special k

Yes I have had hppd for 8 years and still take mdma, ketamine, dxm, nitrous and cannabis. It has not increased my symptoms permanently, you should check my other posts for the full story

I've noticed that 5 htp has definitely helped improve my mood when I take it daily for a couple weeks. I have never had any issues with it making symptoms worse. I still use mdma and take it to preload as well as twice daily during the month of recovery. I wouid be extremely careful about using any benzodiazepines, they are so addictive, and have a way of sneaking up on you.

That's great man! I'm glad to hear it, never doubt the effects of a positive mental attitude, it's one of the greatest assets we have when fighting disease.

I've had hppd for 8 years and just got into robotripping last year. I've had about 25 trips since then and haven't had any problems with hppd or otherwise. I've had some really wonderous spritual experiences that have helped me to overcome some fears and work through difficult times. I generally stay within the 1st to 2nd plateau range although I've had a few 3rd plateaus. I've had some really great trips combining it with nitrous (it pretty much feels like K at that point). At the lower plateaus I feel empathy, euphoria, and serenity. It has a stimulating quality that makes dancing and music more appreciable. I can thank dxm for sparking my interest in dubstep, techstep, and psybient, with this drug it seems the weirder the better haha . I would be glad to discuss any of my experiences and answer any questions you might have. What is the highest dose you have taken? How many experiences have you had?

Glad to hear you're not letting hppd get in the way of you enjoying your passion. I'm into all kinds of electronica, been getting into a lot dubstep over the past few years and more recently techstep. Hardstyle and epic trance, and psytrance are my favorite genres right now though. I want to drive out and see showtek sometime this year. As for the herb it's good that you took some breaks already. I like to smoke the same way, wake and bakes make me feel tired and lazy. It doesn't sound like the herb is causing you too much trouble. I don't think you have to take a break for a whole year, that's just what happened in my case. Eating healthy is a way good to I know that broccoli has vitamin k which is good for brain function. Also fish with omega-3 and 6 fatty acids are good for the brain and heart. Staying active is good I prefer cardio like biking, it also works the brain as you are negotiating obstacles and traffic in 3D space. I also love that when I'm riding I can always change up the route so it stays fresh. I agree it's not constructive to focus on hppd all day, it's nice to have a website to stay in touch with others, just don't sit there and relive the trauma all day.

I astound myself sometimes! Seriously though the brain is ever changing and evolving wonder of humanity. Damn! I wrote more but I accidentally closed the page and lost it, I 'll have to comment later tonight

Thanks dude, I'm glad to share my experience and hopefully pass along some of the knowledge learned from my mistakes. I believe a positive mental attitude is a huge part of it, as well as managing expectations. In the first few years it was just hanging tight. Never expecting to trip again, I was pretty happy just to be able to smoke. I still know that even right now I have limitations and honestly I may never be able to take acid or shrooms again. But I don't let that affect my daily life, I'm just grateful for the experiences I did have. It's kinda like a sports injury, you gotta know when to rest and recooperate, but you don't give up on getting back on that bike. It depends on everyone individual circumstances though, some hppd might be comparable to a sprained knee or even a torn acl. It might take really long time, and even some painful rehab, but most people can walk, run, and enjoy life for the most part. They will never be 100 % again but they're getting around. On the other hand some peoples hppd is more comparable to a spinal cord injury. A parapalegic trying to walk everyday is just going to be setting himself up for disappointment and depression. For me it's about being honest with yourself. In the early years when I was tempted to trip and others around were trying to convince me, I am glad I had the fear at that time. The fear was really my mind telling me, "You're not ready!" It wasn't trying to be malicious or turn me against the drugs. The fear is just my minds way of saying there is something deeper I must confront before I can continue my journey. Whether I choose to confront it on my own and work thorugh it, or try to supress it and have it confront me in the midst of a bad trip, could be the difference between being ok or feeling weird the rest of my life. I am still working on these issues and will continue to until I have an answer. As for the spiritual work I had mentioned, most of it was achieved through reflection and self analysis. I took a moral self inventory on my character defects and really questioned my motives. I questioned not only the compulsive dosing that night, but also my expectations of the mdma. What was I seeking from these experiences? Was I just rolling to have fun on a new drug? What true insight had I gained? What am I truly risking here? What if something had gone really wrong, like a life threatening overdose or had taken the wrong drug? As I pondered these over the course of a couple months I made some realizations. I was being reckless, I was being deceitful, and I wasn't approaching the the drug with honesty and humility. I realized that I just can't take pressies any more. I realized that I had deceived others in order to have more mdma for myself that night. I realized that I would have to stop using until I had found a way to recognize these thought processes as they are happening and control my behavior. I have never done meditation, although I have heard it can be useful. For me I do a lot of my thinking when I'm out on a bike ride or when I'm at home with some time and some herb. I would say that the herb has been very helpful for insight, but it has it's limits, and there have been times where taking a break was better for me. Overall though I would say that addressing a lot of the inner turmoil caused by the alcoholics in my life and getting into a 12 step recovery group has been one of the best things I ever did for myself. Doing the steps is what I consider to be the heart of my spiritual work, confronting these deep issues that have been around since before I got into drugs. These were the things my mind was showing me when I had the fear, it knew these would come out whether I was prepared or not. I am glad I listened and took the time I needed before rushing back into things. I am absolutely certain that I made the right decisions for the most part. At the same time I can't deny that I took some hefty risks. Anyone taking a new psychadelic for the first time is taking a risk, if I had tried mdma and gotten worse, I would probably be telling everyone to stay the hell away. My case is pretty mild and only consists of visuals, everyone's different so you really have to be careful. I would say if anyone is considering mdma, do a ton of research, be with a trusted person who knows about your hppd, and talk to some of the people who got hppd from it. Also take into account that post hppd I went four years not touching any psyches (except once with dmt. I didn't I get enough to get high which is probably for the best) all I did was smoke herb. I had never done mdma until after I had hppd. So even though it was new drug and could potentially fuck me up for life it still wasn't as scary as say, the thought of taking acid again and having it go wrong. Conversely I've talked to people and they could never even consider taking mdma again because that's what gave them hppd, yet they might still consider acid. It's a crazy fucked up awesome world with hppd or not, and so far my journey is working out. But there are no guarantees, and no one can say that if something went wrong in the future that I might not look back on this and say "What the hell was I thinking!?" Peace and be well - K

