ferret

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ferret last won the day on January 11 2016

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About ferret

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  1. Ive had all kinds of sleep problems since HPPD Including some wild sleep paralysis. In fact my sleep symptoms are the only ones that have rally stuck around. It gets easier and easier to deal with though, my first few episodes left me terrified and unable to go back to sleep but now I can easily fall back asleep. I'm even able to control the hallucinations a bit and turn them into positive experiences recently
  2. Congrats! live healthy and it should continue to improve
  3. Your symptom set is simmilar to what mine was however mine cleared up (mostly) within months. I useally think its best to avoid medication but since you've been struggling for three years it might be time to discuss that possibility with a doctor. Have you stayed sober, eaten healthy, and exercised for an extended period since you started having symptoms? In my case I saw great improvement when I began to think positively and just focus on relaxing all day, mindset can make a big difference when treating a psychological disorder
  4. Well I'm still pretty much recovered but the sleep paralysis is lingering. I lost my dream journal (I hardly ever used it) so I'm just going to record the more significant episodes on here in case I ever need to look back. The good news is that even durring these episodes I am aware that they aren't real and am simply trying to control them untill they pass. The whole memory is already blurry and hard to describe (like a trip) so I'm sorry if I don't make it easy to follow. I woke up at 8 this morning and went to the bathroom but was still so tired that I decided to go back to bed. I soon awoke again to that unmistakeable sleep paralysis feeling and felt a tightness on my chest as if someone was on top of me and squezing, but I kept my eyes closed because I didn't want to see what it was. I was actually even able to turn it into a positive feeling by imagining it as a woman. The feeling eventually faded and I think I sat up for a while. (I'm not sure how to explain such an ineffable experience but to be clear the next paragraph was apparently a false awakening- a dream in which I dreamt I had woken up. Its not actually a case of seep paralysis cause I wasn't actually awake) Next thing I know I've decided to get out of bed to avoid another episode as I'm getting out of bed I think about how high my bed is off the ground (it was like 3 feet off the ground which it definitely isn't in real life, but the rest of the room seemed accurate) and how easy it would for someone to hide under it. All of the sudden Im paralyzed leaning against my bed with something grabbing my foot from below. I close my eyes and am yet again able to turn the monster into a woman and make the grab into more of a caress. Then I really do wake up but I'm lying in my bed not leaning against it and am yet again paralyzed. A simmilar experinece as the first takes place (demon on chest>woman on chest> gone). Even though I'm aware that the hallucinations aren't real and now I can actually control them to some extent the experience is still quite stressful and at this point I was getting fed up. I sat up for a few minutes but was still very tired (despite getting 8+ hours of sleep so I layed down again. This time I went directly from consciousness to paralysis with no sleep in between.Then came the "rush" (I want to explain the feeling but its ineffable, you may have experienced it on a trip before) I kept my eyes open this time and looked around the room but saw nothing strange. As I closed my eyes I had several stupid thoughts run through my head: "I wonder if I imagine someone over there would I see them? No don't imagine anyone over there. Shit I just imagined someone over there! Damn it now I have to look!" As I was opening my eyes I saw the shape of a humanoind over "there" for fraction of a second and then... ROOAAARRR! A black wolf/man demon thing leapt from that direction and stuck his face right in font of mine (yet the image was still very vague) as he pressured my chest. I wasn't exactly afraid (maybe a little) more just feeling the "rush" intensify (I'll take a stab at describing it- 1000 mph winds are blowing right at you while your soul is being pulled in a thousand different directions) while saying in my head "it will pass, it will pass...". I have no I dea how long it lasted untill it passed (the wolf definitely wasn't on me for more than 10 seconds but thats all I can say regarding time. Anyways after that one I got up pretty quick to avoid getting caught in another. As horrible as it is and as much as the hallucinations scare me that I could go schitzo down the line I find the experiences really interesting. Wow my writing ability has gone downhill, sorry about that I hope you can uderstand what I just wrote. How are you all doing?
  5. I feel like melaonin and valerian root helped with my sleep alot but I woulnd't say they helped my hppd as much as they helped me deal with it. I've been taking everthing important for the brain/nerves: omega-3, niacin, and magnesium. I'm not sure if they've helped but they couldn't hurt.
  6. I Dont know what to tell you. That seems really strange. Maybe stay sober a little longer and see what happens? Last time you took a break and noticed this happening, did you see improvement as soon as you began smoking again?
  7. Great! Thank you for all of your hard work David
  8. 1. Wilfred 2. Louie 3. Breaking Bad Definately check the first two out. they might take some getting used to and I definately recomend starting from the beginning (at least with Wilfred) but once you are into them they are hilarious. By far the most original shows i've seen on television
  9. I didn't work when it was bad but I did go to school, it was just highschool so it wasn't that difficult but it was helpful to keep my mind off of HPPD.
  10. Ups and downs are normal. Sometime when my connection is better I'll copy and paste some of my old posts to show how up and down I was for a while. It wasn't rare for me to go from "I'm 99% cured" to considering suicide in just a few days time. Luckily I've stabilized and really am 99% back to normal now. just give it time
  11. LSD will take you to the extremes whether its mania or depression can depend on a lot of factors but I certainly don't think you are bipolar from what you've said so far. You also can't be diagnosed with it if the episodes are directly due to drug use (klonopin included) Stop smoking now, its not gonna get any easier to quit later so do it now. It will feel good to exercise your self control too, I'm assuming you'd like to have self control as part of the identity that you are struggling to re-find so start with quitting smoking. You can do it, dont make excuses, its hard but possible so get it done.
  12. I'm tired as hell so this isn't going to be written very well. Just wondering how many people recover without every posting on here. I know some of you never came on here untill your second bout or after suffering years with your first. Could everyone please post their history with HPPD prior to posting on here. Mainly how long you had had it for. It think I had been strugling with the mental side of it for a little less than a month before coming on and the visuals for only a week or two.
  13. HPPD is very hard to deal with for a while just make the most of it untill it gets better. Why do you think you are bipolar? Everyone has a lot of up and down emotions in the early part of HPPD (or they just have the down emotions, which is certainly worse). A lot of people dont understand bipolar disorder correctly. Shifting from manic to depressive episodes that last at least a week (ussually a lot longer) is bipolar disorder. If the episodes don't last at least a week its not bipolar. Anyways I think you have a much better chance than most to recover so keep your head up. Its good that you take pride in your morals, it seems to me that if you are morning the loss of them you must still have them or you wouldn't want them anyways (I hope that makes sense to you). Things will get better, they might get worse first (I saw improvement several times before regressing and going through a week of hell on the road to recovering) but they will eventually get better. Relax and do what you can now so you are in the best possible position when you do recover. Good Luck!
  14. I'm a little nervous about trying anything that efects the brain but Im definitely gonna give this a try this summer. From what I read though it looks like you have to be really careful about what kind you take to avoid liver damage
  15. Classic Rock