a bit with the meds im taking but because i dont have anxiety, it really has no effect. Even though i havent really seen an improvement in visuals and even a significant worsening in physical symptoms, I can say i feel so much better and normal then i did few month back. Think of the times you did drugs and experienced these changes but didnt have anxiety, it was great. But with anxiety and the mental perception that it creates, it can be hell. One thing that reminded me of this was catching a cold. Before hppd i didnt care anything about a cold or aches and stuff, but when got a cold this winter, i went straight to the doctor got some meds and took it religiously. It was then that i realized, wow ive really changed, im mentally weaker now, getting anxious over a cold... Realizing this is starting to make me stronger again though. Also, maybe try not to visit the forum too much if you are not actively using it as a means of research and journal logs and trials etc. I cant speak for others but when i havent visited in a while, it is when my anxiety improves. But when i comeback once in a while, i get a tiny bit of anxiety. Its like i accepted hppd but coming back here reminds me that its a fucked up disorder and i am fucked and its breaking down the mental walls that im building back up, especially if i am writing shit down like i am. Once in a while though, its a nice place to let it out. There is really no point in reading about all these failed trials and cries of help if you are in a bad state yourself. Of course helping others and being supported can be a healing process as well.

So for about a month, i had a presence sensation in my noise to where it connects in the throat. (where you would feel if you induced snoring/snort). But a few days ago, it felt like that sensation slowly climed down to my throat and it inflamed it pretty much. I blamed the sensation to hppd but it just might be and i coincidentally got a cold. Or maybe its a long ass infection that i wasnt able to fight off naturally. Anyways i went to the doc and got prescribed these meds and one or a combination of them has worsened my snow (significantly because before i had to put effort to notice it, now not so much) and maybe worsened tinnitus. Which are the most likely.... im guessing either the antibiotics or the acetaminophen are casuing them. maybe the antihistamines. anyways my tinnitus development coincided with the timeframe i was taking ciprofloxacin. I really hope my tinnitus doesnt worsen.... i was prescribed a weeks worth and i would love to not take them but this sinus presence has been here for already a month.... thoughts? acetaminophen 325mg Hedera helix (english ivy) rebamipide cerrfuxoime Olopatadine

a few physiological symptoms. going bald, eustachian tube problems, and bad skin.

someone ban this troll plz hes been asking people to suck dick.

It took me about 2-5month for my visuals to reach a relative baseline and even now (7month in) i still get random new symptoms. It will settle down eventually and you will be on the road to recovery.

hmm i dont know if that get drunk theory is a good idea. It kind of makes sense when i think about how (even before hppd) drinking a little gave me a headache early while drinking a lot didnt really give me any. I always thought of it as experiencing the hangover early while awake rather then when i am sleeping. When you experienced the adverse effects of only a couple, did they return to baseline? This is my first time drinking in about 6 month and i am not really phased by the worsened symptoms. The only reason im not drinking again right now is because the longer lines from starbursting is going to effect my driving. As for the energy thing, I was a fucking beast on molly, i literally danced straight hours and kilograms off lol. I can still dance the night away hardcore on sober and people think I'm on drugs but i think its more of a mental thing. I dance harder to get into the music without drugs etc. I think the 'headpressure' is from the eyemuscle. One weird thing is i notice that my right eye feels a bit heavier as if the muscles were a bit stiff. Its feels more natural to have the right eye partially closed.. dont know what to do about this Heart palpitations i had quite a bit in the beginning, and nowadays i get them when i wake up from naps(specifically naps) and it feels like my whole body is shaking. WIth hppd, my whole blood circulation probably went to shit. These days i get frequent muscle fluttering(benign fasciculation) but all these random symptoms, i cant do anything about it and neither the doctors so i dont try to think too much of it. I also developed extremely dry skin and some body acne which sucks and is probably a symptom of whatever caused hppd. My guess is fucked up hormones+neurotransmitters. I've always asked that question to others myself, are you 100% cured? they never say its 100%. I want to try weed because for me, my symptoms came after i took a break of drugs. My hppd wasnt a trip that never ended. I had signs of hppd (text movement) after my lsd but i continued daily weed smoking without any problems. Its only when i took some meds after a month of being fatigued/energyless, that my visuals developed. I have a theory that maybe daily weed smoking was protecting my brain from the inevitable hppd.