I would say you probably do have some ptsd, anytime someone goes through a traumatic experience it can stick with you. I got ptsd a few years after getting hppd. It was from an unrelated incident, and I've never had a really terrifying trip only some difficult rolls and a few irrational but quickly calmed fears. After I did get ptsd I had all of those symptoms albeit they weren't drug related. When I thought about the incident I got that flight or fight response, I was adrenaline pumping heart racing ready to go just by thinking about it. Sometimes it would happen when I didn't even expect it, like something small would remind me of it. I have never seen a doctor for my hppd or ptsd. I don't like the way antidepressants make me feel and I found benzos useful but I'd rather not risk the addiction. What worked for me was knowing when to give my brain a break. I kept smoking for two years but after I took a break it helped out. If you haven't already check out maps.org for the study on mdma and ptsd. I had hppd for four years before I tried mdma. I was little cautious at first and researched the drug and many hppd reports on erowid. I met a person who would later become a good friend. He agreed to introduce me to the drug and we had a comfortable place for the night. I wasn't sure whether or not this would worsen my symptoms but reading that it doesn't really have that many visuals to it, and that it's more flexible than the traditional psychadelics gave me confidence. I went into it with the mindset that even if it went wrong I would at least have tried. Going into the experience I was fairly certain that I would be ok though, hearing that most visuals are limited to enhanced colors and trails with very little or no shifting. When I did do mdma for the first time it was an amazing experience! I was able to find a new way to love, think, feel, all that good stuff. Unfortunately my first experience was with pressies most likely cut with meth.( the mdma part wore off and I was still going for another 6 hours) Luckily this didn't cause any further complications other than me wanting to ramble on all night while my friend tried to watch A Scanner Darkly. I came down with some high quality herb and 2mg of xanax (probably wouldn't need the xanax if they weren't dirty). During the roll I noticed that colors were brighter and static and trails were a only a little more intense than herb. I woke up the next day feeling pretty good, I didn't have a crash or any hangover, I awoke feeling rested and relaxed although this could have been due to the xanax. My visuals are usually worse in the morning so it's normal for them to be the same as when I'm on herb. I waited til later in the day to try and notice any differences. Throughout the day I didn't notice any significant change in visuals, even when I smoked later on they still weren't any worse than they normally are on herb. The next day I was fine. I was very happy to have found a drug that didn't increase my visuals. I continued to roll 5-6 times over the course of the next year . I would definitely say stay away from the pressies as these are almost always cut. My 6th or 7th experience, I took 8 of those in one night along with a 1/4 gram of molly and rolled fine until the morning when all the molly wore off and all that was left was the dirty feeling of meth. I remember feeling sketch even though I was at a safe place, I had to wait for a ride back to my house where I had some sleeping pills that I knew would knock me out, so I had to stay up longer than I wanted. I got home and still didn't get a good sleep. When i woke up the next day i knew I was tired so seeing more snow and trails was to be expected although after a week I noticed the visuals weren't fading and began to worry. The more I worried about them the worse the they got, after doing some spiritual work I decided I would take a break from molly. I was upset with myself, blaming myself for abusing a beautiful drug that I just discovered. I had to miss a few shows and take some time to let my head clear. I didn't really think about it or try to analyze it as I know this doesn't help. All I did was smoke herb, drink herbal teas, stay active and distract myself. After about two months I decided to take a look around and see what I could see. When I looked at things the visuals had calmed down, they were looking more like I remember them before the high dose. I felt a huge sigh of relief! At least they were getting better. After 3 months they returned to the level they were at before the high dose. I rolled on a reasonable 150 mgs two months later and had a great time with no problems. Since that one high dose I have learned to be more careful about what I buy( could have been a nightmare to get 2c-b instead of a roll!) and to be more respectful of how much I take. Since I have followed those guidelines I have not had any increase in symptoms after my rolls. My vision has been restored and Molly had been an amazing teacher absolutely helped me with my ptsd and given me new hope and perspective on my hppd. After 25 molly experiences I have not had any permanent visual increase. Some people would say the high dose scare was just luck, there will never be any way to know, but I stopped and my brain adapted. The whole experience changed my idea of what my limits were and allowed me to deal with a crisis and work through it. It restored my trust that the brain will adapt and there is still growth potential for myself and others. Even if I couldn't roll after that, the insight I gained from the first experience alone would have been well worth it. I'm still exploring and molly has allowed me to make incredible progress on my attitudes and perspectives. When I really do the spiritual work I have been able to make progress that would have taken years without. In relation to my hppd, it has changed my attitude about really how careful I have to be. Before I had that high dose I was considering doing some shrooms since I was handling the molly so well. Haha showed me right. Overall the whole experience even with the mistakes, it has been well worth it. This has been my experience and everyone is different, I am very grateful that I was okay after that and that I am able to continue learning from the teachers. With that said, be very careful when testing your limits! I didn't show enough respect to a very powerful substance and it flipped me. I could have been permanently fucked up much worse. At the same time, the whole ordeal made me stronger in the long run, which in turn opened the door to new possibilities in the future.

