piper83

So it's been a long time since I was on here and a long time since thinking about hppd. I got it in 2007 after a load of mdma, brain fog, fatigue, floaters, halos and imagery burning into my vision, tension headaches. Some of the stuff is still there but I barely think about it anymore and it doesn't bother me anymore. It's improved and I'm sure I've just adjusted and adapted. Some people have it to more serious degrees but things really improved after a few years and me focusing in it less and less. I read a similar post from someone years ago and they were right, looking after yourself well, eating, sleeping, plenty of sun etc. Thought I'd stop in to provide an update, it's scary as anything when it first happens but things can improve and they did for me. Shout out to Jay, hope you're doing well, really appreciated your input when I was on here a lot years ago and sure you're having as similarly positive impact now. I remember the bmx kid 2muchmandy (what a name!), hope he's in a better place by now as well.

I found it helped my anxiety. It didnt affect my symptoms during or after. I couldnt sleep while I was on it though so only lasted a few days on it.

May not have that effect on you (stopping sleep).

I got some a few weeks ago. It made me feel calm and dampened my anxiety but also stopped me sleeping. After 4 or 5 days I stopped as was literally staring at my ceiling all night. Was quite good aside from that though.

Yes. Relates to the residual low level anxiety. Hung over today. Quite a few random twitches!

Yes. I keep one. It helps in the bad times as it is therapeutic and also when you're going through a shit time you can look back and read about times when it was affecting you less and that gives me strength. Been having a crap time lately, stress at work which has been impacting hppd. The diary reminds me of better times at the start of the year or even about good days ive had. Reminds me that 'this too shall pass' and how times whem ive been doing well are also times im working out hard, meditating, spending time with friends, things that have fallen on the back burner recently for me and i need to get back on with

Dude. I cant believe you'd talk about taking your own life, like Jay says you have a great chance at getting better. Have you considered how the people would feel you leave behind. I don't know how bad your rejection issues are you mentioned but I think a lot of this may be behind your hppd and what led you to drugs in the first place if this was something traumatic for you. Go and get some therapy and help with these things, it can be fixed. People here who have had therapy have found deeper emotional healing has helped their hppd a lot. Personally I think emotional trauma and hppd is closely linked for some people. You sound quite young and for a short life those issues may feel huge for you but you can overcome it and lead a life where you don't feel the need to even do drugs, where you are happier in yourself. Its hard to hear someone saying the things you are because there are other, better options available for you.

How has it changed you OldschoolAr? You feel a lot better in yourself day to day? I have just decided to give up alcohol. It seems so hard though. It's my release from hppd symptoms and helps me relax and escape things for a while. The last year or so though I'm drinking every weekend and it takes me a few days to get over it. The next day is a total wipe-out, I feel so depressed. I can't carry on in this cycle. For those that have total abstinence or have given up alcohol, what have you replaced it with e.g sports/ activities/ different social events? My whole social life involves a drink near enough, common in the UK, so I'm isolating myself from my friends a bit. You get so much grief from people as well when you stop, its ridiculous. Have done drugs a few times in the last year, got into doing coke stupidly and this has negatively impacted my anxiety for sure. I hadn't touched anything for years up until that point but had a bit of a fuck it moment that led to a short term habit. It really is playing with fire (doing drugs again) and this shit is hard enough to deal with as it is. Abstinence is the only way 100% i.m.o with regards to drugs. I do think some people can tolerate drinking now and again, everyone is different. The times I have been tempted most is when I've been feeling a bit better in general. Jay is spot on, the temptation is always there, we enjoyed them for a while but to risk making yourself worse just is not worth it 100%.

CDC were very good, I was visiting there just over a year ago but due to budget constraints they told me they could only carry on treating those in their local borough, Chelsea & Hammersmith I think. Not sure if this is still the policy or not. Very helpful, receptive and non judgmental there. Syntheso, did you fall into the catchment area out of interest?

I'm sorry to hear you're in this frame of mind. I'm 5 years with this but I am slowly getting better and feeling more and more positive as time goes on. There are still days where I get very depressed but I am learning to deal with these and life is getting better. With time you can learn to not let it affect you as much, as you live more the better things in life will take over your attention. I had depression for years and was suicidal at one point before hppd hit. Clearing up some of these underlying issues which causes depression since hppd has made hppd easier to deal with. Jay has imparted good advice, Live as much as you can. Life isn't always easy even for those without hppd, make changes for the better where you can. Improve your life where neccessary (as per what Jay suggested), try and force yourself to get out there and be sociable and enjoy the world, be with your loved ones, get out into the fresh air & nature. Travelling is a good shout. I went travelling for a year around the world post hppd, met some cool people, saw some amazing sights and slept with a fair amount of women (: , loved it. Am now in training to become a teacher. life is pretty good, it has been and still is a fight though and I still have times where im very resentful of hppd. But its fight that with time, you can learn to have the upper hand in and live a decent life. Taking good care of yourself goes without saying, exercise, diet, sleep. said a million times on here but make it a routine that you base your battle from. There are new things cropping up that can give you a slight improvement, magnesium supplements for example that Jay stumbled upon recently and are now helping some of us. Anything to give you a 0.5% or 2% improvement, slow steps you know but they can be made. Personaly I now have the odd beer or two as the relief I get from feeling somewhat normal and the social inclusion (everyones in the pub in the uk) outweighs the worse hangover the next day. This way hppd is affecting my life less as Im not feeling its causing me to be missing out. Am equally supportive of abstinence though as this is obviously better in terms of allowing the body to make any recovery.

It's prescription only here in the UK. Am going to ask the Psychiatrist for some when I see her next. Side effects like raised anxiety are a concern Ghormez- which other vitamins do you take? Do you find phosphatidylserine beneficial? I haven't read about this supplement anywhere else before. I take a lot of fish oil which is helpful overall andalso b complex. Looking at buying some N Acetyl cartinine as this is supposed to help mood. Would like a combination that is giving best opportunity for healing. The supplements are so expensive though, can easily end up spending £50+ a month

Good to hear from people coping well, would be interestred to hear how you deal with symptoms naturally. Thanks

Am considering buying some Pramiracetam. There's also Oxiracetam and many others. Has anyone had positive experiences with them?

' wasn't messin with heroine or smokin ice or anything like that(not that there's anything wrong with those drugs) ' No offence but you sound very naive to think there's nothing wrong with experimenting with heroin, the drug ruins lives. Drugs are a false reallity, I dont miss them and wouldn't have dabbled having beeen more aware of conditions such as this..Better to live a fulfiling life and have something real that brings you a sense of pleasure and happiness in my opinion.

I chatted to him briefly after his set and was a really sound, humble guy. Just listened to a couple of your friends tunes on youtube, good production. Definately with the vinyl, don't sell your records either once you buildd up a collection. I know people who have and regretted it. I only used a cdj last year for first time. Its the same concept as a deck, just different responsiveness, same principles though. I'd say learn on vinyl first but as I was on wax for so long I cant say which is hardest as havent started from scratch with a cdj. One you learn to mix you can mix on anything though, the responsiveness is different from a gemini to a tecchnic and again to a cdj but they all do the same thing, a plate/ jog wheel and a pitch on them all.