ludwig80

Ha, ya i had a different name before this one but I can't even remember. Pretty crazy compared to how active it used to be. I'll have to pop in to the reddit and check it out. My symptoms, well I suppose I want to put it in a way that I wanted to hear when I first got here so it's a million times better than those early years. They were under no uncertain terms miserable. Somethings stayed, most things got better, still deal with issues but after having it for so god damn long it's just become a part of my life. I should also say that I've found relief in Keppra and as @VisualDudementioned Cocarboxylase b1 has helped in unexpected ways. Hope @David S. Kozin's out there doing well, probably never thanked him back in the day but this place was an absolute god send. How are you holding up? Hopefully making the best of this strange year/holidays season. All the best to ya!

Seems this forum is really quiet nowadays. I used to live on this forum in my early years and through long arduous flair ups with HPPD. Seems like it has been a life time, maybe 2006 I guess.. Started on the stormloader HPPD board or right after when the new forum was started I can't remember. I think there was another one or two after that were lost. I was sad about that, there was tons to read on those boards. Anyways, not sure if anyone is still around but just thought I would drop a line and wish everyone a happy holiday!

They seem to have quite a few visual issues that stem from the whole nervous system being out of whack. Many resembling some of our obvious cues. To be honest, this sounds alot like me sometimes. My brain is clam but body will be whigging out for no reason. I always felt it was my nervous system that was out of control. I wonder if there are any connections?

Good news is I have managed to make it an entire year in California after moving out here without a housing situation or job. Found a job and an apt fairly quickly but now I'm at my next crossroad- I'm turning 26 soon and I will be no longer covered under my parents medical insurance and my current employer doesn't offer benefits.. or over time or really anything. It's a privately owned company and is not obligated to offer any such thing unfortunately. That being said, does anybody have any ideas? I'm applying at all kinds of job over the next few weeks to try to secure one with medical coverage. If nothing pans out I will be relying on private insurance which is pretty expensive. I have a monthly script for Keppra but it's very expensive without insurance as well. I have a Bachelors Degree in business - who would have known it would have been this difficult to find a job with benefits! I probably should have just skipped college and worked the oil fields and rigs with my buddies. They're making close to 6 digits already and they barely graduated high school. Funny how things works out! Thanks guys. Hope everyone is doing well.

Hey man, I really like your ambition. Being proactive is a good thing but be careful! The next doctor you go see you should really consider not mentioning hppd. Instead, as mentioned before, just study up on occiptal lobe epilepsy and explain you are having auras and random simple seizures like symptoms. They'll probably give you an EEG to test it but understand that the vast majority of people with epilepsy will often not have anything ever show up on their EEG's. The electricity issues needs to be happening during the test or nothing will show. So, they typically go based on your symptoms and I believe Keppra is often prescribed more with Occiptal rather than the other so id stick with that.

Hey man, I really like your ambition. Being proactive is a good thing but be careful! The next doctor you go see you should really consider not mentioning hppd. Instead, as mentioned before, just study up on occiptal lobe epilepsy and explain you are having auras and random simple seizures like symptoms. They'll probably give you an EEG to test it but understand that the vast majority of people with epilepsy will often not have anything ever show up on their EEG's. The electricity issues needs to be happening during the test or nothing will show. So, they typically go based on your symptoms and I believe Keppra is often prescribed more with Occiptal rather than the other so id stick with that.

Hey visual. I haven't used it as a treatment but they used it on me before an operation. I woke up with no short term memory for a few hours, but my vision was the best it had been in a long time. It wasn't long after that, maybe a week or less that symptoms become really bad ie frame rate & DR got noticeably worse.. I was always curious if this drug had anything to do with it.

I recommend studying up on occipital lobe seizures and their symptoms and claiming you are have some issues to a neurologist. A white lie but if you feel like you need treatment this is one way. I was fortunate that my eeg showed abnormalities and was prescribed keppra. Also when I moved I literally walked into my current neurologists office, explained that back home I was diagnosed with occiptal lobe epilepsy, explained a few symptoms and told her my current doseage and she wrote me a new prescription. Didn't transfer my medical files or anything. Hope that helps. Keppra has helped me. Not so much visually but with mental aspects and occiptal lobe seizure stuff

Hang tight friend. Lots of us have made many far worse self destructive decisions after our on set. Go easy on yourself and know the path to getting better is not linear. Focus that angst you feel into energy and motivation to make your life better. Go run, apply for school, learn an instrument, build a resume, pack a bag and go travel, whatever- harness that energy and use it positively to change things

After many many years of this disorder I can relate. Even before to some degree. I've spent months just traveling around. It's an amazing feel of freedom. I did a short desert trip recently with just water, sardines and peanut butter. Theres nothin to live off out there but it's nice to get away. Although, I don't want isolation from other people. I miss some people when im away.I just want to get away from being surrounded by hot pocket commercials (who the fuck eats that chemical sponge), politics, factories/pollution, nikki minaj type garbage being acknowledged as music and the whole hectic rat race. I don't even think its that hippie related either. Just more instinctual, it really wasn't that long ago that we as a race were somewhat self sufficient. We're digressing in that regard. My great grand father was a cowboy, lived off the land and his son to a lesser degree. I'd like a cabin in Alaska to escape to in the summer months. Fish, hunt and just keep it simple for a while.