Unfortunately that's not how hppd works. While there are some users that have some decrease of visuals that coincide with the decrease of anxiety, its not always the case. HPPD as we know it is that our brain is too-excited. Benzos basically works by improving a chemical called GABA which is used by our brain to decrease the excitability of neurons. This would result in the calming effect of many functions in the brain, one of which is anxiety and visuals.

Yeah im kind of hesitant with the medicine along with the diagnosis. I mean the systematic symptoms ive been having should be a sign that more than just a genetic hair loss symptom. especially since male pattern hair loss doesn't include pubic hair loss which ive been having as well. I think i will use rogaine (vasodilator) but hold off on the finasteride. Considering that i had narrowed vessels in my trans cranial doppler, maybe rogaine is the cure to hppd lol

TL;DR: more starbursting, more noticeable snow, things start to ghost image easier, 15hour since last drink. Drank a bit yesterday, not to point of drunkness but about 400ml of 20% alcohol, maybe more. Also had to stayed up late even though i was extremely tired from going past my bedtime and alcohol. Normally, staying up late hasnt really affected my hppd as experienced during the final exams time but it mightve had a negative effect when combined with alcohol. I noticed that starbursting got a bit worse, noticeable snow(before it was a bit hard to notice), and maybe easier ghosting (meaning it takes less contrast required for me to see it as ghosting vision). Also noticed heavier eyeball presence, if that makes any sense. Its only been about 15 hours since i finished the drinking session so ill have to see if these worsenings are temporary. Reading some other user's stories, their symptoms are worsened accompanied by worse hangovers for a couple days but return to baseline. I dont really get hangovers and didnt get one today although i got a bit of headpressure while drinking. Dont know if this is a good or bad thing because it makes sense that worsened symptoms will come with hangovers and then reside when hangover is gone but I didnt get a hangover but got worsened symptoms. But the symptoms dont really phase me anymore and thats kind of amazing.... lol Oh and one notable thing was when i was driving(buzzed), its like my brain was unable to compute what i was seeing and depth perception was kind of off like when i drove on LSD. Had to pull over and take a quick nap but that didnt help because waking up extremely tired and driving again is even worse. I wouldnt really care for the worsened star bursting but its kind of intrusive when the rays of light from the opposite lane cars intrude in my vision and i cant see ahead of me. Next up: Weed. (half jking, half serious)

I just got prescribed some finasteride for hairloss and was wondering if any of you have some knowledge on it and how it might effect my hppd. It is a 5α-reductase inhibitor. 5α-reductase inhibition is most known for preventing conversion of testosterone, the male sex hormone, to the more potent dihydrotestosterone inandrogenic disorders. Im scared on some of the side-effects from it which include anxiety and depression that can be long term even after discontinuation of the drugs. Whats interesting is that this drug is also used to treat benign prostate hyperplasia and when i was developing hppd, i did have some urinary tract problems (an inflamed epididymis). Whats even more interesting is some of the key words listed in the mechanism of action section of finasteride. Hopefully someone more literate can give it a read through but here is an excerpt: i really dont know what to make of all this but words like gaba, and aqueous humor are setting off some flags for me. This enzyme 5a-reductase " is produced in many tissues in both males and females, especially in the reproductive tract, testes and ovaries,[1] skin, seminal vesicles, prostate, epididymis and many organs,[2] including theNervous System" Currently, I have problems with skin(excessive dryness and shedding), epididymis and nervous system(zaps and probably hppd stuff). And i found this information site that states some of the more chemical causes for our eye sight problems http://cure-erectile-dysfunction.org/vision-problems-eye-floaters-and-sexual-activity its too bad our eye tests are mostly a mechanical test... if they know that certain things cause this problem, im guessing there are tests out there that can measure out chemical balance? Is it a surprise this is from a ED site? maybe not. I remember reading about a user who experienced a remission of symptoms after a good day followed by sex with his girlfriend. During sexual activity, the excessive glutamate turns into GABA, 5-HTP to serotonin, and the dopamine to norepinephrine. The result is an elevation of melatonin to suppress dopamine synthesis. In the more severe cases, the glutamate will not turn to GABA and the dopamine drops too low, leading to light-oversensitivity and eye floaters in the retina. I feel like im making random connections to things but also at the same time im making some crucial connections in hppd. but its never black and white with our brain... whatever... fuck