Thanks dude, I am still respectful of my limits. I am pretty sure the herb won't be a problem for me it's just staying away from the acid that's tough. Have you smoked since your symptoms got worse?

When I took my first break which was two years post hppd, I didn't experience any changes for 7 months. At 7 months I noticed that visual snow was decreased about 25% trails seemed shorter, starbursts smaller, afterimages faded quicker, but shifters stayed the same. Only after 13 months did I notice a change in the shifting patterns. I had been smoking for a few weeks and wanted to document my symptoms. I stared at objects so I could see the symptoms, white walls for visual snow, streetlights for starbursts,glowstick for trails, computer screen for afterimages, and stucco walls for shifters. At baseline all of my symptoms were the same as they were at 7 months except for shifters. I stared at the walls, wood grains, and various textures for the next few weeks and could not see the shifting patterns. Even when stoned I didn't see them, although everything else was increased. At some point between month 7 and 13 the shifters stopped without me noticing. I didnt feel anxious about having to stop, it was for unrelated reasons, I had no choice. I was reassessing my lifestyle and values at the time doing a lot of soul searching, so I was a little depressed and sometimes anxious as I worked though these issues. I kept active, stayed disciplined and got though it. When I started smoking again I didn't expect an increase or decrease in symptoms, I have never had any really bad cannabis experiences.The only thing I ever get is some very mild paranoia or anxiety, silly stuff really like thinking I left something and having to stop and check, or when I'm driving that the car behind me is a cop. While herb has always been an elightening and therapeutic plant for me, I am thankful that I took a break and got some of my vision back.

Yeah it's tough but it may help you in the long run to take a break, your visuals might stay the same if you keep smoking. On the other hand they might stay the same either way. I kept smoking for two years then stopped and it reduced visuals. So for me smoking kept it the same for two years and was helpful with anxiety and connection with others, could be the same for you but since this thing affects everyone so differently theres no way to know. I love electronic music as well (check out noisecontrollers if you're into hardstyle) so it is has been really tough to not trip at shows, super thankful I can roll though. You have a good attitude and it's good that you can see that there is some influence one's mind has over this disorder, not letting it spin into anxiety is half the battle. Also expectations are key, when I first read about hppd I got all freaked at the idea that this was how I was going to be forever, but as I accepted that I this is how it was going to be and stopped always trying to "check if it's still there" I noticed that the symptoms diminished when smoking or not. I am pretty certain this is something that changes the brain permanently, I don't expect to be cured. But I do have some limits still and I gotta be respectful of the drugs, not fearful but understanding. Can't stress this enough though, be especially careful with GABA agonists, this includes drugs like alcohol, benzodiazpenes, and barbituates. These drugs can be useful for many but, can also be very enticing and addicting as they tend to reduce both anxiety and visuals, combined with feelings of general well being. Almost all my old school friends are alcoholics, and they don't even have hppd. I used to get scripts for benzos and am glad to say I didn't get hooked, but I still used irresponsibly on a couple occasions.