I recognize this fear. My dad has an awful memory and I am right there with him, already. I don't know if Keppra has made my memory worse or not. It was never very good. I had a particularly bad experience about two months ago. I do stupid and forgetful things all the time however, this is my worst. I pulled in to a gas station and worried that i was going to run out of gas was relieved to make it in. I jumped out of the car, quickly swiped my card and entered my pin to suddely turn around and shockingly notice my car was not right behind me. It should have been two feet behind me, I suddenly out of the corner of my eyes say my car rolling down the gas station towards a curb a grassy area. My car was stick shift and I forget to pull the break or put it in gear before shutting if off. After I snapped out of the shocked state I sprinted after it. It the curb and popped up on the grass area and stopped. I quickly hopped in and drove off leaving behind my pride with all the people who had witnessed this first hand at the gas station behind. I'm EXTREMELY fortunate it didn't roll into the street or hurt someone in general. I can't emphaize that enough and am eternally grateful. Had it been 10 feet to the left i would have hit a brick enclosure of a dumpster and to the right would been a street. All because I forgot to put on the parking break..

Pretty interesting!

Hey Mandrake- seems you and I went sober around the same time. I think i'm about 2.5 years of being sober. I had no choice though, my story is on this forum somewhere. Alcohol not only caused all my symptoms to come back but even worse ones. It has gotten slightly better since then but not a whole lot visual wise. Mentally i've gotten better thanks to time and keppra. No drugs and no booze is more a social hinderment than anything. I find it especially difficult as I recently moved and most people want to go get drinks at the bar, then bail out once they find out they'll be drinking alone all night while I suck down water. I also miss a few guinness after a long day... But is what it is! All we can do is keep on keeping on! You're not alone..

Conquer is right. It's a vicious cycle that we can find ourselves in and it's really easy to perpetuate it. Have faith that it'll mellow out, go out for some serious run and get all the anxiety/andrenaline out of you and get your brain back occupied in something. HPPD is not linear unfortuantely, i'm realizing we are always susceptible.

Hey Jay, I used to get that sense of dread really intensely. It was always accompanied by a dramatic increase in visuals and severe brainfog. I got to the point where the anxiety was minimal during it. It didn't feel organic at the point, I was logically aware that I shouldn't be feeling this where and I wasn't anxious about it but I would happen anyway. I thought it was related to panic attack of something but I always thought it was weird that there was no panic. Just an overwhelming sense of doom that would leave adrift we a few hours. When I saw the neurologist he told me that is common with epilepsy patients. Keppra seems to have helped this occur less frequently and no where near as strong. So, perhaps it's due to electrical over activity in the brain.

Word for word, story of my last 6 years!!

This may be an option for those of you wanting to try keppra. I've been on it a year now but have moved recently and needed to find a new doctor where I live. I called and made an appointment for the next day. I faxed no previous information over just good her I'm new, looking for a good doctor and that I've been on keppra for a year and my script was running out. She asked dosage and a few questions about symptoms and how it was diagnosed but besides that just wrote me a new script. I didn't mention hppd just seizure related problems. So, it you want to try it and your current doctor won't prescribe it then maybe you can try this with another doctor. Be under doctor supervision with this med though.

Been there & feel this way every now and then. II can surely sympathize. Start running- long distances until you're just too tired to care about anything when you're done. Or, pick up an instrument and become completely absorbed in it. I've relied heavily on these two things to get through the rough patches. Don't worry though with time things will mellow out

I will second everyone here, again. Don't continue useage. It's a fools run and in the end- an empty you an empty enlightenment . I have been a member of this board now since 2006. From one trip on acid and a few weekends of rolling. Years of my life bogged down from stupidity & thinking that these chemicals would open some revelation for me. All I learned is how fragile and weak my body and consciousness is. If you stop touching drugs now, you have a decent chance to recover. The real reason for using drugs was I wanted an adventure and was bored- if you're similar then take off and go travel the world it's a way better trip- I promise.

I know that petrol products cause nuero problems but it would need to be fairly potent and confined right? At least I'm half a mile away and it's all open air and sea breeze

Ya boycotting is impossible. I do ride my bike 4 miles to work most days now though.. I can't smell to begin with really so I don't know. Although every now and then while riding my bike to work I catch a whiff of something I know that. It's a suburban area with tons of residential houses and apartments and I live right next to a primary school so i guess it shouldn't be too bad.. I'm probably just making excuses. I think I'll need to spent 6 months here probably before I can move again (if I want my deposit back)

Thanks for the info and support guys. I know she's going to have a lot of tough decisions to make soon.

Suppose everyone else avoided the refinery property!

My ma calls me tonight and informs me that she has been diagnosed with breast cancer. I'm super bummed for her and feel rather helpless now that I picked up and moved 1500 miles away not to long ago. They luckily caught it really early so now it's just waiting it out and finding a proper treatment. When she was explaining the situation to me, I realized I know so very little about it and the treatment process.I felt bad I couldn't offer any advice except offering support, understanding and care. I was literally speechless or in shock- I don't know. I just wish I could have offered more. They want her to start on some pill treatment first and see how that goes. My ma is a bit resistant due to side effects and I can understand but I imagine it's imperative to treat earlier rather than later. I'm sad about the whole thing. On top of that my dad's battling his own health issues. Even though they supported me leaving and following my passion/dream, I now feel really bad for going and pursuing. I hate all these health issues, they're so damn frustrating. If anyone has any advice, I'd be more than happy to lend an ear.

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