This happened when i developed anxiety about a month after developing the visual part of hppd. I guess it finally got to me. It eventually tapered off slowly but surely. these days, im actually surprised that the first thing i think of upon waking isnt hppd. However, i dont know why but for some reason, if i try to take a nap (and on my stomach[not too sure about this part]) i wake up feeling really shitty, mildly anxious, and get some really fast heartbeats that shake my body but only occurs for like 5-10seconds after waking up from the nap. dont be too hard on yourself. remember that anxiety can play a big role in hppd and you are beating yourself up too much for relapsing even subconsciously. You should try to divert that energy into hope! one thing that helped me was i would re-read my posts and think... why the fuck do i sound so anxious, i mean i took drugs to achieve these hallucinatory effects and now im scared shitless of them? must be some logical reason for this behavior.... hmm anxiety is a real bitch huh.. at the end of the day its just a distorted perception, it doesnt logically make sense that i would become suicidal just to avoid these phenomenon. that anxiety must be really tapping into my subconscious ... and then id try imagine my state of mind pre-hppd and just go from there and just distract myself by playing games/tv/movies... i also found it helpful to stay away from the forums somedays. as much of a support it is, its also a place of reminder that something is wrong with me but it kind of synergized with others. like how having pimples in middle school only becomes a problem when you're actually at school in an environment of other self-concious people.. apologies if this sounds stupid

Eh, i dont think people with hppd overthink stuff, rather we are portrayed as so since only those with hppd know what hppd is like. the symptoms are real. one thing i forgot to mention is my visual snow is my mildest symptom, i rarely notice it in in light or darkness because the visual snow/noise is (i think) the same colour of whatever im looking at so i like a lcd screen where i can see that 'extra noise' but its still a perfectly good image. today i also found another post that has become the closest to my experience with hppd. It even matched my sudden development of moles/cherry angiomas (rarest one i have seen to date amongst hppders). However, the post was from a regular medical forum, not hppd/visual snow. Its led me to believe, irregardless of our past drug use, hppd is much more related to an abnormal CNS or whatever... also supported by the fact that hppd has similar symptoms to neuro/cns lyme. I might be throwing shit out there but i was extremely surprised to find a symptom list, as unique as it is, pretty much same as mine. as for the voice phenomenon, i had that often during the development of hppd and when i had anxiety for a few weeks. it was mostly when i was trying to sleep but was wide awake. i dont randomly hear voices throughout the day though. majority of my day has audio stimulation anyways though. even silence has a sound (tinnitus).

I was just googling around and decided to search up lyme again since it is so similar to hppd. I found this post about co-existing symptoms with those that have visual snow. I have everything except purkinje's tree(i dont know what its referring too). My most recent developed symptom is the eustachian tube problem(1month+ now) and benign fasciculation syndrome(about 2-3weeks now). Anyone else have these cluster of symptoms? the eustachian tube problem has become even more bothersome as of recent and its really lame that im progressively getting new symptoms (7month in now). More googling led me to this post: (as far as tinnitus goes, i dont think its related to the eustachian problem as a cause[at least for me]) It doesnt help that i have braces and it kind of forces me to provide tension to my jaws. Ever since hppd, i did become aware of how tense my face can be due to me trying to focus eye muscle and the like but after reading this post and actually trying to relax my face did i realize I'm a lot tense. I sometimes notice that im clenching a bit and i just shrugged it off to braces but now that i think of how clenching occurs from mdma use and this post about serotonin... i dont believe i brux but i did get a small tiny chip on my molar a few month back, maybe ive been clenching during sleep? hmmmmm so i guess i should give 5 htp a try. I dont really take anything to battle hppd since i havent felt any benefits from it (b-complex, omega3, mag). although i am on a probiotic, cal-mag, liver cleanse supplement from my naturodoctor to boost my overall bodily functions... dont know how effective it has been if any lol. Anyways, any experience with 5htp? is it safe for prolonged use? anyone have any hint of worsening symptoms from it? Anyone else have these clustered symptoms? throughout the day, i also get eye pain, it feels like my eye muscles contract/squeeze once and the pain is only existent for that 0.5second squeeze. Also noticing dry skin all over my body and shedding quite a bit. I know this is new because i am noticing dead skin when i am dusting my place. also my hair loss/shedding hasnt stopped. hair loss i can blame it on the emotional shock and stress of hppd but im not sure about dry skin since its a new symptom and as far as i feel, i feel less stressed then before so.... apologies if it has been a useless long read.