My symptoms are pretty mild, the first year or two I would look at walls and they would shift slightly kinda like the come down on mushrooms, visual snow, starburst, trails and afterimages. After I took a year long break from herb the shifting patterns gradually decreased until they disappeared completely. The other symptoms also decreased slightly. A few weeks after I had resumed smoking I noticed during the snow increased, afterimages burn in faster, starbursts larger, and trails are elongated. The symptoms increase when high and decrease as the drug is metabolized. I smoke everyday sometimes throughout the day so my symptoms are slightly increased pretty much all the time. Yet although the symptoms are increased because I smoke, they still don't outweigh the spiritual and psychological benefits of cannabis. It definately helps with anxiety and has allowed me to see the enlightening facets of life that I had never appreciated before .Most of the time I really don't mind the visuals. It's not that I don't see them it's just that I have accepted my vision at this point, probably the most annoying thing is walking into a dark room and even then it only last two seconds. I continued smoking for two years after I got hppd, I didn't make it worse, but it didn't get better either. I stopped for unrelated reasons not because of the hppd. I was going through a tough time and had to stop and reassess my life. I stopped focusing on the hppd, which is also a big help. I've taken a couple 3 month long breaks after that first one without any decrease in visuals. It's a balancing act between spiritual benefits of substances and how it affects your hppd. Even though I might have more visuals the overall effect on my well being is well worth it. Now if I had dp/dr or herb induced flashbacks it might be a different story. I'm pretty sure my visuals will never completely go away, I'll never see the way I did before, but thats ok I've accepted it. After reading a lot of the reports on here I am grateful that it's not as bad as it could be. I would try to take a break from herb for at least a few months . You might feel a little more anxiety during the first month but it might be good to let your mind try to get as close to baseline as possible. For me this disorder definately has a psychosomatic/anxiety aspect to it and you might want to weigh the benfits of using versus the possibilty of it never getting better or potentially getting worse. I would say if your visual symptoms are managable enough and the herb doesn't cause anything more than some occasional paranoia/mild anxiety you might be ok. I would definately avoid phenethylamines and tryptamines for at least a year if not longer. It was at least four years post hppd before I tried mdma. Hang in there though, it was pretty heartbreaking the first few years, had some really tempting offers. (free garbage bag full of mushys!) It sucks but I think if I had risked it too soon and freaked out, I probably wouldn't be able to take any drugs today.

Thanks dude, sorry I took so long to respond I didn't have access to a computer for awhile. The thing I wonder about is even though the dissociatives are a different class of drugs and work on the nmda receptors I still have some crazy visuals. Recently I had a third plateau experience that was a insane, I thought I had really fucked myself because I kept having closed eye visuals when trying to go to sleep. After finally falling asleep watching tv I was fine the next day. These kind of experiences make me wonder: If I can have these kind of visuals on dissociatives and be ok, could I trip on acid, dmt or shrooms again? I can do mdma, mda, and methylone without any problems. I'm not worried about having a bad trip really, just wouldn't want to permanently mess up my vision. Has anyone else ever tripped and not make their visuals worse?

You can most likely smoke herb again, I would just take a break from it for 3 to 6 months. I got mine when I was 18 and took a break from everything for a year, I started smoking herb again and besides increasing the visuals when I'm high, I'm fine with it. I haven't done acid, shrooms or dmt since then, but I still take mdma, ketamine, dxm, and nitrous without any permanent increase in visuals. I've never had any dp/dr just the visuals. I know how you feel though it sucks having to take a break but it definately decreased the visuals. If I had kept on tripping I believe I probably would have freaked out at some point and be way worse off. I would stop trippin for at least a year, take a break from smoking for awhile, and be careful with alcohol and benzos seen so many friends get hooked, especially when they couldn't smoke.

First hallucinations i ever had were from celexa. I was 14 and depressed so my family doc gave me celexa, I noticed acid like visuals in dark rooms and when outside at night I would see the ground morphing and opening up. The visuals only occurred in the dark and as soon as i stopped taking it they stopped altogether. I got hppd several years later after dozens of shroom and acids trips.