school helped me ignore hppd imo. maybe it has to do with the passage of time since ive only had it for about 6 month now. At first, the vision distortions bothered me alot and never allowed me to concentrate in class. Hard to focus when the the words are floating about on the page lol. i also think to a degree it feeds the anxiety since im in school and thinking "hppd is gonna fuck over my school and social relations" kinda like how you started this thread. But i still think about hppd alot everyday, i got 'used to it' . I think ignoring the words floating around and just trying to read on through actually improved my symptom(the floating/breathing) but thats the only symptom that ive seen an improvement with over the 6 month. most of my symptoms were mild to begin with. Today i had a final and the silence of the exam room brought my tinnitus out but tinnitus is easily forgotten when i focus on something else. Its only constantly noticeable in silence/trying to sleep at night.

My optician(went once) who focuses on vision therapy thinks its due to poor eye muscles. She did a test that no other optician has performed before in my life. I think it had to do with testing my ability to focus. WIth hppd, i noticed that my eyes rather be focused far away then close up. Obviously with a computer screen, the focus is closer up hence it can go blurry quite a bit. I dont know if its the same thing as focusing far away but it feels like i have to consciously converge the two images to one in my brain. In some aspects, the weak eye muscle theory makes sense since a few of the symptoms can be manipulated as well as improvements noticed by a few people who has used spectrum glasses. Even the vestibular system could have a role within DP/DR. She said vision therapy for a year will fix it but it costs 4000$ so im still giving hppd a little bit more time to see if it heals on its own. I've already wasted about $5000+ in this shitty disorder. Mainly on the initial tests hoping that its something else and holistic approaches in curing it.

Why did you stop probiotics?

imo, sleep aka resting phase for the brain plays a big role in hppd. Its too bad our brains have a hard time resting. When i first got hppd, i couldnt sleep at all, racing thoughts etc etc. eventually it got better but it was gradual. In the past i would wake up in the middle of the night and also if i woke up, it was impossible for me to go back to sleep. Nowadays, ill get about 7-8 hours of sleep and i wake up automatically. before hppd i could sleep for 10+ hours no problem. I also have a weird reaction to naps. If i do take a nap, ill wake up with a hint of mild anxiety/shittyness and also internal tremors for a few seconds. Contrary to the opinion that anxiety/dp/dr is a co-morbid disorder, my theory lies on that a brain chemistry imbalance is a triggering/cause of my anxiety as a part of hppd. I think its supported by the fact that many of us have good and bad days. My bad days arent necessarily worsening of symptoms but the surfacing of anxiety. I never had such anxiety in my life pre-hppd and the fact that when i first got it with hppd and it was gone (or so i thought) within 2-3 weeks of developing it is a mystery. I thought it was gone forever and i had passed the dp/dr/anxiety phase of hppd. Well it came back about a month ago and lasted about 5 days. I think about hppd everyday. Its hard not to since it is the cause of my drastic lifestyle change and a foundation point in thinking about the future but the daily thinking of it arent something that would feed/trigger my anxiety. If that was the case, i would have anxiety right now. With that said sometimes i think these changes are a sign of improvement? maybe im being optimistic. Bad days suck shit but after recovering from the 2nd round of my anxiety, it definitely strengthened my ability to ignore hppd better. It really does suck that anything food/medical related things i will experience for the remainder of my life will need my own personal research in interaction with hppd.. god forbid i might need to take some medicines that touch on dopa/sero/gaba/etcetc. but as long as it doesnt worsen anymore i think i would be fine with living life this way...